


Where Do We Go Now?

by slashsjewelry



Category: Axl Rose (Musician), Duff Mckagan - Fandom, Guns N' Roses, Izzy Stradlin (Musician), Metallica, Slash (Musician), Steven Adler - Fandom, Steven Tyler (Musician)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:34:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 63
Words: 126,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slashsjewelry/pseuds/slashsjewelry
Summary: the year is 1987 and Lilliana "Luna" is a pretty complicated girl from east LA. she works as a bartender at a local musical bar. she doesn't have much of a family given she was in and out of foster care and never got adopted. she had a deep love and appreciation for rock and roll, her manager let her play a small set at the bar for tips. playing at the bar was the closest she thought she'd ever get to the music scene...that is until a couple of very known guys come into the bar, steven tyler and joe perry of aerosmith. Her natural charm gains her a friendship with the guys and soon the band. opportunities open up and she gets real access to the music industry with her new best friends! it can't get any better than this right? nothing can ruin this! that is until she meets Axl Rose, and soon the rest of Guns N' Roses...including slash. the attraction was immediate on both ends. what started out as a light friends with benefits situation turns into a swarm of emotions hurt and drama all with a haze of drugs and alcohol...what is she gonna do about this alcoholic, drug addicted, player who is involved with her now? can they ever be anything? or will their self destructive qualities end them for good?
Relationships: Slash | Saul Hudson/Reader, Steven Adler/Duff McKagan/Axl Rose/Slash/Izzy Stradlin, slash/main character
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	1. PR0L0GU3

prologue

life for me has never been easy. single mom who- lets face it- didn't wanna be a mother, in and out of foster care since I was 9. if im being honest I don't remember what was worse, my psycho abusive mother or the money hungry abusive foster parents.

they weren't all bad though, Clarita, Clarita Lopez. she wasn't really a mother figure but she did love me, she was basically a spirit guide, I got put with her when I was about 15 up until I was 17 and the fucked up system found my recently released from JAIL mom a suitable parent. my mother wasn't good at much but shit, she was boss at manipulating and lying to people.

Clarita was cool though, she didn't care that I smoked, she helped with puberty and all of that garbage, she also supplied me with my first pack of condoms...bless her, although I didn't end up using them until I was about 18.

as for my father, all I know is that he cheated on my mom and then split with his mistress when I was 2, or at least that's what I was told. I don't really care about what he's doing with his life right now and I honestly don't care. one thing Im grateful for when it comes to him, is him leaving his guitar when he split. without it I would've never learned. that guitar was my baby, tons of foster parents tried to take it from me and sell it but I would always get it back no matter what it took and that's what usually got me kicked out of places. whatever as long as I got to keep my guitar.  
  
  


as far as my present day life? well I currently live with my best friend Erin who I met at my job as a bartender at '67th street bar'. I guess you could say its very much my style, its bar that features live music and its very much rock and roll none of that disco crap.  
  
  


I play there sometimes and honestly I think Id lose my head. if I didn't have some sort of outlet to play. music is my safe space, its the only consistent thing in my life it will always make me happy and won't let me down.  
  
  


other than those fun little tidbits that's basically all there is to know as of now. the year is currently 1987 and its very boring.


	2. CH4PT3R 0N3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> we are introduced to the main character and learn her dynamic with her best friend, we also see how she lives her day to day.

  
  


LILLIANAS POV ~1986~

"Lets go!" Erin unplugs the chord to my amp and my guitar goes quiet.

"Oh, fuck you!" I Groan, standing up.

"C'mon, we're gonna be late."

"I don't understand why a bar needs to be open by 10." I march to my room and pull out clothes for the day.

"For day drinkers like yourself. Now come on, let's go!" I hear Erin yell from the living room.

"Hold your damn horses. . . I have an occasional beer because it's right in front of me. Get bent!" I yell back pulling my skirt over my fishnet.

  
  
I finesse my hair a little bit in the bathroom mirror, wrapping a bandana on the front like a head band and putting lipgloss on with a coat of mascara. I walk out, grabbing my Doc Marten boots at the front door and slip them on. I put a hand on my hip and star at Erin, "Well, let's fucking go!" I say annoyed.

"I hate that you don't have to wear a uniform," she scoffs, grabbing her apron off the coat hanger and walking out.

"You have to wear black and white, it's not that bad. I have to wear black." I smile, locking the door and meeting her by the elevator.

"Okay, but I can't wear a Zeppelin crop top, and you're wearing fucking denim!" She signals at my outfit and laughs.

"Alright, be jealous!" I giggle, stepping into the elevator with her.

We leave our apartment building and continue down the sidewalk. The bar was walking distance from our house and we liked having time to talk. We talked about normal things and as we approach the bar, she looks at me. "Our upstairs neighbor, Kelly, she complained again. . ." She looked at me seriously.

"Well shit, that seems to be the only thing she knows how to do!" I stop in my tracks right in front of the back door to the bar annoyed, "I didn't even have the amp loud, she just hates rock n roll. No one else complains but her." I say very annoyed.

"Not everyone has to like it." She shrugs.

"Whatever dude. Watch, this is gonna follow you too. You'll marry a rockstar one day and have to deal with all this shit." I walk into the bar.

"Oh boy. . ." She rolls her eyes grabbing her pen and pad from behind the bar.

"Hey, at least you'll be getting laid." I wink and head over to the front door.

I unlock it and the neighborhood drunk is laying down right outside, "Hey, jerry," I kick his side, "You comin' or what?" He looks up at me and gets up to sit at his usual seat in the bar.

"Cheap, warm, beer." I slide the glass over to him. I really don't care that he's drinking his life away, as long as I get paid, and Jerry always managed to pay for his drinks. Our best customer!

"Hey welcome, can I get y'all anything?" I smile at a couple that walks in. The woman's eyes lock on my tattoos and piercings. I only had a few tattoos, and the biggest was on my side, and I had a Les Paul on my forearm with my grandparents birthdays across my upper arm.

My grandparents took care of me before foster care, then they died. My grandpa taught me how to play guitar.

My nose was pierced on both sides and my septum but I only had a right hoop in today. My ears had a bunch of piercings in them, but most were studs, my main two were small hoops.

I felt her judging eyes burn through me.

Shit lady. . . maybe you should worry about your husband? He was eyeing me like he wanted to devour me. Like an actual piece of meat.

They stayed quiet, staring at me for a second. Her face turning more disgusted. I dropped my smile and threw the towel over my shoulder, "Alright, I'll let you think about that." I scoff and walk to the other side of the bar to Jerry.

"Hello you guys, welcome. Would like to sit at a table, or will you be drinking at the bar?" Erin comes over smiling.

"Oh thank god. Yes! Do you have any booths?" The woman's face turns pleasant and relieved when she looks at Erin, a tattoo-less, no piercing, white ginger.

"Un-fucking-believable. . ." I smile wiping down the bar.

"You know there's just some folks that don't like the different look." Jerry says sipping his beer.

"They need to get over it, it's the 80's for gods sake. Really know how to make me feel like an alien." I shake my head.

"If it helps, you're hot. Half the guys come in here for you. Just old folks that don't like the holes in the face type thing." Jerry says.

"Aw, thanks jack ass. Really know how to make a girl feel special, this ones on the house!" I say sarcastically and line up two shot glasses and we both take a shot of tequila.

A couple of hours pass and I walk back to the kitchen.

"Hey guys!" I smile to the cooks.

"What's up, girl?" Eddie, our head chef, smiles.

"Nothing really, what did that couple, the first customers that came in, what'd they order?" I ask curiously.

"They came in and out quickly. I don't remember seeing them eat."

"Oh, don't get me fucking started. . ." Louis, another cook, pokes his head out from the freezer.

"What happened?" I ask very excited to hear the gossip.

"The wife, or girlfriend, or whatever, sent the food back 3 times! And the third time she didn't want it anymore." Eddie rolls his eyes.

"What'd she get?" I chuckle.

"A god-damn salad!" Louis yells from the freezer.

"Oh. . you're joking!" I laugh shaking my head.

"And the guy?" I ask.

"She I guess didn't even let him finish his food because they left as soon as she sent the salad back the third time."

I roll my eyes and Eddie looks at me confused, "How'd you know she was gonna be a pain in the ass?"

"She looked at me like I was gonna rob her at gun point." I laugh and Eddie nods.

"Yo, Lil! Where you at?" I hear a deep familiar voice boom from the bar. I smile and run out.

"Hey Danny!" I smile widely at the tall curly haired boy standing on the other side of the bar.

"What can I get for you?" I smile, feeling a slight tingle in my stomach when he looks at me.

"A beer's fine." He sits down and I fill a glass.

"You know it's 11 am, right?" I chuckle sliding the beer towards him.

"What can I say woman, you've made me a morning drinker." He teases

"Oh shut up, we have soda."I roll my eyes and lean against the counter.

"I look forward to this, you know." Danny smiles and caresses my cheek. Danny works at the guitar store down the street and he got into the habit of coming into the bar and flirting with me when he saw me coming into the store after he started there. Ever since then he's been coming in and trying to land a date.

Don't get me, wrong Danny's hot, there's no denying that I'm attracted to him. The only thing is, I don't think we'd work. He's so nice and sees the best in people. He's had the perfect life and is very soft. I just feel like we wouldn't work out in the long run.

I don't even know if I want to think about 'the long run' if I'm being honest. I just want to have fun and live my life. Danny on the other hand, is dating to get married-something I don't even know if I wanna do.

I smile and look down, I would totally go out with Danny if I wasn't so adamant about long term shit. Can't we just have fun?

"You know, this isn't gonna work Daniel." I stretch my words out and remind him of our differences.

"Why though? You like me, I like you. Let's do something." He leans over the counter to meet my gaze.

"Because it's not that simple with you and you know it. It's never, 'we like each other lets do something'. It's always, 'lets do something, then if it works date long term, then get married and have 2 kids and live in a house on a hill'" I say truthfully.

"Oh c'mon, that's not fair. I don't know what you want me to do, I grew up with 4 sisters! I think for the future that's what most girls want." He says.

"Well, I'm sorry but that's not me, Danny." I sigh.

"Fine, let's just go with it then. No future things, just 'going with the flow'." He says in air quotes. I give him an unsure look, "Oh come on, gimme a chance!"He smiles.

"Fine." I give in, but can't help the smile that soon spreads across my face.

"When are you playing again?" He smiles at me.

"Tomorrow. I play Saturdays, remember?" I grab his empty glass and put it in the bin of dirty glasses.

"Well then, you have a dinner date with me tomorrow after your set." He smiles, standing up and dropping cash on the counter.

"See you then." I smile and he walks out.

\----------

It's the end of my shift that day. I work Monday to Wednesday from 5-3 in the morning which is when we close. Thursdays and Fridays are my normal days 10-6, sometimes I work on Saturdays if I really need the money, but I usually play here on Saturdays so I get tips.

"What was that all about, with Danny?" Erin asks me as we walk across the street to our apartment building.

"Nothing. He asked me out again and I said yes." I say nonchalantly.

"You said yes? Are you crazy? You're gonna break his heart!" She yells.

"Would you relax? I'm not the devil! And might I remind you that I said no to him a thousand times. But he agreed that he'd just go with it and we'd have fun. He's been warned, it's not my fault if he gets hurt." I say.

"Lil, c'mon. You know he's just saying that." She sighs, opening the door to our building.

"Whether he's just saying that or not is not my problem. He knew what he was getting himself into, I don't wanna think about it dude." I sigh pressing the elevator button.

"Whatever Lil, just don't lead him on." Erin sighs stepping in.

"I'm truly hurt by that comment E, I would never do such a thing!" I say fake offended.

"Oh, fuck off!" She laughs, getting out on our floor.


	3. CH4PT3R TW0

LILLIANAS POV

It's the next day and I sleep in, enjoying the feeling of a day off. 

I finally wake up and squint at the sunlight attacking my eyes. I get up and look at my clock on my bedside table, 10 am. I walk out and rub my arms. It's cold. Erin is in the kitchen making breakfast. 

I sigh and reach up to the cabinet to grab cereal.

I serve myself and sit at our minibar that looks into the kitchen, eating my cereal. "So, what're your plans for the day?" Erin asks me leaning over the counter. 

"Well, our paychecks came in yesterday, so I'm gonna go to the bank and cash mine, which, after bills of course, will give me enough money to finally buy that Les Paul I've been eyeing at Mick's." I smile and bring the spoon full of cereal to my mouth.

"You mean, the one you haven't shut up about since you saw it?" She asks fake puzzled as she takes a sip of her coffee. 

"Oh, bite me." I giggle and finish up my cereal.

I hop off the seat and put my bowl in the sink and pour myself some coffee from the pot. 

"So, what're you gonna play tonight?" Erin turns to me. 

"Well, I wanted to go for something a bit more chill tonight." I start. 

"You? Chilled? Never heard of it." She teases. 

"No, I'm serious. You know that song by the eagles, Hotel California?" I start and she nods, "Well, I wanted to add a kinda 'rock sound' to it. Look." I put my coffee down and get up to walk to the living room where my guitar is.

I plug it into my amp and play the beginning riff for Erin. She smiles widely and I'm happy with her reaction. Erin and I are mean to each other, but it's how we show we love each other. It's just the kind of people we are and I couldn't ask for anything better.

"I'm totally amped to hear the whole thing tonight!" She giggles, clapping her hands.

"Oh, I completely forgot to tell you, I got an audition for a modeling gig. It's this afternoon." She smiles. 

"You bitch! How could you forget to tell me that? I'm so proud, you must be so stoked!" l jump up and hug her.

After Erin and I talk a bit more, I head to the bathroom and brush my teeth.

Once I brushed I went into my room and grabbed a pair of baggy striped pants along with fishnets and my acdc cropped tee. I grabbed my small purse that was equipped with cigarettes, a lighter, chewing gum, and of course my wallet and keys.

I walk to the bathroom again and simply but two flower clips in the front of my hair to clip my bangs back

"Bye E, good luck today!" I yell while I'm slipping boots on and walk out.

I take the elevator down to the garage floor and find my car. Once I'm out on the road I bob my head to some Aerosmith that's playing on the radio. Thankfully, the trip to the bank was quick, which is not something that usually happens. I cashed my check and was out.

I park in the parking lot of mickeys music store, which is where I always get my guitars from, and where Daniel works. I almost forgot about our date tonight.

I walk in and I don't see Daniel. That's strange. I quickly push the thought away and head to the guitar wall. There's a guy standing there looking at guitar, he's a tall, skinny guy with black hair and an earring. He's pretty cute.

The excited of my new guitar pushes that thought away and I quickly walk over and look around for it, an 86' Gibson Les Paul, the most beautiful guitar I've ever seen. 

"Rad tattoo." the black haired guy points at the group of dragons snaking around my right rib and down my hip. 

"Thanks, man." I smile and look at the guitar.

"You're getting that?" I look at him. 

"Considering. Why, you like it?" He smiles at me.

"I have that one and the sound is really crisp, I love it. You can't ever go wrong with a Les." I chuckle. 

"Oh yeah? What're you here getting?" He asks, intrigued. 

"86' Gibson Les Paul." I point at the guitar hanging high on the wall. I smile thinking about the guitar I'm about to purchase, the guitar I've been saving my money for since it came out in January. I've eaten leftovers for countless weeks to be able to afford this guitar.

"Oh no shit! my buddy plays that guitar he loves it, it's his favorite." He looks up at the guitar on the wall. 

"Oh that's bitchin' dude, I'm so stoked!" I laugh, and suddenly before we can continue our conversation, which, I'll say I was quite enjoying, Daniel pops out from literally nowhere and steals me away. 

"Fuck, you scared me." I chuckle.

"Come, I got your guitar waiting for you." He smiles, grabbing my hand and pulling me away. 

How the fuck did he know that's why I was here? 

"Awesome!" I turn to the black-haired boy I was speaking to, " It was nice meeting you!" I wave with my free hand as I'm dragged away.

"How'd you know I was coming for this today?" I ask once we reach the counter. 

"Erin called the store so that I would save you one, they've been selling out so she wanted you to get it." He smiles, walking around to the other side of the counter.

He goes to the back room and comes out with my guitar. My heart does backflips as I see the shiny body of the guitar. I can't help but let out a small squeal. 

"Look at you getting all giddy." Daniel teases.

"Oh, shut it. I've worked so hard and it's finally here." I smile.

Danny rings me up and I gladly take the guitar to the nearest amp station to test it out.

The black haired guy sees and comes over, "Oh, nice." He smiles and I look up at him with bright eyes. This is literally Christmas morning, "Well. . what're you waiting for? Play something!" He laughs at my expression.

I slide my fingers down the neck of the guitar and it makes a screech sound that I love so much. I play the intro to crazy train by Ozzy Ozbourne. I see the him start to bob his head and I'm so happy with the sound of the guitar.

"Okay, you've got some skills." He chuckles. 

"What? Was I not supposed to?" I tease unplugging the guitar. 

"No I-I I'm sorry-I didn't-" He stutters. 

"Relax, I'm kidding." I laugh, he lets out a small laugh in relief. 

"What's your name, by the way?" He smiles. 

"Lilliana, but my friends call me Lil." I smile.

And just before he can tell me his name, a blonde haired guy comes up, "Dude, we gotta go now!" He hits his shoulder. 

"Shit, okay, okay. I gotta run, nice meeting you Lilliana." He waves as he is now being dragged out.

I chuckle and walk out to my car. "Thanks Danny, I'll see you tonight!" I yell before walking out of the music store. 

\-----------------------------

It's finally time to play at the bar and all I've done is change my pants and shirt. I put on a tight velvet dress and kept my fishnets and boots on. I was cold, so I paired the black dress with a jean jacket with the rolling stone logo on the back.

"Hey y'all!" I say into the microphone, and I receive cheers and claps. I smile and I play the song. 

I sing into the microphone, and just like that, the whole room disappears. It's just me and my guitar. The singing is effortless and I feel like I'm flying. This really is my safe space. I smile at the crowd singing along with the song.

\------

I wrap up and I smile and wave as everyone cheers for me. my boss, Mario, helps me off the tiny stage, "You did really good. You think you can help train the new bartender?" Mario smiles hopefully. 

"Sorry Mario, but she's got other plans." Danny comes up wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

"My apologies, have fun." He smiles and walks away. 

"Hey." I smile, but in my head I'm thinking, 'what if I wanted to help Mario?' 'I don't like other people speaking for me' 'I have a bad feeling about this'

"Hey, you were great up there. Ready to get going?" He smiles down. 

"Thanks. Yeah, sure." We walk out to his car and he opens the door for me and I get inside. 

After a pretty normal dinner filled with light chatter about my music and his life goals and blah blah blah, we are back in the car. It's not as late as I thought, it's only 11.

A couple seconds of silence go by and I turn his radio on. Disco. . . there's nothing wrong with disco music, but it's really not my style. I tune the radio to the rock station and 'Black Dog' by Led Zeppelin comes on, "Alright!" I smile, bobbing my head.

"I forgot you were into that rock stuff." Danny chuckles. God, he's such a grandpa. 

"It's not 'rock stuff', it's rock and roll, which you don't know enough about young man." I tease.

"Oh, I know how to rock. . ." He scoffs. 

"Oh, no you don't. Turn here, I wanna show you something." I laugh, pointing to the street.

We pull into the parking lot of the record store and I drag him towards the entrance, "A record store? It's late, they're probably closed." He chuckles. 

"Yes, a record store. Yes, they're open you grandpa, it's only 11." I laugh, opening the door and dragging him inside.

"Hey, Luke." I smile at the guy in the front. 

"How's it hangin, Lil?" He smiles.

I look through the rock section and grab a Led Zeppelin album. I pull it out and put it in the record player, handing Danny the headphones.

I grab the extra pair and bop my head to 'Rock N' Roll' by Zeppelin. I look at Daniel and start dancing while mouthing _**'been a long time been a long time been a long lonely lonely lonely'.**_

He chuckles and scrunches his nose, "I dunno, it's just not really my style. . ." He sighs, pulling the headphones off. 

"Oh c'mon! You can't even give it chance?" I wine and jump around to the song doing an air guitar.

Danny laughs at me and I take the headphones off, "It's not just music, it's a lifestyle." I tease.

"Aw, Lil, don't tell me you're seeing a guy who isn't into rock. . . so not you!" Luke laughs from the counter.

"Get bent, Luke." I laugh giving him the finger.

I look at Danny, "You'll warm up to it." I smile, tugging on his shirt. 

"It's getting late, let's get you home." He smiles, caressing my cheek. It was a cute gesture, and one that, if I received from typical kind of guy, would've driven me wild. But, because Danny's such a 'nice boy', it made me feel weird. It's like I want a tough guy, and I do like Danny, but I don't see him ever being my 'boyfriend'.

That doesn't mean we can't have fun though, right? I mean, he can get to know other people and do what he wants, I don't care, this isn't exclusive. 

"You are such an old timer." I groan and walk out.

Once we arrive at my building, he opens the door for me and helps me out, even though I'm perfectly capable of getting out myself. Relax Lilli, he's just being a gentleman. 

I smile as he stops right in front of the entrance to my building. Is he not gonna walk me up? 

"I had fun tonight." He finally says. 

"Yeah, me too. Thanks." I smile. I roll my eyes and pull him down by his shirt. Our lips connect and I'm mostly in control, but that doesn't stop the butterflies in my tummy.

I try to heat up the kiss a bit more and slide my hands under his shirt, he laughs awkwardly and pulls away, "It's late I should probably go. . ." He smiles awkwardly.

My jaw drops. He did not just- ok.

"Yup. . ." I smile and turn on my heel, "By the way, I'm just reminding you, you can see other people, I told you I didn't want anything exclusive, we're just having fun, right?" I turn my head.

"Yeah, right. See you later." He smiles, getting into his car.

On my way up to our apartment, all I can think is: What the fuck just happened?

I walk into our apartment and my jaw is still hanging at the memory of what just happened. Not to be cocky, but that's never happened before.

"So, how'd it go?" Erin smiles, getting off the couch. 

"It was fine, but we were kissing outside and I put my hands in his shirt because, to be honest, that kiss was boring, and he literally pulled away and split!" I say, in awe of my words as I sit on the couch.

"He left?" She joins me.

"I dunno dude, he's not my type at all. . . he doesn't like rock, he's soft, sweet, probably doesn't have a bad bone in his body, and, I dunno, he's too nice but I can't help feel giddy and bubbly when I'm around him." I lean back and pull a cigarette out. 

I pass Erin one and we smoke, "Maybe you should try a change?" She suggests, taking a drag. 

"I don't know man, I like a guy to test me, to challenge me, to live life and have fun. And if we decide we really like each other, we'll be serious. I want a guy who's like me, who can be my best friend too, not someone who always worried about my feelings, and getting me into bed early. Someone who tells me what's up and wants to paint the town with me." I blow smoke out.

"Maybe it's the drugs." Erin says blankly, and we both bust out laughing. 

"Shut up!" I giggle, "Oh, Daniel wouldn't know what to do if he found out I smoked weed." I laugh harder.


	4. CH4PTER THR33

*a/n for a lot of Lilliana's songs im using songs by Joan Jett because it fits the aesthetic of the character so lets just pretend Joan Jett and any other artists I use for her songs didn't exist. cool thx you may proceed*

LILLIANAS POV

ONE WEEK LATER

Not much has happened since my date with Daniel. He stopped acting weird and has been flirting, still, so not much has changed since before the date, which is relieving. I don't know what I would do if he started treating this like a relationship.

Right now, I'm at the bar helping Mario train that new employee because he hasn't the time to properly train her and we are super short staffed.

Tonight I'm playing and something in my gut tells me that tonight is gonna me awesome. I don't know what it is, I just have a good feeling.

"Okay, so you're gonna get a lot of people that come in and are just assholes. The key is really to not react no matter how badly you wanna." I look at the new girl 'Chelsea'.

Chelsea is very much getting this job because her parents are threatening to cut her off. She's a trust-fund baby and hasn't worked a day in her life, her attitude is just icky. I'm only doing this because Mario asked it as a favor and he's done so much for me.

"Do I have to like clean the dirty glasses?" She asks disgusted.

I blink in disbelief, "No, that's the dishwashers job, but you put them in here and bring it to the sink along with any other dishes used at the bar. Erin, Lenny, and Nick, our waiters, will handle the dishes used at the tables." I explain grabbing a beer from the cooler and opening it with my ring.

Chelsea looks at me a little grossed out. God, I can't stand people. I giver a deadpan look as I take a swig from the bottle.

"Follow me." I say grabbing the sheet of paper on the counter and walking outside.

"Every Saturday you have to put these up. These are the people who signed up for the open mic, two songs each, but Mario takes care of that part." I inform her, sticking the list of names on the window.

"Who's Luna?" She asks.

"Me." I answer.

"You play here? Why do you call yourself Luna? That's so weird. . ." She says, rudely.

"My grandma used to call me Luna." I answer, really not caring for her attitude.

"Well, what do you even play?" She puts a hand on her hip.

"Rock." she gives me a weirded out look. I simply sigh and pull out a cigarette.

"You smoke?" She asks intrigued.

"Yeah." I say puffing a bit of smoke out of my mouth as I light it.

"Can I bum a smoke?" She asks, but the words sound foreign in her mouth.

"Uh. . . sure, have you ever smoked before?" I ask confused as I hand her the cigarette and lighter.

"Totally. ." She laughs. Okay?

She lights it and immediately start coughing. Uh huh, Ms. 'I've-smoked-before'

"Oh god, I think Im like gonna be sick." She throws the cigarette on the ground and b-lines it towards the bathroom. I stifle a laugh and crush the cigarette into the sidewalk.

"Hey, what's my new bartender doing throwing up in the bathroom? What did you do to her?" Mario comes out.

"She asked me for a cigarette." Not being able to hold in my laughter as I take another drag.

"A cigarette? Did she look like the type who smoked Lilliana?" He groans.

"I don't discriminate! Rich white girls can be smokers, too!" I defend with a chuckle.

"Why's that Chelsea girl vomiting in the bathroom? It's really gross. Someone get her crackers or something." Erin comes out grossed out.

"Genius here gave her a cigarette." Mario shakes his head.

"How was I supposed to know she didn't smoke?" I laugh, blowing smoke out of my mouth.

"Oh my gosh. . . you gave her a cigarette?" Erin laughs hitting my arm.

"She asked for one!" I step back taking another drag.

"Oh, c'mon, look at her!" Erin laughs.

"I'm a genie, she asked, and she received." I put my hands up in defense and Mario laughs.

"I meant to talk to you earlier, but I never got the chance. I got a complaint about you." Mario says after the laughter dies down.

my heart dropped, "A what?" I ask concerned.

"Some couple, they say they came in Friday of last week. The woman said you were 'extremely rude' to her and 'made her and her husband uncomfortable'." Mario says with air quotes.

"That bitch! You believe her?" I ask, now mad.

"I don't wanna, but why would someone just say that?" He says sadly.

"Oh c'mon Mario! I remember that lady, she was a complete bitch! She sent the food back three times and Lil didn't say more than two words to her because all she did was stare at her like an alien." Erin comes to my defense.

"When I took her to her table she told me that she's glad to see someone who doesn't desecrate their body with piercings and tattoos, that I'm actually 'pretty and normal'." Erin admits.

"What the actual fuck!" I stomp on my cigarette butt.

"Jesus. . . whatever happened, I just don't want hear about it again. I'm sorry." Mario says before entering the bar again.

I don't usually care what people have to say, but the audacity of this woman really pissed me off.

"Hey, I'm sorry Marios being a dick, and so is that lady." Erin puts her arm around me.

"Whatever man, what am I supposed to do? I'm gonna get fired. What's gonna happen every time some woman comes in and doesn't like the way I look, so she makes up some bullshit story to complain about?" I take one last drink of my beer before going inside.

"I doubt that's gonna happen, Lil." Erin follows me.

"Well, it already happened once E." I inform her, pulling out two shot glasses and filling them with vodka.

"Stop trying to get me drunk on the job!" She sighs, taking the shot and I follow her.

"No ones forcing you dude, and why are you working? Todays Saturday." I ask confused.

"I might have an audition on Monday so I need the day off." She smiles.

"I'm really tired of you keeping shit from me!" I say fake mad, "But I'm so fucking happy for you. You're gonna kill it!" I laugh and hug her.

\-------

It's time for my performance and I feel great. Tonight is unusually packed, which makes me a bit more nervous. I'm known to regulars and some people come on open mic night to see me specifically, but never this many people, I don't even think they're here for me.

I shake off the nerves and get up on stage, "Hey everyone, thanks for coming out!" I smile and everyone claps and cheers.

I play kids in America and the crowd is going crazy. I'm just having fun on that tiny stage, and its like any nerves I had before just evaporated.

I finish my songs and I thank the crowd and step off. Just as I step off, I'm complimented by a few people and I feel bubbly inside. Music makes me so happy.

"Fuck this! I'm out of here, I quit!" I hear Chelsea scream and she throws her smock on the floor.

"What the hell just happened?" I go up to Mario and Erin.

"She got pissed off because Henry asked her not to throw the glasses in the sink because they could break. She said something racist and they argued." Mario says disappointed.

"Are you joking? Is he okay?" I ask.

"Yeah, but I need you now. Look at how packed this place is and I have no bartender!" Mario pleads.

"Fine. You really gotta hire more bartenders. This is, after all, a bar." I sigh and walk behind the counter.

"No ones eating, can I help her?" I hear Erin ask Mario.

"Fine, go." He sighs and she hurries over, grabbing Chelseas smock and tying it around her waist.

~~~~~~ERINS POV~~~~~~

I feel bad for Lil. She can definitely handle all those people, she's good like that. But it's annoying having a ton of people yell at you at once. Plus, she waisted her morning training that girl for nothing.

"Thanks for coming." I say to the two people who are walking out. I grab their glasses and wipe down the part of the bar they were sitting at.

Two guys sit down in their spot, but I don't see who they are as I'm wiping down the counter, "I'll be with you in a sec-" I say, but I'm cut off by a surprise because when I look up. It's none other than Steven-fucking-Tyler. . . and Joe-fucking-Perry!

"No way!" I laugh in disbelief.

"Hi, I'm Steven, and this is Joe." Steven holds his hand out.

"I-I know. . ." I say breathless.

"I, um, I'm Erin." I say, still starstruck.

"Do you know that girl over there?" Joe asks, pointing at Lilliana.

"Yeah, she's my best friend." I look towards her.

"Do you think we could talk to her about something, for a bit?" Steven asks, I look at them suspiciously.

"No-no not like that," Joe laughs awkwardly, "We've been trying to get her attention all night, but she's always busy. We really liked her performance." He finishes.

"Oh, oh!" I laugh in relief, "Yeah, I'll go get her. One sec." I laugh awkwardly before speed walking over to her.

~~~~~~LILLIANAS POV~~~~~~

I'm shaking a drink when Erin comes at to me at full speed.

I'm pouring the cocktail when she says in my ear, "Don't react, but Steven Tyler and Joe Perry just sat down at the bar and they asked me to bring you over because they really liked your performance."

I nearly faint at her words.

Steven-fucking-Tyler.

Joe-fucking-Perry.

My guitar inspiration.

"Don't fucking play with me. . ." I look at her seriously as I set the shaker down and completely ignore the customers shouting at me.

"I swear on the foundation of our friendship." She says and my hands shake.

I look over and there they are. This is not happening, I'm dreaming.

I walk over and my knees are shaking, I'm so nervous.

"Hi, I'm Steven." Steven-fuckin-Tyler holds his hand out to shake mine.

"And I'm Joe." Joe-fucking-Perry hold his hand out as well.

"I-I know." I say shakily while shaking their hands, "I'm Lilliana, but you can call me Lil if you'd like." I say nervously.

"Oh, so Luna's just a stage name? I like it." Steven says.

"T-thanks. . ." I say trying to keep my composure.

"So what's up?" I ask finally calming down.

"Well, we wanted to compliment your performance." Joe smiles.

"Yeah, and we wondering if you wrote your own music?" Steven adds.

"First of all, thank you so much. It means a lot coming from you guys, and yeah, I do write my own stuff." I smile.

"That's awesome! Well, us and the rest of the band would love to hear your original work. We're recording in the studio tomorrow, do you think you could come by and play some stuff for us?" Steven asks smiling.

This is not happening right now.

"Of course! What time should I be there?" I ask with a big smile.

"Is 4 o clock good for you?" Steven asks.

"That's totally fine." I smile at them.

"Is that Steven Tyler?" Someone yells.

"It was great meeting you but we gotta get going, see you at four tomorrow. Geffen records!" Joe says before him and Steven run out.

Immediately, Erin rushes over to me, "What'd they say?" She shakes me.

"They want me to come to the studio tomorrow and play something for the band." I say in disbelief.

"Steven-fucking-Tyler-" Erin starts.

"Steven-fucking-Tyler and Joe-fucking-Perry asked me to come play a song for fucking Aerosmith!" I start freaking out.

"What the fuck dude. That's amazing, look at you!" She hugs me and squeals.

What the actual fuck just happened?


	5. CH4PT3R F0UR

LILLIANAS POV

It's finally four. I still can't believe I'm about to do this. Lilli, you really need to calm down, they're just guys.

I walk up to the entrance of the label and im immediately intimidated. I walk in and I have no idea what to do. Thankfully, Joe walks out, "Hey, you made it, come on!" He smiles, leading me towards the elevator.

After small talk in the elevator, he holds the door to the studio open for me, and there the guys are, outside of the recording box.

"Lil, you made it!" Steven gets up and gives me a hug with a cigarette in hand, "This is Brad, Tom , and Joey." He points to Tom Hamilton, Brad Whitford, and Joey Kramer.

"Hey y'all, I'm Lilliana." I smile and wave.

"We hear you have a pretty nice sound, and you really know your way around a guitar?" Brad smiles.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." I laugh, bashfully.

"Oh, don't sell yourself short kid. She's amazing." Joe says. Joe Perry just said I'm an amazing guitarist. I could just die.

"Well, c'mon, play us something." Tom says.

I pull my guitar out of the case and connect it to the amp sitting at the end of the couch. I strum the chords to a song I've been working on called everyday people. I kind of forget that I'm in a room with Aerosmith.

"That was phenomenal!" Steven laughs, "We gotta show your stuff to the label!" He stands up.

MY WHAT TO THE WHO?

"Do you want us to help you record a demo? I'll present it to the label for you. People gotta hear this." Steven turns to me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? Of course I would" I laugh in disbelief.

"Well, c'mon, let's get started then. Get your ass in that booth!" Joe pushes me towards the clear recording booth.

\---

We wrap up the first bit for today and I'm heading out. The guys all seem really fun and nice. We get along well and I'm really looking forward to this experience.

I'm walking down the hallway towards the elevator and just as I press the button to enter the elevator, that guy from the music store walks out alongside a tall boy with long curly hair. Woah, he's. . . woah.

My eyes instantly lock on the curly headed guy. I can only see his eyes because of his hanging curls. I can see him looking at me.

"No fucking way!" The guy from the store steps out, "You're that girl from the store right?" He asks.

"Yeah, it's me." I laugh, breaking my gaze with the other guy.

"Hold on, don't tell me. Lilliana right?" He points.

"Yep" I giggle.

"Bitchin'! Hey man, this is that girl I told you about! The one that can fucking shred!" He turns to the hot boy.

"What're you doing here?" He asks.

"I'm recording a demo with Aerosmith." I smile proudly.

"Oh, no shit, congrats!" he smiles.

"Yo, Iz, get your ass over here, you guys are late." The same blonde haired guy pokes his head out from a studio.

"I, uh, gotta run, but my name is Izzy. I'll se you around." He smiles, and him and the other guy hurry off into the room.

That was weird. More importantly, who the hell was that other guy? He was so good looking. His smile, his hair, his everything! I liked the energy he was giving off. I haven't even spoken to him, why can't I get him out of my head? All these thoughts swarm through my head as I walk to my car.

On my way home, I try and distract myself with some music, but it's useless. I can't stop thinking about the demo. Who the hell is Izzy? And that guy he was with?

I decide to stop by the music store to visit Danny on my way home.

I walk in and rush to the back, "Hey, what're you doing here?" He smiles confused.

"Sh, don't talk. I, me, Lilliana am recording a demo and Steven Tyler of Aerosmith is gonna play it for his label to see if they'll sign me!" The words come out quickly.

"Are you kidding? That's awesome!" He picks me up and squeezes me tight.

"I know!" I giggle.

After a couple more minutes of chatter, I tell Daniel I have to go so I can tell Erin, "We'll hang out soon." I smile and kiss him. Again, he feels weird to kiss.

I rush home and open our apartment door. Erin is pacing the living room, "What the hell took you so long?" She rushes over.

"I stopped by to see Danny first." I laugh at her concerned look.

"So, how'd it go?" She shakes my shoulder.

"Fucking Aerosmith loved me, and they wanna help me record a demo, and Steven-fucking-Tyler is gonna play it for the label!" I yell and we both immediately jump up hugging each other.

"That's fucking amazing! I knew you had it in you!" She squeezes me tightly.

"Please don't kill me!" I say as she squeezes the air out of me.

\--------------

It's been a little over month and the demo is finally done. All I'm waiting for is for Steven to let me know what the label said. My bond with the band has grown immensely, and I have yet to see Izzy or the curly haired guy at all around the label. Danny and I are still hanging out every once in a while, but we haven't slept together yet, which is making me frustrated, to say the least.

I'm sitting in the studio with Steven smoking when he turns to me, "You know, there's this new band that just signed, Guns N Roses, or something like that. I think you guys would get along great. The guys are really cool, and if you get signed then the label, we'll wanna give you guys a tour together." Steven says before taking a drag of his cigarette.

"Oh yeah?" I turn to him blowing smoke out of my nose.

"Yeah. I'm having a party tonight, you better come. They'll be there and I can introduce you guys." He says.

"Alright, sounds good." I smile.

"You know how to get there." Steven winks. I've been to Stevens house a bunch of times already just to hang out with the guys as a group. They met Erin, and they're really cool.

Once I arrive home, I open the door to see Erin pacing the floors again, "What's going on?" I ask confused.

"I just got off the phone with my agent, I GOT A CALL BACK!" She yells excitedly.

"Shut the fuck up, E!" I yell, running to give her a hug, "When is it?" I ask, pulling back.

"Tomorrow, so I gotta rest tonight." She sighs, but flashes me a smile.

"Oh shit, I was gonna see if you wanted to come to this party Steven invited me to." I admit.

"Can't babe, I'm sorry." She says disappointed.

"Who cares dude, what's one party compared to a lifetime of parties when you're a model." I attempt to cheer her up.

I look at the clock and rush to my room to get ready for the party.


	6. CH4PT3R F1V3

LILLIANAS POV

I arrive at the party and I'm instantly intimidated. The isn't the first one of Stevens parties I've been to, but it's the first one without Erin.

I walk into the loud and crowded mansion looking for Steven. "You made it!" He says loudly as he finds me first.

"Yeah, hey!" I respond as he drags me to the drinks table.

He hands me a cup full of some sort of concoction. I've never tasted anything like it, but there's no denying there's a lot of liquor, and it tastes great. 

"Let me bring you to that band I was telling you about." Steven says in my ear and points to a couch full of guys. I look in that direction and I see Izzy and the curly haired guy. No way, it can't be. This improbably just a coincidence.

Before I can take another sip of my drink, Steven is dragging directly towards Izzy. Oh boy. 

"Hey you guys, this is Lilliana, my newest prodigy." He smiles at a group of guys, two of them being Izzy and the hot guy, the other 3 are two blondes with teased up hair and a ginger wearing a bandana. The ginger looks like a guy Erin would go for.

"Dude, I'm seeing you everywhere." Izzy laughs.

"Wait, you guys know each other?" Steven asks confused.

"Yeah, I met her in a music store, she's really good. Come, sit." He smiles, scooting over. I look and I see out of the corner of my eye, the curly haired guy smiling and he eyes my body in the tight dress. I feel my cheeks burning up, but I ignore it.

Before I know it, Steven is gone and I'm sitting in between Izzy and the hot guy.

"Let me introduce you to the rest of us. As you know, I'm Izzy, I play guitar, this is Duff, our bassist," He says, pointing at the blonde who was yelling at them, "That's Steven, he plays drums." He points to the other blonde, who gives me a small wave, "That's Axl, our lead singer," He points to the ginger who smiles at me, "And this is Slash, our lead guitarist. He plays that same guitar you bought, he's a beast." He points to the hot guy who I now know as 'Slash'.

I pull a cigarette out of my purse, but can't find my lighter anywhere, "You got a light?" I ask slash. 

"Yeah." He flicks a flame and lights my cigarette for me. 

"Thanks." I smile, taking a drag. Even though I couldn't hear it quite well, I can already tell his voice was really hot.

"So how's the demo going?" Izzy asks, blowing smoke from his mouth. I tap the ashes of my cigarette into the ash tray in front of me, "Well, it's done, and I think it sounds great, but I'm just waiting to hear back." I say, taking another drag.

"You just play, or do you play and sing?" Axl asks me. 

"I play and sing." I smile. 

"Oh, she's badass." Axl laughs. 

"Do you play anything else?" Duff looks at me. 

"Yeah, I play bass and drums." I nod my head. 

"She can be her own band." Slash laughs, blowing smoke out from his mouth, which gives me fucking butterflies for no reason.

After a couple more minutes of getting to know each other, I find myself bonding and laughing with all the guys. With slash though, it's more flirty, and I have zero complaints.

"Well, I'm getting another drink, do you want one?" Slash says in my ear, and his voice gives me goosebumps. 

"Yeah, sure. Surprise me." I smile and he laughs shaking his head as he stands up.

I bite my lip and I watch him walk away, his curls bouncing with each step. Who is this guy and why is he making me feel like this?

"Here you go." He hands me the red solo cup before plopping back down next to me. He nonchalantly rest his arm on the back of the couch around my shoulders and I, once again, have zero complaints.

A woman comes by with a tray full of joints and I eagerly grab one, "You smoke this too?" Izzy laughs as he grabs one as well. 

"Mhm." I answer. 

"This girls crazy!" Axl laughs. 

"You're wild." Slash laughs, putting the joint to his lips.

He lights mine and his and I let the drugs do their magic.

3 joints, and many drinks later, I'm walking on clouds. My head is resting on Slash's shoulder as he's just as out of it as I am.

I giggle as I sit my head up straight. Slash lowers his lips to my neck and kisses my neck. He works his way up to my ear and says, "Wanna go have fun?" His lips send electricity, and his words make the tiny hairs on my neck stand up. The offer sounded amazing and I nod. We discreetly slip away from Axl and Steven while Duff and Izzy are flirting with some girls. He leads me upstairs by the hand and finds a random room and kicks the door shut behind him.

He pushes me against the bed and the butterflies are going crazy in my belly. Why am I feeling, this I barely know him? He crawls on top of me and I ignore everything else that could be going through my head. 

He leans down to kiss me, but we both jolt in fear as the door swings open. It's Izzy and some drunk girl trying to find a room just like us. Due to the fear, I quickly sober up and remember the rest of the world. 

"Shit, sorry guys." He slurs and I slide out from under Slash.

I can't do this to Daniel, it wouldn't be right. He's been so nice to me. 

"You okay?" Slash sits on the edge of the bed. 

"Yeah, uh, I should get going, I gotta work and. . . yeah." I stumble on my words and walk out the room. 

I'm mad at myself for letting the thought of Daniel ruin, what could've been, an awesome night. Danny isn't my boyfriend and he knew we could see other people, so why am I letting him make me feel guilty? I'm angry because I know I would rather do it with Slash. I'm crazy embarrassed and I look like a fool. 

I find Joe and tell him I'm heading out because I have to work. He calls me a cab because I'm too drunk to drive. I'm too drunk to do anything at this point.


	7. CH4PT3R S1X

LILLIANAS POV 

I wake up in my bed to my alarm clock buzzing a horrific sound. I practically throw it off the nightstand and groan at my pounding headache.

I shiver as my feet touch the cold floor. I catch a glimpse of myself on my vanity and I cringe. God, I look awful. I go into the kitchen and Erin is in there, drinking coffee, "You look like shit. . ." She cringes handing me a mug. 

"Thank you Einstein!" I roll my eyes and grab the mug.

"Who the fuck has a party on a Thursday night?" I groan, plopping down on the barstool.

"Rock stars." She sips her coffee. 

She looks extra pretty today, "Todays your callback, right?" I remember. 

"Yep, 12 pm." She smiles nervously.

"You're gonna crush it." I reassure the best I can in my hungover state.

"What even happened at that party?" She asks confused. 

"Long story. I'll tell you about it when there aren't demons banging the inside of my head with tiny hammers." I put my head down. 

"Well, you gotta hurry, you're gonna be late." She shakes me and I nearly faint. 

"Jesus woman, I'm going." I stand up and waddle to the bathroom.

I look at myself and its worse than I thought. My hair is doing, god knows what, mascara and eyeliner smudged everywhere, blush is all over my face now. I look like a hot mess.

I decide to take a quick shower so I'm able to tame my curls and hopefully get all this makeup and regret washed off my face. I do my best, but the underside of my eyes are still dark with exhaustion and waterproof eyeliner. No amount of makeup wipes can fix this.

I brush my teeth and tie my hair up in a loose pony with a scrunch. I walk to my room and grab sweatpants and a sweater, not giving two shits about my appearance today. I slide on my hightops grabbing my purse and putting on my sunglasses. I wish Erin good luck and walk out to the bar.

The sunlight isn't as brutal, thanks to my sunglasses, but I am grateful for the dimmed lighting in the bar as I unlock the back door and step into the cold room 

The sunlight isn't as brutal, thanks to my sunglasses, but I am grateful for the dimmed lighting in the bar as I unlock the back door and step into the cold room. 

I set my stuff down and slowly walk to the front door to let Jerry in. 

"Sunglasses. Regret. I know that ensemble, you're hungover." He laughs, taking a seat in his usual spot. 

"Shut it Jerry, I don't wanna hear it." I groan, holding my hand up.

Soon, the cooks and waiters arrive and the day goes by extremely slow. I'm on the third bottle of Gatorade when Danny comes in. 

"Woah, what happened to you?" He asks, sitting down. 

"Hungover." Jerry chimes. 

"Shh!" I wave my hands at him. 

"Jesus. How much did you drink?" Danny asks and I can't help but notice his voice is laced with a little judgement. 

"Why are you here?" I ask annoyed. 

"Snarky. I thought we could have lunch." He smiles. The fact that he's all smily and I'm all gross is annoying, but whatever. 

"Okay." I give a half smile. I feel nauseous though, so I don't really want to eat anything heavy.

"Give me a sec, let the new guy get here so I can clock out for lunch." I squeeze his hand. Thankfully, Mario successfully trained two new bartenders and they're both great. The girl, Lexi, is really flirty with costumers. 

Just as say that, Steven comes barging into the bar. 

"Relax." I cringe as the door slams. 

"You're not gonna believe this!" He grabs my hand, "Woah. . . you look horrible." He adds. 

"I know, asshole, now what is it?" I ask annoyed. 

"I just heard back from the label and they loved you. They want to meet with you!" He smiles a huge smile.

"Are you fucking kidding?" I ask laughing. 

"Nope. They loved kids in America, and I'm sure if you play them the other stuff you wrote you'll get a deal." He laughs, coming to hug me. 

"This is wild!" I laugh. 

"What's going on?" Danny asks confused. 

"I just got a meeting with a record label! I could end up as a professional signed artist D!" I laugh and hug him. 

"That's awesome." He laughs, but doesn't seem so excited for me. Whatever, he can kiss my ass, this is amazing.

"I can't wait to tell Erin!" I smile. 

"It's in two weeks, at 3." Steven informs me.

"Looks like that party did a number on you." Steven laughs at my 'hot mess' state.

"You would not believe." I say taking a sip of gatorade. 

"I meant to ask you, I heard from some people that Izzy walked in on you and Slash. You wasted no time young lady." He says, and I completely forget that Daniel is here.

"Oh god. ." I face palm, "People are talking about that?" I put my head down.

"It's not that big of a deal, he's hot, you guys had fun, who cares?" Steven reassures.

I hear Danny scoff. Shit. 

"We didn't even do anything though." I defend, and just like that Danny storms out. 

"Shit. . ." Steven covers his mouth, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend." He apologizes.

"He's not my boyfriend. We haven't even slept together." I groan, and Anthony the, new bartender walks in. "Perfect timing!" I smile as I walk out to catch Danny.

"Danny, wait!" I yell and run to him, "Why are you getting all pissy? We didn't do anything." I grab his arm. 

"Why would people be talking about you and some guy named Slash?" He yells. 

"First of all, lower your fucking voice. Secondly, it only looked that way because we were both drunk and high." I yell.

"High? So you smoke now?" He asks. 

"What do you mean now? I've always smoked, I just don't tell you because I know you're a goody goody who gets his panties in a twist every time I break the rules." I yell.

"Maybe if you knew how to control your alcohol, people wouldn't mistake you as an easy girl!" He yells, and rage overcomes me.

"An easy girl? Daniel I'm 20 fucking years old, I can do whatever I want. I smoke whatever I want, drink what I want, and most certainly can hook up with whoever I want because you aren't my boyfriend! We've been on what, ten dates? I told you I didn't want anything exclusive! We haven't even had sex yet! Go fuck another girl, I don't care. Have fun with your life, it's not that serious!" I say angrily.

"If you really liked me, then you should care if I sleep with other girls." He spits. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'll have you know I could've hooked up with Slash, but I didn't because of you!" I yell.

He rolls his eyes, pissing me off even more, "Whatever, don't act like you didn't know what you were getting into. This is why I don't date boys like you." I say and I don't even realize how harsh I sounded, but by his hurt expression I can only imagine it was pretty bad.

"Shit." I try to take it back, but he just walks away, "I am such a bitch. . ." I sigh, crouching down, putting my face in my hands. 

"What the hell was that all about and who the fuck is Slash?" I hear Erins voice from behind me, I jolt and look at her surprised expression.

"You're back! How'd it go?" I walk towards her. 

"Oh, no no, don't change the subject, who the fuck is Slash, and why is he making Danny insecure?" She points at me.

"So basically, Slash is a member of the band that Steven introduced me to, and he has to be probably the hottest guy I've seen so far. He plays the guitar and, whatever not the point. So I was getting to know him and the rest of the band and we all ended up getting super drunk and high, so him and I went upstairs and were about to hook up, but Izzy, our friend and his bandmate, walked in and I thought about Danny so I decided against, what would've been, amazing sex with a really hot guy, and leave but Izzy caught us in an incriminating position, so word spread and Steven asked me about it in front of Daniel, and Danny got all sensitive about it." I ramble, but she follows my every word.

"Well shit." She laughs shaking her head. 

"I also have news," I smile, "The label loved my demo and they wanna meet with me!" I announce.

"NO WAY!" She screams and hugs me.

"I know!" I laugh, "What about you? How'd your audition go?" I continue.

"I think it went great, it's between me and this other girl. I should hear from them soon." She smiles. 

"Hell yeah, E." I smile.

"Look at us, girls making our dreams come true." She locks arms with me as we walk to our apartment.


	8. CH4PT3R S3V3N

LILLIANAS POV

It's the next day and I really don't have much to do so I decide to go to the studio to see if I can play around with some new sounds. I decide I need to talk to Danny first.

I'm walking over to Mickeys, enjoying the fresh Cali air.

I open the door and I see Danny behind the counter. He sees me, but tries to hide it. I walk over to him and pull him into the back room.

"You can't be back here." He says flatly.

"I'm sorry," I tug on the bottom of his shirt, "I was harsh, I just don't like being hovered over, you knew we weren't exclusive, we're still just getting to know each other." I say as sweetly as I can.

"I'm sorry, too." He sighs.

"Come here." I smile mischievously and pull him down to me. He smiles and our lips connect, and for once he's just as hungry as I am.

"You think you can take an early lunch? Erins out running errands." I pull away and he chuckles. 

"Mhm." He looks at me with lustful eyes and I giggle.

"Lets go then." I waltz out of the back room. 

The drive to my apartment is less than 2 minutes and we run upstairs to my apartment. I lock the top lock just incase Erin tries to come in.

I push Danny against the wall and kiss him passionately. He rests his hands on my hips and I slide his shirt off. Wow, he's toned. I catch myself staring.

He laughs and we continue undressing each other. If I'm being honest, I'm dominating this right now and I really prefer it the other way around, but you can't have it all, I guess. We get into my room an he softly lays me on the bed and takes my shirt off.

I giggle and flip us over so I'm on top now. I unbuckle his jeans and slide them down. I pull his dick out from his briefs and he looks at me with wide eyes, "What're you doing?" He asks, borderline scared.

"You've never had oral?" I smile, licking a stripe up him. 

"No, don't do that." He squirms and flips me over.

I'm sorry, what? 

He slides a condom on and positions himself at my entrance and slowly slides into me. I groan, but honestly I'm not impressed. He pushes in and out of me a couple of times and at a medium pace, and then he starts to groan, "I'm close." He lays his head in my shoulder. 

"Me too. . ." I lie. What the fuck?

He finishes and I fake an orgasm. Definitely not the words I've had, but certainly not the best. I don't eve think I've had the best sex yet. 

I'm laying in bed with a sleeping Danny and I slip out of his grip. I shake him and his eyes open, "Hey, I gotta run to the studio, if you're gonna stay please lock the bottom lock." I smile and he nods pecking my lips before I stand up and grab my clothes.

I walk out of my apartment just as sexually frustrated as when I got there. I really hoped the sex would be redeeming because I really like Danny. 

Once I pull into the parking lot, I see the guys from Guns' standing outside having a cigarette and talking. I get out of my car and swing my guitar case around my back. 

"Look who it is." Duff laughs as I approach the entrance. 

"Hey." I smile to all the guys. I can feel slash staring at me.

"Okay, please don't take this the wrong way," Izzy starts.

"Oh god, what?" I groan running my hands down my face. 

"You look like you just had really shitty sex. . ." He stifles a laugh and my eyes go wide.

"Izzy!" I squeal slapping his arm. He laughs along with the other guys.

"She's not denying it though." Steven chimes. 

"No way, who was it?" Axl smiles curiously. 

"It was no one!" I roll my eyes, but can't help the smile.

"That bad, huh?" Duff puts his hand on my shoulder, giving a sympathetic look.

"You guys are children." I push his arm off. 

"We're here for you!" Slash gives me a hug from behind. I laugh and we sway back and forth.

"I also hear you have a meeting with the label about a possible contract?" He says. 

"Oh, no way!" The guys exclaim and hug me.

"Yes, but I don't wanna jinx it." I giggle, accepting their hugs, "Plus, my meetings not for another two weeks." I continue once they pull away.

"Oh, then how come you're here?" Axl asks. 

"Joe got me some studio time. I wanted to see if I could get some writing done." I explain. 

"Fuck that, we're doing the same, you should come up and help, we need fresh ears. Plus, you could play us the song that landed you this meeting." Izzy suggests. 

"Yeah, Iz says you're really good. We gotta hear it for ourselves." Duff says with a kind smile.

"Fine." I roll my eyes, and next thing I know I'm being dragged into the elevator.

We enter the studio and the guys all urge me to pull out my guitar and play something. 

"Play us what you wrote for the demo." Izzy says.

"Alright, alright, relax!" I smile, connecting the guitar and strumming the beginning chords to my newest development, 'Kids In America'. 

"Lookin' out a dirty old window, outside the cars in the city go rushing by," I begin singing and bobbing my head to the guitar riff, "I sit here alone and I wonder why," I catch the guys in awe.

"Friday night and everyones moving, I can feel the heat but it's soothing heading down, I search for a beat in this heavy town. . ." I sing. 

I finish the song and the guys cheer for me, "That's really good, you'll definitely get signed.

"Thanks guys." I blush. 

"Now, question is can you play guitar better than Slash? Cause this is the best guitar player I know!" Axl puts his hand on Slash's shoulder. He smiles bashfully and I giggle.

"Do you know the guitar solo for 'Whole Lotta Rosie'?" I ask. 

"Yeah." He says as he grabs his guitar and connects it to an amp.

"I'll play your backup?" He asks. 

"Sure." I smile and I strum the first few chords of the beginning of the song, just to get a feel for the beat. Slash matches me and I start the solo. I'm not gonna lie, it's a really fast solo, but I've played it so many times I don't even think about it anymore.

I finish and the guys, Slash included, have their jaws dropped. "Okay, you might just be better than Slash. . ." Duff laughs. 

"Woah woah, maybe she's an equal. That was amazing though." He compliments. 

"No dude, she gets bonus points for being hot." Izzy says and my cheeks flame. 

"You may just be right Iz." Slash smiles. His smile sends the butterflies in my tummy on a rampage.

"Gosh, you guys!" I smile holding my cheeks.

"Aw, Slash and Lil, I like it." Axl laughs, his words make me turn even more red. These guys make me so soft ,what is this?

"Well, since you seem to have no problem writing songs, maybe you can help us with this one song we're stuck on." Izzy says, going into the recording booth.

"That's a great idea Iz!" Axl gets up and follows him. Soon the rest of the band is in there. I follow them and Axl shows me their lyric sheet. 

"So, these are the lyrics. Our only issues are, we think the music is too slow for what the song is about, the chorus doesn't sound good in really fast tempos." He explains.

"Well, what does the music sound like now?" I ask and they all grab their instruments. They play me the ballad and I already have ideas.

"Well, why don't you keep the beginning the same and keep the chorus the same tempo, but let Slash play a small solo that then leads to the song going harder and quicker." I suggest. 

"Like what though?" Slash asks.

It's like he read my mind because he handed me his guitar, "Something like this. . ." I play a short guitar riff. 

"Oh, I like it! What if we added this. . ." He comes around behind me and plays the guitar while I'm still wearing it. The guys all look proud for some reason. 

The guys and I go back and forth on different ideas, and I eventually help them write their newest song, 'Paradise City'.

"Oh my god, that was awesome!" I smile as they finish playing the final product. 

"You are a goddess, woman!" Steven hugs me, I smile as a few of them kiss me on the cheek.

"Spence is gonna love this." Duff says.

"Our producer, he might be yours, too." Slash answers the question in my head.

"You know, I'm playing tonight at the bar. I'm doing original work tonight, you guys should come, you know, while you still can. Who knows, soon you won't be able to with all the swarming fans." I joke. 

"Oh look at you. We'll be there." Izzy laughs.


	9. CH4PT3R 31GHT

LILLIANAS POV

On my way home from the studio I can't help but feel happy with how my life is going right now. I'm friends with a really cool group of guys who like what I like, I'm close with fucking Aerosmith, I might get a record deal, what else could I ask for?

I open the door and am greeted with Erin watching MTV, "Hey stranger, you look happy." She lowers the volume, "Is it because you finally had sex with Danny? Because I ran into him on my way up here." She continues, wiggling her brows.

"Oh, no, I mean we did do it, but that's not why I'm happy." I admit, taking a seat on the couch.

"Oh gosh, it was bad?" She cringes.

"Not bad, just. . ." I trail off, "God, I can't even lie, yeah, it wasn't great." I sigh sadly, "How though? Was he. . . you know. . . small?" She asks awkwardly.

"No, I mean he definitely wasn't the biggest, but he was average, it's just, he didn't want me to give him oral, he stayed in missionary, went slow, and I had to fake an orgasm." I let out, embarrassed for him.

"You faked it?" Erin gasps.

"Well, what was I supposed to do? I like him, I just wish he would, you know, take charge, be rough." I whine.

"But it's gotta be good for you too girl, you won't be happy if you don't have get sexual chemistry." She says.

"I know." I groan, slouching on the couch.

"Well, what is it you're happy about then?" She asks.

"I helped the band rewrite a song today, and Slash and Izzy called me hot." I sigh, not really too happy anymore. Fucking Danny.

Erin and I chat for a couple more minutes and I realize the time, "Shit, I gotta get ready!" I jump up and run to the bathroom to shower.

I wore my red fishnets with a tight black velvet spaghetti strap dress that was very low cut and showed off my cleavage. I paired this with my classic black Doc Martens. It was cold this night, so I grab a jean jacket along with my purse and headed out.

I walk in and the place is full, I do my best to shake off the nerves, "Hey." Slash and Axl scare me. 

"Shit!" I jump.

"Sorry." Axl laughs.

"You're nervous?" Slash asks.

"A little, it always happens." I admit with a crooked smile.

"Don't worry, you'll do great!" He reassures and it really did help.

"Lil, go get ready, you're on in 5." Erin comes up.

"Okay, thanks E." I instantly see her and ax's gazes meet.

"Hi." He says to her, completely out of it.

"Hey." she says, lost in his eyes.

Slash chuckles and looks down at me, "Oh boy. . ." I laugh meeting his gaze.

"You know, we never got to finish what we started that night at the party." He smirks.

"I remember no such thing." I lie.

"Mhm. That's your boyfriend, right?" He points to Danny talking to some girl. I cringe at the word 'boyfriend'.

"No, he's not my boyfriend, we're just seeing each other." I say and I'm still cringing.

"No fucking way. . . he's the one that gave you the shitty sex!" slash laughs.

"Would you shut up!" I hit his chest.

"Look at you, not denying it." He teases.

"Stop it!" I laugh and put my face in my hands.

"Aw, it's okay, you'll get laid better soon." He pouts, hugging me.

"You asshole." I laugh, squeezing him.

"Good luck." He says kissing my hand, but it was in a way where he was mocking Danny.

"Bite me." I roll my eyes at him with a smile.

"I just might." He says in my ear, sending goosebumps across my entire body.

I giggle and get on the stage. I see Danny and he's looking at Slash with jealous eyes. God, not again.

"Hey everyone, this ones a new one, it's called 'Fake Friends'." I smile and strum my guitar.

\-------

"Thank y'all so much!" I smile and Slash helps me down.

"You did great!" Izzy comes out of literally nowhere with Duff and Steven.

"Thanks Iz." I smile hugging him.

"Hey Lil." Danny cuts through them and kisses me, "You did awesome!" He caresses my cheek. All the guys look at each other and they put together who this is, Izzy folds his lips inside his mouth trying not to laugh, I give him a scolding look and introduce Danny to the guys.

"Danny, this is Steven, Izzy. . . and Slash." I point to each of them.

Dannys face falls when I say Slash, "So this is Slash?" He laugh in a douchey way.

God Danny, please don't do this now, I promise you they will beat your ass. . .

"Look, cute girls!" Izzy grabs Duff and Steven and they run off.

"Yeah man, I'm Slash." Slash says trying not to laugh.

"I've heard a lot about you." Danny says.

"Oh trust me I've heard little things about you. . ." Slash says, putting an emphasis on little, which made me choke on my beer

"You okay?" Danny looks down at me.

"Mhm." I say still in shock. Slash cracks a cocky smile and soon Axl is over here.

"C'mon man, let me show you something." He grabs Slash and they walk away.

~~~~~~SLASHS POV~~~~~~

I don't know man, Lilliana is just doing something to me. I can't get this girl out of my head. She's so cool and she just wants to have fun and just enjoy life. I just wish she wasn't being tied down by her 'boyfriend', who isn't even her boyfriend.

After her show, Izzy, Duff, Steven, her, and I are talking when that skinny guy she's talking to comes in. He's fine at first, until he realizes who I am. He must've heard about the party. God, he really is possessive.

I make a joke about his inadequate sexual skill, and I can tell it made Lilliana wanna laugh but she held it in.

The 'Danny' kid seems to actually be getting pissed so Axl comes over and pulls me away, "dude chill, you don't wanna draw attention to yourself, you're pissing her boyfriend off" he tells me, "that's not her boyfriend" I laugh, "he's the bad sex" I finish, "shut up" Lilliana's friend says overhearing, "she told you guys" she says, "slash, this is Erin" Axl adds, "hey Erin im slash and she didn't have to tell us we could tell" I informed her, "well shit" she laughs

LILLIANAS POV

"what the hell is your problem, why are you acting weird" I pull Danny aside, "im not doing anything, just getting to know your man slash" he laughs, "oh fuck off Danny, if you're gonna be like this then leave" I say annoyed and just like that he walks out.

"what was that all about?" slash comes up behind me, "nothing, just being a dick" I admit, "im heading put to smoke you wanna come?" I ask, "sure"

I light my cigarette and slash lights his, we lean against the window talking about just random things, life, music and its probably one of the best conversations ive ever had.


	10. CH4PT3R N1N3

LILLIANAS POV

It's two weeks later. These past few weeks have been pretty uneventful. 

I haven't spoken to Danny since he left the bar mad. I have been getting super close with the guys from Guns, and Steven and I now have a weekly lunch date to check in because he's been busy lately and according to him he misses my company. 

This all still feels like a dream. I've become practically best friends with Izzy and Duff, the flirting with Slash is still going on, but neither one of us have acted on it. Oh, and you'll never believe this, Erin and Axl got together! I knew they would, but she says they aren't official yet. 

It's the day of my meeting and saying I'm nervous is an understatement. 

"Don't worry, you're gonna kill it." Erin reassures me as I hesitate on leaving the apartment, 

"Wish me luck." I sigh walking out. I tried to dress a little professional today, but my wardrobe doesn't exactly scream business woman.

I wore a mid thigh dark blue velvet dress with black fishnet tights and boots. I added my usual jean jacket and let my hair loose. It's my style, but not too inappropriate for this meeting. 

As I approach the building, I can't help but get shaky hands.

I approach the secretary, whom I've never really talked to since I've always been dragged to the elevator by the boys. 

"Hi, I'm here for a meeting with David Geffen." I smile. 

"Name?" She asks dryly. 

"Lilliana, Melendez." I say dropping the smile.

"Floor 15, last door." She points to the elevator. 

"Thanks," I walk away, "Bitch." I mutter on my way to the elevator. 

As I press the button the doors immediately open and out comes Joe, "Hey, you're here for your interview, right?" He smiles. 

"Mhm." I half smile, the nerves making my voice shaky.

"Oh c'mon, don't be nervous, Steven and I put in a good word for you." He poked my shoulder. 

"It's just, what if I sell my soul, what if I don't get signed, what if I look dumb because I let them sign me for shit money?" I whine.

"What if, what if, what if. Get over it, you know your worth and you're here because of your hardworking, now get out of here, you're gonna be late." He says, putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Ok, ok. Thanks, Joe." I sigh getting into the elevator. I press the button and tap my foot anxiously.

I open the big double doors at the end of the hall and am met with another secretary, "Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Geffen." I smile. 

"Hi, your name?" she smiles back, "Lilliana Melendez" I inform. 

"Here you are, David will be with you in just a second, you can have a seat over there." She points to a comfy waiting area. 

"Thank you." I move over to the waiting area and sit down.

A couple minutes pass and my name finally gets called, "Mr. Geffen will see you now." The secretary says as she buzzes the door to unlock it. This feels like I'm in the principals office. "Final door at the end." She informs me before I walk in.

I knock on the door and I hear "Come in." So I do. I'm met with a couple of men in suits along with one woman sitting at a conference table, "Please, have a seat." The woman smiles at me. 

"Hi, I'm Lilliana, nice to meet you." I extend my hand to them. 

"Please, call me David." Mr. Geffen says. 

"Hi." I smile.

The meeting goes by fairly quick and I can't believe it, "Welcome to Geffen Records, we want you to give us about 6 songs so we can release an EP. We'll set you up with a producer, give you studio time, and it'll help us promote your name more so we can see if we can start an album, then, eventually a tour, how does that sound?" David smiles as he grabs the contract I just signed. 

"That sounds wild!" I laugh in disbelief.

"Congratulations." The lawyer shakes my hand and we all stand up to leave. 

I can't shake the pure bliss that I'm feeling right now. My stomach is buzzing and I'm walking on clouds. Once I'm in the elevator, my smile grows larger. I just signed a record deal!

I step off the elevator and as I walk towards the exit I see Slash.

"Hey!" He smiles, I don't say anything, I just smile, "Oh, that's right, your meeting was today. How'd it go?" He asks as he walks towards me.

"I just signed a fucking record deal!" I run towards him. 

"Shut the fuck up!" He laughs and I jump into his arms. I wrap my arms around his neck and he lifts me up off the ground spinning me around, " My god, look at you, a signed fucking artist!" He laughs into my neck, his voice sends vibrations through me, I never thought it was possible to be this attracted to someones voice. 

"This is crazy." I sigh. As he sets me down, the nerves kick in. What does this mean? What if the world doesn't think I'm good enough? 

Slash sees the worry in my face, "Hey, you earned this, this is all you, you're amazing." He caresses my cheek. 

"What if the world doesn't like me?" I sigh. 

"That's impossible." He chuckles, keeping a hand on my cheek and moving his thumb back and forth, his actions are soothing, "Listen, you're awesome, David saw this and he thinks you can be something great." He smiles. 

"Fuck, you're right, I did this." my voice cracks as I try to hold back the tears.

"Are you crying?" He chuckles.

"Shut up." I stop the tears before they have the chance to roll down my face. 

"I'm joking, come here." He laughs, pulling me into his chest. I feel safe here, at peace. 

"What would I do without you?" I smile. 

"Combust in an explosion of nerves." He teases. 

"Ha ha." I roll my eyes.

He smiles down at me and we both start leaning in, "Hey, look who it is!" Izzy yells from the elevator and all the guys come out, including Joe. 

I jump back away from Slash, "Cock block." I hear slash mumble, I chuckle and they all come towards me. 

"So, how'd it go?" Izzy smiles. 

"Guess who's Geffen Records newest artist!" I smile widely. 

"No way!" He yells and they all cheer hugging me.

"Guys, guys I can't breathe!" I fake choke. I see Slash laugh.

"What did I tell you?" Joe laughs giving me a hug.

"Stevens gonna flip." I laugh.

"You can tell him later, we gotta celebrate!" Duff says. 

"Lets go smoke at 'the spot'" Steven says. 

"The spot?" I ask confused. 

"It's this abandoned house we go to smoke and hang out." Izzy says. 

"Oh cool, but I gotta go tell Erin." I say. 

"C'mon I'll take you. Bring her." Axl says. 

"I'll go with you guys." Slash says. 

"Iz, Stevie, just ride with me." Duff says and they both nod. 

"I owe you a drink." Slash says lowly in my ear, "Okay." I smile.

Next thing I know I'm being dragged out of the label and put into the backseat of Axl's car. Slash sits in the front and turns the radio, Hot For Teacher by Van Halen plays and I start singing.

Slash bobs his head and Axl sings along, "I'm hot for teacher." We all sing.

We pull up to the bar and Erin is inside. I run in and Slash stays outside to smoke, Axl follows me in, "Hey!" She smiles, she pecks Axl on the lips. 

"I got signed!" I yell and she screams. 

"Oh my god L!" She yells jumping into my arms, "I know!" 

Axl laughs and Danny walks out of the bathroom, "I got signed!" I yell and run into his arms, he laughs and pick me up, "That's awesome!" He kisses me. 

"E, your shifts over, right?" I look at her. 

"Yeah, I was just about to leave." She explains as Axl wraps his arms around her waist from behind.

"Perfect, we're going to celebrate." I laugh grabbing her arm, "I'll see you later, D." I smile at Danny, but I can already see by his face that he's seen Slash outside, "C'mon." I drag Erin and Axl outside.

"Lets go!" I giggle getting into the car, Erin gets in the front with Axl and Slash smiles, throwing his cigarette butt on the ground and getting in the back with me. 

"I see you ditched your boy back there." Slash teases and Erin snorts, "Stop it." I laugh, 

"Why didn't you bring him?" Axl asks. 

"He isn't really the smoking type, he doesn't like drugs." I say and Slash pretends to fall asleep and snore, I slap his chest. 

"God, what a geek! Doesn't he know how to live?" He says.

"Leave him alone, alright." I can't help but laugh.

"You're more fun." Slash pulls me into his chest, "Would've been a downer." He says in my ear and it sends chills down my spine. I giggle and Erin raises the volume on the radio.


	11. CH4PT3R T3N

LILLIANAS POV 

We are all sitting in a circle, Erin on Axls lap, me in between Slash and Izzy 

Erin and Axl are sharing a joint while Steven, Duff, and Izzy are passing one around between them three. 

"Here." Slash holds a joint to my lips and I take a drag. I feel the buzz of the drugs running through my body, he smiles and takes a drag as well, I blow the smoke out and lean back.

All the weight leaves my body after one joint and I feel nothing except happiness. All of us are just laughing and saying stupid shit. I get up to grab another beer and when I come back I fall into Slash's lap. 

"Hi there." I giggle and he snakes his arms around my waist. I decide to stay there, the dope making any thought of Danny evaporate away with the smoke. 

I feel so exhausted for no reason so I nuzzle my face into Slash's neck, closing my eyes, his hair tickles my cheek and he kindly rubs my arm, "You okay?" He asks, looking down. 

"Yeah, just tired." I say, and he doesn't respond.

"This is fun, but we need something bigger to celebrate you." Duff says. 

"Party." Axl snaps his finger and points at Duff. 

"Bitchin'!" Izzy laughs, taking a swig of his beer.

"Lilli, Lilli!" Erin yells, throwing a pillow or something at me.

"What?" I groan, the high leaving my body at last. 

"We have nothing to wear. Or, at least I don't." She says. 

"Shit you're right." I say, positioning myself so I'm sitting up straight. 

"We gotta go shopping." I say. 

"That's gonna take us all day. . ." She sighs while running her fingers through Axl's hair. 

"All day?" Steven asks confused, "Yeah, all day." I say, "How on earth-" Izzy starts,

"Come with us, you'll see." Erin laughs, "Alright." They all say.

"Wait what?" I laugh confused standing up.

"We'll go." Duff says, "You're kidding." I laugh, "Well, I don't know about them, but I'm curious to see why it takes all day." Izzy says. 

"You're funeral." I shrug, grabbing my purse, "Lets go E." I say and she follows. The guys chuckle and are out of the house right behind us. 

Erin guides Axl to the mall and we walk into Macy's. We walk around for a little and the guys look lost. "What about this?" Erin shows me a mesh body suit, "Oh, I like that." I say looking at the transparent fabric, I hang it over my arm and keep looking.

"What do you think about these jeans?" Erin holds up a pair of ugly jeans, "God no. . ." I snort and the guys groan, "We warned you." I turn my head and Slash is sitting on the floor. "We've been here for almost 2 hours." Axl groans, Erin shrugs and I laugh. 

"Hey, you guys you know what I just thought of?" Duff says and we all turn to face him, "The label is having us open for Aerosmith on their next tour once the album comes out, you two should totally come." He says, "Oh my god that would be so fun!" Axl gasps, "Yeah dude, c'mon!" Izzy chimes.

"Are you crazy?" I exclaim, "Yeah, are you nuts?" Erin says, "We have jobs, rent, I just got signed." I say. The idea of being on the road for months with all the guys does sound super fun, but it's really impossible right now.

"Quit." Axl says, "Quit? What about our rent?" Erin laughs in disbelief, "Trust me, we wanna go, but its unrealistic." She adds. 

"Yeah, I'm supposed to be working on music." I say. 

"By the time the tour starts, you'll have already released your EP and coming on the road with us will give you insane publicity, better than any lame talk show." Steven says. 

"You guys are nuts." I laugh walking into a dressing room, "Think about it." Axl follows as Erin goes in behind me.

I try on the jeans I grabbed. They're straight jeans with stars over the knees. They fit great so I decide to get them, but I realize the shirt Erin gave me is too big. I poke my head out and see Slash leaning against the wall, "Slash!" I call and he turns towards me, "Can you bring me this in an extra small?" I pout. 

He groans and comes up to grab the shirt, "You know I don't fucking work here, right?" he says in his raspy voice, "Thank you." I chuckle, closing the door.

A minute or two go by and there's knock on the dressing room door, "Come in." I say, not caring that I'm not wearing a shirt.

Slash comes in holding the shirt and his eyes scan my body, "Thanks." I ignore his hungry eyes the best I can and try the shirt on. 

"you know. . . you really should consider coming on the road with us. Could be a hell of a lot of fun." He says lowly, coming closer to me. 

"I already said I can't slash, I have responsibilities here, can't just pick up and go." I say. 

"Just think about it, and if one of the reasons you're staying is for that Danny dude, then you need a reality check because you clearly don't like him." He says, turning towards the door.

"Excuse you? I do like him, he's a nice guy who cares about me." I defend, "Yeah, a nice guy who isn't your boyfriend but treats you like his girlfriend, gives you shitty sex, and who is also threatened by me." He turns around to face me, "You don't like nice boys." he finishes, pulling my lower lip down with his thumb.

"Fuck you." I say breathless, biting my lip lightly. 

"Like I said, think about it, it could be a lot of fun if you ditch being suffocated." He smiles. He walks out and I'm breathless. What the fuck just happened? My brain is scrambled. I grab my stuff and walk out. 

Erin comes out at the same time, "What the fuck was that?" She asks. 

"I don't know man, he's saying I don't like Danny." I inform. 

"You don't." She says, "You like guys like Slash." She says. 

"Shush." I cringe. 

"Look at you, he barely sweet talked you and you're all flustered." She laughs. 

"Let's just go." I groan.


	12. CH4PT3R 3L3V3N

LILLIANA POV 

Erin and I are at the cash register paying for our outfits. On our way out, Slash runs up to me, "So how bout that drink?" He says in my ear. I smile, "Sure, I have to stop by the bar anyway." I look up at him, "Alright, for what though?" He asks as we approach axl's car, "There's two new bartenders and Mario wants me to check in and see how they're doing." I say.

"Oh." He says getting into the car. He pops a cigarette into his mouth and lights it. With the window down, He takes a couple drags, I look at him and he smiles holding the cigarette up to my lips, I take a long drag and exhale the smoke. Erin looks at me from the mirror and I give her a 'don't judge me' look. 

We park in front of the bar and walk in. The two bartenders are working normally and it's relieving that we've seemed to finally find people who aren't psycho. 

"Hey, is Mario here?" I ask the new guy, Alex, "No, but he said he left something for you in the back office." He points to the back. Erin and Axl sit down at a table and talk while Slash takes a seat at the bar.

"Hey there, can I get you anything?" the new girl, Jennifer, says in a sultry voice as she leans over the bar towards Slash, showing off her tits in her low-neck shirt. He cracks a cocky smile and she giggles, "Gross." I say to myself before going to the back room. 

I open the door and there, my paycheck is sitting on his desk, "Thank you Mario." I say to myself, grabbing it and putting it into my purse .

When I walk out, Jennifer and Slash are still talking. "Hey." Slash says as he sees me, I smile awkwardly and sit next to him, "Two shots please." he tells her and she pulls out the glasses and fills them with tequila. 

"To your record deal." He holds the glass in front of me and smiles, "To my record deal." I clink my glass and down the shot.

"So you were telling me you play guitar." Jennifer turns to Slash. 

Oh, so we're back to that. "Double jack on the rocks please." I sigh to Alex, "Oof. . ." He laughs, pouring the drink and sliding towards me.

"Oh, and you're like. . . in a band?" She bites her lip, "Yeah, we're touring soon." He smiles back at her, "That's so cool! I love your hair."She flirts back. Oh god. I gag. 

Wait. . . why am I getting so jealous? God, I can't stand this boy. They continue flirting back and forth and I just sit there downing drinks. Slash looks at me and sees me literally third wheeling, miserable, and he rests his hand on my thigh, which makes me jump. I ignore the gesture, annoyed. Soon Alex comes up, "You got a phone call." 

"Oh thank God." I say pushing his hand off of me.

I walk over and pick up the phone, "Hello?" I say.

"You bitch!" Steven yells from the other end, "Huh?" I chuckle. 

"When were you gonna tell me you got signed? Why'd I have to hear it from someone else? Fake whore!" He teases. 

"I'm sorry Steven!" I laugh loudly.

"Apology accepted, I'm so fucking proud of you." He says sweetly, "I also hear the guys from Guns N' Roses wanna take you and Erin on tour with us, but you guys said no, why's that?" He says. 

"Oh my gosh, how'd you even know I was here you stalker?" I groan. 

"You're a budding alcoholic, don't avoid the question, Melendez." He says firmly.

"I am not an alcoholic! And we can't go because we have jobs, and even if we quit we have rent to pay. I can't just leave my apartment, where will I go when we get back?" I explain, tired of repeating myself, "Look, I wanna go really badly, but I can't. And talking about it just makes me feel worse." I continue.

"Oh my god Lil! Stop overthinking everything and fucking live! You and Erin can live in my guest house before and after the tour. Stay however long you want, you'll be making money anyways so whenever you can afford to leave you can leave. I don't care, just fucking live a little." He groans. 

"You want us to do WHAT?" I screech, "Come live here, it's better than your shitty apartment anyway." He says and I gasp, offended, "My apartment is not shitty!" I defend. 

"Well, which would you rather? Continue a boring life as a bartender doing lame promo for your album, or go travel the world with your best friends promoting your music with some of the biggest artists?" He says. 

"I can't stay in your guest house Steven, I'm not your responsibility." I whine, "Youre not and you won't be. You're a big girl, that's your own space. You're coming!" He groans from the other side of the phone.

"Just hold on a minute." I laugh and signal Erin to come over. 

"You're not gonna believe this," I start, "What?" She asks curiously. 

"Steven wants to give us his guest house so we can quit our jobs and leave the apartment to go on the tour with them around the fucking world E!" I exclaim.

"Oh my God!" She squeals. 

"Should we do it?" I bite my lip nervously.

"Of course! It's a once in a lifetime opportunity, L! Swallow your fucking pride and tell him yes!" She pushes me. 

"Alright, alright. Geez." I laugh.

I pull the phone back up to my ear, "Luna and E are touring with Aerosmith!" I giggle into the phone, "Fuck yes!" Steven screams.

"I fucking love you." I laugh. 

"I also hear there's a party happening, my house loser." He adds. 

"Fine, fine." I laugh. 

"I gotta go, but we'll discuss details over lunch. I wanna move you in asap." He says.

"Alright." 

"Love you, bye." He hangs up.

"Oh my god!" I squeal as we jump up and down, "What the fuck dude?" I laugh in disbelief.

"What's going on?" Axl comes up and Slash pokes his head around the corner. 

"Guess who's going on tour with y'all?" I ask, "No way. . ." Axl's eyes go wide and Erin jumps into his arms.

"You're kidding!" Slash laughs, standing up. I run up, jumping into his arms, "This is fucking awesome!" He laughs, squeezing me tightly. 

"I know dude." I nuzzle my face in his neck, "It's gonna be fun, too." I get on my tippy toes and whisper in his ear. 

"Shit, woman. . ." He says lowly.

"Uhm, weren't we gonna get out of here?" Jennifer clears her throat annoyed, I let go of Slash and turn to her. She's pissing me off, "Why are you about to leave in the middle of your shift?" I ask. 

"Why do you care? Looks like you're quitting." She scoffs, rolling her eyes, "Oh shit." Alex coughs. 

"I can still get your ass fired if I feel like it, watch your tone." I say taking a step towards her. 

"I can talk to you however I want, bitch." She sneers, getting in my face. 

"Oh shit." Axl says. 

"I'd worry about who the fuck I'm talking to if I were you." I say walking away. 

"I just see a hood rat." She says. 

"Oh shit, watch the fuck out." Erin says to her. 

"Oh, I'll show you a fucking hood rat, you spoiled bitch." I say charging at her. "Woah." Slash grabs me and holds me back. 

"Oh my god you fucking psycho!" She squeals, jumping back. 

"Don't mess with fucking east LA, bitch!" Erin says, causing her to flinch, but Axl holds her back. 

I try to slip out of Slash's hold, but his grip only gets tighter, "You're hurting me." I growl, "Leave." He tells Jennifer and she scurries out.

"Pussy." I say as Slash finally lets me go, "Why the fuck does Mario always fucking hire those spoiled bitches." Erin asks annoyed. 

"You guys are crazy." Slash laughs. I turn to him annoyed, red marks on my arm from his grip, "I like it though." He lowers himself down to my ear, "You hurt me." I look at him angrily. 

"I'm sorry, but you're fucking strong. I'll make it up to you." He laughs, winking. 

"You better." I smile.

"Can we go back to the fact that you guys are coming on fucking tour with us?" Axl laughs, changing the subject, "I'm so excited!" Erin giggles, kissing him.

Slash wraps my arms around my waist, "This is gonna be fun." He rocks us back and forth, "Mhm." I giggle, imagining all the stuff that's gonna happen. The bell to the front door dings and I look up, it's Danny.

"I, uh. . . forgot my wallet. Forget it." He stutters before walking out, "Shit." I sigh and go after him.

"Danny, wait!" I yell, trying to catch up to him, "What Lilliana? What excuse are you gonna give me now?" He stops. 

"I'm not gonna give you an excuse because I don't have to explain myself!" I say getting annoyed. His eye go wide, "So us having sex meant nothing?" He laughs. 

"It meant that we had sex! I don't know what else it was supposed to mean, Danny." I say angrily.

"You know what? No, I'm done. I can't do this anymore." I begin. 

"You can't blame me. You're always up on that 'Slash' guy and I know you're sleeping with him. I haven't said shit, but I know." He says disguste.

"ME? SLEEPING WITH HIM? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FUCKING INSECURE ASSHOLE!?" I yell, "I did my fucking best. I tried to make you happy but all you ever fucking do is focus on the things that bother you! I could've had sex with Slash a ton of times but I didn't! For you! And I don't know why because at this point I'm forcing myself to wanna be with you. I'm not the girl for you Danny. I'm sorry, but I'm just not. I don't wanna be the girl for you, I'm over it, I'm leaving for tour with them.Whatever you think we had is over." I say and my eyes start to burn with the tears.

"Whatever, you would've cheated on me anyway. Let's see if you can keep your legs closed for this guy." He scoffs. 

"What the fuck did you just say?" I yell and charge at him, "Danny!" Erin yells angrily, "Hey man, you need to relax." Axl says. 

"No, no." Slash says, running to me and grabbing me again, "Relax, it's not worth it."

"I fucking hate you Danny. I hate that I let you in! You hurt me like everyone else and all I got from you was stress and shitty sex!" I scream and he walks away.

I stop the tears so Axl and Slash don't see me cry, "I'm sorry." Slash holds me close. His hug makes a tear escape. He looks down at me, "Hey, don't even stress. Don't cry over shit dick." He smiles, wiping the tear away. I feel weak and soft. I feel vulnerable and I don't like it.

"Remember all the fun we're gonna have on the tour." He smiles, "now we can have even more fun" He whispers in my ear, nibbling on my earlobe. Little shocks course through my body as he does this. 

Danny's words hurt, but it does feel nice to be rid of him.


	13. CH4PT3R TW3LV3

LILLIANAS POV

"Oh c'mon dude, you know it didn't happen like that." Axl defends as we all sit on the curb drinking a bottle of alcohol, Slash was telling some embarrassing story about their first concert.

"That night was a great night for you man, what was it? Three girls?" Axl laughs taking a swig.

"Well, we gotta go get ready, do you guys wanna drop us off and meet us later, or will you be nice and stay at the house?" Erin asks, "If you want us to go, we'll go." Axl says, 

"You wanna come?" I ask Slash, "Sure." 

"Alright cool, let's go! you guys can help us pick what to wear." Erin giggles standing up and grabbing Axl by the hand and dragging him with her.

We sit in the car and I kick my feet onto Slash's lap, he rests his hand on my knee, "Can I please bum a smoke?" I smile and he rolls his eyes handing me one, "Thank you, kind sir." I say as he lights it for me.

We get to our Erin and I's apartment building we're all waiting in the elevator. Finally, it opens and we unlock the door to our apartment. Slash and Axl sit on the couch while Erin and I run into my room to get changed.

I first put on a skin tight red dress with fishnet sleeves and black wedges. The v-cut of the dress falls deep, but it's covered with more lace. 

"Oh shit." Erin laughs, "What?" I ask confused, "Slash is gonna drool." She snorts. 

"Oh, stop it. We flirt as a joke." I say, but the thought of us actually fooling around riles me up. 

"Mhm, sure. Just watch his face when you walk out in that." She says, fixing her skirt.

"You ready?" She calls out to the boys, poking her head, "Yes! We've been here forever." Axl groans. 

"Okay, well suck it up because this is outfit one of three." She laughs, and they both groan. 

Erin and I walk out and Slash's face freezes, "Oh. . ." He says quietly and I stifle a laugh, "I like it." Axl says, looking at Erin with hungry eyes.

"Ok, next one." I laugh, dragging Erin back to the room.

Next, I come out in a jean skirt with a black body suit that has fishnet sleeves, pairing it with fishnet tights and Doc Martens, "Cute, but not my favorite." Slash says. I roll my eyes and walk back to the room.

Lastly, I come out wearing straight cut jeans with stars over the knees along with a fishnet body suit and a black lacy bra underneath, I pair this look with Doc Martens as well.

I walk out, "Shit." Slash breathes, "You like it?" I do a twirl, "Fuck yeah." He laughs, running red, "Wear that." He says getting flustered. 

"This one it is." I laugh, "Come, you can help me get ready." I smile, grabbing his arm and leading him to my room.

Erin and Axl have gone to do god knows what in her room. Slash sits on my bed while I take a seat on my vanity. I throw my hair into a bun and begin my face makeup. 

"Why do wear so much?" Slash asks curiously. 

"Because, it makes me feel pretty." I say. 

"You are pretty." He says standing up and looking around at all the posters and records hanging on the walls, along with my guitars.

I smile and continue. He comes up next to me and looks down at my necklaces. I'm wearing two, one with a snake and one with a moon that says 'Luna'. 

"I have this one." He says pointing to snake while holding his up, "No shit." I laugh turning towards him, "My grandfather gave me this." I say smiling at his memory, "My grandparents were the ones to first call me Luna." I look back up at him. 

"Really? My grandparents were the first ones to call me Slash." He smiles. 

"What's your real name?" I ask while rubbing the blush on my face.

"I'm not fucking telling you." He laughs, "Oh, come on!" I giggle, "Just tell me." I stare at him from the mirror. 

"I swear if you make fun of me-" He starts, "I won't you big baby, just go." I laugh, 

"Saul." He says. If I'm being honest, the name wasn't even that dorky, but it's all the stress put on me not being able to laugh is what made it so hard not to laugh.

I bite my lip and stifle a laugh, "Fuck you." Slash lays flat on my bed, "No, it's not bad!" I laugh uncontrollably, "Mhm." He covers his face, "I'm sorry!" I laugh harder, "Why did they call you 'Slash' though?" I ask, finally calming down.

"It was a nickname they gave me in London. I was a fast kid I moved around a lot." He explains, "Why do they call you Luna?" He continues. 

"Because my grandma said I was always her light in dark places." I explain, "You're from London?" I ask while putting lipstick on, "Yeah, but I was raised here." He explains. 

"What're you planning to do about your job? By the looks of it, your boss is about to lose 3 employees. That girl Jennifer, you, and Erin." He says, looking up at my ceiling that's covered in posters. 

"Well, I'll give him a notice and help him find new people." I explain truthfully, "I don't know what he's gonna do without me." I laugh and we go silent.

Our silence is broken by the sound of giggling and kissing coming from Erins room. 

"Oh?" I laugh putting two and two together. I stand up and take one last look at myself in the mirror. I grab my leather jacket and adjust it so that I'm comfortable. 

"I really am sorry abut what happened with you and Danny." Slash chimes up. 

"It's not your fault, he was insecure for nothing." I say thinking bout the horrible words Danny said to me.

"I mean. . . he wasn't really insecure for nothing." He comes up close to me, "We do flirt with each other a lot. If you were my girlfriend, I would've been really pissed off too." He says, moving a piece of hair out of my face.

"He was never my boyfriend, we weren't even that serious. We had sex once." I remind, "He knew what he was getting into." I continue.

Slash bites his lip slightly, "You are ruthless woman." He laughs as we walk out of my room.

"You guys ready?" Erin says as Axl kisses her around the neck, causing her to laugh.

"Yeah." I chuckle. 

"Go grab the bottle from under the sink." She giggles, pointing to the kitchen.

"Alright!" Slash laughs as I pull a bottle of Jack Daniels out from under the sink. I smile twisting the cap off and taking a big swig.

"None for you, you're driving." Erin looks at Axl and he rolls his eyes. 

"Lets go?" Slash says, grabbing the bottle and taking a drink. I nod and we are all out the door. Slash and I get buzzed and a little high in the backseat. As soon as we walk in, all eyes are on me, "It's the guest of honor!" Steven yells, holding a joint as he approaches, the crowd of people, whom I don't know, cheers for me.


	14. CH4PT3R TH1RT33N

LILLIANAS POV 

Erin and I are sitting on the couch, as per usual. Her and I are sharing a joint and a bottle. We giggle as people around us dance. 

Slash and Izzy soon stand on a table, riling the crowd up, which makes the party get crazier. People jumping around and dancing, Erin and I laugh at their drunken states. 

"I have an idea, who's up for some suck and blow?" Someone yells, "Oh hell yeah!" Some people say as we all get in a circle. 

"Come on, let's play." I grab Erin, "What's suck and blow?" She asks confused, "You suck the playing card to your lips and blow it on to the person next to you's lips." I explain.

"Oh, fun! Axl, let's play." She giggles, pulling him onto the floor. I'm sitting in between Slash and another guy. The guy next to me is about average height with brown, shaggy hair and green eyes, he's really good looking. He looks at me, smiling. I look over and Slash is next to some girl. She pretty, but already pretty drunk. 

The guy next to me leans in with the card and I grab it. I turn over to Slash and we both start laughing, which causes the card to drop. 

"Oh shit!" A couple people 'whoop'.

He smiles shrugging, he lifts my chin to look up at him and presses his lips to mine, his hair falls on my cheeks and I feel electricity coursing through my veins.

I'm not sure if it was the drugs, but I felt like I was floating. His tongue grazes my bottom lip and I open up for him. I forget that we are in front of other people and suck on his bottom lip, he begins to lightly pull on my bottom lip as we part. The kiss was a little hungry, but still composed since we were in front of an audience. It was sweet but, I don't know, it felt amazing. 

My cheeks flush as there's cheers when we pull apart, "Fuck." He breaths with a small laugh, "Mhm." I say breathless, wiping my mouth.

A couple rounds go by, people kissing and drinking. Soon, the guy next to me leans in, but he blows the card away with a smile, I laugh and he grabs me, kissing me hard. I'm surprised by his forwardness, but I got with it. He pulls me onto his lap and his kiss is hungry and sloppy, not the good kind of sloppy, his tongue is practically licking my cheeks. I try to pull back but he holds me closer. 

"Alright, I guess they're out." Erin laughs as the circle closes. 

I pull the guy off and he smiles. I wipe my mouth with the sleeve of my jacket, "I'm Ian." He smiles at me, "I'm Lilliana." I laugh. We are broken away from our introduction when there's loud cheering coming from the circle. 

Slash has that girl straddling his lap and they're making out. I shudder and turn away. 

"So what brings you here?" I ask, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it. 

"Girls. You smoke?" He asks, "Yeah." I laugh, grabbing the stick in between my fingers. 

"Oh, I think girls who smoke are ugly." He says, "Oh, nice!" I laugh, blowing smoke in his face. I prop my knee up and start to stand up, "Wait, I'll make an exception for you." He says, grabbing my arm.

"Oh no, it's ok, I think shallow guys are ugly, no exceptions." I take a drag and walk away.

I head to the kitchen and steal a bottle of vodka, "You're mine now." I giggle, twisting the top off. I take a swig and look around. I see Slash being dragged upstairs.

I take another gulp from the bottle and walk to where people are dancing. I start shaking my hair to the song and get in the crowd. Soon, the song changes to 'Rock and Roll' by Led Zeppelin, "Oh hell yeah!" I laugh and begin jumping to the song, "LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY, LONELY TIME!" The crowd of people, including me, scream. A guy comes behind me and starts dancing with me, I laugh and back into him. 

"Lil! This is our song, c'mon!" Erin comes and pulls me onto the table, I laugh loudly and we both go crazy dancing on the table.

Steven comes and starts dying of laughter. He gets on the table and the crowd cheers, "To Luna!" He yells, and the whole room screams, "To Luna!" 

I laugh and once the song is over I jump off the table. I sway to the new song that's playing and laugh as I trip over my own feet, I drink from my bottle, "Thank god I wasn't wearing heels." I snort as I'm met with the guy who was dancing behind me during the last song. 

"You were great up there." He laughs, slurring his words a bit, "Thanks sir, I'm Lilliana." I giggle, "Cole." He laughs back.

"You're really cute!" He says loudly over the music, "Thanks. You're cute too!" I yell back. We get close and start dancing with each other.

Soon he leans down and we start kissing. The kiss was like your average make out, it wasn't anything special, "Wanna go upstairs?" He says, "Sure, why not." I laugh as he pulls me up the stairs. Once we arrive at the top, he kisses me once more.

We walk down the large hallway, his arm hanging over my shoulders. He busts one door open and inside there's Slash and the girl. . . getting dressed again.

"Whoopsie!" I giggle, getting ready to turn around and walk out, but Cole doesn't move, so I'm blocked from the door, "Julie?" He says shakily, "Oh shit. . ." She says. 

"Oops. . ." I say quietly, Slash looks at me confused. 

"Fuck you." Cole says before walking away, Julie runs after him.

"Uh oh." I laugh and Slash meets me at the door, "What was that all about?" He asks with a chuckle as we walk down the stairs. 

"Oh nothing, it's just me not getting laid tonight." I giggle. 

"Aw." He pouts, poking my cheek. I snort and we walk to the couch.

Slash plops down and pulls me onto his lap. It's not weird for us to do this, over the course of these past few months, he and I have become very close. I mean, we don't mean it romantically, he just sits me there. Whatever.

I take the joint from his mouth and take a drag, he chuckles. I pour vodka into his mouth. I wrap my arm around his neck and lean on his shoulder. Later, the girl, Julie, comes back and sits next to Slash and I. She has a drink in hand and taps my shoulder, "Hey, you're the new girl, right? The one that just got signed?" She asks, taking a sip from her cup, "Yeah, that's me." I smile. 

"Oh, so you're the orphan girl with a crack-whore for a mom." She laughs, my stomach drops.

Orphan girl. . .

"What the hell did you just say to me?" I say, standing up. My actions cause slash to put his hands on my hips to try and sit me back down, I squirm away. 

"You heard me. I lost my boyfriend thanks to some nosey little orphan girl who is only getting by off of others success and connections." She sneers. I laugh and fill my mouth with vodka. 

Once my mouth is full, I spit it all over her, "Oops. . ." I pout and push her, "You're boyfriend being a piece of shit is not my problem, and I think you should check yourself before you say I'm living off of other people's success, because you'll never be anything more than a groupie. Last time I checked, everyone knows my name here and I haven't the slightest idea who you are. Disrespect me again and I will show you what this little orphan girl can do." I say in her face, everyone around us is oohing and yelling.

"Punch her already!" Someone yells at me, "And next time, don't fuck other guys if you don't wanna be left." I say pushing her against the wall one more time before walking away.

I feel cold liquid hit my back. 

This bitch just threw her drink one me. 

"Oh you just fucked with the wrong bitch!" I say as I charge at her and deck her across the face.

"Shit Lil, stop!" Slash and Duff grab me, "Get the fuck out of here!" Duff yells and the girl leaves.

I squirm out of their hold and look around me, all eyes are on me. Shit. . .

"Shit." I say, walking away. I speed walk to the kitchen and grab another bottle before running upstairs and locking myself in a room. I slide down the door and feel the tears well up. I was teased ruthlessly by kids in school, and the biological kids of some of my foster parents.

I drink from the bottle until my brain is all fuzzy.

"Lil, open!" Erin knocks. 

"Fuck off" I yell. 

"No, open!" She bangs. 

"E, I love you, but I really need you to leave me alone." I say. 

"Lilli, just open the door." I hear Slash's voice though the door. 

"No." I say and my voice cracks. Shit Lilliana, do not cry! You're better than this.

After a couple minutes, the lock of the room starts turning, "What the fuck." I say to myself as I sit on the floor, at the foot of the bed, smoking a cigarette.

Soon, Steven walks in, "Are you okay?" He sits next to me. I can tell he's not completely there, "I heard what happened. You really showed her not to fuck with you." He chuckles, lightly pulling me in for a hug. I sigh and feel a tear run down my cheek. 

"How did they know?" I say. 

"Know what?" He asks.

"How'd they know I was in the system?" I say, "How'd they know my mom was a 'crack whore'?" I continue, using air quotes. 

"It's the industry. Word travels fast, you have to get used to it and not let it affect you. When you're a big name, try not to punch stupid bitches, you end up looking bad in the end because they'll always lie." He says.

"God, I'm so embarrassed." I groan, sitting up and taking a drag. 

"Don't be, I don't know how she got in, she's always causing problems." He informs, standing up. I stand up with him and I almost fall over because I'm so drunk. I look and see Slash standing in the doorway concerned. 

"S-sla-ash." I slur and tumble over to him, "Hey, you okay?" He chuckles as Steven leaves, closing the door behind him.

"Mhm. I don't wanna talk about it." I begin, making a frown face, "I do, however, wanna do this." I smile and get on my tippy toes. I pull his head down, our lips press and his hair creates a curtain around my face. I smile into the kiss and he pushes me onto the bed. I start to giggle as he gets on top of me.

I wrap my arms around his neck and we continue our kiss. The sparks are enough to sober me up. His tongue explores my mouth and I let him assume dominance.

I bite his lip and he tries not to groan. He moves from my lips to my neck, causing a loud groan to escape my lips as he sucks and bites the sensitive area, "S-shit, t-thi-is is gonna-a be fun." I slur, and he looks down on me, "You're so drunk." He laughs, falling next to me.

"And?" I ask, turning on my side, barely being able to hold my head. 

"I'm not doing this while you're this drunk." He laughs as he starts taking my shoes off, "Go to sleep." he tells me as he stands up and pulls the covers down. 

"Stay with me." I beg. 

"Oh stop it." He laughs. 

"If you don't I'll just go back down there and find someone else to hook up with, or fight." I say sitting up.

"You're psychotic." He sighs, kicking his boots off. He plops down on the bed and I get under the covers. Soon, the room stops spinning and I snuggle my head into his chest and my eyelids get heavier and heavier. . .


	15. CH4PT3R F0URT33N

LILLIANAS POV

It's morning. I groan as the light pokes though the curtains. I cover my eyes as I can feel my brain moving around un my head. What the hell happened last night?

I slowly sit up and my hand hurts. I look down at it and my knuckles are lightly bruised. What the fuck? I hear an exhale come from next to me, which causes me to jolt and look who's next to me. Slash.

Oh shit. 

What the fuck did I do last night?

I quietly slip out of bed, grabbing jacket from the floor and wrapping it around my shoulders.

I shiver as my feet hit the cold, marble floor. I quietly tiptoe out of the room, closing the door quietly. 

"Shit, shit, shit. . ." I mumble quietly as I rub my head. As I walk down the large corridor, I see erin exit a room in only a t-shirt. 

"E!" I whisper yell at her. 

"Shit, Lil!" She scurries over to me.

"What the fuck happened last night, what were you up to?" I ask, pointing to her half naked ensemble. 

"Axl and I made it official. We were. . . celebrating." She trails off. 

"That's awesome!" I laugh quietly. 

"And what about you? How are you holding up?" She asks concerned. Why is she concerned? 

"Okay, what the hell happened last night?" I ask frustrated, "You don't remember?" She asks, "Obviously not, E." I laugh. 

"Well, basically you went upstairs to go hook up with this guy, and I guess Slash was hooking up with the guys girlfriend, so you guys ended up walking in on them. The guy and girl fought, later the girl came up to you and called you an orphan girl with a crack whore for a mom, so you spit your vodka on her and told her not to fuck with you-- as you should've, she was a bitch-- but, she threw her drink on you so you punched her in the jaw-- again, as you should've." She explains, and the memory of the incident comes flooding back.

"Oh my god, I remember." I groan, embarrassed. 

"Don't stress it, people were talking about how bad ass it was." She smiles. 

"Okay. . . that still doesn't explain why I woke up next to Slash." I say, "You woke up in bed with slash?" She whisper yells, "Shh!" I scold her. 

"How the fuck did you end up in bed with Slash?" She asks. 

"I don't know Erin, that's what I'm trying to figure out." I snort.

"Well, get back there and find out! I gotta get back to Axl anyway." She says, backing up, "Okay, okay." I say before returning to the room.

I quietly open the door and Slash is laying on the bed passed out, his curls sprawled out messily over the pillow. God, I love his hair. 

Okay, relax. 

I get back in bed with him, "Slash." I say gently shaking him, "Hm." He moans, "Wake up." I shake him harder, "Shit." He groans, lifting his head. He stares at me through the messy hair covering his face.

He pushes his hair back, twisting around to sit up, his shirt that was previously unbuttoned halfway, is now unbuttoned completely, exposing his lightly toned chest. 

"Good morning." He says in a raspy voice that gives me the chills. 

"What the hell happened last night?" I say, head still pounding.

"Well there was this girl, and-" He begins, "Yeah, yeah, I know that part, after that I mean." I cut him off. 

"Oh, well you came up here and locked yourself in, Steven eventually got in with a key and you guys talked. After that, I came in to check on you and. . ." He trails off, his cheeks burning up.

His words make the fuzzy memories come flooding black, "Oh my god." I say in horror, "And I kissed you. . ." I drop my face in my hands, groaning.

"No, I mean, yeah, you did, but it was fun. You were just so drunk I didn't wanna take advantage of you." He explains. His tone is sweet and understanding.

I look up at him, "Really?" I lightly bite my lip. 

"Yeah, it was also pretty fun waking up next to you." He smiles bashfully as he scoots closer to me, "Oh." I smile crawling towards him, "Mhm." He smiles, pulling me onto him. I straddle his lap and push his hair out of his face.

Since I'm on him, I look down at him, "Lets try this again." I giggle, pressing my lips to his. The kiss is amazing. He smiles and takes my lip in between his teeth, I giggle and he moves onto my neck. 

"Shit." I moan as he lays me flat on the bed, kissing me down my neck and collarbone. I run my fingers through his hair, laughing as his little bites tickle me. The feeling of being with him makes any hangover symptoms just disappear. 

I'm broken out of my blissful trance when I hear the door knob turning, "Shit, shit." I say and push him off of me. Steven walks in, and by the looks of it, has saw a little of what was just going on, "Hey guys, coffees downstairs along with your other bandmates, Slash." He informs before walking back out again.

I run my hands through my hair and Slash laughs, "You alright?" he says in between laughs, "Shut up" I giggle, hitting him with a pillow. 

He stands up and holds his hand out for me. I grab it and he pulls me close to him, grabbing my face, "This is gonna be so much fun." He smiles lustfully, "It is, but it can't be fun right now, people will hear us." I smile, "Boring. . ." He rolls his eyes, pecking my lips. I chuckle and grab my boots.

I sit on the edge of the bed sliding them on before walking out, alongside Slash.

This is gonna be a lot of fun. 

When we get downstairs, I'm met with a house full of people passed out drunk on the floor. I step over them and look around. Izzy is passed out with a girl on top of him, Duff with two girls, and Stevie laying on a girls lap. Awe. 

We wak in the kitchen and see Erin, Axl, and Steven in there talking over coffee, "Oh Lil, you're just in time, Steven was gonna show us the guest house." She smiles, "Oh awesome!" I say excited, "Alright, let's go then." He says leading us out the back door.

As we're walking, Slash squeezes my ass and I jump, "Later, right?" He whispers in my ear, "Of you behave." I say lowly, "Shit." He chuckles, biting his lip.

As we approach the house, I'm in awe. How much fucking money does Steven have? 

I stare at the two story pool house. It's quite literally a house. He opens the doors and inside is gorgeous, "Oh my gosh." Erin gasps, "Steven, you're crazy." I say as I stare at the large living room equipped with a color tv and stereos, along with a VHS player and a basket full of movies, the large kitchen with a bar area, the dining room, and the gorgeous spiral stairs that are right in front of the door that leads to the deck patio.

"C'mon, I never use it, I want someone to enjoy it." He smiles as he makes his way up the stairs.

"This could fit like, 3 of our apartment." Erin whispers to me, "I fucking know dude." I reply.

Down the large corridor I spot the 'bugger' room, "Oh, that's mine!" I say, "Over my dead body." Erin says, "Oh hell no. Race for it?" I say, "You're on, asshole." She says. 

"You guys are children." Axl laughs, "It's either this way, or we spend a week fighting over who gets it." I shrug and Steven laughs, "Okay, ready, set. . . go!" He yells. I run with all my speed and, obviously, beat Erin.

"Ha! next time, run." I tease as I jump around in my new room.

"I'll leave you guys to explore, I have a phone call soon. Here, take the keys so you guys can move in whenever you want." He says as he throws me the keys, "I fucking love you Steven!" I yell as he walks down the stairs, "I know!" I hear from the bottom. 

I walk out of my room while Erin and Axl go into her room, shutting the door, "Jesus, do you guys ever rest?!" I tease.

"Let's go." Slash purrs in my ear, "Oh, no, no, no." I giggle at the chills that rush down my spine, "Oh, c'mon!" He groans. 

"We know they're fucking, they don't know that we're doing it." I giggle putting my hands on his bare chest that's exposed by the few buttons he has buttoned on his shirt, "Well, let's let them know." He smiles, mischievously. 

"No!" I squeal as I run into the room. He pushes me onto the bed and gets on top of me, he starts sucking on my neck, I bite my lip to prevent a moan, "We c-can't." I manage to get out as his hands slide up my thigh in between my legs, "They'll hear- oh shit." I drop my head back as he strokes me through my jeans, "Seriously, we can't." I say, pushing him off me, he sighs. 

"I wanna, we can't right now though." I scoot closer to him and kiss his neck, "I wanna be able to scream for you." I whisper in his ear, "Oh my god, you're crazy." He smiles, planting a kiss on my lips.


	16. CH4PT3R F1FT33N

LILLIANAS POV

It's been over a month since the party. Slash and I still haven't had sex and its killing the both of us. I feel like he's gonna snap at some point and just take me whenever he can, which I wouldn't even mind at this point. 

Erin and Axl have been getting super serious, he even wrote a song about her for their first album. Erin told me that Slash helped him write it and that they're trying to figure out who the girl is. I know that type of affection would usually freak me out, but for some reason I don't mind it when it comes from Slash. 

It's officially moving day and since we live all the way in east LA, while Steven lives in the valley, the guys from GNR agreed to come over and help us pack/sell/giveaway/move.

I'm in my room sorting through my old clothes with Slash, "What about this?" He asks holding up I shirt I've had since senior year, "Oh my gosh, no donate." I cringe. 

"So what kind of girl were you in high school?" He asks as he throws the t-shirt in the pile, "Angry at the world, skater, rocker chick who only had friends because she could play guitar. I wasn't very nice to people who I didn't think deserved it." I admit, throwing a pair of shorts into the donate pile.

"And how's that different from now?" He teases, "Oh fuck off!" I laugh, throwing a shirt at him.

"Oh, hello 70's." He laughs holding the shirt up, "Leave me alone" I laugh, snatching the shirt from him, "Aw, it's what you get for holding out on me for so long." He pouts as he leans over to kiss me, I lightly kiss his lips, "You know, I'm suffering too." I say as we part, "Oh yeah? Come here, I'll end your suffering." He says, pulling me towards him.

He sits me in between his legs and I look back and up at him. He grabs my face and turns me to kiss him. The kiss is passionate and full of fire. His arms snake around my waist and he unbuttons my jeans, I'm so hypnotized by him I don't want to stop him.

His hands slide down my jeans and he feels me through my underwear, "Fuck." I breathe, wanting to feel him more. Suddenly, he pulls his hand out and I'm left a breathless hot mess.

"I really hate you." I say, trying to collect myself. 

"Now you're suffering like me." He smirks, "You just played yourself." I chuckle and he gives me a confused look.

I crawl over to him and press my lips to his, "I was gonna let you have it." I whisper and get up.

"Oh, fuck you!" He laughs, "Oops." I say picking up a box and taking it outside.

I walk back into the room and Slash is sitting on the edge of my bed. I walk over and straddle his lap. I push his hair back and sweetly kiss his lips, "This is fun, I like fooling around with you." I giggle, "Me too." He smiles, moving a piece of hair out of my face, "That's all we're doing, right? Fooling around. I don't wanna stop you from getting with other girls." I say, "Yeah, I know." He says understanding. 

"So, let's just keep this between us." I say, rocking back and forth on his lap, "Mhm, no more talking." He hums, falling back so I'm on top, "Mm." I giggle against his lips.

It's hours later and surprisingly we're all done. We sold our furniture, donated a whole bunch of stuff, and moved some things into a storage unit. We are back at the house and Slash is bringing boxes into my room. I smile, relaxing on my bed and letting him do all the work. 

"Sexy." I say as his muscles flex while he sets a heavy box down, he rolls his eyes and walks back out. 

It's way later and the guys are still here, but now we are all relaxing, watching a movie on the couch. Erin is sleeping on Axl's chest, I'm laying on Izzy's arm while Steven, Duff, and Slash unknowingly fall asleep on each other. "Don't you think it's kind of twisty that Marty's mom hits on him." I say to Izzy as we watch back to the future.

"I mean, she doesn't know that's her son." He says looking down at me, "Well, I mean he altered the future didn't he? As an adult she's gonna remember him and then what? Her son looks just like that? Weird." I chuckle, "Just watch the fucking movie." He snorts

The end credits roll, "Fuck, I'm tired." Izzy rubs his eyes as he stands up knocking me off his arm, "Yeah, it's late, I'm gonna go put her in her bed." Axl says picking Erin up bridal style and carrying her to her room. I didn't expect his little skinny self to be able to carry her. I chuckle at my thoughts

"Yo, Stevie!" Izzy hits him with a pillow, "What the fuck." Steven groans, "Oh shit!" He jumps away from his cuddling position with the guys, I chuckle. 

"Slashy." I hum shaking him, "What is it baby?" He says half asleep, my cheeks turn bright red as Izzy gives me a puzzled look, "Slash, it's Lilli" I shake him harshly, I see him crack a smile with closed eyes, this asshole, "Huh?" He asks, faking his tired state.

"Get the fuck up." I laugh standing up, "Actually, stay. I want to take a picture of you and Duff cuddling." I laugh looking at them two, "Huh?" His eyes open and he jumps away from Duff.

"Aw c'mon." I pout. 

"Duffy," I laugh, shaking him, "Nap times over." I say as he opens his eyes, "Shit, what time is it?" He says rubbing his eyes, "Three." I say looking at the clock, "Fuck, we gotta be at the studio early tomorrow." He says standing up.

Axl comes back out of the room and they all go towards the front door, "Thanks L, we'll catch you later." Izzy says before walking out, "Bye guys." I smile leaning on the door. 

As they walk down the driveway, I get ready to close the door, "Shit, I forgot my jacket!" Slash says before running back up the driveway.

He comes inside and grabs my face. He leans down and gives me a long kiss, "I'll see you soon, night." He smiles grabbing his jacket off the arm of the couch.

"Wait." I smile grabbing him by his shirt. I pull him down and kiss him deeply, "Goodnight." I smile as he walks out. I close the door and lean against it, why am I so happy? This is just two friends who fool around. He gets with girls all the time, he just seems sweeter with me. Is this because I'm his friend? I don't mind, I like it, it's just, I don't want to develop feelings. There's just a strong mutual connection that neither of us can ignore. 

I exhale trying not to think about it too much and walk to my room. 

I get in my new large and soft bed, loving the comfort it gives me. I sigh and eventually the sleep overtakes me. 

\----The Next Day---

I wake up to my alarm. I smack the top and the annoying beeping stops. I groan sitting up and rub my eyes as I adjust to the light in the room. I get dressed and head off to go record in the studio. 

The EP is coming along beautifully. My producer and I are really on the same page. He's super nice and we have a similar style, so the writing a recording is super quick. 

\---

"How was that?" I ask Nick, my producer, as I take off the headphones. 

"That was amazing, just a couple finishing touches and I think your EP is done!" He laughs, "Oh my gosh, yes!" I laugh, coming out of the box.

Nick and I finish up on the EP and it's finally done, "Congratulations!" He smiles, leaning back in his chair, "Oh my god, this is so exciting," I squeal, "Thank you!" I high five him, "No problem, you got some real talent, people are gonna love this. I look forward to working on your album with you." He smiles. 

"You're the fucking best nick" I say, "I know, I know. By the way, the label appointed you a manager, she'll be up soon I think so stay here." He says, getting up and grabbing the tape.

"Manager?" I ask confused. 

"Yeah, you know, for all your publicity, concerts, etcetera, etcetera." He explains and I make an 'o' shape with my mouth.

Nick leaves and I'm left sitting on the leather couch waiting for this lady. 

About 4 minutes pass and the doorknob turns. A chubby lady with a business suit and her hair tied tight in a bun walks in. 

"Hello, I'm Shannon." She smiles with her glasses on the tip of her nose.

"Hi, I'm Lilliana." I smile, shaking her hand. 

"So, as you know I am your new manager, and lucky for you I have a couple things lined up for you this week." She begins, "This week? That was fast." I laugh. 

"Well, I work fast." She chuckles, taking a seat next to me.

"So later this afternoon you have an interview with 'The Buzz' magazine, and tomorrow you have a small concert in the vineyard plaza, you'll just be playing live like you usually do so try promoting yourself anywhere you can." She informs, handing me a paper with directions to both places.

"Also, here's my number, I'll be at your live show but not at your interview, I have a meeting with a client." She says, "Okay, thanks." I say trying to process all the information. 

"If I were you, I'd get going." She smiles, getting up out of the seat, "Oh, alright." I smile, awkwardly walking out. 

\----

I walk into the small studio block and I see a blonde lady sitting in a chair. She's surrounded by a couple cameras and lights, she looks kinda like Cyndi Lauper. I can tell we are on two different planets. I walk in and am immediately recognized, "Oh, Luna! Come, sit sit." A man with a headset on guides me to the chair in front of the woman. 

"Hi, I'm Luna, I thought this was for a magazine?" I say confused, "It is, but it'll also be aired on the local PBS channel." The woman explains, her tone sounds like she'd rather not be here, but I ignore it.

"I'm Rachel, let's get this over with." She says.

"Action!" A man says behind the camera. And just like that, she sits up straight and spreads a large smile, "Hi, I'm Rachel, and I'm here with the towns newest prodigy, Luna." She says.

"Hey." I smile. 

"Very nice to have you here, Luna." She smiles. 

"It's nice to be here." I say kind of weirded out by her change in attitude.

"So, let's get into the good stuff. We see you hang around a lot with Guns and Roses?" She says.

"Uh, yeah, they're my best friends." I say. 

"You also are close with the band Aerosmith?" She says, jotting down my answers.

"Um, yes I am." I say a little confused with her questions. 

"Interesting. . . I guess you could say their success has helped yours?" She says. 

"Actually, no. Steven Tyler did see me and got me a meeting, but I got the record deal on my own, with my own talent." I say a bit annoyed. 

"Some fans might argue that your getting close to the members of Guns N Roses due to their rising popularity from their EP, as a way to keep yourself afloat in the industry." She says with a smile. 

Bitch.

"No, I wouldn't say that at all. In fact, I don't know if you can even say 'fans'. I just finished an EP I haven't released any music yet." I say. 

"Oh sweetie, not your fans, the fans of Aerosmith wanna know what kind of girl they're bringing on tour, it was recently announced that you'd be traveling with them?" She says writing things down.

"Yes, but just as a fun thing between friends." I defend. 

"Well, we're all excited to see what you have to show us with this EP of yours." She begins, "We also hear rumors that you were raised in the foster care system?" She says. 

"Excuse me, what does this have to do with my music?" I ask offended. 

"Darling, this is a gossip tabloid, we don't care about the music." She informs.

"Alright, I wasn't under that impression. If you don't mind, I'd like to leave now." I say jumping down from the chair and walking out.

"I cannot believe this bitch set me up!" I say to myself as I walk angrily to my car.

I head to the studio and to look for her. As I pull into the parking lot of the label, I march angrily to the front doors, but the guys from GNR are standing outside.

"Hey!" Axl says, "Shit, she's pissed." Steven says. 

Next thing I know, Steven and Izzy both grab my arms, "It's never okay to go somewhere that angry." Steven says holding me back.

"What happened?" Slash asks, "My fucking manager set me up." I say madly, "How?" He asks.

"She said I had an interview with a magazine about my music, and it was some cheesy tabloid who spent the whole time implying that I was leeching off of your success, and when she wasn't doing that she was asking questions about the foster care system." I say getting angrier.

"Oh shit. . ." Duff says blowing smoke out of his mouth. 

"I left in the middle of the interview, so I know now they're gonna twist it and make me look like a bitch." I say crossing my arms.

"What magazine was it?" Axl asks, "I dunno. . . 'The Buzz' or something." I say. 

"Oh, your'e literally fine. No one believes anything they say anyway, we've all been through it." he reassures.

"I still don't like that I was lied to." I say, "Welcome to the industry." Izzy rubs my arm. I roll my eyes and they continue their conversation from earlier.

Slash comes up to me and pulls me aside. 

"We can't do this anymore." I say. 

"Why?" He asks. 

"Because, I already look weird just being friends with you guys, what's gonna happen if this comes out? I'll look even worse." I explain quietly, "You're overthinking it. No one cares, at least in the rock industry. The tabloids will have a field day, but our fans don't even read those types of things. You're having fun, I'm having fun, don't let this get to you." He says sweetly, "Fine." I sigh, feeling comfort in his words.

"So, I hear you're having a concert tomorrow?" He asks, "Mhm." I say, still a little bothered.

"We're invited, right?" He smiles, "Yeah." His smile makes me smile.

"You know, Erins spending the night at Axl's tonight. . ." I pull on the sides of his jacket, he looks behind him, laughing at the rest of the guys who are complexity oblivious to what's going on, "God, you torture me, I can't tonight, I have plans" He says throwing his head back.

His hair bounces back onto his shoulder and lightly over his eyes, "I tried, not my fault at this point." I shrug.

He looks behind him and the guys aren't even looking at us, they're arguing about some film, he smiles and quickly pecks me, "We will, soon." He winks and walks back to the group.

\----

I'm on my way back home and as soon as I get in I grab the phone and mark this ladies office number. 

"This is Shannon." She answers, "What the hell, Shannon." I say annoyed, "Who's this?" She asks.

Lilliana, Luna." I say, "Oh, hi! I heard the interview didn't go great." She says, "Yeah, it didn't go great. You didn't tell me it was for a fucking gossip tabloid." I say angry. 

"I didn't really think it was important. Anything to get your name out there." She says.

"It is important, the questions were absurd and fully out of line!" I say, "Whatever Shannon, I don't like being lied to." I say and I hang up the phone.


	17. CH4PT3R S1XT33N

SMUT WARNING

LILLIANAS POV

It's performance day and I'm standing at the small stage. I shake my hands nervously. I had stopped by the bar that day and put up fliers. since the tours announcement, I cut back my hours, the only reason I'm still there is so I have money to spend on the road. 

The crowd is packed, way more than I thought. Loyal people from the bar, and people who I can only guess came from the article .

"Hey, relax." I'm broken out of my thoughts by Slash rubbing shoulders, "You got this." He smiles, kissing me, I run up and do the short set like there is no tomorrow. 

I finish and the plaza is filled with cheering. People stopped running their late errands to come join the crowd in watching me play. 

I walk off and am instantly greeted with a hug from Erin and the rest of the guys, "You did so good!" she squeals, "Okay, can't-- breathe." I say out of breath, "Sorry." She lets go. 

"There's a restaurant over there, let's go grab a bite and celebrate." Izzy suggests, we all agree and walk over. Before going I rush over to lock my guitar in my car. On my way back, I bump into Shannon, "Great job!" She says nervously, "Thanks. Listen, I don't feel like talking business, I'm going to Lucy's to grab a bite with my friends." I say before catching up to my friends.

The hostess guides us to our table and we all sit. I sit in between Izzy and Erin while she sits next to Axl. Axl is across Steven, Izzy is across Duff, and I'm across Slash. 

When the waitress come around, she pays extra attention to Slash, which sparks some unknown jealousy in me. I slide my leg up his and he tenses in his chair. He gives me a serious look, I give him a wicked smile

"Look, the photo of you performing developed." Steven says, holding a photo up, "Oh let me see!" I say getting up and walking over to him. I stand in between him and Slash. As I lean down to look at the picture, I feel a hand grope my butt. I look at Slash and he gives me a mischievous grin. I discretely lower my hand and palm him through his pants, causing him to jolt slightly.

When I sit back down, he looks miserable. I bite my lip and continue rubbing his leg with mine.

He's wearing a green button up shirt with the sleeves rolled and only a few buttons buttoned on the bottom. His necklaces hangs over his bare tanned chest and I study each piece of jewelry.

"Excuse me, are you Lilliana?" A waiter comes over, "Yes." I answer, "There's a phone call for you." He informs, "Oh, thanks." I say as I stand up and follow him to the phone. 

The receiver is right by the bathroom, "Hello?" I say, "Hey Lilliana, it's Shannon." 

I roll my eyes, ''Yes?" I say annoyed. 

"Listen, I just wanted to apologize. You're crazy talented and I should've told you what the interview was about, I am sorry." She explains, "Shannon, it's fine, don't even stress it, let's just be honest with each other from now on." I say. 

"You got it. By the way, people are already talking about your show, huge hit. I'm already getting calls from legit music magazines about interviews with you!" She informs.

"Oh, that's amazing!" I laugh, "You did good work kid, anyway, I'll let you get back to your dinner." She says, "Thanks, Shannon." 

"Bye bye!" She says and I click the phone to the receiver. 

Just as I'm about to walk back, Slash speed walks over. He grabs my hand and drags me into the family bathroom. 

"What're you doing?" I giggle as he locks the door, "Come here." He growls, pulling me in for a hungry kiss.

"I want you, now." He says lustfully, and his words are electric, "Okay." I say, and just like that he lifts me onto the sink.

He kisses me sloppily and his lust is never ending. I groan as he bites on the skin of my collarbone, "Fuck." I groan as he slides his hand up my dress and in my underwear. He finger splits me open and he feels my warmth, "Shit, excited?" He teases against my skin, I don't react, I'm in a trance. "F-fuck!" I squeal as he slides a finger in, "Shit." He says as he pushes his finger in and out of me, curling it slightly, his thumbs presses on my swollen clit causing me to throw my head back in pleasure.

I fully unbutton his shirt and run my hands all over his chest, "Faster." I whisper as he pumps his finger in and out of me, "Crazy." He giggles, biting my earlobe. he adds another finger and it takes a lot for me not to make noise.

He pulls them out just as im about to release. I whine and he sucks his fingers clean, I bite my lip at his actions. He slides me down and slightly pushes my dress all the way up. He begins unbuttoning his pants and pulling out his big, I mean big cock. I bite my lip, nervous about what gonna come inside me. He grabs a condom from his wallet and slides it on. He positions himself at my entrance and he enters me slowly. Painfully slow.

"Oh my god." I whine at his length. He adjusts himself in our awkward position and soon begins moving fast. It takes everything in me not to scream for him. 

"Oh my god, harder!" I say unknowingly, with that, he moves harder and faster, my body bouncing up and down against the bathroom sink. I bite his shoulder causing him to groan, "You're so fucking tight." He growls, "Fuck, S-Slash!" My lip quivers as I feel a knot begin to form in my belly, "Oh god!" I whimper in his shoulder, the room is filled with our pants and the sound of the sink rocking back and forth at fast pace.

"Fuck I'm gonna--" He starts, "M-me too." I gasp as my body shakes with pleasure. I cover my mouth and roll my eyes back, God. 

He keeps moving, but soon comes after me, "Fuck." His head drops on my shoulder, I'm at a loss for words. That had have been the best sex I've ever had.

He pulls the condom off, wrapping it in toilet paper and throwing it in the garbage.

I get off the sink and my legs feel a bit weak, "Woah. . ." I exhale, fixing my dress in the mirror, "Mhm." He kisses my neck, "Finally." I say with a smile as I play with his hair. 

"This is gonna be a lot more fun in a bed." He chuckles, "Can't wait." I giggle.

He buttons his shirt the way it was before and walks out before me. I wait a couple minutes and fix my hair and dress.

I walk out, my legs feeling a bit funny because I'm not used to the roughness yet. Hell, I'm not used to the size yet. 

I sit down and there's already an ongoing conversation. Erin leans over, "What took you so long? I went to check on you and you weren't there, where were you?" She asks. 

"I went to the bathroom after." I lie. 

"I figured, so I went in the ladies room, you weren't there." She cocks an eyebrow suspiciously at me, "Family restroom, jeez woman!" I laugh, brushing it off.

Slash looks at me and gives me a mischievous grin, one that read 'we just fucked in a bathroom and no one knows, rad right?'.


	18. CH4PT3R S3V3NT33N

LILLIANAS POV

Fast forward to a week before tour. 

Things have been going great. Slash and I have been fooling around, a lot. The sex with him is unlike any I've ever had before, it's just so good. He knows how to make every inch of my body crave him and his touch, he knows how to make my toes curl and I can't help the loud screams he produces. Thankfully, we're in the guest house, because if we were on our old apartment we'd get noise complaints. I mean, this man makes me shake with euphoria. 

Anyway, the band released their album and it's amazing. They get recognized when they go out and I'm so proud of them. Their songs are constantly being played on the radio and they were on the billboard 100. Thanks to the song Axl wrote for Erin, they're getting so much attention. 

As for my EP, it's also doing amazing. I've done a few interviews and I, too get recognized places. I've heard my song on the radio once or twice, but not as much as the guys. 

The year is now 1987 and I couldn't be happier with my life.

\---------------

I open my eyes to the sunlight poking through my window. I feel Slash exhale against my shoulder as his arms snake around my bare waist. I smile and sigh, looking over at my alarm clock. Shit, I gotta go. 

As I wiggle out of his hold, he groans, waking up, "Where are you going?" He asks in a raspy voice, "I have to go to work." I say sitting up, Ugh, no!" He sines, "Stay in bed with me today." He pulls me back down and rolls on top of me, I giggle and try to push him off.

"I want to, we would even have the house to ourselves, Erin told me last night she's going back to Axl's after work." I say playing with his hair as he nuzzles into my neck.

"You see, it's a sign. We had the house to ourselves last night and now we have it all day today, call in sick." He says kissing my neck, "I can't, it's my last day." I say as he snakes his hand behind my back to try and unclip my bra.

I giggle and push him off, "I'll be back later." I smile getting up, "You're so fucking boring." He groans, sitting up, the comforter barely covering his manhood. 

"That's not what you said last night." I gasp and go into the bathroom.

"Oh yeah?" He says jumping up from the bed and chasing me into the shower, "Het your ass over here!" He growls, grabbing me by my butt and kissing me passionately. 

I'm dressed and on my way to work, officially late for obvious reasons but I don't care. I walk into the bar with a smile plastered on my face, "Someone got laid." Jerry chimes with a drunken laugh, "Oh, shut up Jerry." I roll my eyes, "Y'know, I'm gonna miss you." I say leaning over the bar, "Where you goin'?" He asks confused.

"Are you serious Jerry, it's all we've been talking about!" Erin comes up, "E and I are quitting today, goin' on a tour with Guns N Roses" I say, "Oh shit, that rock band!" He laughs, drinking his beer. I roll my eyes and go about my day. 

We successfully hired new people and thank God they're normal, like so normal. 

It's the middle of the day which means it's almost officially quitting time. As I wipe down the bar, a tall man with black curly hair walks in, he's wearing jeans and a leather jacket, he sorta resembles a latino version of Elvis. I swear I've seen him before. I stare at him confused, where have I seen him? The thought of it burns in my brain.

I'm broken out of thought when the phone in the back rings, "I got it!" I tell the new girl, Melissa. 

"Hello?" I say, "Lil?" I hear Slash's voice on the other end, 

"What is it?" I ask, "Fucking get over here, I want you!" He says, I bite my lip, "I'm working, you fucking horn-dog." I laugh at my own joke, "You're such a fucking dork. Hurry, I wanna hang out." He says and I can sense him smiling on the other line, 

"Mhm, I better get special attention." I tease, "Oh, yes ma'am." He laughs, "Shit, I almost forgot, I have to stop by my foster moms house. Looks like I'm not gonna be home til later." I groan, "Shit. . . then I'll see you whenever then." He says disappointed, "I'm sorry." I sigh. 

"It's fine, we can always find a nearby bathroom." He jokes, "Bye." I giggle before hanging up.

"Quitting time, Mario!" I say as I look at the clock, "Oh, please don't do this to me!" He groans coming out of the back office, "I'm sorry Mario, we gotta." I sigh sadly. 

"I'm so proud of you kid!" He says, grabbing my face, "You always got a place here, you guys." He looks at Erin and I, "God, I love you guys!" He hugs us, "We'll miss you!" I blow him a kiss as we walk out. 

\---

I arrive at Clarets house and skip to the door. 

"What's up girl!" Clarita laughs as she opens the door for me. 

"Hey Clarita." I smile as I walk in to the familiar house.

"You're just in time, I need help with these empanadas." She says, taking a seat at the kitchen table, "Oh, so you're using me for the free labor then? Que feo." I gasp taking a seat, "Oh, shut it!" She waves her hand at me.

A couple minutes of catching up go by, and I don't know why, but something in me tells me to tell her about the guy from the bar.

"Y'know, there was this man that walked into the bar today, I swear I've seen him somewhere but I can't figure it out. He looks so familiar though." I say, folding the empanada.

"Well, what'd he look like?" She asks. 

"Tall, curly hair, kinda bad ass looking, almost like a latino Elvis" I explain, "Ok. . . don't freak out, but that kinda sounds like your dad." She says, "My dad?" I say surprised. 

"I don't know, but when I got you they gave me your file, and since times were different then, the only record they could find of your dad was a yearbook photo from his senior year." She says.

"Why haven't you told me this, Clarita? I don't know what my own dad looks like." I say.

"You just never seemed to wanna know anything about him." She begins, "I think I still have it somewhere." She says getting up and looking inside a drawer in the living room. 

"Here." She says, handing me the photo. 

''Shit." I say, "This doesn't really look like the guy. Can I keep this though?" I ask, "Of course." She says.

I later say my goodbyes to clarita and leave. The photo of my dad burning a hole in my pocket. 

\-----

"Lilli, I dunno, we're getting super serious. I mean, I'm literally at his house all the time." Erin explains to me as she gets ready to leave for Ax's house, yet again. 

"Do you think he's gonna ask you to move in?" I say, "Maybe after tour?" She says nervously, "As long as you're happy, E." I say.

Our conversation is interrupted by the phone ringing. I lean over and answer it, "Hello?" 

"Hey Lilli, it's Iz." Izzy says. 

"Hey Iz, what's up?" I ask, "Nothin', just wanted to see if you wanted to go grab a bite and hang out, or something." He says nervously, "Sure, when and where?" I ask, "An hour, Sal's?" He suggests, "Alright, see you then." I smile, "Awesome, bye." He says before hanging up.

"Did Izzy just ask you out?" Erin asks. 

"I think so. . ." I say. 

"I knew he liked you!" She laughs. 

"Uh, it's not that serious E, we're just getting food." I laugh, "Mhm." She says before leaving.


	19. CH4PT3R 31GHT33N

LILLIANAS POV

I'm on my way to meet Izzy and I can't help but think about what Erin said. Does Izzy like me? I mean, it's not like I'm dating Slash, he is, after all sleeping with other girls. 

I quickly dismiss the thought as I pull into the parking lot of Sal's Diner. Izzy and I come here all the time with Duff and Stevie, it's kind of become our spot. 

I push the door open and hear the familiar bell jingle, "Hey Lilliana." The hostess smiles at me, "Hey Bea, Izzy here yet?" I ask and she points to him sitting at a table alone, "Thanks girl." I smile and walk over to him.

"Hey Iz." I smile, sitting down, "What's up?" He smiles, 

We are eating our food and Izzy is arguing with me about back to the future. 

"It's not weird!" He laughs, taking a sip of his beer, "Yes it is, Izzy! That's her son!" I argue, "She doesn't know that though!" He argues back, "Okay, but you think she wouldn't remember him in the future?" I take a sip of my drink, "No, because he's her son in the future." He says.

"Izzy, he changed the future, if it wasn't for Marty, his father would've never stood up to Biff. There's no way he can just disappear from the past if he changed the future." I say, sounding a little crazy, "You're nuts." He laughs, "You know I'm right." I grab a fry from his plate.

"So, you excited for your first tour?" I say with a smile. 

"Stoked, you?" He swallows his food, "Oh, I can't wait, gonna miss LA though." I sigh, "I'm gonna miss the LA girls." He sighs, "I'm sure you all are." I laugh, "Oh definitely, Slash and Duff are out right now with these two girls. Bombshells." He shakes his head.

When he said that, I felt a little spark of jealousy in me, but I quickly pushed it aside and decided not to think about Slash's feelings and just have fun, no more guilt. 

We continue talking about just random stuff. Guitars, the album, the tour, when we are interrupted by two girls.

"Hi, are you Izzy from Guns N Roses?" The one on the right asks nervously, I smile and he has a surprised expression, "Uh, yeah." He says with a small smile, "Oh my God, I told you!" She squeals to her friend, "Can you sign our arms?" The other asks with an excited smile. 

"Uh, sure, you have a marker?" He asks, still with surprise, "Yeah!" She hands him a marker and they hold our their arms out. Izzy signs and I feel so much joy for him. I'm so proud.

"Oh my God, this is so rad!" One girl jumps, "Wait, oh my Gosh, you're Luna right?" They turn to me, I'm shocked, "Y-yeah." I laugh. 

"Can we please have your autograph too?" She hands me the marker, "Uh, sure." I smile, signing the other arms, "Thank you guys so much!" They giggle before walking away.

"Look at you, giving autographs." Izzy laughs, "That was wild." I laugh. 

Izzy pays and we walk out. It's still early and I notice a flier hanging on the bulletin board at the front. 

"Look Iz, a new club just opened like 5 minutes from here, let's go dancing!" I smile, turning to him, "Dancing?" He says confused. 

"Oh, stop being a such a downer. Let's go!" I giggle, dragging him out, "I'll meet you there" I yell, getting into my car.

We get to the club and there's a huge line, "You're that guy from Guns N Roses?" the bouncer spots Izzy, "Yeah." He answers, "Come on in." He opens the velvet rope and Izzy drags me in.

"No way! What the fuck just happened?" I giggle, "I have no idea." Izzy laughs. We order our drinks at the bar. He leans back while taking a sip and 'Your Love' by The Outfield starts playing.

"Oh my God, I love this song!" I yell and drag Izzy to the dance floor, "This?" He laughs, confused as I dance like no ones watching. I admit, the song isn't generally my style, but there's just something about it that makes me wanna dance and scream the lyrics.

"Shut up and dance with me." I laugh and jump around with the crowd.

A couple songs pass and I wrap my arms around Izzy's neck as we sing 'You shook me all night long' by AC/DC. I shake my hair and move to the beat of the song while Izzy's hands guide my hips along. 

It's about 2 AM when we decide to leave and I'm exhasusted, "This was fun." Izzy says as he walks me to my car, "Yeah, it was." I smile leaning against my car door.

"So, we gonna do this again, or what?" He smiles and I feel small butterflies in my tummy. Oh boy, "If you want." I smile, my cheeks burning a bit, "Alright then, I'll see you around." He laughs nervously before walking back to his car. 

I don't really feel it, but I smile the whole ride home. Tonight was awesome. Izzy is such a fun, genuine person and I don't worry when I'm around him.

I get out of my car and walk into the house, expecting to be alone. I see Erin in the kitchen though. 

"Fuck Erin, you scared the shit out of me!" I yell jolting back, "You're supposed to be at axl's." I exhale as I hang my jacket up, "Relax woman, I just came to grab clothes, I'm gonna head over to axl's for the weekend to help him 'finish packing'.'" She says in air quotes, "Don't forget to take your birth control." I snort, "Oh, fuck off!" She laughs.

"oh my god E, I forgot to tell you" I gasp, "I think my dad might've walked into the bar" I say and she gasps, I proceed to tell her the whole thing.

"How'd it go with Izzy tonight? You look happy." She smiles, "It actually went great, Izzy's a great guy, but I already knew that." I sigh, "It's late, where'd y'all go?" She asks, "Food, then dancing." I say, "Ohh. ." She says seductively, "Get the fuck out!" I laugh, pointing to the door, "Just saying, it would be cute, you guys are good." She says as she walks out.

I roll my eyes and grab a glass from the cabinet, I fill it with water from the tap and get ready to go crash in my room. 

Just as I'm about to turn off the light in the kitchen, the telephone rings, "Ughhhh. . ." I groan loudly.

"What?" I answer annoyed, "Someones mad." I hear the familiar raspy voice on the other end, "What is it, Slash?" I chuckle feeling content at the sound of his voice, "I hear Erins gone for the weekend. . ." He trails off, "No way, I just got home and I'm so fucking exhausted." I sigh, "From what? Did you just get back from your foster moms?" He says, "No, I went out with Izzy" I say nonchalantly, "On a date?" He says confused, "I guess so. . ." I shrug.

"You went on a fucking date with Izzy?" He says annoyed. 

"So what if I did?" I snap, "You went out tonight too. You fucked a girl and I don't wanna be your sloppy seconds for the night." I continue.

"Don't compare a girl to my fucking bandmate, L." He says angrily. 

Something about his nickname for me, L, always hit a soft spot and made me feel bad.

"Slash, it was nothing, we just went dancing and got a bite, relax." I say, calming down a bit, "I mean, you can come if you want, I'm not having sex with you though, I'm tired." I offer, there's silence on the other end, it's as if he's thinking about it. 

"Hello?" I say, "I'm on my way." He sighs, and I feel my heart flutter. 

"see you soon" I hum and I hear him scoff. asshole. 

I take a seat on the couch and a couple minutes go by. Soon, there's a knock and I walk over to the door. I open and he's standing there wearing a white Romans shirt, his sleeve's are rolled, as always, and his hair is out if his face today. Only a little though.

I can't help but smile when I see his face, "Get your ass over here, now." He says lowly, walking in and pushing me against the wall, I smile and he kisses me passionately, "Don't fuck Izzy." He says as we pull away, "Ugh, Slash." I push him off and go to the couch annoyed. 

"I'm serious, he's my bandmate." He says, following me, "I'm not fucking Izzy! It was one date! I don't want you here if all youre gonna do is fight with me." I cross my arms.

"Sorry, it just bothers me." He lifts his arms in defense, "Well, it bothers me when you go find a girl to have sex with as soon as I tell you I'm busy, but you don't hear me complaining about that." I mumble, sitting on the couch, my arms still crossed.

"Is someone jealous?" Slash smiles as he sits next to me, "No." I say turning away from him trying not to laugh, "You're jealous!" He teases, pulling my arms away from my chest, "Fuck off." I say, not being able to help the small giggle that escapes my lips.

"Looks like you'e jealous, too." I say turning to him, "Oh really?" He laughs surprised, "Yeah, seems to piss you off that I went out with Izzy." I say testing him.

"I mean, yeah, look at how you dressed up for him." He says lowly as he scans my body, "And the way you probably danced against him." He whispers as he leans into my neck, "Shut up." I giggle at his light kisses all around my neck and collarbone, his mop of hair tickling me.

"I meant what I said. We aren't having sex tonight." I say pushing him off, "I know, I know. You don't wanna be sloppy seconds, whatever." He says, mocking me, "Just know, while I'm fucking them, I'm thinking about you." He whispers in my ear, "Oh, how fucking sweet." I say rolling out from under him and putting a movie in the VHS player.

I walk back and Slash is sitting on the couch with his arms spread across the top. I sit in his arms and soon feel my eyelids getting heavier. I cuddle into his chest and lift my legs onto the couch. He tilts my chin up and presses an innocent, soft kiss on my lips. Every inch of me flutters with pure excitement. 

I smile and stand up, "Let's go to bed?" I hold my hand out, he grabs it and follows me to my room. 

I get undressed and he takes his shirt off. I smile and grab it off the bed. I unclip my bra and slip the shirt on. I feel Slash's eyes burn through me, "What?" I chuckle putting my clothes in the laundry basket, "I like you in that." he says, biting his lip, "Mhm." I giggle at his dirty mind, he plops onto the bed in only his underwear. 

"Come." He opens his arms and I smile getting into bed and cuddling into his chest, he sighs wrapping his arms around me. I sling my leg around his waist and he pulls me close, I'm engulfed with his familiar scent, a mix of cigarettes, alcohol, and a little cologne. A scent that makes me feel at home. 

He caresses my curly hair and draws a line lightly down my spine, his light and soft touches calm me and soon I drift into the abyss of sleep.


	20. CH4PT3R N1N3T33N

LILLIANAS POV 

It's finally tour day!

"This is so fucking wild!" Erin laughs as the busses are loaded, "I know." I laugh.

Her and I run onto the GNR bus and I sigh at the surreal-ness of it all. Erin and I had the opportunity to stay on the Aerosmith bus because it was bigger, but she wanted to stay with Axl and I didn't wanna travel without her.

We get to the end of the bus where the beds are behind a curtain. I pick the one at the very top and jump up. I don't know why I chose that one, it's literally gonna be a fucking mountain climb every time I go to bed. I sigh laying back in the bed and I close the curtain, covering the bed as soon as I hear footsteps. 

"This is fucking rad!" I hear slash laugh, "Boo!" I pop out and he jumps, I giggle. He gets into the bunk below me and I hang my head down to peek inside, "I barely fucking fit in here." He laughs, getting adjusted.

"What are you doing, fucking spider monkey." He laughs as my hair hangs down.

"I'll be back." Erin says, walking out to go do whatever she was gonna do. "It's gonna be hard to do it on the bus." I say quietly, he raises his eyebrows and laughs, "That's what hotels are for." He smiles, kissing me, "And don't forget, we always have bathrooms." He winks and I gasp, remembering our first time in the restaurant bathroom.

I feel my face start to get red, so I swing back up into my little slot. 

The way the beds are set up is there are 8 beds total in the little hallway, two on each wall. Izzy comes in and sets his stuff down on the bunk parallel to mine, and while Duff and Steven race to see who gets the last bunk in that row, Duff wins, "Fuck you man." Steven groans, walking to the other beds.

"What's so bad about being over there?" I ask, "Axl and Erin are over there, it's weird." Izzy explains, giving me a smile. 

"This is gonna be so much fun." I giggle, laying on my side looking at Izzy, "Very." He smiles, matching my position.

A couple minutes pass and Izzy pulls out a joint, "Fun." I giggle as he lights it, "Share?" I pout as I reach my hand across. There's a small mirror on the wall for each of the bunks and I catch a glimpse of Slash through duffs mirror, he looks annoyed. Whatever dude, get over it. 

I smile, grabbing the joint and taking a long drag. I French inhale the smoke and sigh, letting the drugs do their work. "You want?" I dip my head down and hold the joint towards Slash, "No thanks." he says flatly, I look at him and mouth 'fucking stop'.

"Let me have." Duff holds his hand out and I pass him the joint. 

Izzy and I talk and laugh and soon we feel the bus move. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially on the road!" Axl comes through cheering, "Hell yeah!" I giggle, a little high, as the guys all holler and cheer.

We all get up and head to the living room part of the bus. I sit on the couch in between Izzy and Slash, while Duff, Erin, Axl, and Steven cram onto the couch that's right across from us.

I feel Slash tense every time Izzy flirts with me, and its annoying. I decide to mess with him a bit. 

We are passing around a bottle of celebratory Jack, and I 'accidentally' drip some over my chest, "Shit." I say, handing the bottle to Izzy.

I put my hand on Slash's inner thigh and lean over him to grab the napkins on the counter next to him. Once my body is over his, I discretely move my hand and graze him through his pants, I feel him tense and I just sit back and act like nothing happened. 

He takes a long drag of his cigarette annoyed and I smile mischievously. 

A couple hours of chatter go by and I'm tipsy, "Rest stop!" The driver yells and Erin runs off the bus. I stand up and get off as well.

Slash catches up to me and I roll my eyes, "You really need to pull the stick out of your ass." I say as we enter the truck stop, "What stick?" He says annoyed, "You get all pissy every time Izzy even looks at me." I say as we approach the counter, "One pack of Malbaro Red." I say to the man, "Can you make that two?" Slash chimes, putting cash on the counter.

"I can buy my own cigarettes." I say, "Mhm." He rolls his eyes, "And I get pissy because Izzy flirts with you." He says, "That's not his fault, he doesn't know we're sleeping with each other." I say, grabbing the box of cigarettes, "But he knows I flirt with you all the time, and I see your face when he does, you like it." He says, walking towards the exit, "Oh, come on!" I laugh, "You do! You giggle ,and flirt back!" He says, "Izzy's a nice guy, so what if I flirt back?" I argue once we're outside alone.

"That's my bandmate!" He groans.

"No, you're fucking jealous." I laugh pulling a cigarette out.

"Flirting with you is my thing." He says, moving a piece of hair out of my face, "Oh, fucking grow up." I laugh and take a drag, "Kiss me." He pouts and I look around to make sure no ones watching, I roll my eyes smiling and stretch up to kiss his soft lips, "Stop fucking flirting with Izzy." He points before walking away. Asshole. 

I walk back to the bus and reclaim my seat next to Izzy on the couch. Once everyones back, we continue on our drive. 

"I'm tired." Axl stands up, "Goodnight fuckers." He says as he and Erin head to the beds, "Me too." Duff says, "Yeah, I'm gonna turn in, night guys." Steven says walking back. 

"It's just us then" I smile, handing Izzy the bottle, "Just us." He smiles. 

We drink, and drink, and. . . drink. 

"Oh, c'mon, I would never date a Cali surfer guy!" I giggle, drunk, "I dunno, it just seems like the weird natural thing you'd be into." He slurs, "That's not what I'm into at all." I smile lowly. He looks at me lightly biting his lip

I smile and I feel us inching closer, shit.

"Uh, we're out of alcohol!" I jolt, pulling back.

Izzy and I keep talking and I don't even remember falling asleep. 

\------

"No way." I'm woken up by Duff, "Shit." I groan, opening my eyes. I'm laying on someones chest. Fuck. 

"Stevie, come look at this." Duff laughs, "Oh shit, look at you guys." Steven says, I sit up, rubbing my eyes. I look over to see Izzy passed out on the couch.

I groan at my headache and I see Slash looking at us, hurt and anger in his eyes. 

"Get your minds out of the gutter, we just passed out, and please do me a favor and fuck off." I groan, standing up and moving towards the kitchen.

I open the cabinet and grab the bottle of Advil, "What the fuck was that?" Erin comes in, 

"Nothing E, we literally just passed out drunk." I tell her, honestly.


	21. CH4PT3R TW3NTY

LILLIANAS POV 

We finally arrive at our first stop. We are gonna be here for almost a week, so we have a hotel. I hop off the bus and Slash is still annoyed over what happened with Izzy. I honestly don't care. It's not my fault if he doesn't wanna believe me. 

I grab my bag and I see Steven and the guys get off their bus, "Steven!" I squeal and jump into his arms, "This is fucking crazy!" He laughs, "I can't believe you're here." He squeezes me.

"Come, let's go get to our rooms before everyone else, gotta be discrete because people know the hotel we're at." He says, grabbing my hand as we slip away from the guys.

He puts his sunglasses on and keeps his head down as he guides me to the front door. There's a couple people near a bench, "Oh my God, it's Steven Tyler!" Someones yells, "Shit." He says as a crowd of girls starts stampeding towards us, "Oh fuck." I laugh as he runs into the hotel. I'm right behind him as security comes out to push the girls back. 

We get checked in and showed to our rooms. Steven's room is a huge suite, while mine and the guys are just your average hotel room. guys it pays top have a bigger name. he sets his things down and we go to my room. I unlock the door and drop my bags down. 

Steven struts in and plops down on my bed, I chuckle and plop down next to him. I sigh thinking about Slash. I really don't like to see him mad, but when he gets mad it pisses me off, we're both fiery people so we literally fight fire with fire all the time. 

"Steven?" I say. 

"What is it?" He asks, "Have you ever done a friends with benefits thing?" I ask, staring at the ceiling, "Who are you fucking?" He quickly props himself on his elbow to look at me, "No one." I don't look at him, "Lil. . ." He suspicious, "No one, I'm just asking." I say, turning my head to face him. 

"Well, it gets messy really quick. Friends with benefits is just an excuse for people who wanna be together and not have to commit to each other." He says and I feel my stomach drop. Is he right? 

"Are you fucking Izzy?" He asks after a moment of silence, "Why does everyone think I'm fucking Izzy?" I yell, throwing my hands in the air and letting gravity plop them back onto the bed. 

"I just hear you guys have been getting close." He says, "If Izzy's who you're 'friends with benefitting' with, I think you guys should make it official, go out and try it out." Steven says, "No, it's not Izzy, and he's a womanizer, he's with new girls every chance he gets." I explain, "Yeah, but Izzy wouldn't cheat on you, it's not like you're dating Slash, now that dude has girls in his room every night I hear." He says.

"Well, what if someone is 'friends with benefiting' with someone because they both like living that players lifestyle, but they think they might like each other?" I say, exploring the thought that I might have actual feelings for Slash.

"Well, I'd just remember that people aren't gonna change because they like someone, they're gonna change because they love them." He explains, "Damn. . ." I mutter. 

I quickly push the ridiculous thoughts out of my head. Slash and I are just having sex and that's it, we're both having fun with the arrangement and there's no need to change it. 

I hear hollering and clamoring coming from outside the door, "Well, looks like they've found their rooms." Steven laughs, heading for the door, "I'm gonna go unpack." He says, "Alright, I'll see you later." I laugh as he walks out. 

I go into my bag and change out of my current clothes to get into something more comfortable. 

I wear random puffy work out shorts with Slash's Ramones t-shirt. I feel exhausted and wanna take a nap, I usually wear that shirt to sleep because, I dunno, it's just so goddamn comfortable. 

I put on some socks and crawl into the bed, letting myself get engulfed by the comfortable mattress and the calming scent of Slash's shirt. 

Just as I feel my eyes getting heavy, the bedside phone rings, "Fuck!" I groan and reach over to grab it, "Yes?" I say annoyed.

"Yo Lil, get the fuck over here, I'm next door to you on the right." Duff says, "Ugh, I was gonna take a nap." I groan.

"We got dope." He says, "Fine." I sigh, hanging the phone up. 

I slide on my hightop converse and go to walk out when I remember I'm in Slash's shirt with no bra. Ugh, I really don't feel like changing shirts and putting on a bra. I grab a hoodie and figure its enough, it's not like they haven't seen boobs before. 

I walk out, grabbing my key and shoving it into my pocket. 

"Hey!" Duff cheers as I walk in, I roll my eyes and walk over the small couch he, Izzy, and Stevie are on. "Where are Axl, Erin and Slash?" I ask sitting next to Duff, "They're coming." He says, lighting a joint. 

I bring my knee to my chest and Duff hands me the joint, I take a long hit and sigh has the tingling sensation travels through my body, relieving any stress. That is until, he walks in. 

Slash walks over to where we are while Erin and Axl follow behind. 

"Hey, Slash." Izzy says, standing up, "I'm fucking tired, I'm gonna go take a nap." Izzy says, doing a quick 'bro hand shake' thing with the guys as he walks out. 

"Okay, good, he's gone, what's going on with you and Izzy?" Steven says handing the joint to Axl. 

"Nothings going on with me and Izzy!" I whine, throwing my head back. 

"C'mon, you can tell us." Axl pokes my leg. 

"Izzy and I are just friends." I groan, "With that chemistry? You guys are fucking." Duff says. 

"I second that, you and Izzy are fucking." Slash says blowing smoke at me, "Asshole." I say as I begin to stand up and storm out.

Just as I open the door to my room, Slash comes in right behind me. 

"Go away." I say slamming my key on the table, "Oh c'mon, I was kidding!" he laughs, and I'm a sucker for this mans laugh. Hell, for his voice in general.

I keep my back turned to him, "L." He chuckles, grabbing my arm and turning me to face him, "I told you, I'm not fucking Izzy." I say angry, "I was kidding." He says, moving hair from my face, "No you're not, you don't believe me." I say, stepping back.

"Would you stop it?" He pulls me close to him and tries to kiss me, but I turn my head. He kisses my cheek and leaves a bunch of goofy kisses all over my face and neck. It tickles, so I can't help but laugh. He laughs with me. 

He pushes me onto the bed and I giggle as he pushes my hoodie and shirt up to leave light kisses all over my belly, "Slash!" I giggle trying to squirm away but he holds my hips firmly, "Oh, I see someone forgot their bra." He giggles, looking up my shirt, "How fun." He laughs his adorable laugh as he comes up to kiss my lips.

"Mmm." He groans against my lips, "Yummy, chapstick." He says, licking his lips, I snort and cover my face in embarrassment, "You just fucking snorted." He laughs looking down at me, his hair falling like a curtain on both sides of my head.

"Stop it!" I groan embarrassed, "You just snorted!" He laughs, pressing a light kiss on my lips in between laughs, "Leave me alone." I laugh as he kisses me down my neck and collarbone, "it was cute" he says lowly biting my earlobe

I giggle and push his hair back. 

I push him off and straddle his waist as he's now flat on his back, "Oh hello." He laughs looking up at me, I lean down and we begin our make out session, his lips moving perfectly in sync with mine. I lightly suck on his bottom lip as his tongue grazes mine, asking for entrance. I open my mouth and our tongues fight for dominance, I let him win but don't stop tasting every bit of him. I bite on his lips and he groans moving my hips back and forth on his crotch

I let out a small moan at the friction, "Fuck." He groans as we move quicker, I pull my hoodie off and he studies me, "That's my shirt." He smiles, his lips lightly swollen, "Yeah?" I giggle and he slides his hands up it cupping one of breasts, I smile and he flips us over, he slides my shorts down and I giggle then suddenly there's a knock on the door making me jump.

"What?" I groan, walking up to the door, "We're going to the pool, are you coming?" Erin says from outside, "Yeah, I'll be there in a sec." I answer, "Ok." She says.

I turn to Slash, "Are you gonna go?" I ask reaching down for my bag, his shirt lifting a bit exposing my cheeky underwear.

"Hell yeah." He says eyeing my body, I chuckle and pull my shirt off, "Jesus woman!" He says biting his lip. 

"Would you relax, you've seen them a thousand times." I giggle tying my black bathing suit around my neck.

"Yeah, and they still blow me away every time." He says grabbing one of them from behind, "Fuck off." I giggle, swatting his hand away, "Can you tie this for me please?" I look back at him while holding the two back strings together.

He gets up at ties my bathing suit for me, "There." He says, lightly rubbing my shoulders, "Thank you." I smile and put my bottoms on.

I throw on a large t-shirt and sandals as we walk out. We stop by Slash's room and I plop onto the bed. 

I sigh at the comfort, "You're bed is so comfortable." I moan, sprawling across it. 

"Is yours comfy too?" He asks crawling on top of me, "Mhm." I giggle pushing his hair back, "I think I'll test it out tonight." He smiles leaning down to kiss me, "You're so corny." I giggle and he gets off of me.

"Let's go." He says going towards the door in only his trunks.


	22. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-0N3

LILLIANAS POV

We walk to the indoor pool and I hear laughing, everyones there, Stevie and Joe are talking, while Erin and Axl talk to Steven. Duff and Izzy are having a conversation with Joey, Tom, and Brad. 

"Hey guys!" Erin smiles, swimming to the edge, "Hey, do you have an elastic?" I ask her and she hands me one, I throw my hair up in a bun and slide in, "Fuck it's cold." I giggle. 

Slash hands me a cigarette as he slides into the pool, I take a drag and lean against the wall. 

"So, E," I tap her shoulder with the cigarette in between my fingers, "I was thinking about that guy who might be my dad." I start. 

"Lilli, do you really think that's your dad? And if it is, do you even wanna see him? I mean, how coincidental that you're making a name for yourself and he just happens to pop up after 18 years?" She says taking a sip of her beer.

"I mean, I don't even know how I would feel, but it's crazy right? Like that could've been him standing right there." I sigh taking a drag.

"What are we talking about?" Duff and Izzy come up, "I think I might've seen my dad in the bar." I admit, "Your dad?" Izzy asks confused, "Oh right, you guys don't know. I never really met my dad, he left when I was 2." I explain, "Oh shit. . ." Duff says. 

"Yeah, but I don't think it's him." I say, accepting the fact that it's too good to be true.

"Well, what makes you think it was him?" Izzy asks, "Well, I talked to my foster mom and she showed me the only picture she has of him. A senior yearbook photo. It kinda looks like what the guy would've looked like as a teenager." I say, "I don't, know it's just really been fucking with my head." I groan and Izzy wraps an arm around me. 

"I wouldn't stress it, it's gonna be fine." He says and I smile.

Soon I feel two hands on my hips pull me back, "I petition we chicken fight." Slash says as he drags me away from Izzy. I feel anger start up inside me because I know exactly why he's doing that.

"Oh, fun!" Axl grabs Erin. 

"Axl, I don't wanna get my hair wet!" She squeal as he grabs her. 

"Slash, I'm smoking, no!" I laugh as he squeezes me, "Come on!" He laughs in my ear. He pulls the cigarette from my fingers and takes a drag before putting it out in the ashtray that's on the poolside.

"No!" I laugh and try to swim away but he grabs me, "Scared Erins gonna kick your ass?" He says, and my competitiveness wakes up. 

"She probably is." Erin laughs, "Oh, it's on Everly, I'm gonna beat your ass." I point, Slash dips underwater and gets in between my legs, I laugh as I feel myself get elevated out of the water and the cold air hits me.

Erin comes up on Ax's shoulders while Slash grips my calves tightly, I laugh and push her while she uses her strength to try and knock me down.

In a couple seconds I successfully knock Erin and Axl into the water, "Ha!" I laugh, "Victory!" I hold my fist in the air. 

"Okay, put me down gently." I giggle, caressing Slash head, "Gently?" He ask, "Yes!" I scream nervously, and next thing I know I'm in the air plunging into the water. This motherfucker threw me off his shoulders.

"Fuck you!" I gasp as I come up. I pull my hair out of the plastic and slick it back, my loosely curly hair coming back. I splash water at him and he laughs, his tight curls dripping water all over his face.

His hair is, for once, all the way back. I can see his eyes fully. He pulls me into a hug and discretely squeezes me butt, I laugh and hit his chest. We are in the deep end while the others are towards the shallow end, I jump on his back and point to our friends, "Over yonder!" I chant and he brings me over. 

I jump off and we all laugh. Izzy comes up to me and we start talking about random things. 

"So, do you have any songs yet for the album?" He asks, leaning against the wall, "Yeah, I'm working on this one song, but I can't seem to get it finished. I have the music but some of the lyrics just don't feel right." I explain, "Well what's it sound like now?" He asks, "Uh, something like this. . ." I say and tap my hands to the beat of the song.

"That's gonna be great!" He laughs. 

"If only I could figure out what the fuck is wrong." I sigh, "Don't worry, inspiration will come." He reassures. Iz and I talk for a while, actually. Our conversations are fun.

"Oh, shut up Izzy." I laugh and cover my face.

"I'm tired!" Duff yells and the guys from Aerosmith agree. 

"Yeah me too, I think I'm gonna turn in." I say getting out.

I look over at Slash, who has been laying on the pool chair, "What?" I say as he looks at me, "You're so hot dude." He bites his lip, "Jesus," I chuckle, drying myself. 

"You better hurry your little ass upstairs." He says lustfully, my cheeks burn and I head towards the elevator.

I feel him behind me and the doors soon open, he steps in and we are alone. As soon as the door closes, he pushes me against the wall and practically devours me.

I pant and run my hands all over his body, he's rougher than usual and I think I know why, I can practically taste the jealousy in his lips.

The doors open and we pull apart. I giggle, running out, and he smacks my ass as we run to my room. I open the door and he's close behind me, I drop my towel and he waste no time in pulling the strings that held my bikini together. Soon I'm completely naked. I get goosebumps from his touch as he picks me up, my naked body against his skin. He grips me tight as if I'm going to slip away, our lips moving in sync while our tongues dance, "Fuck. . ." I moan as he sets me on the small table.

His hand opens my leg, lifting it onto the table. He slides his fingers into my mouth and roughly slides them into me, "Oh shit!" I moan at the pleasure he sends through me.

He curls his fingers and takes my breast in his mouth, "Fuck, you're so wet," He lightly bites on my nipple. I can't help the moans that escape my lips as he shows no mercy pumping in and out of me. He pulls his fingers out, licking them clean before carrying me to the bed.

He crawls in between my legs and puts them on his shoulders. I'm breathless as he lowers his head to my center. I feel his breath on me and it drives me crazy, "Fucking go!" I whimper as he teases me, he chuckles and the vibrations send shockwaves through me. He licks a long strip and I squirm, "Fuck," I groan as he sucks on the sensitive skin. He slides his fingers back in while he devours me and I scream for him, "Oh fuck!" I yell grabbing a pillow and covering my mouth. 

This time it feels different. I mean, every time we had sex it's mind-blowing, but for some reason our connection is stronger tonight, it's like there's feelings involved, it doesn't feel like meaningless hookup, there are fireworks and fuck, it feels so good. 

I arch my back and grab a fist full of his hair when he curls his fingers hard and licked my clit fast. He sends me over the edge in a state of euphoria and I moan loudly.

He comes up, licking his lips and I'm panting hard. I push him down and slide his shorts and underwear off. I lick a long stripe up his long member and watch him squirm as I do so. I giggle mischievously as I swirl my tongue around his tip, "Fuck," He whimpers, looking down at me. I look up at him, batting my eyelashes before I take him fully in my mouth. He hits the back of my throat and I do my best not to gag at his size, I bob my head up and down whilst moving my hand at the bottom.

I giggle as I spit on it, still maintaining eye contact with him. He pulls me up, pins me down and positions himself at my entrance. He wastes no time slamming into me. My nails scrape down his back as I try not to scream his name. His enormous size practically tears through me as he moves in and out of me at a fast pace.

"Holy fuck," He groans in my neck as the room is filled with our pants and the sound of our skin slapping together, "My god!" I practically scream when he reached his hand down and massages my clit while moving faster and harder with each stroke, I don't care that I'm probably hurting him with my nails, but I can't help it.

He pulls out and flips me over. He pushes my face into the pillow and slams into me from behind, "Motherfucker," He groans as he uses my shoulder to keep steady, I scream into the pillow, why does this feel so fucking good?

"Oh my God, yes! Just like that!" I say, my voice bouncing from his hard strokes. He flips me back over and pins my leg open, his necklaces falls onto my bare chest as we rock the bed, he holds down my leg with his knee as he moves his hand around my neck, this action sends me into a frenzy, I laugh as he lightly chokes me, "Mm" I lick my lips, "You little slut!" He growls, kissing me.

At this point, I've already climaxed several times, but now I feel the familiar knot build in my stomach,"S-shit, I'm gonna-" I start, "Oh no you don't." Slash laughs, "You don't cum til I say so," he growls and this makes it harder to hold it in, "Fuck, now!" He groans, "F-fuck!!" I yell as his thrusts get sloppier and harder, "Oh s-shit," He groans loudly as he twitches in me. I feel him fill me up and I release as well, the orgasm was the biggest one yet, body shaking, thought crushing, toe curling orgasm.

He falls onto my chest and I'm fully out of breath, "Holy fuck. . ." He says out of breath. I can't say anything, I'm still coming down from my high, this was unlike any drug I've ever tried. 

"You okay?" He asks me as my body still trembles, "Holy shit. . ." I manage to chuckle lightly, "I don't know what got into you, if it's the jealousy or whatever the fuck, but that was unreal." I let out, getting under the covers.

Slash laughs getting underneath the blanket. He pulls me close to his chest and kisses my head, I like these sides to him, one minute he's dominating over me, and the next he's cuddling me and being a huge teddy bear. I wrap my sore leg around him and he holds me close, "Just remember, I'm the only one who makes you scream like that." He says lowly, tilting my chin up to look at him, "Mhm" I say sweetly as he presses a soft kiss on my swollen lips, he turns around switching the light off.

I'm worn out, so falling asleep comes quick.

I'm woken up by the sound of the phone ringing. Slash and I have switched positions, he's now hugging me from behind and is nuzzled into my shoulder. "Fucking hell!" I groan, reaching over to answer it, "Hello?" I say annoyed, I try to talk low as to not wake Slash up, "Who the fuck were you with last night?" Erins voice asks, "What are you talking about?" I ask, still waking up, "Lilliana, don't play fucking dumb with me, you kept us all up last night with your screaming." She said. 

Oh my fucking god. My face runs red and I giggle at the memory of last night.

"No one you know." I laugh. 

"There's no way you're not gonna tell me about, what sounded like, the best sex of your life!" She gasps, "Goodbye, Erin." I laugh. 

"Was it Izzy?" She asks before I hang up, "No, it wasn't fucking Izzy!" I say angrily, Slash laughs against my skin, "No shot it wasn't Izzy. . ." he laughs and I hit his chest, "How could it be anyone else? You went straight to your room last night." She says, "It wasn't fucking Izzy. You don't know, I could've left." I say and I feel Slash's hand slide down my body towards my underwear, shit.

He begins to massage me and I bite my lip trying to hold back the moan, "Who was it then?" Erin asks desperately, "I-I-I'm not telling you." I say trying to hold back the loud moan as Slash slides a finger in, "Goodbye Erin!" I say before slamming the phone down.

"Fuck," I groan, Slash laughs and quickly finishes me off, "That was fun, huh? You let the whole world know who gives you the best sex." He says cockily, "Oh, bite me." I roll my eyes, "Kay" He says, attacking my neck, I let out a loud laugh.


	23. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-TW0

LILLIANAS POV

It's the day of the show. Aerosmith just finished their soundcheck so its Guns N Roses turn.

I'm standing back stage smoking with Erin. I bite my lip as Slash fiddles with his guitar, shirtless. My eyes scan the scratches i left on his back along with a couple hickey. i'm thankful that this time, he didn't leave too many marks. sex with slash is always rough, whether i'm dominant or whether he is, my world never fails to be rocked. and when he has the power over me, i like wearing the bruises and hickeys like a new outfit.

The guys play a song and it's crazy. I smile as he walks to the backstage area, "You did so good!" Erin squeals running to Axl.

Slash chuckles and looks behind him to make sure no ones watching before he kisses me softly, "That was awesome," I smile, "Yeah?" He laughs, caressing my lower lip with his thumb.

Erin walks up and he moves his hand, "Lil, they're gonna be here for a while and I'm starving, wanna go get food?" She asks, not noticing what was just going on, "Yeah, sure." I say, "Okay, cool." She says as she walks towards the exit, "Have fun!" Slash says goofily as he squeezes my butt, I roll my eyes a catch up to Erin.

We go into this 50's themed diner and take a seat at the little bar area. I order a milkshake and fries.

"So, how's the song coming?" Erin ask turning to me, "Eh. . . it's getting there, I guess." I sigh, the diner is filled with the sounds of music coming from the jukebox and man playing guitar.

"Hey, put another dime in the jukebox!" Someone yells, and just like that, inspiration struck. "That's it!" I jump up, "What?" Erin asks confused, "That's what was missing, the original line sounded wonky, but that can replace it!" I say walking towards the man on the guitar, "What the fuck are you talking about?" She follows.

"Excuse me sir, do you think I could borrow your guitar for a second?" I ask and he gives me a kind smile before handing it to me.

"Listen." I say before playing 'I Love Rock N Roll'.

"I love rock and roll, just put another dime in the jukebox baby, I love rock n roll, come and take your time and dance with me. . ." I sing while strumming the chords.

"Oh my gosh, that's amazing!" Erin laughs, "I gotta get back and play this for my producer!" I say excited, "Thank you so much, sir," I smile handing the guitar back. I throw cash on the bar for my food and run out.

"Come on E!" I say waiting for her to come out. Erin and I walked there, so I had to speed walk back to the venue.

I walk into the stadium and rush to the green room, the guys are all hanging out it there when I rush in, "That was quick." Erin says coming in behind me, "Yeah sound check blew by quick." Duff says.

"Where's Slash?" I ask in a frenzy, "Talking to some girl." Izzy says.

"Iz, where's your guitar?" I ask, "There," he points, "what's wrong?" He asks, "I figured the song out." I smile, picking the guitar up along with the phone. I quickly dial my producers number,

"Hello?" His deep voice says, "Hey, it's Lilliana. I figured the song out!" I say excitedly, "No fucking way, can you play it?" He asks, "Yeah, one sec," I set the phone down and connect the guitar to the amp. I play the song all the way through and I can't be happier with the way it sounds.

While I play, Slash walks in and gives me a look that screams 'I would take you in the floor if there wasn't people here'.

"So, what do you think?" I ask eagerly as I pick the phone back up.

"Lilli, this is gonna be amazing! I gotta talk to the label, you have to record this as soon as possible!" He says.

"But the rest of the album's not out yet." I say.

"We'll put it out as a single." He explains.

"Well, would I have to leave to go back to LA and record?" I ask sadly.

"you shouldn't have to. I'll see if they can find you studio time somewhere else, I have producer friends everywhere, I got you don't worry," he explains, and some of the worry leaves my body.

I hang up the phone and all the guys are looking at me with faces that read, 'what the fuck just happened'.

"You just finished your song," Slash smiles widely at me, "I just finished my song," I repeat happily as I run towards him and jump in his arms, he spins me around as we laugh happily, forgetting that there are others in the room.

"I told you, I knew you'd find inspiration!" Izzy says as Slash sets me down, "I can't believe it. It just came to me!" I laugh proudly, "So, are they gonna make you go back to record it?" Duff asks, "I don't think so. They said they would try to arrange a session wherever we are at that time." I explain.

\---

It's almost show time and the guys are in the green room.

Slash is drinking and fiddling with his guitar. He plays a small solo and I smile at his focus while he plays. This will be my first time seeing him play on stage and I'm excited.

He's not wearing a shirt and I bite my lip at his tattoos and small muscles, he's wearing lace fingerless gloves, hoop earrings and leather lace up pants with combat boots.

I walk behind him and squeeze his butt, he laughs and I giggle at our dirty little secret. He lowers his head down and gently whispers in my ear, "Come outside. . ."

His breath causes goosebumps to run all over my body. I bite my lip as I discretely walk out the door of the green room.

Slash is close behind and as soon as the door shuts I'm against the wall, "I want a good luck kiss," He pouts. I giggle and caress his cheek.

I run my thumb across his lower lip, he smiles and lowers his head to press a soft, yet sensual kiss on my lips.

The innocent kiss soon turns into a sloppy makeout. I tangle my fingers in his hair and he picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. He presses me harder against the wall as he kisses my neck.

He pulls my shirt down and lowers his head down to my breast. He bites and sucks on the skin that my bra doesn't cover, leaving a red and purple mark, I giggle and moan at the lovely feeling.

He sets me down and kisses me one last time, "You know, now I can't wear anything low cut." I giggle hitting his chest, "next time I'll put it somewhere only I can see. . ." he chuckles, grabbing my butt. I chuckle and open the door back to the smoke filled green room.

Slash goes back to messing with his guitar and Izzy joins him. Erin is sitting on Axl while Steven and Duff are smoking. I sit in between them and take the joint.

"Guys, 5 minutes, let's get going please," a guy with a headset pokes his head in the room, "show time!" Axl claps, standing up knocking Erin off of him, "Shit, you ok E?" I run over to her, "Yeah." She says getting off, "asshole. . ." I mutter helping her up.

She follows them out and Slash stays behind, grabbing his guitar, "hurry!" I tell him, "come here," he says, pulling me in for one last kiss.

I smile as I watch him walk out.

"Ladies and gentleman, Guns N Roses!" The speaker yells and they run out, the crowd screams and my jaw drops at the sound.

"Jesus. . ." Erin says.

"Let's fucking go!" Axl yells into the microphone while Slash and Izzy play the intro to night train. I can't take my eyes off of Slash. The way he gets so into the music, the way he shakes his hair and runs across the stage. I am completely infatuated with him.

\---

The concert wraps up and I hug Slash tightly as they walk off stage.

He hands his guitar to a roadie and grips me tightly, "Ew, you're all sweating!" I giggled squirm out of his hold, "You guys did so good!" Erin says and Axl kisses her. We run backstage where there's a ton of groupies and a lot of drugs and alcohol.

"Let's fucking do this!" Steven cheers running towards the girls. Slash bites his lip and finds himself two tall blondes. I ignore that and walk over to grab myself some alcohol. Izzy comes over and plops down on the couch with me, "party favors?" He smiles, holding up a bag of marijuana.

"Gladly," I smile taking a drink. He rolls the joint for me and I smoke it, letting my weight disappear with each puff.

A couple minutes go by and I feel on top of the world, I'm not completely out of it, but Izzy is on another planet. I laugh at him and he turns towards me, "You're so pretty." He giggles, moving hair out of my face, "Thanks, Iz." I smile, squeezing his chin. I look over and Slash is making out with some girl.

I'm too high to care so I return my attention back to Izzy. He's looking at me lustfully and I feel my cheeks flare, "Izzy?" I giggle, "what?" He bites his lip, "what're you thinking about?" I giggle as he scoots closer.

"I'm thinking about how I wanna do this." He says lowly before kissing my neck. I'm so intoxicated that I don't register what's actually going on so I let it keep happening. I giggle and let out a light moan as he swirls his tongue around my skin.

Suddenly the sensation stops. I jolt my head up and Slash punches him in the jaw.

"Slash!" I scream as they start fighting.

"what the fuck, man!" Duff yells getting up, "Slash, Izzy, stop it!" I yell, pulling on Slash's arm.

"What the fuck, dude?" Izzy yells, pushing him back against the wall. Their quick and rough movements knock me down, and I scrape my wrist on a small table nearby, "Ow, fuck." I say as I see blood, "shit Lil, are you okay?" Erin rushes over, "Slash, fucking relax!" Steven and Duff pull him off of Izzy

Erin helps me up and Slash looks at me, there's hurt in his eyes, "what the fuck, Lilliana?" He yells. He never calls me Lilliana, he always calls me L.

"You said you guys weren't fucking, look at you!" He yells and rage overcomes me, "are you fucking joking? Look at you! You had your tongue down that girls throat! And then you think you have the right to make a scene?" I charge towards him, "I'm too fucking high and too fucking drunk to deal with you or any of this bullshit." I say, my high leaving my body.

"You're fucking me and my bandmate, what does that say about you?" He says harshly, I feel my stomach turn, "fuck you!" I scream loudly, "I wasn't fucking Izzy, I never was fucking Izzy, I was starting to actually like you. . ."


	24. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-THR33

LILLIANAS POV

I run out of the venue and I hear the sounds of Aerosmith performing. I feel shitty for leaving during their performance but I had to get out of there. 

There's several cabs out. I hop in the closest one and instruct the driver which hotel to take me to, and as the car exits the venue I'm thankful that I have a head start because I know Erin is probably after me. 

"Actually, do you think you could stop at a CVS nearby please?" I kindly ask, trying not to take my anger out on the driver, "sure," he smiles.

I wince looking down at the gash on my wrist. He drops me off at a CVS that's thankfully walking distance from the hotel. I pay him and walk inside. 

I make a b-line for the pharmacy. I grab bandaid and gauze since this does look pretty bad, I grab some peroxide and go to pay. I see some Advil on the way and some gatorade to help me out of the high and take care of the hangover tomorrow. 

I go to the checkout and I feel the blood dripping on my arm, "fuck," I groan, putting pressure on it with my jacket.

The lady checks me out whilst not breaking eye contact with my bloodshot eyes. I roll my eyes grabbing the bag and heading out. 

As I walk to the hotel, I don't know what to think. Who does Slash think he is? If it really bothered him that much he could've talked to me privately saying 'hey that wasn't cool. I don't want you giving Izzy attention like that because he's my band mate'. But no, he wants to get territorial and make a scene and then expect me to sit back while he humps everything that moves!

I catch myself chewing on my lip angrily as I step into the elevator at the hotel. 

I storm into my room and order a bottle of Jack to be sent to my room immediately. Thankfully, no ones come looking for me yet. 

Once the bottle arrives, I feel all my anger evaporate and the sad feelings sink in. Why does everything around me have to fall apart?

A couple minutes go by and I'm just sitting down, drinking my feelings away, when there's a pound on the door. I get up and look in the peep hole, it's Slash. 

"Go away!" I yell, "No, open the fucking door," he says angrily. 

"No, fuck off," I say hitting the door.

"Open the goddamn door, or can you not fucking look me in the eye?" He growls, hitting the door as well. I jump and I feel the anger coming back.

"Watch me look you in the fucking eye," I say angrily as I swing the door open, "you had no fucking business doing that shit!" I yell. 

"Me? No business doing what, getting you off my bandmate who I told you I didn't want you fucking?" He laughs and it sends me into a rage. 

"We weren't fucking, we were drunk and it fucking happened! I'm not your fucking girlfriend, it isn't your place to get mad and control who I wanna be with or fuck! If I wanted to be with Izzy, then its not your place to tell me not to! I would've dropped your ass for izzy!" I yell.

"Working your way through the band, huh?" He yells, "Shut the fuck up, Slash you're working youre way through half the population of women in LA!" I roll my eyes, "our arrangement is strictly sexual, Slash! You sleep with girls every night and I don't say shit about it!" I continue.

"Groupies isn't the same as my fucking bandmate!" He screams, "And maybe if you closed your legs for a second, you would notice that this is way more than a friends with benefits because I actually fucking like you!" He yells and his words make me flinch. 

"Close my legs?" I ask quietly, astonished at his choice of words.

"Shit. . ." He rubs his forehead, "I didn't-" He starts but I cut him off, "No, I know exactly what the fuck you meant. Goodnight." I laugh, backing into my room and closing the door. I slide my back down the door and sit with my knees close to my chest. I pull my jacket off and look at the bandaged wound on my wrist, it's been a while since I've needed this area bandaged. . .

I feel my cheeks get hot and my eyes start to burn. 

'close your legs'. . . 

A tear rolls down my face, but at this point I'm just so done trying to hold back. Fuck Slash, fuck him for making me weak, fuck him for making me care what the fuck he has to say. 

"Lil, Lil! What the hell was that? Open the door! Are you okay?" Erins voice comes from outside. Shortly after you hear the door to Slash's room slam. 

"Go away, Erin," I groan, sniffling and downing a big gulp of Jack. 

"Can you at least just tell me what that was about?" She asks and I hear her sit outside. 

"Slash and I have been sleeping together. . ." I say, and I feel my heart sink as I think of all the mornings I'd wake up next to him, seeing him laugh with me as we sneak around. The way he'd look at me, hold me, just be a fucking ball of mush around me.

"I fucking knew it." She says, "uh, no you didn't. . ." I laugh, "well, Izzy likes me, I guess, and we just got caught up in the moment and then, well. . . you know the rest." I sigh, sipping the drink.

"Shit Lil, why would you flirt back with Izzy?" She sighs. 

"Excuse me but I wasn't flirting back with Izzy. And even if I was, that's my business. Slash has been sleeping with 2 girls every night. Maybe even more." I say offended. 

"Sorry, sorry." Erin starts, "dunno, maybe you should try talking to him, he seemed pretty regretful of what he said." She says. 

I stand up opening the door, "really?" I ask. 

"Yeah. I mean, when you left he was so mad at himself for what he did," she starts, "well he just came here fucking attacking me." I argue, "maybe that's how he handles things?" She says shrugging, shutting the door behind her.

"He's just so infuriating! He makes me feel like I'm on top of the world, and then he makes me soft and I care what he thinks, it's annoying!" I groan, rubbing my face. 

"Maybe this is a sign. Maybe you guys are for each other, why don't you try it out?" She suggests.

"I don't know, E" I sigh, she lays on the bed and I lay next to her. We spend the next 30 minutes just talking about what life would be like if I just let Slash in. I hate to admit it, but her words do get to me. 

"Fine, I'll go talk to him." I say getting up and finally giving in.

I walk next door and knick on the door. A couple seconds go by and I swear I can hear giggling coming from inside. Soon, one of the tall blonde groupies answer. I freeze.

I look inside and Slash is in his boxer with the another girl on his lap. The girl who answered the door is wearing his Rolling Stones t-shirt. . . the one I always wore when I went to his apartment.

"Shit L". . . he says getting up. 

"No, I'll leave you to it." I say turning around, I feel my heart shatter. 

Am I that stupid? Did I really think he wanted to be serious? Did I really let fucking Erin convince me to go over there and make a fool out of myself? Shit. 

"Lilli, wait!" He yells, grabbing my arm. 

"What?" I turn around, a single tear running down my face, he looks down at my wrist and his face is laced with concern, "I-I did this?" He asks. 

"You and Izzy. What do you want?" I say wiping my face, "I'm sorry." He says and I can't help but laugh. 

"You're sorry? For what? Again, you're not my boyfriend. The only one who should be sorry is me for ever thinking you were serious about liking me. No, it's just your petty fucking jealousy, it's not you caring about me, it's you wanting to have what no one else gets to have. That doesn't fucking work for me anymore, Slash. I'm not gonna sit back and let you parade around with these girls and then come find me when you want, and then let you control who I see or sleep with, absolutely not." I laugh, "I'm done, you hear me? Done. this tour is over, I'm fucking done! I lost one of my best friends because of your bullshit! I can't believe I ever let myself believe you really cared about my feelings, I don't wanna do this with you anymore, stop pretending like you care because it hurts and it's exhausting." I say, and now I'm crying.

I see the pain in his eyes as he stands there, taking my abuse, "Goodnight." I cry storming into my room, leaving him standing there in the hallway.

"Fuck." I sob as I lock the door. I lean my forehead against the door and Erin rushes over, "What happened?" She asked concerned. 

"He was already with two new girls, E. Two new fucking girls!" I yell and let my emotions take over me as I cry into her shoulder, "I'm such an idiot." I sob as she lays me down in bed with her.

"Sh sh, you're not an idiot." She assures me as she cuddles me, caressing my hair.


	25. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-F0UR

SLASH'S POV

I am such a fucking idiot.

LILLIANAS POV

A couple shows have passed and we have been moving through the tour smoothly. I have yet to record the single. 

I've been keeping my distance from Slash, I've barely made eye contact or spoken with him, I'm just so angry. Izzy still hates me, barely talks to me. I just feel shitty.

Erin and Axl have gotten very, very serious, but something seems off, I don't know, it's like he silences her somehow. She hasn't said anything, but I am keeping my eye out.

We are in a new state now and decided to stop by a restaurant and grab a bite while our stuff gets unloaded at the hotel.

"Izzy still not talking to you?" Stevie walks up next to me as we all enter the restaurant, "nope." I sigh looking over at the tall skinny boy standing in front of me. 

"it's alright Lil, he'll come around. It's Izzy, he always does." Steven says sweetly as he gives me a firm side hug, "I hope so. . ." I sigh leaning on his shoulder.

We are quickly seated and Izzy sits as far away from me as possible. Ouch. 

This leaves the seat next to me the only available seat left, and of course, Slash is the only one not sitting down yet. I scoot closer to Duff and just hope I don't have to talk to him.

The waitress brings me a glass of water and the conversation is light. I let my eyes wander around the restaurant as Axl tells some boring story. I feel Slash looking at me and for some reason I don't mind it, just something about his presence is soothing. . . I hate it. 

As my eyes scan the restaurant, I spot someone who makes my heart practically fall out of my ass. 

Absolutely not. Is that the guy from the bar? The one who may or may not be my dad? 

Erin sees the face of horror I have on my face and kicks me under the table. I jolt and look at her, 'what?' She mouths, "that's the guy from the bar!" I whisper, pointing. 

"The one who might be?" She starts and I nod.

"And also the one that's coming over here!" I say, my voice is shaking. 

"Oh my god. . ." Erin says, causing the others to break their attention away from Axl. 

"Hi, are you Lilliana?" The man asks standing next to me. 

"Uh, yeah. . ." I answer nervously. The mans face softens and it looks like he's gonna cry, "Can I talk to you privately?" He asks anxious, "Uh. . . I don't know you." I remind softly. 

"Um, okay, I guess I'll just say it. . . I'm your dad." The words seem to just fall out of his mouth.

I thought I had prepared myself for this moment, but turns out I didn't. I feel my eyes burn but I do my best to hold it back. Everyone at the table has their jaws dropped. Including me. Slash puts his hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly. 

"Holy shit." Is all I manage to say before pushing Slash off and walking out. There's no way this is happening. No, of course it's fucking happening!

I stand outside and dig in my pockets for my cigarettes. 

"Please, wait!" The guy, who I guess is my dad, comes out. 

"How do I know you're my father?" I ask frantically as I light my cigarette. 

"Please, my name is Luis Melendez. You were born in east central hospital at 3 am, December 21st." He says desperately, "Oh my God. . ." I whine rubbing my forehead, I take a drag of the cigarette. 

"You're mother is Lola Cortez." He adds. 

"Why are you here?" I ask desperately as I pace the sidewalk outside the restaurant, "I mean, you had 18 years to come and find me, why now? Is it because I've made a name for myself? Why are you here? Why do I just now interest you?" I wave my hands like a lunatic.

"I didn't know where you were. I don't know what your mom told you, but I wanted a life with you my entire life. She wouldn't let me, she wouldn't tell me when court dates came, she had me convinced that she changed your name, she even made me believe you were dead at some point." He says and my heart breaks. 

The fucking bitch, "She said you cheated on her and left to be with your new wife." I say, not knowing how to feel. I drop the cigarette butt on the ground and pull another one out.

"That's not what happened at all." I see hurt in his eyes, "I got clean after you are born, I wanted to be your father and the drugs weren't letting me do that. Your mom didn't want to leave the drugs though, I couldn't take it so I broke up with her, she was furious but she let me see you once in a w while so that she could go out partying. I eventually met my wife, and that's when she did everything in her power to cut me off from you. I paid child support, you were always my daughter, I looked for you. When I saw you in the bar I thought it was too good to be true, there's no way my babygirl has been in LA this whole time. Then when you were on the news I knew it was you, I had to come find you." He says, slowly approaching me, "Look, I still carry you around in my wallet." He says pulling his wallet out and showing me a photo of me as a baby on his lap with the guitar. Woah.

I don't doubt anymore that he's telling the truth.

"Oh my God. . ." I say as tears roll down my face, "What am I supposed to say?" I ask my voice shaking. 

"Just, have lunch with me before you guys have to leave, please. Think about it." He looks me in the eye, "Here's my card, call me whenever." He says handing me a card with his name and number on it.

"Okay." I say, my jaw still dropped, he sighs and walks off. What the fuck just happened?

I walk back inside to grab my jacket and leave, because any appetite I had before is gone.

When I approach the table, all conversation stops and their eyes focus on me, their faces laced with concern, worry, and sympathy. . . I hate it. I feel the tears come up and I try my best to hold it back. Slash stands up grabbing me by the arm and pulling me close to his chest. I don't hesitate to wrap my arms around him and take in his familiar scent that just never fails to bring me comfort.

I forget that I'm angry with him and just exhale in his embrace as he caresses my hair. He lifts my chin to look up at him and caresses my cheek using his thumb to wipe away the tears that are streaming down my face. I stare into his eyes and I feel my anger coming back. The way he makes me feel infuriates me, it infuriates me because I love it.

"I uh- I'm gonna go, I need a minute." I say, breaking out of my trance and pushing Slash off. He looks at me with hurt eyes but ignore it and remind myself that it was falling for his charms that hurt me last time. 

"Can I come with you?" Erin looks at me softly, "Yeah, let's go." I say with a sigh walking out. My mind is still not dully there. I need drugs, alcohol, something to cause me to stop thinking.

As Erin and I are in the cab, she looks at me concerned, "I know where Axl keeps the weed." She finally says, reading my mind, "This is why you're my best friend." I half smile, leaning on her shoulder. I do admit, the access to the weed is nice, but something in me wants something stronger.

We soon are at the hotel, entering my room. We've just gotten back from raiding Axl's room and I plop on my bed.

Erin rolls two joints and grabs the bottle of alcohol on the bedside. It's Jack, it reminds me of Slash. I roll my eyes dismissing the thought.

I down the drink and light the joint. A couple puffs in and I feel myself getting weaker. Erin and I are laying insolence when the emotions rush all at once. Not just my dad, Izzy, Slash, everything. I sob hysterically. 

"Shit." Erin brings me close and starts to squeeze me. I can't help it, the tears come out stronger and I can't breathe, it's becoming a panic attack. 

"It's gonna be okay." She rubs my back soothingly.

"It's always okay before i-it's b-bad again-n." I sob. I drop the joint in the ashtray and stuff my face into the pillow, mascara staining it.

After about 30 minutes of wordless, drunken crying, and Erin trying to comfort me, there's a knock at the door.

"I got it." She says standing up, I don't even bother to look up until I hear him, "Is she okay?" His raspy, concerned voice sparks something in me. 

"Hey, L!" He rushes over to me, he puts his hand on my back and sits on the bed, "Come on, talk to me." He says, lightly moving my hair out of his face. His actions are once again soothing and comforting, I feel myself letting my guard down. I sit up and there's mascara running down my cheeks.

His face softens and he slides his thumb across my lower lip, "I'll come back, I guess." Erin says walking out. 

I feel the tears well up and the panic attack sets again, I try to control my breathing but it's only making it worse, "Shit,L, relax." Slash pulls my head into his chest. 

"Why the f-fuck-" I start but he stops me, "Don't try and talk, you'll make it worse, okay?" He looks at me before getting up and filling a glass with water, "Here." He hands me it and I grab the glass, taking sips of water as I try to control my breathing.

Once I've relaxed, Slash joins me back on the bed and pulls me down so we are laying with each other. He holds me close and I don't wanna be anywhere else. He lifts my chin and we inch closer and closer, "Are you okay?" He asks quietly, his lips brushing against mine, "Uh huh. . ." I breathe, wanting him to close the gap.

The way he makes me feel is indescribable, he clouds my judgement and makes my brain go all fuzzy. All this over hookups. Shit, he's doing it again, I can't let myself be open like this, I can't, he's not for me, this is purely lust, nothing more. 

He embarrassed you Lil. He made you look like a fool, he made you question your morals and your pride, to what? Insult your intelligence by making it seem like he likes you when you know you knew better?

With all these thoughts settling in I jump out of his hold. He flinches and I stand up quickly. I pace the floor angrily as I run my fingers through my hair. My raccoon eyes and tear stained face probably made this much scarier than it was.

"No. Fuck you, no." I start to mumble to myself. 

"What's wrong?" He stands up, confused , "Why do you keep fucking doing this to me?" I yell, 

"Doing what?" He asks, "This whole 'caring' bullshit, the flirting, the loving, the romancing, it's not fucking you!" I say. 

"Excuse me for trying to be there for you." He argues, "No, no, no, that wasn't you being there for me, that was you taking advantage of my vulnerability to fucking get me back and hurt me again!" I say and my face just reads psycho, "Are you fucking nuts?" He yells. 

"Then what are you trying to do? Because I know it's not be in a relationship with me, because I can still hear all the fucking girls in your room." I laugh. 

"I just want things back the way they were. When you didn't fucking hate me!" He yells, and now this has turned into a scream match.

"The way they were? And how was that Slash, you get to fuck me and all the women you want but I can't even get close with another guy? Fuck that!" I yell. 

"You know that's not how it fucking was!" He argues, "Oh really? then how the was it?"

"We agreed that we were just sleeping together, I started getting real feelings for you, but you couldn't fucking stay off Izzy!" He says harshly. 

"Oh, poor fucking you! I couldn't stay off Izzy? You couldn't stay off every groupie that came to the shows, and you wasted no effort is showcasing it to me! I'm so fucking sorry that I held conversation with someone I was touring the fucking country with!" I yell hurt, "Ohh yeah? I don't remember the last time you woke up in someone else's arms and it meant nothing." He spits back. 

"I woke up in yours and it meant Jack squat!" I lie and I see hurt immediately veil his face, "Fuck you." He laughs before storming out slamming the door.

I close my eyes trying to regain my composure, "Fucking shit!" I sob, throwing a pillow at the door.


	26. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-F1V3

SLASH'S POV 

The fucking nerve of this girl, I go over there to help her. She genuinely made me worried, I hate seeing her hurt. 

Yes, I was a fucking idiot when it came to the girls, but that isn't the same. She was flirting with Izzy, she let everyone believe it was her and him, he was getting the credit for making her scream. That wasn't him, that'll Never be him. 

I don't understand why she makes me this jealous. I did start to develop some feeling for her, or I thought I was, they disappeared after our fight. I will never say it out loud, but that night she was crying to me, when she saw the girl who answered the door, I knew exactly what she saw, it was my confirmation that she was feeling the same way as me, her face was just hurt. She knew that the shirt that 'what's-her-face' was wearing was her shirt. I felt like absolute shit. I just stood there and took her yelling because I knew it was my own fault, I knew she wouldn't be running around my apartment in my t-shirts while playing my guitars and dancing like a maniac, I knew she wouldn't wake me up with little kisses, I knew I wouldn't be able to pass out drunk with her and have her play with my hair, I knew I wouldn't get to hear the way she screamed my name, I knew it was all my fault. 

Now though, I don't care. It's obvious she never cared, the way she said the hurtful words so effortlessly, I didn't even see regret in her face. I'm not going to miss the constant flirting with Izzy, I'm not going to miss the annoying way she taps her fingers on everything, I'm not going to miss the way she can't stay on her own side of the bed, her loud laugh, her messy curls that sprawl over my chest, I'm not going to miss the way she called me out, I'm not gonna miss the way she made me feel. I'm done. It's obvious I was wrong and we can't even maintain a friendship. We were sleeping together, and now we aren't. We're acquaintances, connected by the fact that we had sex, that's it, sex. 

I storm into my room and feel my heart tighten. I meant nothing? I call my dealer and invite him and his girlfriend to come over with some cocaine. 

"Yeah dude, whatever you got, I got you covered." I say before hanging up the phone. 

A couple hours go by and there's a knock at the door, I get up excited to get high out of my mind.

"What's up!" Randy laughs, coming in with his girlfriend and her friend, "Hi Slash." The girl smiles at me, "Hi." I chuckle, eyeing her body. She is tall, skinny, and has short curly hair. She's kind of the polar opposite of Lilli. She's dressed all bright and funky, she looks like she comes from money. 

"Well, let's fucking do this!" Chichi, Randy's girlfriend, says as she cuts the line on the mirror shard. I shake off the thought of Lilli. I down a swig of Jack before lowering my head and snorting the line through a rolled up dollar bill. 

"Damn it." I sniffle, rubbing my burning nose. The drugs take effect immediately, I feel like I'm made out of static, my bones don't exist and I'm just a walking cloud. I lean my head back as I take in the effect of 3 more lines. I'm halfway through the bottle of Jack when I feel my eyes get heavy.

"Slash?" I hear a voice say. At first the voice is rigid and high pitched, "Slash, Slash?" 

As they continue saying my name, the voice becomes softer, sweeter, like velvet. It's Lilli voice. 

"L?" I open my eyes lightly. I see Chichi's friend, who I now know as Brittany, standing over me.

"Who?" She says, but as she talks her face gets more sculpted, more defined. She turns into a stunning woman with brown cat eyes and round lips. Cheekbones that showcase the beautiful dimples, shit, I know this face. Her curls turn black and start draping down her shoulders, it's Lilliana. 

I squint my eyes, am I seeing this right? I look around me and I see Randy with Chichi on top of him, in an intoxicated make-out session. 

"Come on Slash, let's have some fun." Brittany/Lil says getting onto my lap. I'm confused, but I go with it.

She leans in to kiss me and her lips feel little in between mine, not the way it felt with Lilli. Her lips were smaller than mine, but they were plump, we connected perfectly. Whoever this is, I can't grip them. She shoves her tongue down my throat and I jump. Her kisses become more and more aggressive, and not in the sexy way. I eventually get her off of me and stand up, deciding I need to go for a walk. I stumble towards the door and walk down the hall. 

I don't know where my legs are taking me, but I let them lead the way. 

LILLIANAS POV 

I'm in Duffs room now. No ones heard from Slash and frankly, I don't care. 

"So, are you gonna have lunch with him?" Duff ask handing me the joint as his breath hitches from the smoke. 

"I mean, I guess." I begin, grabbing the joint, "What do I have to lose? I never thought highly of my dad, it can only go up from here, right?" I say blowing smoke out, passing the joint to Izzy.

"True, what do you have to lose? It's not like he was there before." Izzy says, taking a hit.

"Exactly." I sigh, leaning back on the couch thankful that Izzy's said at least something to me, whether it be a bit harsh or not. 

"Well, whatever happens, we're here Lil's" Steven wraps na arm around me, "Thanks Stevie." I look up, pinching his cheek. He meets the gesture with a sweet smile and I lean on his shoulder.

"Yo, Slash!" I hear Axl yell out into the hall, damn it. 

Soon, Slash comes tumbling in. The high he has is different, it looks fun, way more fun than weed could ever be. I look at him intrigued. 

"H-hey guys." He slurs with a laugh, "What kinda fun have you been holding out on us?"Duff laughs as he plops onto the couch.

"Ooh, is this Britt or Lil's?" He looks at me quizzically whilst poking my cheek, "It's Lilli you asshole." I say swatting his hand away and standing up. 

"What're you on, and can I have some?" Steven laughs. 

"That good, blow." He whispers, "Oh shit, I think I smell party night!" Izzy laughs. 

"Yeah, invite whoever got it for you and we'll go to the club and really have some fun." I smile, excited to find anything to numb my thoughts.

"You're gonna do blow?" Duff looks at me, "Yeah fucking right!" Slash chuckles, dropping his head back. 

"scuse' you?" I cross my arms, "Oh watch out." Izzy laughs sarcastically while rolling his eyes in annoyance. 

"I need it, now!" I say sitting down, "I need a night I just won't remember." I admit, "And you act like I haven't tried other shit." I continue.

"What else have you tried?" Duff asks.

"I have a tattoo you can't see that's the result of a very fun acid trip. . ." I smile. 

"Oh damn girl." Steven laughs. 

"Oh yeah," Slash laughs, pointing at me with his eye's closed, "she has trippy topless model in between her legs on her upper inner thigh." Slash says, keeping his eyes closed as if he's imagining it. 

"I wanna see!" Duff says, "It was my favorite hickey spot. . ." Slash adds, giving Steven a competitive look.

I give him the finger and hike my skirt up to show them the tattoo. 

"Oh shit!" Duff laughs, studying the ink. 

"That really is up there." Steven says, Izzy just eyes me quietly. 

"Alright, stop fucking staring!" Slash swats at them, I giggle and put my leg down.

"Wait, no fucking way, you still have a fucking purple mark there!" Duff laughs pointing at my leg, "Shut up, Duff!" I hit his arm with a chuckle. 

my mind can't help but remembering the image of Slash's head in between my legs, leaving the love bite. It was a long time ago, though. The fact that there's still a hue of a hickey, the fact that duff could tell? Weird.

"Well, let's get to partying dudes, this high is wearing off and I don't like it." Slash laughs, standing up. 

"I'll put another mark there if you want." He whispers in my ear, the smell of whiskey filling our area, asshole. I push him away and grab my jacket.


	27. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-S1X

SMUT WARNING

LILLIANAS POV

We all go to this club. Slash brought three people, a short ginger guy with a buzz cut and a sleeve of tattoos. He is, I guess, with this girl, she's tall, tanned with long straight hair. She seems nice, but she's high out of her mind. She brings her friend, a girl with short, curly hair. She's bubbly and can't hold her alcohol. She's practically glue to Slash, gross.

I'm sitting in a booth next to Duff and we are all practically wasted at this point. 

"Come on Chichi, let's go dance," the ginger guy who, I now know is Randy, says to his girlfriend. She giggles and they tumble to the dance floor.

Slash pulls out the small packet of white powder and shakes it in front of our faces. 

"No way dude!" Izzy laughs, grabbing the bag, "let's fucking do this!" Slash slurs with the girl on his lap. 

"You ready for more, Britt?" He giggles, sliding a finger down her lip, she smiles seductively and I feel like I'm gonna be sick. I roll my eyes and grab the bag from Izzy.

"Woah, woah, do you even know how to-" Duff starts, "Duff, shut the fuck up." I hold my hand up to his face. I grab Duffs credit card and cut the drug into four lines. 

"Oh shit." Steven laughs. 

I roll up a dollar bill and snort two of the four lines, "Oh, she's gonna be gone." Axl laughs.

I throw my head back and I can feel Slash's eyes scanning my every move. I see him licking his lips from the corner of my eye, I smile grabbing the bottle and heading to the dance floor. The coke is acting fast, I feel myself float and all I feel is happiness. I laugh, spinning around and dancing with myself. I catch myself looking back at the table and it's now full of girls.

Britt on Slash's lap along with another girl, Duff making out with a girl, Steven as well, Izzy is getting his neck devoured by one, Axl has two girls on him, Erin and some other girl. Shit, Erin is so gone.

I feel two hands snake around my hips and I jump, almost losing my balance. I'm met with a tall guy will long curly hair, he looks at me with drunk lustful eyes, I giggle and begin dancing with the stranger.

I don't think twice about rubbing myself against him in every way possible. For some reason, I look back at the table and see Slash looking at me, he grabs Britt and they start making out while the other girl kisses his neck. He squints his eyes the way he would when I would kiss his neck, but I know it doesn't feel as good as when I do it. Alright asshole, two can play at this game.

"I have party favors. . ." I say in the mans ear, he chuckles and lets me guide him to our booth.

"H-hey guys-s, this I-is. ." I start, but I realize I don't even know his name, "Jordan." He laughs, grabbing a chair and pulling me onto his lap.

I giggle as I plop down and get comfy. We are right next to Slash and his eyes are full of jealousy, drunken, high jealousy. I look over at Erin and she's laughing uncontrollably while, planting kisses all over Axl. 

"Let's do body shots!" Britt chimes standing up and lifting her shirt, "all fucking righty." Slash laughs sitting her on the table. 

The girls that are with the other guys laugh as they position themselves to do the body shot.

A couple put the salt on their neck, but I feel Jordan lay me back and he licks a stripe up my tummy before putting the salt on. I giggle at the wetness and bite on the lime. He downs the shot and licked me clean, his lips suck on the lime before tearing it out of my mouth and kissing me on top of the table.

I laugh loudly as he picks me up and we begin making out as I grind on his lap. He's a great kisser and I focus on just having as much fun as I can. I grind down on him hard and he laughs, guiding my hips down.

SLASH'S POV

You should've seen the way she was dancing. The way her body moved, how she shook her hair, it was like no one was watching. I sat there, eyeing her movements, she really did just move so effortlessly. Her hips swaying around in smooth circles. 

Then a guy comes up and they start grinding, gross. I roll my eyes while Britt and this new girl Alexa start kissing me. I chuckle as I continue to watch Lilli.

She makes eye contact with me and they get closer, jealousy sparks in me and I grab Britt and start kissing her. I don't know how she reacted, but I don't even look back. Soon she comes over with the guy and sits on his lap. The dude is nice and all, but there's just something off about him.

Britt suggests we do body shots and this is my chance to show her how much I really don't give a shit if she fucks other guys. I salt her neck and do the shot, licking away the salt and sucking on the lime. It comes to Lil and Jordans turn, and he decides to lay her on the table and do the shot off of her belly.

He lifts her shirt and exposes the doodle tattoos I've become so familiar with. She squirms as he licks her and shakes the salt. 

I love watching her squirm, but not when it's because of someone else.

He spits the lime out and kisses her, I could snap his neck in half. She laughs and straddles his lap as they start making out. She tangles her fingers in his hair just like she'd do with me, something that drove me wild, especially when she'd pull lightly on it cause I was making her feel good.

"When you're done staring at her, we'll be on the dance floor. . ." Alex says grabbing Britt and getting off of me. 

"Oh!" Duff laughs and I flick him off. I get up and follow the girls to the dance floor where they sandwich me and grind all over me.

"Can we get out of here?" Alexa says in my ear, "fuck yeah!" I laugh, walking out with the two girls.

LILLIANAS POV

I head back to the hotel alone and very, very intoxicated. Jordan turned out to be a bust, when I asked to go back to his place he said we couldn't cause his wife and kids were sleeping. Ha, bye!

I stumble into my hotel room and plop on the bed, not even bothering to take my heels off. Just as I sink into sleep, I'm awoken by a loud sound next door, "Oh fuck yes!" A female voice moans loudly. 

"Jesus Christ." I slur, covering my head with a pillow.

The moaning never stops and it's infuriating. I stand up and nearly topple over because of all the drugs I'm on. I walk to the door and hope I have the right one because I currently see three. Once I make it out successfully, I turn to Slash's door and bang my fist on it, "Shut the fuck up!" I yell before I hear loud laughing coming from inside which infuriates me. I do my best to ignore it, but when the moaning gets louder my pettiness comes up.

"Fine, you wanna be like that? I-I'll show you, b-bitch!" I slur and walk back to my room, tumbling over to the hotel phone.

I dial the front desk, "Hello?" The woman says.

"H-hi, I'm a guest in room 706 a-and-d the people in 707 a-are being so f-fucking loud, I can't sleep. Is t-there any-thing you can d-do?" I say, drunk as fuck, "We'll let them know to keep it down ma'am, sorry for the disturbance." She says and I hang up.

I lean back on the bed and start to drink a nearby bottle of alcohol.

Soon the moaning stops. I sigh and close my eyes letting the alcohol warm up my body once more. A couple minutes pass and I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper.

I jump when there's furious pounding on the door. 

"Fucking hell!" I yell as I stand up and try to make my way over to the door, "What?" I yell as I swing the door open. 

"W-what the fuck was that for?" Slash storms in, drunk. 

"What was what?" I giggle, knowing exactly what he's talking about. He stands in the middle of my room in only his underwear and I bite my lip at his toned body.

"Looks like you didn't get laid tonight. . . is that why you're being a child?" He laughs, pushing his hair back, "Me, a child? Oh fuck off!" I sit on the chair at the small table, "I mean look at you, throwing yourself on a random guy all night, and more drugs than you can take. . ." He points at my drunk-ness.

"Oh, go to hell, Slash! It's okay for girls to throw themselves at you but I can't have fun with a hot guy in a club?" I laugh.

He gets up and comes at me, he towers over me and bites his lip, "you're mad because you know I can make other girls scream like you, but no guys gonna give you what I gave you." He smirks. His words infuriate me but turn me on at the same time, "not at all, I know no girls gonna make you feel the way I do. Their screams don't mean nothing compared to the shit we do, I'll always be your little nymph." I lick my lips and slide my thumb across his lower lip.

"Fuck," He growls picking me up. I giggle, wrapping my legs around him. 

Our lips connect and it feels electric, there's sparks with each kiss. He aggressively bites my lower lip, causing me to groan into the kiss. I pull on his hair gently as he lowers me onto the table. He slides my t-shirt up and nibbles all over my torso.

"Tell me what you want." He growls in my ear. 

"Fuck me." I bite his earlobe and he chuckles lustfully.

He aggressively pulls my skirt down, along with my fishnets, "Seriously, no fucking underwear?" He laughs, looking at my half-naked body, I shrug and he gets aggressive.

"You know I love it when you control me, but it's my turn now. You don't make a sound til' I say so." He looks down at me, I smile like the fucking sex crazed psycho he turns me into, "You're such a slut for me. Only for me." He kisses me again and I feel myself get even more excited.

His hand slides in between my legs and I try to hold back the moan as he slides his finger up my slit. I grip his bicep as he leans over me. 

He pulls his hand away and slides his fingers into my mouth, I gladly swirl my tongue around each one as he watches me closely. He wastes no time in sliding a finger into me as he rubs my clit with his thumb. My toes curl and I cover my mouth as he moves in and out, curling them lightly.

He looks at me hungrily as he watches me try to suppress the sounds of pleasure. 

"Who makes you feel this good?" He whispers, "Y-you?" I squeal as he adds another finger.

"What's my name?" He asks, and it's torture to speak, "S-Slash," I whisper, "What was that?" He slams another into me, "Slash!" I groan.

He lowers his head to my center and his breath raises goosebumps. He licks a long strip up me and my legs squirm, "Moan for me." He says against my skin as he sucks on me, pulling his fingers in and out at a quick pace, "Oh god!" I screech throwing my head back, I grip his hair and I arch my back off the table, "Oh fuck, more!" I scream lowering myself against his face.

"Come get it then." He smiles pulling his now glossy lips away from me. He lays down flat on the bed and I waltz over and begin straddling his face.

His arms snake around my thighs, holding me still as he devours me, "Oh my God, yes Slash!" I yell grinding on his face to get the most pleasure out if this. I feel his tongue swirling around my sensitive skin. He laps his tongue and stares up at me as he sucks harshly on my clit. 

"Jesus, fuck!" I moan, throwing my head back and he grips my thighs harder.

"Mmm" he moans and the vibrations of his voice push me over the edge, "Oh my God!" I squeeze my eyes shut as I release all over his face.

I fall onto the bed and gasp at the orgasm still coursing through me. 

One thing I learned with Slash is, it's never just one orgasm with him, this man knows things about me that I didn't even know could make me cum.

I'm breathless when he kneels up, pulling his underwear off. His long, swollen dick springs out and I lick my lips. He smiles wickedly and wipes his glossy mouth. He looks down at me with the most sex crazed eyes I've seen.

"Suck." He orders, I giggle and push him down onto the bed. 

I sit at his feet and he watches me intently as I pull my shirt off and unclip my bra. His eyes are full of nothing except lust as I crawl towards him. 

I lick around him and leave small hickeys on his v-line. I have a little fun and decide to leave a scandalous little heart, "This is mine." I drunkenly pout as I lick a long stripe up him, he twitches slightly and I giggle, teasing him. I lick around his base making a small 'L' out of hickeys. I'm his 'L'. 

Soon, he picks my hair up and holds it over my head as I take him in my mouth.

"Jesus Christ." His head falls back and I swirl my tongue around his tip, "Mmm, good girl." He growls as I push him as far into my mouth as I can. I feel him hit the back of my throat and I suck him completely dry, "Mother fucker!" He growls, pushing me off.

He sits at the edge of the bed and grabs me, I straddle my legs around him and he lowers me onto him, "I don't wanna hear a sound until I tell you so." He says as he pushes me down.

I feel every single inch of him enter me and I bite his shoulder trying not to scream. Tears fill my eyes due to the strain he's causing me, I whimper lightly and he shakes his head, "Tsk, tsk, tsk, what did I say?" He places light kisses along my bare shoulder, he bites and sucks all over my neck and collarbone leaving red and purple marks all over me.

He wastes no time in lifting me up and slamming into me hard and fast. 

"Now you're gonna scream for me you little slut!" He growls, holding me close to him as he fucks me like an animal, "Oh my God!" I scream bloody murder as he takes my nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling around them as he lightly bites.

He leaves hickeys all over my chest and my nails scrape down his back. I know im cutting him, but I don't care. Holy shit, this is amazing.

I bury my head into his neck to try to muffle my moans. I bite on his skin and suck a bunch of pretty little marks all over him, "Look at you." He giggles at my tongue swirling around his skin.

He moves us, so now I'm bent over the bed. He grabs both of my arms and holds them firmly behind my back, I roll my eyes and his roughness send me into a frenzy. He grips my wrists together and uses them to pull my body onto him harder and harder. 

My moans bounce as he shows no mercy in slamming into me. The sounds of wetness and skin slapping echo, and I don't care if we wake anyone up. 

"God Slash, yes!" I scream as he snakes his other arm around my neck, pulling my head up.

I don't know how much more of this I can take.

He stands me up and turns us towards the mirror, the drugs and alcohol making this experience even more euphoric. I watch my knees tremble as he stands behind me, hand around my neck and arms still being held behind my back.

I see the mascara running down my cheeks and the drool dripping down my chin as he ruthlessly slams into me. He chuckles and sends goosebumps down my entire back. His hand moves from my neck and slips into my mouth, I choke lightly on his three fingers and feel the spit falling all over my breasts. He looks at me lustfully through the mirror and he continues moving in and out.

His hand moves from my mouth and down to my clit. At this point, he's the only thing keeping me standing up straight as he pulls me close to his head. As he rubs my clit, I let out the sluttiest moan and throw my head back into his chest. My knees give out and I feel myself shake. Just before I fall, Slash let's go of my arms and wraps his arm around my waist , "Woah!" He chuckles and his drunken laugh send shockwaves through me.

His whiskey breath brings me peace, but I'm not sure how much more my body can take. I'm still unaware of my screaming.

Slash lifts my leg up and I get a clear view of him coming in and out of me. My eyes look worn out and black all over, my pink lipgloss is smudged all over my chin and I'm dripping in spit.

"Look at you, all fucked out, your eyes!" He growls and furiously rubs my clit.

My vision runs blurry and I scream the loudest I've ever screamed, "SLASH!" My volume makes him stop moving completely. He chuckles and slows down a bit as he watches the desperate tears stream down my face.

The pleasure is unlike no other and I feel my voice strain, I'm practically blinded and I'm not going to say I don't enjoy it, because I do. I like being his little fuck toy. 

"Who's your daddy?" He growls and I chuckle at the corniness, but it only fuels him.

He angrily grabs my face and I squeal at the force, "Who are you a slut for, who makes u scream?" He growls, "You, you're my daddy." I slur, completely weak at this point. 

"That's what I fucking thought. You belong to me, and me only" He growls in a drunken rage.

He moves so he's now on top of me. He hangs one of my legs on his shoulder and pins the other one open with his knee, he slides me closer to his hips and he slams into me, yet again. My head bumps the headboard, but I don't care, "Fucking shit, you're so tight!" He groans, grabbing the head board for support.

The room is filled with the sounds of the bed rocking and our moaning. I cum several times, but he's not there yet.

"Oh!" I moan loudly as I feel the familiar knot build in my stomach, my fingers scraping at his bicep as he grips my legs, "S-shit." He goes harder and harder, "This will fucking teach you!" He growls, dropping his head. His hand wraps around my neck and I roll my eyes, "Oh my God!" He groans, getting sloppy. He tries to grab the bedside table for support, but ends up knocking the lamp down instead.

"Fuck!" he yells, filling me up, "Oh god, yes Slash!" I arch my back and his grip around my neck gets tighter, making the final orgasm the best one.

He falls down next to me and I'm left there sprawled out on the bed, naked, breathless, and utterly rearranged on the inside.


	28. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-S3V3N

LILLIANAS POV

I'm awoken by a sharp pain surrounding my entire body, mostly my head. 

"Damn." I groan, covering my eyes. Once my burning eyes adjust to the light, I look around the room. Everything is just a disaster. Chairs knocked over, tables moved, lamp is knocked over, the bed is shifted off the wall and my clothes are all over the floor.

The floor has wet stains on it, the sheets are wet. Did I. . . squirt?

"What the fuck happened?" I groan to myself as I try to remember the events that occurred last night, all I can remember is the club and the coke. I slowly sit up and wince at the pain on my back. I look to my side and there's no one there. Still trying to figure out what fucking planet I'm on, I continue to scan the room. I see the bathroom light on from underneath the closed door. 

'Okay, so whoever is in there will help me figure out what the fuck happened last night,' I think to myself

I grab my t-shirt from the floor and slide it on, hitching my breath at the soreness of my body. I slowly bring my legs to the edge of the bed and stand up. "Holy fuck!" I grab the bedside table. There's a familiar soreness, a soreness I only felt after a night with slash. . .

Did I? No, there's no fucking way. 

On the bedside table are my birth control pills. I chuckle, picking them up. My eyes go wide, I forgot to take one. Fuck! 

It's okay Lilliana, whoever it was had to have used a condom. I ignore the sick feeling in my stomach and walk up to the mirror. 

Oh. . . my. . . god.

My eyes widen at my destroyed appearance. 

I can't help but laugh at my whorish appearance, it's scary. My cheeks are stained with mascara tears, my lips are swollen, my eyes look tirelessly fucked out, my hairs a mess, there's bruises around my neck, and more hickeys on my neck and chest than I can count. I look myself up and down and see scratches on my legs and tiny bruises on my calves and hips, the ones that you get from someone gripping you too hard.

"What the fuck. . ." I whisper to myself, wide eyes as my fingers trace the bruise on my neck. I was. . . choked? I bite my lip thinking about the only guy who's ever been this rough and ruthless with me, especially when I'd been 'bad', as he put it. There's no way Slash and I had sex last night, he left with a girl or two, right? 

I broken out of thought by the bathroom door swinging open. He walks out. Holy fuck. 

Slash.

My eyes go wide as I stare at his half naked self standing in my hotel room. His lips swollen as well, his back having deep cuts. . . holy shit. He had hickey in the shape of a heart on his neck, did I do that? Small bite marks all over his shoulder and collarbone, scratches on his arm, hickeys on his jawline and bruises on his chest. 

"We?-" I begin, "mhm." He says in a raspy voice. 

"How?" I groan sitting on the edge of the bed, "I remember most of the sex part, how it happened, I can't figure out." He says, looking at the marks left on his body. He smirks at the heart shaped hickey. 

"Did I do that?" I ask curious, "mhm, this is also your work," he says, looking back at me in the mirror as he rushes down the waistband of his briefs to reveal an 'L' shaped hickey right next to his dick. My face runs red and I look at myself once again.

"I look like a slut." I laugh, turning my head to examine the bruise, he licks his lips looking at me again, "Scary part is, that wasn't the dirtiest we've ever gotten." Slash smirks looking over at the wet spots, "what are those wet spots?" I ask curiously, "you squirted." He laughs, remembering the events of last night. I sit back down on the bed and stare into the mirror.

Being in that position brings back the flood of intoxicated memories from last night. My jaw drops as the images of Slash fucking me in front of the mirror come back, the way he forcefully held me down, the way I loved when he choked me and treated me like a toy. I would never let him know how much I liked being his little plaything, I can't let him have that satisfaction. 

I do know for certain though, he liked being my play thing. I bite my lip as memories come flooding back of me, tying his hands to my headboard and making him beg for me, watching him squirm, shutting him up by stuffing my underwear in his mouth. 

I smirk at my thoughts. 

"What're you thinking about, you fucking nymph." He laughs sitting next to me, "nothing." I giggle laying flat on the bed.

"Tell me." He lays next to me, "Just remembering the times where, you were my toy. . ." I bite my lip, "Fucking shit woman." He laughs, covering his face. Soon he turns to his side, propping himself on his elbow and hovering over me. His hands find their familiar place around my neck. 

"It was my turn last night, I know you liked that shit too." He says so close to me that our lips brush together. 

My breath hitches. I want him again so badly. I want him to just destroy me again, but this time, harder. I bite my lips at the mere thought of him having all this control over me. I can't though. The feelings of lust that bubble up when I'm around him turn me into someone that I'm not. A vulnerable, emotional, softie. He hurts me countless times and causes me nothing but stress, I'm not gonna make myself miserable because he fucks me good. God, I wish I could though. 

I push him off, "This was a mistake, Slash. A one time, drunken, high mistake. It was fun, but I'm not doing this shit again." I sigh, running my hand through my curls. 

"Fine." He shrugs. I hate to be that girl, but it makes me a little uneasy how okay he's being about this, somethings not right, he's got something up his sleeve. 

"What are you not telling me?" I say cocking my brow, "nothing." He says, smirking, "I know when you're lying to me, Slash." I say, putting a hand on my sore hip.

"It's just, you and I always say this. We talk about how we can't do it again. We hurt each other, we fight, we yell, we're dicks, but at the end of the day, we always end up back in bed. We do it because it's wrong, you like that shit, I like that shit, I don't think this is the end. It's like you said, no one makes me feel like you do, and no one makes you scream like I do. I know we'll be back in this position and I'm ready." He says walking over to me.

My brain is fuzzy at his words. It's wrong, I mean it is, but is that why we're doing it. Is it that we don't really like each other, but we like the feeling of doing bad things together? 

"Oh, shut the fuck up!" I laugh, pushing him away. I refuse to let him know of my confused dirty thoughts. 

"You know I'm right, I'm always yours, you even marked me." He pouts, "please go fuck yourself." I groan. 

"You know you like the way those bruises and hickeys look on you. Rough, raw sex is wrong, but it feels so fucking good." He laughs. Did he just say. . . raw?

Raw?

"Wait, wait, wait, you didn't use a condom?" I squeal, "Seeing as it looks like I came without pants, no I didn't. You're on the pill though, right?" He says pointing to the birth control pills on the nightstand. 

I feel my heart drop. I feel like I'm gonna vomit. I can't be. 

"Oh my God. . ." I gasp, grabbing my hair, "What?" He asks getting frustrated, "I forgot to take the pill yesterday!" I admit feeling panic arise.


	29. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-3IGHT

LILLIANAS POV

"You forgot to take the pill?" He yells, "yes Slash, I wasn't planning on having unprotected sex!" I yell back.

"Okay, okay. Just relax, we don't know anything for sure." He says, pacing the floor. 

"No Slash, I can't relax, do you realize how serious this is? My career just started, I can't be a single mother, I don't even have an album out yet. The scandal that would arise my name would be smeared for having a baby with someone like you!" I say in a panic.

"We don't know that you're pregnant yet okay! And you wouldn't be a single mom!" He argues. 

"Yes I would be, Slash. You can't let go of drugs or women, I don't want my child to have a father like you!" I say angrily, "a father like me? What exactly is a father like me, Lilliana? You know, you're on drugs too and no one is forcing you to have this baby! You don't even know if there is a baby!" He says, hurt lacing his face.

"So you're telling me you'll stay off of tours, you'll tell the band you need a break to be with your child while I tour and continue my career? You stop the escapades with the groupies, you'll really be there? C'mon Slash, don't bullshit me, you're not a father." I laugh.

"I can't just stop my career, it's not just me you're talking about here. And you don't know how good of a fucking dad I can be, it's not like you'd be a better mom!" He spits. 

"And I'm supposed to give up my career on the false illusion that you'll be there for me? I don't need you Slash, and I certainly don't wanna have kids with you!" I say and I feel my heart tighten. 

"You're such a bitch, you know that? You don't even realize how hurtful the shit you say is." He says lowly, God. 

"I'm sorry, but you can't blame me, I can't do this. We aren't people who can be parents, I just started my career." I sit down and rub my face, my body still sore. 

"Shit, I have that lunch with my dad! Fuck, look at what I look like." I sigh staring at my sexed out body in the mirror.

"Oh right. . . sorry, I forgot." He sighs, standing behind me in the mirror. He rubs his hands across my shoulders and I'm so exhausted with telling him to fuck off, that I just lean back into his chest. 

"Don't worry, I'll get you a test in a few days and we'll figure it out. Whatever you decide, you're not by yourself, okay?" He rests his chin on my shoulder. His words are comforting and I wanna believe them so badly, but I've learned that with Slash, he's so comforting and sweet and will make you feel like he's ready to give you the world, but all his words are empty and meaningless. Slash likes the idea of what he says, but he's not ready to follow through with it.

"Thanks." I sigh, staring at the 'S' shaped hickey on my cleavage, "I know you don't wanna do this, and this isn't me getting attached, I just wanna remember our last kiss." He says embarrassed. He kisses my neck and turns me around, I roll my eyes and he lightly presses his lips to mine. 

I don't want the kiss to end, Slash just does something to me. I know I'm having feelings, I know for a fact I am, but I'll never admit it. I can't have these feelings for Slash because, like I said, his aren't real. 

I feel my heart and stomach turn as I deepen the kiss. I know I shouldn't, but I just wanna taste him, I wanna feel this connection with him one last time, no matter how mad I am at him, no matter how much I fucking hate him right now, I can't get enough and it hurts. I slide my fingers through his hair and I feel him smile against my lips. I giggle at the familiar feeling.

My eyes threatening to tear because I realize the happiness in his kiss isn't genuine. 

He softly caresses my cheek and all my worries fade away. He tenderly lays me down on the bed and softly sucks on my lower lip. I twist my fingers around his hair as our tongues dance with each other. 

He pulls back and his lips are glossy, "Cancel on your dad, stay with me, we can see if we get you tested if you want. Or, we can stay in today before we leave." He suggests, cuddling into my neck. 

"Slash, I told you I'm not doing this again." I say, pain very obviously lacing my voice, "I know, but we don't have to make today anything. We don't have to talk about it, worry about it, we don't even have to think about it. I just wanna be with you one last day before you decide you want nothing to do with me." He sighs, throwing his head back. 

"God Slash, please don't manipulate me right now, my head feels like its gonna explode, I don't need to be feeling even more shitty." I drop my face into my hands.

"It's not a manipulation! What's our last vivid memory of each other? Us fighting? That's all we ever do! My fault for wanting one normal day where we don't worry about anything or anyone right before our lives potentially get turned upside down." He says offended. 

"Well what are you thinking is gonna happen, Slash? I'm not having sex with you again." I state, crossing my arms.

"Just hang out with me like we used to. C'mon L, don't you remember just chilling and watching movies all day? if you want, we can get you a tea. When's your. . . you know, time of the month?" He says scrunching his face, "what are you, twelve? It's called a period, and there's nothing wrong with saying it. I'm supposed to get it in like two days, I think." I sigh, turning my head towards him.

"Well, if you wanna wait and see if you miss it. . ." he suggests, "I'm gonna have to, it's too soon to tell." I begin closing my eyes at the scary thought of carrying a child, Slash's baby. 

"When are we leaving this place?" I ask giving into his idea. Maybe I do just need a chill day with Slash without any stress.

"Nine. are you gonna push the lunch to a dinner?" He sits up excited. 

"I really don't wanna call him." I groan. 

"I'll do it for you." He says poking my nose and walking towards the phone, I snort at his excited-ness and try to ignore the fact that this is very toxic and very unhealthy. . .

He grabs my jeans off the floor and digs into the pocket to find the business card my dad gave me. 

"Woah, he works for Colombia?" He says in a raspy confused voice, "I guess." I say leaning over and looking at the card, "shit!" He chuckles, scratching his head. He dials the number and smiles at me as he waits for the phone to ring. 

I giggle and lay flat on the bed watching him rock back and forth. He grabs his t-shirt that I kept from a while back off the dresser and throws it to me, I scrunch my nose at the fabric hitting me. I'm instantly hit with the smell of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. I'm hesitant, but eventually pull my shirt over my head. I hold my breasts in my arm, covering the exposed skin, Slash looks at me, studying my every move. I blush and pull the t-shirt on and I sigh at the familiar scent and the soft fabric.

"Hello?" He snaps back into reality, "yeah, hi" He begins with the sweetest little hi ever. I smile as I observe him getting bashful and professional on the phone.

"Can I speak with uh, Melendez, Emilio?" He chuckles. He pauses as the person on the other end talks, "oh, uh yeah could you just tell him that I'm calling on behalf of Lilliana, she's asking if they can push their lunch to a dinner? Something. . . unexpected came up." He bites his lip nervously, I chuckles as I stare at the ceiling.

"Thank you." He says clicking the phone the receiver, "Done, done, and done." He crawls on top of me and he lowers his head to softly peck my lips.

"God, I'm so tired." I groan ,shielding my eyes from the light, "Well, if you want, take a nap. I'll go get us coffee or something." He says softly, caressing my cheek, I sigh at the calmness he brings to me. 

"Hmm?" I hum as his soft caressing is making me drift, "Come here." He says as he plops down next to me. I turn and snuggle my head into his chest.

His hand pulls all my hair to the side and it sends goosebumps down my spine. He pulls the covers over us and wraps his other arm around me. 

He gently traces all the bruises and hickeys that decorated my body, his soft and gentle touch soothes me into a deep sleep. My head rises and drops along his steady breathing. His heart beat is in sync with mine. 

Despite all my worries and anger, in this moment, I'm completely content.


	30. CH4PT3R TW3NTY-N1N3

SLASH'S POV

God I hate this. 

I hate being unsure. 

I hate not being able to admit how badly I want her. 

I'm scared, I'lll never admit it, but I'm scared. What if she really is pregnant? This would completely destroy our lives. I know the thought of being a mom freaks her out, doesn't matter where or what she's doing in life. She used to tell me she didn't wanna fuck up her future children like her mom did with her. I know she thinks that having a kid with me will do exactly that, fuck up the baby and her life.

I don't understand why things had to get so complicated. We were doing just fine, our friends with benefits situation was doing great, our friendship was amazing. The sex, mind-blowing. I swear, if I wasn't such a jealous prick this wouldn't have gotten so messy.

Thankfully, she's agreed to just chill with me for the day. I know her brain is still going a million miles a minute, but at least I know she doesn't completely hate me.

See, that's the thing. No matter what's going on, no one understands her like I do, not even Erin. We just get each other and it's not even on a romantic level. She's just my person, whether that be in a friendship or otherwise.

I see the tiredness in her eyes and can't help but wish to have her in my arms again. God, these emotions are so fucking confusing. I feel like I'd just hurt her more if we had a relationship. She doesn't take my bullshit like my past girlfriends have. . .

We are laying in bed and she's curled up on my chest, just like old times. I can't even be upset because she was never my girlfriend. The thing is, she's one of my best friends, so I do care for her way more than any other girl i've hooked up with. 

I sigh as she lets out a small hum while I rub her back. I trace all the hickeys on her neck. God, she's such a freak. She has to be the kinkiest girl I've met, every time with her is undoubtedly amazing.

I smirk as I look at the mirror beside us, replaying the imagine of her naked body and her moans pleading for mercy while her eyes beg for more. The spit dripping down her chin, the way her eyes roll back while she squirts all over the floor. I bite my lip at the memory of it all, 'Slash!' the way she gripped onto me for dear life. I know the things I do to her are pure torture, but she loves it. When I'd tie her to my bed frame, she'd laugh wickedly like the demon that she is. 

She shifts in my arms, letting out a small sigh. I smile down at her and continue drawing circles on her back. She wraps her arms around me, snaking them underneath my biceps. She inhales deeply as she lightly scratches on my bare back, her actions are soothing, as always, and I feel myself drift off. 

My eyes get heavier, and heavier. Just as I'm about to fall asleep, the hotel phone rings causing me to jolt. 

"Fuck!" I sigh and L's eyes flutter open, I can tell I scared her.

"What happened?" She asks nervously, "nothing, go back to sleep, I'll get it." I caress her cheek and she cuddles into a pillow as I get out of the bed. 

I walk over to the phone and answer it. 

"Hello?" I say annoyed.

"Lil?" Erins voice laughs.

"Slash," I answer.

"No fucking way!" 

"What is it?" I rub my forehead.

"Just going out to eat, wanted to know if she was coming or going with her dad." She laughs.

"She rescheduled her dad and she's sleeping." I sigh.

"Alrighty, tell her to call me when she can." Erin sighs.

"Mhm" I say before clicking the phone to the receiver.

I walk to the other side of the bed, "Who was it?" Lilli asks softly with her eyes still closed, "Erin." I say getting back into bed, "what'd she want?" she asks, letting go of the pillow and turning towards me, her eyelashes part and I'm met with her gorgeous brown eyes.

I can't help but smile at her bloodshot eyes, "Nothing, stop worrying, remember the outside world doesn't exist today." I giggle, moving hair from her face. 

"Fine, fine." She smiles groggily, "My head is killing me, can you get us coffee?" She sighs caressing my cheek, "Fine." I sigh rolling out of bed, "One cream, 5 sugars please!" She smiles sitting on her knees now.

"Do you want me to pick up a test?" I can't help but ask, "Pick up 3. It's too soon to tell, but it's worth a shot." She says looking down. 

"Okay, I'll be back." I say leaning down and kissing her head. 

LILLIANAS POV

Slash went to get coffee and I can't help but think about how much I missed this. 

Back before the tour, when we were first getting super close, the days we just hung out and did nothing-- well, not nothing. . . 

I smile as I remember all the things we did. When did things get so complicated? Everything was simple. Sex and friendship, that's it. Why'd he have to get all jealous? We were so good, but now things can't be the same and we'll always have these moments where we are all over each other. 

I know and I'll never forget how all is words are empty, even if he doesn't know it yet, his actions prove it. I dismiss the thought and refuse to let myself overthink. 

I'm having fun today. I'm being happy, I'll worry about it later. 

Slash has been gone for about ten minutes, five of which I can only guess was him getting dress. I hear a knock and get up to answer it. 

"Jesus Christ Lil's, did he beat you?" Erin barges in staring at my appearance, I laugh, "No you psycho!" I laugh. 

"You mean, this is all. . . from sex?" She asks, studying my marks. 

"Yup." I giggle, "how did that even happen?" She sits down. 

"Oh, sit back E, it's a long story."


	31. CH4PT3R TH1RTY

LILLIANAS POV

"Well, get to it!" Erin joins me on the bed. 

"Okay, well I don't even know how it happened, but we had an amazing night together last night, E." I sigh remembering the filthy events that procured. 

"Yeah no shit, look at you." She snorts.

"I know. God, I've never seen him so angry, so rough, so jealous. I mean, we always have been rough, but he was merciless this time. The shit we did. . ." I trail off, "Geez. . ." She sighs.

"But that's the thing, why was he so mad? It's his fault we aren't sleeping together anymore. It's his fault our friendship was ruined, he tried to bring feelings into this to justify his childishness." I start and I feel myself get annoyed. 

"Okay well then why are you guys all up on each other, are you together or?" Erin raises a brow at me, "No. . . definitely not. E, as much as I would like to go back to normal with him, I just can't. He fucks with my head, he gives me false hope, this guy makes me soft and it's annoying, I take way more bullshit than I should." I rub my head.

"Okay, but you both seem to be happier and calmer when you're together. Whether it be in a real relationship or otherwise, you both seem to be in better moods." She explains.

"Erin, he acts like he has feelings for me but I know he doesn't, all we ever do is fight. Having this time apart is good for us. As much as it hurts, I need to keep my head on straight so that I don't make stupid fucking decisions." I explain. 

"Look at what the fuck you're doing, Lil. Why are you guys just acting like you don't have nay intentions of breaking this off for real?" She signals to the room.

"We're on a. . . pause?" I shrug. I know I sound monumentally dumb, but I really don't feel like worrying about the smartness of my decisions now. There's so much on my brain taking a pause from, the Slash drama is doing wonders. 

If we're being honest, there really shouldn't be any Slash drama anymore. We agreed that after today we're back to just being friends and that's it. 

"What's a pause?" She chuckles. 

"Well see, it's kinda like we stop the worrying. We stop the drama just for a day and act like nothing ever happened just so we can have some stability or something, and then after we go back to just being friends. The cause is a one time thing, there's just so much in my brain right now that I don't want to add Slash to it, even though he's kinda the majority of the problem." I roll my eyes.

"What's going on, why'd you guys take a pause?" She looks at me concerned.

Just as I'm about to tell her the 'news' I hear a loud bang, "Fuck you!" A deep voice comes from Slash's room and there's a screech. I jolt up and speed over to his room worried. "What the fuck?" Erin comes after me.

SLASHS POV

I leave to go get us coffee, but obviously have to stop by my room to get clothes since I kind of showed up in only underwear last night. . . I just hope those girls got the message and left. 

I walk into my room and the girls are sitting on my bed smoking my weed. 

"Yo, yo, yo back off!" I say grabbing the joint from Britts hand, "ugh, such a buzzkill." Alexa rolls her eyes.

"Why are you guys still here?" I groan grabbing pants, "we thought we could have some more fun, you could give us some more drugs and we can have just as much fun as we did last night." Britt comes over and snakes her arms around my waist. 

If I'm being honest, I kind of completely forgot about my night with the girls. All that's in my head is Lil and her naked body shaking while she's getting fucked in front of the mirror. 

"Uh, no thanks?" I wiggle out of her hold, I turn and see that she's wearing my stones shirt. What is with these girls and my stones shirt? Alexis is wearing my white t-shirt that says 'Join me, I'm having drinks with Elvis'. 

That's Lilliana's favorite. She sleeps in it all the time. 

"What'd I tell you, he's stuck on that girl. Where do you think he went last night?" She rolls her eyes standing up.

"Whatever, can I have my shirt back?" I look at them both as I button the bottom buttons of my shirt.

Right as they're about to speak, there's a loud pounding on the door. I roll my eyes taking a swig of the nearby bottle of Jack as I make my way over to the door. I open it and next thing I know a big guy is pushing me against the wall.

"Aye, what the fuck?" I yell and push him off of me, "You're fucking my bitch for free, these hoe's don't come without a price!" The muscular guy growls. 

"You're a prostitute?" I yell at them, not knowing who the prostititute is, "I'm not, that's my boyfriend, but Alexis is." Britt says, nervously grabbing her clothes.

"I'll deal with your bitch ass later." He says pushing me away and walking over to Alexis, "and you, you owe me fucking money!" He grabs her arm tightly, "No. I don't fucking work for you anymore, get off of me!" She wiggles away.

They begin arguing and I just stand there, he pushes her hard, "Dude, chill out!" I yell as she hits the floor, "Fuck you!" She gets up and throws the phone at him, she misses and it hits the wall. 

"Holy shit, just get the fuck out!" I yell. 

Soon, Lilli and Erin come rushing in, "What was that, are you okay?" She asks, worry in her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I'm good." 

LILLIANAS POV

The door to slash room is open and I don't hesitate in busting through. 

"What was that, are you okay?" I ask nervously scanning his body to make sure hes not hurt. I then observe the room and the two girls from last night are in there, both wearing my t-shirts, what is with girls and those t-shirts? There's a big, wide, buff dude standing there and he looks very scary. 

"Whats going on?" Erin asks confused, "Well see, that girl turned out to be a prostitute, this is her pimp who is also that girls boyfriend?" Slash says a little unsure as he looks back at the drama unfolding in front of us.

"Oh?" I say grabbing his arm and scooting behind him as I'm still in only his t-shirt and underwear, he looks down and notices, "you didn't put on some shorts or something?" He asks quietly using his hand to push against my thigh so that he's shielding me more, "Well, it didn't seem important." I scoff.

"Look, it's her." Brittany rolls her eyes pointing at me, "oh yeah. Oh shit, you did that to her?" The other girl, whose name I forgot, chuckles walking away from the big guy. She makes her way towards me and I can't help the disgust that laces me as she moves my hair back to examine the bruises.

"Okay," I jolt back, "wanna relax?" I say. 

"You taught her a lesson, didn't you, slashy? Was she as dirty for you as I was?" She pouts lightly. 

"Okay, what the fuck is wrong with you guys? Leave before you piss me off." I say annoyed. stepping up to her face, "ooh, what are you gonna do? You're boyfriend already got me into enough trouble, it was worth it though. . . he does fuck good." She bites her lip. 

"What'd you just say?" I charge at her but Slash grabs me, "relax." He holds me, "Slash, call fucking security or something, dude." Erin says and he does just that.

At the thought of security coming, the three people clear the room. 

Slash lets me go and I feel a soft pain on my hips from his grip, "You went right on top of the bruises." I wince, rubbing my sides.

"Sorry, sorry. I just couldn't have you breaking her nose." He chuckles, rubbing my back lightly as he leans over to grab his wallet, "you really could've just let me." I shrug. 

"You know I love it when you get jealous, but its bad for your image." He kisses my cheek.

"I'll be back." He says before walking out.

"Erin, there you are. I thought we were going to eat?" Axl pokes his head from the hallway and I see Erins emotions drag, "Uh yeah, sure. I'll see you, Lil." Erin says softly as she follows Axl out.

I sigh and grab a few things from Slash's room; two t-shirts that I'm just not gonna give back, whiskey, weed-- although I'm not gonna touch either, just in case-- and a hoodie, my room is freezing. 

I sigh and walk out. 

Once I'm back in my room, I waste no time in plopping into the bed that now smells like Slash, and curling up with his hoodie. It's a bright purple one and I sigh and the soft fabric as I drift off into sleep again.


	32. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-0N3

LILLIANAS POV

I'm awoken by the sound of the door opening. 

Slash walks in, quietly setting the coffee on the table. 

I gently shift around to face him and he smiles, "Morning, sunshine." He says, "hey, my coffee?" I say lowly propping up on an elbow. 

"Here, decaf. . . you know. . . just in case." He says awkwardly, handing me the cup, "Just in case?" I ask confused, "You can't have caffeine if you're pregnant. It's bad for the baby." He says sitting on the edge of the bed. 

How the fuck did he know that and not me? It kinda warmed my heart that he knew those things, even though we were on a pause from worrying about whatever the fuck we were doing. I still briefly remind myself that he probably doesn't mean any of this. 

I smile weakly and take a sip of the hot strong liquid, "God, decaf does nothing." I groan setting it on the nightstand, "My head is pounding, and my body hurts. . . thanks for that by the way." I lay back down. 

"Here, I got you Tylenol." He says tossing me a bottle of syrup, "I have Advil." I say and he chuckles, "You can't have that either." He looks down, "Jesus Christ. Did you get a test?" I ask covering my face.

"Mhm." he says taking a sip of his coffee. I get up and walk to the table and grab the box containing the test from the plastic drugstore bag, "Here goes nothing." I say, not confident that I'll get a result, since it's so early.

I shut the door and take a second to read the instructions, "What the fuck?" I say getting confused with all the lines, "God, this is so gross." I mumble as I pee on the stick. Sitting on the toilet fucking hurt, thanks a lot Slash. 

I cap the test and set it on the counter. I open the door and look at the clock, "5 minutes." I say as I pace the room biting my nails. Slash is just leaning on the edge of the bed watching me. 

"It's been 5." He says glancing over at the clock on the bedside table. I rush into the bathroom and grab the test, "What the fuck?" I yell, "What, what?" Slash rushes in. 

"What the hell does this mean?" I say frantically showing him the test. It's neither positive, nor negative. It's just being stupid. 

"Uh, shit, um. . . maybe inconclusive? You said yourself it was too early to tell." He shrugs trying to calm me down, "God, inconclusive? The hell does that even mean?" I say beginning to breathe deeply, "Relax. Hey, L. . . chill. Look, the box says it's normal, you're negative." He says holding the box to my face.

"Negative?" I say feeling my tension ease, "yes, negative." He smiles, "Oh, fuck yeah!" I giggle and jump into his arms, "No baby for us!" I laugh kissing him, "Oh hell yeah!" He picks me up and I drop the pregnancy test into the trash.

He throws me onto the bed and I giggle, "relax." I laugh as he kisses my neck, "I still need recovery from last night." I laugh pushing him off. 

I grab his coffee, "Ah, caffeine, not even a day without you and I already miss you." I say dramatically before taking a sip from his cup. I hear slash snort and I roll my eyes, "And you, weed, my sweet, sweet marijuana. What would I have done for 9 months without you?" I turn to the bag of weed, "And lastly, oh darling Jack, the only man who truly has my heart, don't know what I would've done without you, mr. Daniels." I smile taking a swig of the drink. Slash laughs loudly pulling me towards him. I stand in between his legs, he throws his head back and puckers his lips, I giggle and lower my head to kiss his soft lips. 

He tastes of cigarettes and it makes me crave a smoke. "Oh my God, I almost forgot, my darling cigs!" I say pulling one out and lighting it, "Yup, pregnancy is not for you." He laughs taking the cigarette from my mouth and taking a drag. 

I roll my eyes and lower my head to kiss him one more time. I wanna enjoy him one last time before we go our separate ways. He hurt me, he really did, and I can't let my emotions be fucked with like that. Yes, okay I'm kind of fucking with his too, but c'mon it's nothing, that isn't karma. 

"Its my turn." I say seductively pushing him down on the bed, "oh shit." He says lowly as I straddle him, cigarette in mouth, "do you trust me?" I ask lowly, "no ma'am." He chuckles.

"Good." I say dropping the cigarette into the ashtray. I lean down and kiss him softly, "No touching." I tell him as his hands start to slide up my hips. I wanna maintain control and its hard to with those godforsaken hands of his. 

I get off of him and grab a scarf out of my suitcase. I laugh wickedly as he watches me strut up to him. He sits up, kissing me passionately. I undo the rest of his buttons and slide his shirt off, backing up against the headboard, his eyes never leave me. 

"Arms up." I order and he does as I say, I tie him to the bed frame and I take a step back to admire his vulnerable state. 

I bite my lip and straddle his body. He twitches underneath me as I lick a long stripe up his abdomen. I giggle at his reaction to me and decide to torture him as much as I can. I slide his t-shirt off leaving me completely naked on my top half. I cup one of my breasts and lean over his mouth, he takes me in between his teeth and I bite my lip as he licks and sucks the sensitive skin. 

I pull back and pull the laces off his pants, undoing them string by string. I pull them down and his hard dick springs out. I bite my lip as I wrap my lips around the tip, swirling my tongue around his sensitive tip. 

"Mmm." He groans, "Uh-uh, shh." I order as I lick my lips. He lifts his head to look down at me and there's lust and desire lacing his expression. I maintain my position on his tip and tease him mercilessly. His breath catches and he grunts hard when I take my lips off the tip and move down to his balls, taking them into my mouth and swirling my tongue around them.

I laugh against him and move back up to his face, "You like that?" I whisper in his ear, "Mhm," he whimpers and I kiss his neck while my hand slides down and wraps around him. I squeeze him tightly and he bites his lip.

I begin to move up and down, fast then slow. The change in tempo is driving him wild, I can tell, "Let me hear you." I say, and he lets out a low moan that I can tell he's been holding back, "Who's your one and only?" I say moving faster, "Y-you." He whimpers, "fuck." He says, and just as he's about to release, I let go.

He squeezes his eyes shut in frustration and I laugh, "Not yet baby." I say against his lips, he presses a weak kiss against them, panting as he tries to regain himself. His dick, throbbing and swollen with a veil of pre-cum on the tip. 

I decide to give him a little break. I gently pull the pillow out from under his head leaving him laying flat on the bed. I grin and straddle his face, standing with my knees in the spaces between his arms and his head. Breathless, he looks up me licking his lips, "A snack." 

I giggle and he bites his lips, "you want it?" I run my hand through his hair, "Yes." He licks his lips staring at my panties, "Oh, be polite!" I cross my arms, "Yes, please." He frowns, growing impatient, "Good boy." I smile and pull my panties to the side. 

I slowly lower myself onto his lips and he pulls against the scarves holding him to the bed frame. I try to hold back the moans as he expertly swirls his tongue around my clit, his lips wrapping around it so tightly while his tongue mercilessly laps and swirls around it. After a minute I can't hold it back. I grab his hair and grind on his face, moaning loudly.

"Oh fuck, just like that." I close my eyes, riding his face, "Mm" he groans in between my legs sending vibrations through me, "Oh, yes!" I look down at him and his eyes look hungry. His tongue enters me sending me into a state of immense euphoria, "Oh my God." My body shakes and I squeeze my knees around his face. He viciously sucks against my skin and I feel him gaining dominance over me. I laugh and get off of him, his jaw dropped as he craves my touch. I look at his desperate, pathetic state. Laying there, arms tied, lips glossy from my juices. A panting mess. 

I crawl over to his lips and lower my head. He watches me intently and I smile. He studies my features and I run my thumb across his lower lip that's wet with my contents. I kiss his lips, licking each one, "Mm, I taste good, don't I?" I say wickedly. "Fucking delicious." Slash says in a raspy tone. I giggle and straddle his waist. I gently kiss his cheek and jawline. 

"Now for the fun part." I whisper in his ear, taking his earlobe in between my teeth. I lick down his neck to his collarbone, lightly biting his skin. He lets out small moans as I do so. 

I lightly run my hands all over his chest and biceps as I swirl my tongue around him leaving a trail of hickeys that lead down to his dick. I smirk as I spot the ones from last night. 

I slid my hands down his hips and eventually pick his dick up again. I wrap my lips around the tip and let the spit pool over it as I finally lower my head taking him in as far as I could, "fuck" he groans looking down at me. I spit all over him and I swirl my tongue over his tip and around his shaft, bobbing my head up and down. He keeps pulling down on the scarves, trying to break loose, "Uh-uh, not gonna happen big guy." I laugh as drool comes down my chin, his size making my eyes water. "Oh fuck." He bucks his hips up trying to shive himself deeper, I work my hands up and down his base. I lick a long strip from bottom to top, sucking on his balls afterwards.

He twitches and I edge him once more, "not yet!" I sing and he whimpers, "Beg for it." I say, kissing his lips, "You're the devil." He growls, "Your devil." I smile wickedly. 

I stand up and slowly slide my panties off. If he wasn't restrained, I'd be scared of the consequences of my taunts. 

"Beg." I demand, laying down on the bed with my panties next to me as I spread my legs for him. I run my hand in between my legs and begin to play with myself. 

"I can do this all day." I say before dropping my head back in pleasure, "Fuck, please! Let me fuck you." He whines, watching me slide my fingers inside myself. I smile, pulling my fingers out and holding them up to his lips. He sucks them clean and I use his spit as extra lube as I continue sliding them in and out, curling them. I moan working myself nicely as he watches. 

"Oh yes, Slash!" I say whorishly.

"Holy shit." He says in a whine, "get over here, please." He closes his eyes, "Oh fine, fine." I sigh, positioning myself on top of him. his hard dick is resting against his abdomen and I grind against it and he whimpers lightly at the friction. 

"You want it?" I say seductively as I trace circles on his stomach. He twitches and squirms under my touch, "Yes, yes, fuck yes!" He groans and I slide him into me. 

"God damn it!" He yells pulling hard on the scarves, "shit!" I moan as I move slow, painfully slow.

"Holy fuck, faster, please!" He looks at me desperate, "We'll go fast when I say so." I say leaning over and grabbing my panties and taking them off the bed. 

I bunch them up and put them in his mouth, "Now, shh." I order as I begin moving again. His eyes roll back as I take him inside me completely and rock my hips back and forth. I moan and pick up my pace, holding onto his chest. I bounce up and down quickly on him, listening to the sound of my ass hitting his thighs. 

"Shit," I moan and I feel him twitch inside me. I quickly stop and lift myself off of him, he lets out the saddest most desperate moan of his life as I don't let him finish once again. He looks at me with desperate, begging eyes and I pout, "you really want it?" I say as I slightly lower myself again, grazing his tip, "mhm" he says muffled, "oh yeah." I lower myself a little bit more so it's just his tip in me, "Fuck. . ." he muffles and I start to lift off again. He whimpers and groans as he bucks his hips up as to not lose my touch. 

I eventually give in and drop myself back on top of him forcefully. His eyes roll to the back of his head and I arch my back as I take in every inch of him. 

He stretches me out and I don't hold back anymore. I ruthlessly ride him until I feel he's close again. I laugh and decide to finish him off with my mouth. I gag on him as he twitches in my mouth, soon coating my throat with his cum. I swallow every ounce of it and he moans the loudest I've ever heard. I laugh and move up to take my panties out of his mouth. He's breathless and has an expression that reads pure bliss. He watches me as my breasts hang over his face while I untie him. 

"Holy fuck." He pants as his hands are free again, "You liked that, huh?" I giggle cuddling up to him. He grabs me and rubs my arm, "you are a freak!" He says, still not able to catch his breath or speak correctly. 

"Mhm." I sigh, tracing circles on his chest.


	33. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-TW0

SLASHS POV 

That was fucking unbelievable. 

I love it when she just uses me like that. This woman really knows how to make me fucking beg for her. 

She's laying on my chest as I click through the channels on the TV. I'm trying to catch my breath and come back down from the mind-blowing orgasm she gave me, but it's hard. I hear her stifle a laugh as I try to control my breathing. 

"Shut up." I pant, "Aw, I really did a number on you didn't I?" She looks up caressing my cheek.

"Something like that." I mutter as she traces shapes on my chest. 

"Oh, oh. The Golden Girls, stop!" She says excitedly, "The Golden Girls?" I ask confused. 

"I love this show." She smiles brightly, her eyes lighting up. 

"This doesn't seem like a you kind of show." I admit with a small laugh, "Oh shut it. Erin and I watch this together all time, I fucking love Betty White." She lightly smacks my chest. I chuckle and wrap my arm around her tightly. I tilt her chin up and kiss her soft, pouty lips once more. 

I know her, she sticks by her word. I know that as soon as she walks out to see her dad, all of this is over and we're back to acting like we don't exist. I wanna enjoy her the most I can. 

As we lay there watching the TV, I feel so calm as she rubs my chest. The way she lightly slides her leg up and down mine, it's comforting. The smell of her hair is familiar and I just don't want to be anywhere else.

She laughs a small adorable laugh as one of the ladies makes a joke. 

I like her laugh, it's genuine. I smile at the sweet sound, but am soon broken out of my trance when there's a knock at the door, "I'll get it." I tell her, grabbing my pants off the floor. I'm putting them on when there's a second knock, "hold your God damn horses!" I yell as I tuck my dick in. 

"Bad day to not wear underwear." She says, not breaking her gaze with the TV, "oh, you know I never wear them." I tease kissing her as I make my way to the door.

I open it and there's Duff and Izzy standing outside. I thought Izzy wasn't talking to her. 

Relax Slash, this is the type of attitude that fucked things up the last time. 

"Oh shit, Slash. . ." Duff laughs, looking me up and down. Izzy looks pissed but, is trying to hide it.

"What is it?" I ask, "uhm. . . dude, sorry are you guys. . . doing it again?" Duff snorts and I laugh. He's such an idiot. 

"Who is it Slash?" Lil sits up holding the sheet over her boobs. 

"Oh fuck!" Duff laughs, punching my arm, "shut up!" I laugh looking back at her, she rolls her eyes and returns her attention back to the TV. 

"You're quiet, Iz" I smirk, "quit it!" She yells. 

Soon she walks up behind me wearing my shirt and her underwear, "What's up guys?" She asks, crossing her arms to cover her boobs. I wanna stand in front of her because she's literally in her panties and a t-shirt. 

I look down at her and she gets the message and begins standing behind me slightly, "We just wanted to see if you wanted to grab a bite?" Duff offers.

"I think we're busy." I say looking at Izzy, "No we're not, but I'm really fucking worn man. I'm just gonna stay in." She says with a crooked smile, "Hi, Izzy." She looks at Izzy, hurt at the way he's looking at her, which is sheer disappointment and dislike. 

"Hey." He says, shortly breaking his gaze from her body. I look down at her and I see her face. She's hurt. Fuck. 

"Okay uh, well. . . we'll leave you to it." Duff says grabbing Izzy and walking down the hallway. I awkwardly shut the door and look down at her, "well, I tried." She says trying to act like she doesn't care, but I know she does.

LILLIANAS POV 

Izzy is literally disgusted with me. I try not to show that his cold reaction to me hurts, but Slash sees right through it. 

"He'll come around, L." He says holding my chin, "I'm fine. . ." I lie, turning around. 

"Don't bullshit me." He comes after me, "I'm not. . ." I say. 

"L. . ." He says softly turning me around.

I sigh, sitting on the bed, him towering over me, "I just don't get it." I sigh, putting my hands on my face, "It's Izzy. He'll get over it, he always does." He pulls my hands away from my face. 

"Well, how long do I have to keep kissing his ass for him to forgive me?" I throw myself on my back in frustration. 

"Who knows. Point is, he'll eventually get over it so just give him him time." He says as he crawls on top of me.

"We said no worrying for today." He reminds me holding himself up over me, hands firmly by my head. I look up at him pouting, "I know, I know. It's just, he's one of my best friends." I say looking him in the eyes. 

"I know, L. I know. Just leave him be, let him do his thing and then try and talk to him. Izzy can't and won't stay mad at you." He says sweetly as he lightly lowers himself to kiss my lips. 

I like how sweet he's being. I like how he's controlling his jealousy. 

I sigh into the kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck, not being able to get enough of his taste. He smiles and slowly drops his weight on me, I push his hair back, tangling my fingers in his curls. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me to my side. We are now laying on our sides. Romantically close, in a heated, yet tender, make-out session. 

I continue twisting my fingers in his hair, gaining small little moans from him. I sling my leg around his and just take in his scent as his soft, plump lips dance with mine. 

"God, I'm such an idiot." Slash pulls away, sadly. 

"What's wrong?" I ask confused, "why can't we just go back to normal, Lil? It's not that hard, I mean, look at us now, we're doing it. I miss you." He pleads. 

"God Slash, I don't wanna do this right now." I groan standing up. 

"Just explain to me why we can't." He follows me to the other side of the room. 

I grab a cigarette and light it, stressed out once again. 

"Because Slash, we just can't!" I say trying to avoid a fight. 

"Okay, that's not a reason. You can't deny it, we're happy right now. The Izzy thing was stupid." He waves his arms in the air. 

"No Slash, you're happy! You get me and all the other girls you want, and trust me it's fun, but this isn't good for us. I told you I didn't want something with feelings, and you're either breaking the first rule, or filling me with empty promises." I say annoyed.

"Are you fucking joking, L?" He begins, "Then what the fuck are we doing? Why are you fucking with my head right now?" He raises his voice. 

"Me? Fucking with your head? This was your God damn idea, Slash!" I yell back, "And if anyone is fucking with anyones head, it's you. You know how sad it is that I have to say to myself not to believe anything you say because it's all empty?" I blow the smoke out. 

"Empty? When?" He challenges. 

"All right, let's start. You punched Izzy in the face for kissing me, and then told me you liked me while simultaneously calling me a slut, then when I went to go find you, you had already found two new girls! Not one, BUT TWO! Explain to me, how does someone who supposedly likes someone so much, has so many feelings that it'd cause them to punch his bandmate in the face, find it in his heart to go sleep with two new girls?" I yell.

"Are you just gonna keep throwing that in my face?" He scoffs and it makes me furious. 

"This is the first time I brought it up, asshole. You can't even answer it because you know I'm right!" I tap the ash off of my cigarette. 

"No you're not! I thought you were never gonna speak to me again. What was I supposed to do, stay celibate?" He yells at me.

"No, but normal people typically don't wait half an hour before 'moving on'!" I say. 

"I was trying to forget you!" He yells. 

"Oh please, save it for someone who'll believe you! You never liked me like that, Slash, you liked the chase!" I spit. 

"That's not true, you knew the kinda guy I was!" He yells.

"Yes, yes I did. you knew the kinda girl I was! It was supposed to be sex and that's it, but then you felt threatened by Izzy and you know it! So to hide it you acted like you were actually started to catch feelings for me, which you and both know is not true!" I drop the cigarette in the ash tray.

"That's not true, Lilliana!" He yells, pointing at me. 

"Oh my God, do you hear yourself right now? Denying and denying, yet you aren't giving me the truth! Get your story straight, Slash!" I yell, laughing in disbelief. 

"God, what was I fucking thinking?" He looks me up and down in the most painful way. 

"I could say the same fucking thing!" I sneer, I have hatred in my voice, but my heart and face are full of sadness.

"I can't fucking do this anymore. Being with you, even as friends, is exhausting. Just go." I point to the door and do my best to hold back the tears that are threatening to come out. 

"Whatever dude, have a nice fucking life. Don't ever say I didn't care." He scoffs walking out, slamming the door behind him. The bang causes me to jump. 

I feel a couple tears stream down my face, "Fuck." I quickly dry them. I exhale a shaky breath and sit on the bed. I don't hold back anymore. I lay flat down with a pillow on my chest, letting the tears fall onto the comforter below me. I close my eyes in pain as his words replay in my head. . . 'what was I thinking'. . .

I don't think he realized how fucking ugly he made me feel. How horrible it felt coming from him. I'll never admit the way he makes me feel, I'm too stubborn. He'll never see that side of me that would do anything to just hold him close and have him care for me. 

Never. 

I don't realize it, but my small crying has turned into sobbing as I curl up into a ball on the bed. What is happening to me?


	34. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-THR33

LILLIANAS POV 

I'm sitting on the bed with my knees to my chest, burrito-ed in a blanket smoking and drinking. My cheeks, tear stained and my nose, stuffed. I take advantage of the fact that no one knows what's going on to just stay locked up and cry. 

I sniffle and take a swig from the bottle of Jack as I watch Golden Girls. The hotel phone begins to ring and I roll my eyes as I lean over to answer it, "hello?" I say nastily. 

"Uh. . . hey, it's Emilio." I hear the deep accented voice, "Oh, hey." I say scolding myself for drinking, as I have to start getting ready to leave for dinner soon. 

"Hey, just wanted to- uh, let you know where to meet. I know we never discussed it." He lets out an awkward laugh. 

"I mean, there's a diner across the street from the hotel. I can't go too far, I have to be on the bus again by 9." I say.

"Oh, alright that's fine. Sorry to ask but- uh. . . have you been crying?" He asks concerned. 

"No, just. . . allergies?" I say non-convincingly, "Oh, alright then, see you at 5!" he says not pushing it, "See you." I say before hanging up.

"Fuck." I whisper to myself as I notice my fucked out appearance. If the hicks weren't there it would've looked way more concerning. I quickly get up and go to the bathroom to shower, letting the hot water steam up the bathroom. I throw Slash's shirt on the ground and get in. I wash my face in hopes to relieve some of the inflammation caused by my crying. 

I curse slash in my head for fucking me up. 

You see, I was never like this. I wouldn't take this drama from anyone. I avoided it with Daniel, left him so fast. But then again, I didn't like Daniel as much as I liked Slash. . . 

'Liked'. Past tense. Aw, who am I kidding?

Whatever. Anyway, Slash just brings up these feelings. I'm a mush when it comes to him. Things that used to make me cringe, but I don't mind when he does it. Things I would never accept or let myself be put through, I allow from him. I'll tell you, if it was any other guy getting jealous over my friendship with Izzy, I would've ended it right then and there. There's no room for jealousy in a friends with benefits. 

The way Slash's brain is wired is borderline sadistic. It's like he gets off on giving me hope on watching me be vulnerable because he knows I rarely ever let myself be like that. Another part of me wonders if maybe I'm just pushing him away. 

I mean, is it possible for someone to fake all the late nights just talking and laughing? All the nights of pure passion, all the deep meaningful conversations and all the adventures that were just a little bit more special because the other person was there? 

Is he just being as stubborn as me? Are we bumping heads because we're so alike? 

I quickly stop the thoughts as I rinse the soap off my body and shut the water off. 

I throw my curls into a towel and pat myself dry. 

"Now, what do we do about you guys?" I say to myself on the mirror as I eye the hickeys and fat bruise around my neck. My mind wanders to my weak body in front of the mirror watching Slash mercilessly pump in and out of me. The wicked smile on his face as he made me beg for him. The way his fingers tasted. 

Stop it, Lilliana.

I shake my head and go to my suitcase. I pull out a halter top that covers the majority of my neck, sheilding the bruises well enough, I guess. The hickies on my shoulders aren't covered by this, neither is the one on my neck by my jaw. I sigh grabbing a jean jacket that I painted back in LA, throwing on some boyfriend jeans, tucking the top in and adding a belt. I do my best to add concealer to the hickies, but it barely helps, especially the one on my neck. . . yeah, there's no hiding that one. I roll my eyes and comb through my wet hair. I apply light amounts of product in and let it be as big and poofy as it wants to be this day. 

Finishing my makeup, I quickly slide on some boots and head out. 

As I walk down the hall I see Duff walk out of the elevator. 

"Oh, hey!" He smiles at me, "Hey." I say, "Have you been crying?" He studies my face, worried. 

"Jesus, no I haven't!" I lie. 

"Lil. . ." He sighs, staring at me a little more, "I haven't been crying, Duff." I say. 

"What happened then?" He leans against the hallway wall, "I dunno, this is literally just my face." I lie again, "Dude, no amount of eyeliner is gonna hide those puffy eyes and that red nose you get." He points at me, "You've never seen me cry, you dork. How do you know my nose gets red?" I ask, "I've seen your crying aftermath. Even when you try to hide it." He chuckles.

"Yo, Duff!" I hear a familiar raspy voice yell nearby. 

"There he is, why don't you tell me what's wrong with her?" Duff says walking up to Slash. Oh God. 

I cringe as he looks confused, "Huh?"He laughs. 

"Look at her!" Duff pulls him to face me, "tell me she hasn't been crying. I thought you guys were hanging out, what happened?" Duff says. 

"I gotta get going guys, I'm gonna be late." I say, trying not to make eye contact with him.

"Hey, come here." Slash grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving. I try to pull my arm away but his grip only gets tighter, "Look at me." He says. I sigh and look up at him. I see his expression soften and so does his grip on me. 

SLASHS POV

I had called the place where Duff and Steven said they were gonna be. Duff said that he'd come and get me since Izzy was busy with some girls. I needed to get out, even if it was for a couple hours. I told Duff I could just get there by myself, but he insisted he come with me. Maybe it's for the better because I know I shouldn't be left alone with my thoughts. 

Just as I leave my room to go downstairs and wait for him I see him down the hallway talking to someone. Whoever she is, she has her back turned to me, so I can't make out who it is yet, "Yo, Duff!" I yell and he laughs.

As I get closer I see the bluish black curls and I realize who it is. Lil. Great.

She refuses to make eye contact with me, which is very abnormal for her after a fight. Usually she'll purposefully look me straight in the eye and it scares the shit of me. 

"There he is, why don't you tell me what's wrong with her?" Duff says, approaching me.

What is he talking about?

"Huh?" I laugh confused, "Look at her, tell me she hasn't been crying. . ." He begins and I tune out the rest of his sentence as I see Lilli uncomfortably turn her face away, the way she always did when she was hiding something. I grab her arm after she tries to make some lame excuse so she could leave. 

She tries getting away, but I hold her tighter. She finally look up at me and I feel my heart tighten as she stares at me with round, puffy eyes. Her eyes still bloodshot, and not in the drug kind of way. Her lips, puffy and the tip of her nose, bright red. What have I done?


	35. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-F0UR

LILLIANAS POV 

"I gotta go guys, see you tonight." I say, roughly ripping my wrist out of Slash's hold. I feel tears build up in my eyes again but I fan my face and hold them back. 

Lilliana Melendez, you are not gonna cry again. You;re better than this. 

I sniffle once more as I step into the elevator. 

As I step out of the taxi and approach the entrance of the restaurant, all the stupid sadness about Slash evaporates and the crippling anxiety sets in as I walk inside and see my father sitting at the table. 

I exhale, adjusting my top and jacket to hide the marks from last night. For once my brain is not wandering to the events, my focus is on not throwing up right now. I slowly make my way over to where he's sitting and my body begins to heat up due to the anxiety I feel right now. I know I can't take this jacket off, so I settle for rolling the sleeves off. There are small bruises on my wrists due to slash holding them behind my back so tightly, I just hope he doesn't notice. 

"Hey, you made it!" He smiles nervously, "Yeah, hi." I smile shyly as I sit down.

He stares at me for a second, I guess taking in what I look like? 

"God, you look so different." He says. 

"Yeah, well. . . I was two when you saw me last." I say awkwardly, and this face flushes, "Yeah, uh. . . I guess you're right. Still have those wild curls though, just like your dad and all your tias." He shakes his head as if reminiscing. 

"I have tias?" I ask, "Yeah, you have four, two blood uncles and of course the ones who are married in. You have a bunch of cousins, mostly babies. Oldest is about your age, I believe, Kendra, the rest go from twelve and below." He smiles, "Woah." I say slightly overwhelmed.

"They're all excited to meet you, especially your grandparents." He says kindly. 

"Grandparents." I say remembering my own, "Yes, I heard about your grandparents passing. . ." He says and I feel an unknown anger begin to rise.

"So, you knew that they died and you still didn't look for me?" I say quietly twiddling my fingers. 

"No, that's not how it happened. I don't want to bash your mom, but you have to understand I was left 100% in the dark when it came to your life, I thought you were dead. I saw your mom on a street corner and she told me you were in a happier place." He sighs, staring at my arm.

"Yeah, well I was in several foster homes getting beaten and abused. Your guitar-which I cherished and still own- would get taken away and almost sold many, many times. That is, until I met Clarita. She's the only one who took care if me, made sure I kept up with my Spanish, kept me in line with my culture, because neither of my parents did." I say in an angry tone, which I really don't mean to have, I'm just not in the mood today. 

"You kept the guitar? Better said, you found the guitar?" He asks in disbelief.

Did he just ignore everything else I just said?

"Yeah?" I say. 

"I can't believe it got to you! I thought your mom would get rid of it. I see it obviously did you well, I like your tattoo." He smiles pointing to my forearm.

I cover it and his brows furrow, "Thanks. Believe it or not, it was the only way I felt connected to you. I thought you hated me." I admit. 

"Mija, I could never hate you, ever. Look, I used to sit you on my lap while I played. Music has alway been our thing, no matter how early on we were separated." He says pulling out his wallet and showing me a picture of me and him, my guitar on his lap. 

I feel my eyes burn at the sound of him calling me 'mija', a nickname used by my grandparents only, but now very foggy and vague childhood memories of my dad come back in small bits. 

I take a deep breath and soon the waiter comes to take our order. I order something light and small, as I really don't think I'll be able to keep anything down. I'm not as nervous anymore, but for some reason my stomach feels un easy. 

"So, how did you even find me?" I ask drinking some water. I unknowingly move my hair away from my neck, exposing a couple hickeys that are poking through my collar. Including the very trashy looking heart. 

"Uh, well, aside from the blatantly obvious reason that you are doing wonderful things, I do work for Colombia. Your name has been thrown around a couple times, but I didn't think it was true. I heard Luna and all I could think of was you, my moon." He begins but I cut him off, "Wait, how did you know Luna was me? My grandparents only called me that." I ask, raising a brow.

"I called you Luna since the day you were born. You were my light in the dark night. You motivated me to get clean. You lit up my path. I guess your grandparents didn't want you to forget that." He says.

Him saying I lit up his path still hurt. I lit up your path to leave me?

"How did you know the bar I worked at, and why was Colombia talking about me?" I ask. 

"Well, they tossed your name around a couple times, hoping they could poach you from Geffen, hopefully Guns N' Roses, too. . ." He beings and I see his eyes lock on the fat hickey on my neck, dammit. I move my hair over it and he looks at me with a face that screams 'dude, don't even try to hide it at this point'. 

I roll my eyes and decide there's no point in it anymore. I take off my jacket letting the cool air hit me, relaxing me a bit. 

His eyes go a little wide as he sees my sex aftermath. 

"Uh, are you okay?" He gulps. 

"Yes, I'm fine. All consensual." I turn away from him, embarrassed. 

"Oh, uhm. . . anyway. Y-yeah, w-when they showed me your picture I recognized your eyes and your smile immediately. I knew that somehow I had to get in touch with you, but I knew nothing bout you, only that you were currently signed with Geffen and were going on the Aerosmith tour as part of a promo thing with GNR." He says, not being able to look me in the eye.

"That still doesn't explain the bar thing. . ." I say, ignoring his judgy eyes. 

"That's mere fate. I walked in for the restroom. I saw you, but before I could talk to you, you were gone. That's when I saw the tour dates and I realized I was gonna be in this town the same time you were, for a business meeting. I had to see you. I had to explain things. I had to get my daughter back, Lilliana." He says, voice cracking slightly. 

"Okay, this has been great, I really should get going. I think it's great I got to meet you, but this is all a lot to take in." I say standing up, not being able to handle all these emotions that are being presented to me right now. He stands up with me. He has sad eyes. 

"I just need to think, that's it. It's not a goodbye, I just need a second to process. Up until today had no family. I promise I'll call you or your office, just give me a couple weeks, there's a lot happening with the album and the recording of the single." I admit, feeling my heart tighten at his facial expression. 

"No, I understand. Take all the time you need, I'm here for you my Luna, I just don't want to lose you again." He sighs. 

"You won't, I just have to figure things out first." I say grabbing my jacket, "Thank you." I say before heading out.

I can't take all this emotional vulnerability. I need drugs, alcohol, cigarettes- something! Now would be a great time for some coke, I'm sure they'll have some on the bus, but I can't wait another 3 hours. 

And turns out my dad is drug and alcohol free? 

I feel my stomach turn as I walk down the sidewalk. I pass by a taco stand and the smell of the ground beef is all of the sudden revolting. I feel my knees grow weak as I run to bushes and vomit all over. 

Oh my God.

I have to get back.


	36. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-F1V3

LILLIANAS POV 

I get out of the taxi in front of the hotel and quickly rush inside. I'm thankful that people don't know me like that yet because I see how Steven has to walk around with a body guard all the time. I'm kinda enjoying my independence. 

Speaking of Steven, I haven't hung out with him in a while. I've been so preoccupied with Slash and all that bullshit that we never even got the chance to talk about what went down at their opening concert, Lord knows I need to. 

As I make my way down the hall, my stomach seems to settle. My thoughts are running wild and I decide I can't be alone. 

I don't feel like dealing with Axl, so I know Erin's out of the question. I sigh and knock on Duffs door. 

He opens and the room is filled with smoke and everyones inside, oh joy. 

"Hey!" He laughs, "hi." I say feeling nauseous, "how'd it go?" He asks as I walk in. Slash's eyes lock with mine and all I want to do right now is hear him tell me its gonna be okay, but I'm not giving in. 

I sigh and sit down in between Izzy and slash, "Fine, I guess." I say pulling a cigarette out. Izzy holds out a light and I lean over as he lights it for me. I feel slight relief at his small interaction with me. I take a long drag and let the cigarette calm me down. 

"Just fine? Well, what did he say?" Axl looks at me. 

"Well, I guess I have this huge family I don't even know about. He also knew nothing about me, he thought I was dead." I admit running my hands through my hair. 

"Dead?" Erin says, "why would he think you were dead? It's kinda hard to disappear." She says.

"Well, uh. . . I guess he saw my mom on a street corner," I begin and instantly grab everyones attention, "and he recognized her, asked about me, she said I was in a 'happier place'. She was all methed-out though, obviously. The better place was foster care, she didn't even know my grandparents died." I admit looking down.

I instantly gain a sympathetic look from Stevie and Slash, "Okay, stop looking at me like that! I'm not a sad story from the late night news!" I say standing up. 

"Sorry, sorry. You've just never really talked about it like that. . ." Stevie defends. 

"And that's why. I don't like being seen as just my past. I'm fine now, him and I are good. I just need some time and then I'll talk to him again." I say, pacing.

"Well, how did he even find you?" Axl asks. 

"He works for Colombia, they wanted to poach me from Geffen." I say. 

"Are you serious?" Duff looks at me shocked, "you don't even have an album out yet, look at you superstar!" He laughs pulling me onto the couch. I fall in between him and Slash. He wraps his arms around me and I laugh, cuddling into his chest. Aside from Steven, I talk to Duff the most. He and Erin know the most about me, he's such rad guy, I couldn't ask for anyone better. 

I stay laying in his chest trying to relax as I feel my head spin for no reason. The conversation shifts to some random topic about our next stop. The smell of cigarettes and weed is filling the area, a scent I usually find calming but now is activating my nerves. . . and nausea.

"Oh shit." I mumble, getting up and running to the bathroom. I drop to my knees and empty out my contents into the toilet. Erin rushes in and holds my hair back. 

"Are you okay?" She asks concerned, "I don't know." Is all I get out before retching again. I feel the tears stream down my face. 

"You never throw up, what's going on?" Erin asks, picking up the stray pieces of hair from my face.

The panic immediately sets in as I realize what might be going on. But the test was negative! "Erin. . . I think I'm pregnant." I whisper. 

"What?" She yells, "shh!" I scold, gagging again, "Fuck! the test was negative though. Well. . . inconclusive." I cry after I vomit again. It feels like its never gonna end. 

"Inconclusive? That's weird. You just had sex, it shouldn't have happened this fast, Lilli." She says. 

"I know, I'm freaking out! Go get Slash." I tell her as I wipe my mouth, flushing the toilet immediately after. She sighs, standing up and walking out. 

I shakily try to stand up, grabbing onto the counter, my body feeling painfully weak. I open the faucet and gargle with water before spitting. Even the water is grossing me out. I cough and squeeze my eyes shut, begging my body to keep the vomit down. 

"What's going on?" Slash walks in. 

"Close the door." I tell him, and he does. 

"Are you okay? What's happening?" He asks nervously, "I-" I begin, but I feel the room spin. 

"Woah, woah! Come here." He grabs me quickly as I feel my knees give in. His scent settles my stomach and I don't wanna leave. He holds me there for a second and I feel the tears begin to stream down my face.

"What is going on with you, Lilliana?" He looks down at me, "I think I'm pregnant, Slash." I sob.

"What?" He asks, shocked, "But the test. . . I thought-" He starts, "I know, me too, but l-look at what's going on! I don't throw up like this and it's not just anxiety. I'm emotional as fuck, bloated, and dizzy. What else could it be?" I sniffle, digging my face into his chest.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay." He says, wrapping his arms around me, "Maybe this is just a stomach bug or something? We'll test you anyway, you just had sex yesterday though. Can it happen overnight?" He says sitting on the edge of the bathtub and sitting me on his lap. 

"I guess? I don't know, I'm still young, I've never had to deal with this, no ones taught me." I cry, "What if that makes me a bad mom?" I sob into his neck, feeling embarrassed at my vulnerability. 

"We don't even know that you're pregnant, let's just relax, okay? We're gonna treat this like you're just sick." He rubs my arm.

"Guys, we gotta go." Duff knocks on the door, "Let's go." Slash stands up. I wipe my face feeling terribly weak. He opens the door and everyone's eyes are on me. 

"Let's go." Slash repeats as he walks me out. 

My emotions are swirling. Why is it every time I try to separate from Slash, some shit happens that forces us to be close? All I know is- I can't have this baby.


	37. CH4PTER TH1RTY-S1X

LILLIANAS POV 

We are on the road again and I'm thankful that the nausea has settled. 

I'm wearing sweatpants and Slash's hoodie. I have the hood up so that it's covering my eyes as I sit curled up on the couch with my knees to my chest, hearing the faint sounds of the road outside. 

"How are you feeling?" I hear Izzy say as he sits down next to me, I feel my face light up, "Better," I smile and he looks at me sympathetically. 

"So, you're talking to me now?" I ask scooting closer, "you know I can't stay mad at you!" he rolls his eyes, smiling at me with his familiar crooked smile. 

"Oh, Iz," I smile and bring him in for a hug. 

"Can we just never talk about it again, please?" he chuckles, wrapping his arms around me, "yes, please!" I laugh, sitting back. 

About an hour of just talking and catching up goes by when Steven comes up from the back of the bus and smiles brightly. He's very obviously drugged out and I crave the euphoria he's feeling right now. 

"Aw, look who made up!" he cheers sitting next to me.

"No way," Duff comes out, laughing as Axl and Erin follow behind. 

"What is it?" Slash comes soon after, "the duo is back," Axl laughs, pulling Erin onto his lap. 

"Oh," Slash says as Izzy puts an arm around me, I see his eyes fill with jealousy and I give him a stern look. I don't wanna do this again. 

I start thinking about what would happen if I really was pregnant with Slash's child. I hate to think about it, but I think I would have to get an abortion. It's so taboo, and I would definitely feel guilty, but I can't provide a good life for that child. It may be a little selfish, but I also can't give up this career that I've worked so hard to achieve. 

I just wish I could know sooner. 

Wait!

I jump up and Slash flinches, thinking I'm gonna fall. I rush over to my bed and grab my backpack. I take out my small calendar that I always travel with to help track my period. I open it to last month and I see that I was supposed to get my period today. 

Oh my god! 

I feel my heart drop into my ass and Slash comes rushing with Erin. 

"What is it?" Slash asks concerned. 

"I was supposed to get my period today! I thought it wasn't for a couple days but I'm supposed to get it today and I. . . I haven't. . ." I say frantically, feeling room spin, "Woah," Slash says grabbing my arm to keep me from falling. 

"Okay, relax. We'll get you a bunch of tests when we stop, and we're making you an appointment at the clinic, Lil. This isn't normal even if you are pregnant." Erin says trying to calm me.

"What's happening to me?" I feel tears well up. 

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," Slash holds me close and as much as I don't want his affection, it calms me. 

"I'm gonna look at the phonebook at see when they can see you," Erin says, 

"Wait! Please, I don't want them to know I might be pregnant," I say, feeling tears stream down my face.

"They won't," she says before walking through the curtains and back out to the front of the bus. 

"Okay, why don't we try to get you some sleep?" Slash says helping me lay down in his bun. I turn to my side to face him. I impulsively scoot as close to the wall as I can and he reluctantly squeezes into the small bed with me, wrapping his arms around me. The comfort of his touch takes over me and I feel myself begin to sob as he plays with my hair. 

\-------

It's been two days and we're finally at our stop. Still no period, nausea on level one thousand. 

The part that scares me is, I don't know how I'm gonna tell Slash that I'm getting an abortion, if I'm pregnant. I mean, our friendship before this was ruined, and now I feel like it's gonna be destroyed beyond repair. At least before there was a chance of us maybe coming back together in the future, but now, I don't know. 

"I'm taking you to the place at two, Slash wants to know if you want him there?" Erin comes up behind me as we get escorted into our hotel. I turned around to see Slash laughing with Stevie, them pushing each other and laughing like teenagers. I sigh and turn back to Erin, "no, it's fine," I say as I feel the cool air of the hotel lobby hit my pale face. I look dead. 

Erin wraps an arm around me as we get our room keys. 

On the way to the elevator with the guys, another group of guys turn the corner and bump into us. 

"Oh, no way!" Duff laughs, looking at one of the guys that was average height with long dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. 

"Oh, fuck!" The guy laughs, hugging Duff, the rest of the guys light up as they see the band.

I shake my head and take a second look at them as they all talk and catch up. 

Oh my God, it's Metallica!

"And who are these girls?" the tall blonde guy with a very sweet smile asks as he turns to us. 

I've listened to Metallica, but I'm not a big enough fan to know their names. What I do know is: last year in 86', their bassist passed away, it was really sad. 

"These are our special girls, that's Erin, and this is Lil," Duff says patting my head. 

"Wait, I know you. You're that new girl- uh, Luna?" a boy with the most adorable face I've ever seen, looks at me. I recognize he's their guitarist, he flashes me a warm and innocent smile which brings one to my face. 

"Yeah, hi," I giggle and the guys look at me. I haven't laughed or smiled in days, they look like they'd seen a ghost. 

"Hi, I'm Kirk," he licks his lips lightly, reaching his hand out to shake mine. 

"Hi, I'm Lil," I smile shaking his hand, his touch is warm and soothing. Who is this guy? We look into each others eyes for a while and suddenly, I don't feel sick anymore.

"Uh. . . so this is James, that's Lars, and that's their new bassist Jason." Izzy says, pointing to each guy, "hey man, really sorry about Cliff, by the way," he adds.

Kirk and I let go of each other and he turns back to the group flustered. I can't help but feel my cheeks get hot as they all talk. 

"Uh, we'll catch up with you guys later?" Erin says grabbing me and pulling me towards the elevator. I turn back and make eye contact with Kirk again, he smiles and mouths 'bye' while making a goofy face. I chuckle and catch Slash's eye, he looks confused and a little grossed out. 

"Okay, he was adorable!" Erin laughs as the elevator doors close. 

"Right? But I cant be thinking about that right now," I shake my hands nervously. 

"Lil, it's okay. You deserved to forget about it for a second," she rubs my back comfortingly.

I don't say anything as we find my room. We enter and and I sigh dropping my bag on the bed. 

"Okay, so at the rest stop I got you these. Take all of them," Erin tells me while pulling about 4 pregnancy tests out of her bag, "geez," I sigh, grabbing the stack of small boxes. 

"You wanna be sure, no?" she questions. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right, I don't have to pee though," I groan, "there's a vending machine down the hall, go get water," she points to the door and I drag my feet out towards it.

I stand in front of the vending machine, digging the money out of my pocket. I look like a hot mess, my hair is thrown into a messy bun with the curls springing out, I'm wearing an old ripped up t-shirt, sweatpants and boots. My contacts aren't in either, so I have the dorky glasses on. I cringe at the thought of me meeting an entire band while looking like this. 

As I bend down to grab the water bottle that just pounded down at the bottom of the rickety old vending machine, I hear a soft voice greet me, "oh, hey!" I say looking up and seeing Kirk make his way closer to me. 

"We didn't get a chance to properly speak earlier," he leans against the wall like a dork. 

"We didn't, we had an audience," I chuckle, "exactly. I've heard about you," he raises a brow.

"You have? All good things, I hope," I bite my lip, standing up. 

"Just that you're really cool, and you're killer at the guitar, and that you have cool tattoos," he says poking my arm.

"Thanks. I'm sorry, but I haven't heard that much about you. I just know you rock guitar, too, I've heard you on the Metallica records," I say wiggling my eyebrows, "oh yeah? Maybe we should play together one day," he laughs, looking down at me, "sure," I smile feeling my cheeks flush. 

I try to take a sip of water to mask the dorky smile on my face, but he sees right through it. 

"I'm in room 801, call me," I say smoothly as I walk past him back into the room, his jaw dropped as he eyes me walking back into the room. 

"What took so long?" Erin asks, "nothing," I lie and she rolls her eyes. I down the water and after a bout a half hour, I have to pee. 

"Ok, ok, here goes nothing!" I sigh nervously, feeling my stomach turn as I walk into the bathroom. 

I pee on each stick, capping each one afterwards while being extra careful not to shake them. 

I open the door and begin pacing the room. After about 10 minutes, I rush back into the bathroom.

I pick the first one up, negative. 

The second, negative. 

The third, negative. 

The fourth, POSITIVE?

"Oh my God!" I scream and feel my knees give out, "what? What, what?" Erin rushes in. 

"P-positive. . ." I say shakily as the tears stream down my face, "oh my God, all of them?" she asks. 

"No, just the one," I sniffle staring at the two lines that are faint, but clearly read pregnant. 

"I'm gonna go get Slash," she says standing up. 

"I'm pregnant?" I whisper to myself. 

'Ok, ok Lilli, relax. This isn't gonna be a big deal by the end of today, just relax.' I tell myself. 

I stand up and wipe my tears. 

"Slash?" Erin says as she opens the door.

"Where is she?" he says angrily. 

"Bathroom. Hey, relax!" she yells as he storms into the bathroom angrily. 

"Are you fucking joking?" he yells at me. 

"What are you talking about, you asshole? Don't yell at me!" I defend. 

"You might be pregnant but that doesn't stop you from finding a new guy to get under?" he yells, his voice hurt.

"Who?" I yell, "Kirk!" he screams. 

"Who said I was getting under Kirk?" I yell, pregnancy test still in hand. 

"Izzy! And the rest of fucking Metallica! Kirk obviously told his bandmates how hot he thinks you are, and according to Izzy, he saw you guys talking in the hall. Kirk told James that you guys are gonna 'play together'," he says, using air quotes. 

"Since when is playing guitar with another musician the same as planning to sleep with them?" I slam my hand on the counter. I'm so sick and tired of this jealousy!

"Oh, come on! I fucking know you!" he scoffs, "oh, you know me? What's that supposed to mean?" I cross my arms. 

"You just can't handle not having some sort of attention!" he spits and I feel fury fill my entire body, "you listen to me, Saul Hudson, and you listen to me good, that is the last time you ever fucking disrespect me like that, ever! I'll have you know that I was gonna cancel because, guess what? I'm fucking pregnant, and it's yours! The only guy I've slept with in months!" I slam the pregnancy test on the counter and storm out.

"You're pregnant?" he follows me out, "yes, and you don't have to worry about it because I'm not keeping it. I don't feel like raising a baby alone," I say, "let's go, E!" I look at her standing there shocked.

"Oh, so now you're having an abortion?" he yells. 

"Yes, because it's my fucking choice! You don't get a say, Slash. You come in here with the fucking audacity to imply that I'm going to sleep with a guy while being unsure if I'm pregnant or not? A guy who I just met! Then, you call me an attention whore?" I yell. 

"I didn't mean it like that," he cringes remembering his words. 

"Uh-huh, you never do, Slash. I can't do this anymore. I'm going to take care of this, and then I don't wanna talk to you anymore, it hurts, but I don't" I say my voice shaking. 

"Okay, that's enough, let's go," Erin wraps her arm around me and we head out. 

SLASHS POV

I'm so dumb, holy shit! Why do I let the jealousy get to me like that? At this point, I wasn't looking at Lilliana as the girl who I'm kinda crazy about, but as the mother of my child, and I hoped this child would be a gateway to us getting together again and maybe, just maybe, being in a relationship? 

What is wrong with me? I'm not a relationship kind of guy. No, this is good, it's good shes not having the baby. We aren't good for each other. We have great sexual chemistry and that's it.

I am still stupid for saying those hurtful things to her. I mean, now we're in an even worse place than we were before. Now, she'll really never speak to me again. 

I know I didn't mean what I said, it was a stupid moment of anger. I thought she was gonna sleep with Kirk, even though I know she'd never do something like that.

God. 

When did all of this shit start to happen?

LILLIANAS POV 

Erin and I are sitting in the waiting room of the free clinic, for what feels like forever. They finally call my name, and I nervously walk to the back room where I'm instructed to pee in the cup, blah, blah, blah. 

I do so, and Erin and I are left waiting once again in the cold, sterile room. 

I feel my thoughts go a million miles a second and I feel just. . . sad, angry and anxious, all at the same time. 

"Hey, you're not by yourself in this Lil, I'm here," Erin reaches over and squeezes my hand as if reading my thoughts. I smile weakly. 

Soon there's a knock on the door, "come in," I say.

"Hey there uhhh, Ms. Melendez," the doctor says, looking at the chart. 

"hi," I smile, half heartedly.

"Well, let's get into the good news first. . . you are not pregnant," the doctor says and I let out the loudest sigh of relief. 

"Oh my God" I laugh into my hands, "congratulations!" he chuckles. 

"Well then, why did my test come out positive? And why have I been so sick?" I ask, feeling the world around me light up. 

"Oh, that's because sometimes you can get a false positive, it's very rare, but it happens. You are definitely not pregnant, Ms. Melendez. As for the sickness, it could be a number of things, but I'm gonna go with it's just because of your anxiety levels and your period coming up soon, your cycle is delayed and that's completely normal," the doctor explains.

"Oh, thank God," I say shakily. 

"So, we'll cancel your appointment for the termination," he comes closer to me and begins taking my vitals. He then recommends some stuff for nausea, and we are on our way out. 

"I'm not pregnant!" I laugh as I skip down the sidewalk, "I am mommy no more!" I hug Erin. 

"Oh boy," she laughs. 

I can't wait to smoke again. Not smoking had to be the hardest thing ever.

\-----

I'm so happy and relieved that I don't even care who finds out. 

I skip down the hallway and hurry into my room. Erin comes quickly behind me, "what're you in a hurry for?" she laughs, "you'll see," I smile, dialing the phone.

"hello?" the soft voice says. 

"Hey Kirk, it's Lil" I say, my voice smooth like velvet. 

"Oh hey, how are you?" he giggles from the other end, I feel a smile creep onto my face.

"Starving, how about you?" I say dropping a hint. 

"Also starving, wanna grab a bite in say. . . an hour?" he asks, catching on immediately. 

"See you soon," I hum. 

"Awesome!" he giggles and I hang up the phone. 

"You did not just," Erin gasped, "oh, but I did, and it's gonna be great, and Slash can shove it up his ass," I smile, waltzing out of the room. 

I bang on Slash's door and he opens it to reveal the band in there smoking.

"Hello, I am not pregnant!" I sing running in. 

"Anymore?" he sighs, "nope, never was. No bun in this oven!" I giggle happily. 

"Hold it, there was the possibility of a bun?" Duff says surprised. 

"Apparently so, but I am not gonna be a momma, and Slash is not gonna be a daddy. What I am gonna be is late for my date," I smile.

"Date? Already?" Axl laughs as Erin walks over to him. 

"Yes, and he is a sweet boy," I smile, taking a swig from Slash's Jack Daniels bottle. 

"Who is it?" Stevie asks, blowing smoke out. Duff eyes me up and down and his eyes go wide, "holy shit, you're goin' out with Kirk, aren't you?" he laughs loudly, "mhm," I nod all giddy, "you sure do move fast woman," he snorts.

"Yeah, light speed apparently," Slash rolls his eyes, "are you gonna cry?" I say pouting, completely unbothered. He scoffs and I blow a kiss.

"I must run, just thought I'd share the news!" I say as I slip out and go back to my room to get ready.


	38. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-S3V3N

LILLIANAS POV

I tie my hair up and get into the shower, quickly washing my body.

I feel the butterflies in my tummy as I stand in my room naked in a towel, picking out what I'm gonna wear. 

Okay Lil, he saw you for the first time in sweats. Now, you blow his mind away. 

I decide on jeans with a white cropped top, thankful that my marks aren't visible anymore. I'm proud of my outfit choice, simple yet sexy. I slide a thick bet through the loops and grab a jean jacket with leather sleeves.

I slide a thick bet through the loops and grab a jean jacket with leather sleeves

I pose in the mirror, pleased with my decision. I sit down in front of the mirror and begin to do my makeup. 

Midway through, there's a knock at the door, "shit," I say getting up and walking over to the door. I open the door and Kirk is standing there with a half smile, "sorry I'm late, you ready?" he says softly. 

"Hey. Yeah, just give me five minutes, come in," I smile, stepping aside. He shyly comes in and sits on the edge of my bed. 

"So, where do you wanna go?" I ask blushing my cheeks lightly. 

"Well, are you in the mood for anything specific?" he asks, studying me as I put on my eyeliner. 

"Whatever you want, I don't really care, I don't know what's around," I say shrugging at him, " I guess we'll just explore then," he smiles and I feel my cheeks heat up.

"Okay, I don't get how girls do that," he chuckles getting on the floor next to me. 

"What, eyeliner?" I chuckle smoking out my lash line. 

"Yes, you're literally poking your eyes!" he scoots closer, and I smile. 

"It's not just for girls, and it doesn't hurt. Come here," I laugh pulling the cap off the pencil again, "oh boy," he sighs, leaning his head towards me. I smile and gently pull his eye down and line his eyes.

"Ow," he says, "don't be dramatic, you know it doesn't hurt!" I giggle as I swipe it across the other eye. When I pull the pencil away he blinks several times as he backs his head away.

"Sexy," I giggle as he looks down at me with dark eyes, "oh, I like it," he says looking into the mirror.

"Look, we're twins," I saw putting my head next to his in the mirror, "you're the pretty one," he smiles like a geek, "dork," I chuckle, pulling back. 

He stands up, helping me and he looks me up and down, "I like this," he says, running his thumb across the small hello kitty tattoo on the front of my hip. 

I chuckle remembering my words to the tattoo artist: "yeah so like hello kitty but make her flip you off". God, that night was filled with lots of alcohol. 

"Thank you," I blush at his touch. 

"You ready?" he looks down at me with dark eyes, "mhm," I say softly, getting lost in them. He slowly leans down and I feel my heart do backflips. Wow, this is happening fast. His lips brush against mine when there's a hard knock at the door, "shit!" he jolts back, "uh-sorry," I say flustered as I walk over to the door. 

I open it and Slash is standing there, Jesus Christ. 

"What is it? I was just about to leave," I say giving him wide eyes as a warning to not make a scene. He looks over me and sees Kirk sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Oh, you were serious?" he stifles a laugh and it pisses me off, "yes, I was serious, why wouldn't I be? What do you want?" I ask quietly, "well, I mean, you just walked in, said you weren't pregnant and then left. I have questions," he says kinda loudly, "would you lower your fucking voice, Slash?" I say harshly, "what? Scared he's gonna know that you're going on a date the same day you planned on getting an abortion?" he pouts.

"Fuck you, Slash. You know if I really was pregnant things would be way different right now. It was all a mistake and it's over!" I say hurt. 

"You're unbelievable!" he scoffs, "why? Because I'm moving on with my life? Because I'm not crying over you? Go fuck yourself, Slash, I'm not your groupie," I roll my eyes. 

"Whatever dude, you don't get it," he scoffs, walking away.

I feel anger fill me.

"Gimme a sec, Kirk," I say and step out of the room.

"What don't I understand?" I grab his arm, "I thought you were mothering my child, and now you just act like it never happened? You didn't acknowledge the gravity of the situation? You waste no time in moving on with your life and finding a new guy. . ." he looks at me disgusted. God, how can one guy make me feel so insecure?

"No, I don't think you understand the emotional toll all of this took on me. You making me feel like a whore for trying to forget about it all isn't helping. I am not a mother, I'm never gonna be a mother, and whether it was with you or not, my decision would've been the same. So don't try to make me feel shitty for trying to live normally again," I say.

"Whatever," he rolls his eyes and stomps into his room. 

"Asshole," I scoff to myself and go back to my room. 

"You okay?" Kirk asks as I walk in, "yeah, fine. Can we just please go?" I half smile.

"Yeah," he says standing up and meeting me at the door, "look, I dunno what that was about but, don't let him fuck up your mood," Kirk says kindly as we walk down the hall. 

I smile at his kind words and we walk into the elevator.

"Oh fuck it," I groan and push him against the wall, "hello," he chuckles. 

"Can you help me forget everything, just for today?" I say against his lips, "mhm," he says, softly licking his lips, "good," I sigh and press my lips against his. 

He snakes his arms around my lower back and presses me closer to him. His lips are soft and the kiss feels electric. I suck on his lower lip and he giggles against my lips. 

He licks my lower lip, lightly biting on it. I run my hands through his hair as he pushes me to the other side of the elevator. This sweet, innocent boy just turned hungry. The elevator ride feels like it's going on forever, but soon the doors ding and we pull apart. Panting, I scan his face looking at his plump puffy lips. 

"Well, that was fun," he chuckles looking at me, "mhm," I say speechless, "uh. . . yeah, let's get going," he chuckles shyly and we walk out. I feel my cheeks flame as we walkout the hotel. No way I just did that. Eh, who cares, it was fun. 

We get a taxi and quickly escape without anyone noticing.

Kirk tells the driver to take us to whatever restaurant he recommends, "there's a food truck down this road, very famous. best enchiladas you'll ever have," he says looking at us in the mirror. Kirk looks down at me as if asking if that's okay, "that sounds pretty good, actually," I say and the taxi driver nods. 

All of the sudden, I feel tired. I lean back in the seat and feel the road passing under us. 

"You okay?" Kirk turns to me, "mhm, just a little tired, that's all," I say, resting my head on his shoulder. 

We soon arrive and there's a small crowd of people. I don't think much of it and hand cash to the driver. 

"You didn't have to," Kirk says as we get out of the car, "it's fine, Kirk," I chuckle as he grabs my hand to help me out. 

"Yeah, well then, I'm paying for the food," he says with a crooked smile, his dimples showing slightly, "well, I'm not gonna argue with that," I say and he rolls his eyes, flashing me that adorable smile once again. 

I approach the small opening and I feel everyones eyes on me. 

"Hola," the woman leans over the window, "hola!" I smile. 

"Dame una enchilada de pollo por favor" ~give me a chicken enchilada please~ I say and turn to Kirk, his face surprised, "what do you want?" I ask him, "uh, black bean enchilada," he says, still surprised. I order his food and he pays the lady. 

"You speak Spanish?" he asks me as we walk to the other window to wait for our food.

"Yeah, and from the looks of it, you don't eat meat?" I chuckle, "nope, vegetarian," he shakes his head, "how boring," I frown pinching his cheek, he smiles and looks around him.

"Is it just me, or are people staring?" he says, "I don't know. You think they recognize you?" I ask. 

"Oh no, they're not staring at me, they're staring at you!" he chuckles, "what?" I look around and then two guys approach me.

"Um hi, are you Luna?" they ask, I feel my heart drop. 

"Uh, yeah," I say baffled. 

"Do you think we could get your autograph?" one of them asks shyly, "uh, s-sure," I shake my head. They blush and hand me a napkin, I sign it with a marker that's resting on the ledge of the food truck, how convenient. 

"Thanks so much!" they giggle all giddy and walk away. 

"Look at you," Kirk smiles, "I'm still not used to that, holy shit!" I exhale as I rest my forehead on his shoulder, his hand gently rubs my back and I'm amazed at how comfortable we are around each other, given that we literally just met. 

"Yo, Luna!" I hear a girl yell, the tone of her voice activates my fight or flight. Her voice is very chola-ish and given that I've lived in east LA my whole life and grew up around gangs, I've been friends with, fought with, and even was a chola, so I recognize it from a mile away.

"What's good?" I turn looking for who said it, I feel myself get defensive as she walks up to me. 

"Aye, I love your music girl, and my man likes you. You think you could sign me so I could show him?" she smiles and I feel myself relax, "oh, sure," I laugh, relieved that I probably won't be making a scene. 

"Where?" I ask and she pulls her tank top down, "here," she says popping her titty out, "oh shit," I giggle and sign her boob. 

"Thanks, ma," she laughs chewing her gum, "no problem, amiga," I laugh handing her the marker.

"You looked like you were ready to kick her ass," Kirk chuckles. 

"I mean, she came up here like she was ready to fight," I say. 

"Yeah ,but you just transformed, it was so fast. One minute you're all cute, and the next you're all gangster," he laughs grabbing our food.

There are small tables set up in front of the truck and we make our way to them. 

"I guess it's just second nature at this point, you grow up with gangsters and you adapt," I shrug sitting down, "woah, gangsters? I worked at the BK," Kirk puts his hands up, "no way!" I chuckle, "yup, whoppers were my jam!" he shakes his head.

"Kay, you gotta tell me how that one happened," I laugh and take a bite out of my food, thankful that I'm able to keep it down. 

We talk for a little bit and soon there a huge flash in my face, "oh shit!" Kirk says getting up. I groan and lower my head, "paparazzi!" I whine and we back away from each other. 

"Luna, Luna! Is this a date?" the photographer asks, I ignore. Shit, now whatever he got, he's gonna put out there and Slash is gonna flip. 

Whatever, he can kiss my ass. . .


	39. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-31GHT

SLASHS POV 

I'm done. I'm done caring. I'm done stressing. If that's her attitude about the situation, then I don't want any part of it. I don't want any part of her. . . except, I think I really do. I can't though, I gotta act like I don't know her anymore. Things are gonna be just like they were before we met. It's for the better. . . right?

I'm sitting in Duff's room, smoking and listening to the faint sounds of the radio in the background. 

"So, what do you think Lil sees in Kirk?" Stevie asks, "aw c'mon, he's totally her type physically," Erin says, taking a drag from the joint Axl holds up to her lips, "physically, but I don't think so personality wise," Duff says.

Gosh, why are we talking about this?

"Well, what's he like?" Erin asks, "oh, Kirks a sweet guy, really innocent and nice. He's actually pretty funny," Izzy says, "and we all know Lil doesn't like nice guys," Axl says looking at me, "right Slash?" he adds, "fuck you, I'm nice," I scoff standing up.

My answer gains a stifled laugh from Steven, "hey!" I groan looking at him. 

"C'mon dude, I've known you since we were kids man, you're not a nice respectful guy when it comes to chicks," Steven chuckles, "whatever man," I roll my eyes and walk over to the small radio. 

"Well neither is she, so who knows? They might just clash," Duff says trying to make me feel better. I don't know why, I don't care, "or it might just be what she needs, a change," Erin says giving me a look. I know I'm on her bad side after the fight she witnessed with L. The guys all look at her and she gives them a look which makes them break their attention away from her.

I sigh and change the station, raising the volume. 

*And now for the news in rock n roll, Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett and up and coming rockstar Luna spotted getting quite close at a local food truck. Is this a new industry love? Call in with your opinions on this! We wanna hear what you think about this new guitarist on guitarist love.* 

"Are you kidding?" I say quietly to myself. 

"They're already speculating a relationship?" Izzy chimes, "how close are they getting that they think they're dating?" I say angrily. 

"Shh, turn it up," Axl says as we hear someone begin speaking.

*Yeah, like I was there at the truck they were at and she signed my titty, but before that they were like really close and up on each other, looked like they were about to kiss or something.*

*Oh wow, thank you caller. How long do you think they've known each other listeners? I mean, this is the first we're hearing and seeing of them together. let's see what this next caller has to say,*

*Hi, honestly don't really get what this chick is doing, wasn't she just seen with Izzy Straddlin from Guns N Roses? It seems she's always with a band member or something, are you sure she's not climbing? I mean, I haven't heard any of her stuff but like, is she not worried about how this makes her look?*

"Bitch," Erin scoffs. 

"Is she wrong?" I turn to her, "yes Slash, she's wrong. She was never with Izzy! She was with you, and you broke her heart, whether she'll ever admit it or not, she really cared about you, I've never seen her cry over a guy or stress the way she did with you. And according to her, you guys weren't even dating like that, so maybe it's good that she's moving on because I couldn't imagine what you'd put her through if you were dating. You'd cheat on her! And it's not fair that she's getting all this backlash for moving on with her life, and nothing gets said to Izzy when he's seen with a bunch of girls. If he was with her, wouldn't he be moving on too fast?" Erin scolds me and I feel shitty, but I'm also mad. 

"Whatever Erin, you don't know everything that happened. She kept it from you, remember?" I say.

"I may not know every single detail, but I did see how you acted while it was going on. She held back from sleeping with guys, you on the other hand, had a new girl every night. Face it, she was your back up," Erin Stands up. 

"She was not my back up! I cared about her, she was my best friend!" I defend. 

"You obviously didn't care about her enough to keep your pants on!" she spits, "woah guys," Duff says. 

"We both agreed to see other people. The arrangement was strictly sexual and she's the one who said that! She made it clear she didn't want a relationship!" I yell. 

"Yeah? Then you not telling her you like her and continuing to sleep with other women was some noble act to not scare her away? Well if you knew her as well as you say you do, you'd know how much of a stupid decision that was because I guarantee you if you told her, none of this would be happening right now, so you don't get to feel sorry for yourself and be mad at her, because you brought this on yourself, Slash, with your uncalled for, petty, hypocritical jealousy!" she says pointing at me.

"Okay, that's enough!" Axl stands up grabbing her arm firmly, she flinches and looks down. The grip he has around her arm looks really painful, "Axl," I say to him, firmly looking at her arm, "we're leaving," he says dragging her out.

The fear in her eyes makes me uneasy. Axl would never hurt her. . . would he?

"Dude, you need to cool off," Duff says, standing up. He puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic look, "let's go grab a bite or something," he suggests and Izzy gets up, "yeah dude, Stevie you coming?" he looks at Steven, "n-nah, I'm too plastered," he slurs all heroined out. 

Just as we turn to walk out I hear her name again on the radio:

* I don't agree with what that girl said, if this was the other way around ,no one would be saying anything. Are we not gonna talk about all the girls Izzy's been seen with? If the rumors were true, then he looks way worse than she does right now. And honestly, I thought she was with Slash, and there are rumors that she did have a fling with that dude, and if it's true, he looks just as shitty too because he never took a pause from the girls. I say, let the girl do what she wants with who she wants because if she was a dude no one would be saying anything.*

I sigh because that guy, totally right. 

LILLIANAS POV

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Kirk asks, "definitely," I say dropping my sunglasses down onto my face, "come on," he says grabbing my hand. We slip away from the crowd that was now forming, thanks to that one fucking paparazzi. 

I chuckle as we run hand in hand down the sidewalk into this plaza. 

"Here," I say and pull us into a comic book store. I feel relieved that no one seems to recognize us here. 

"Ooh!" I chime as I walk over to the bins of comics, "look, I'm missing this one!" I say as I pull out a batman comic. 

"You buy comics?" Kirks face lights up, "yeah, you collect?" I ask, gently opening the pages, "where have you been all my life?" he laughs looking over my shoulder to read.

After we skim through it, I decide to buy it. 

"Who's your favorite hero?" he asks as I we walk around the store, "well, I'm more into the adult, horror comic type thing, but I do really love batman," I smile, turning into the aisle with the horror comics. 

"No shit, Lars got me some 'official batman socks'" he chuckles in air quotes, "that's rad," I laugh grabbing a random comic out of the basket. 

"Look, isn't this sick? I drew something like this once, scared the shit out of Erin. But look, her intestines are all out next to her, and it's a cartoon!" I slightly fan at the amazing artwork inside. 

"I love this series, one of my favorites. You draw?" he smiles, "yeah, mostly weird shit," I say, putting the comic back, "seriously, how have our paths never crossed before?" he chuckles looking down at me. 

"I'll have to show you my art sometime," I say softly, I pull my lower lip in between my teeth as he stares into my eyes, "I'd love to see it," he says softly.

I giggle and look outside the window to make sure no ones watching. Kirk mimics my action and once we see there's no one, our lips connect. I smile into the kiss and it turns into a bunch of goofy pecks, I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck, "this is going well, it's also going fast," I chuckle, "yeah, but it's fun right? Who cares," he shrugs, kissing me once again, this time the kiss is a little deeper.

The idea that someone could walk by and see us at any moment is exhilarating. I slide my tongue across his lower lips and pull it in between my teeth. He pulls back and I suck on his bottom lip as he does so. 

I drop my arms from around his neck and lick my lips, "woah," I giggle. I swear I see a mop of curly hair move passed the window in my peripheral vision, I quickly jolt my head but there's no one there. 

SLASHS POV 

Duff, Izzy and I go to this plaza that's only a couple minutes from the hotel. I'm smoking a cigarette and staring at my shoes as we sit in the taxi. 

Is this really my fault? Would I have ended up cheating on her? Did she actually like me, or is Erin just saying it to make me feel shitty? 

Fuck!

Duff and Izzy are having some random conversation, "aw c'mon, Slash, tell him he's being ridiculous," Izzy says tapping my arm, "huh?" I snap my head up and look at them confused, "dude, are you okay?" Izzy asks, "yeah man, I'm fine, just wasn't paying attention," I say taking a drag. 

"Dude, don't listen to Erin. What happened, happened. It's over, don't beat yourself up, move on because it's obvious she's not stressing over it anymore," Izzy says and Duff gives me an indifferent look.

"Yeah, I guess you're right," I sigh, leaning back. 

"Look, Lars tells me there's a party happening at a crash house tonight, they're gonna have all the good stuff, even that shit Stevie's been on. Let's go get fucked up," Izzy says, encouraging me, "alright, fine," I say giving in immediately, looking forward to whatever drug frenzy I'm gonna throw myself into tonight. 

~~~

We arrive and walk down the strip of the plaza looking for somewhere to eat. 

"I wonder where they went? I mean there's no way they stayed where people recognized them," Duff says, "I don't know, and I don't care," I roll my eyes. 

We approach a comic book store and I feel my heart tighten as I remember the stacks she used to keep, all the scary and fucked up comic art she'd draw, she was such a closeted psycho. I look through the windows as we walk by seeing posters for many of her favorite comics. Fuck, why can't I stop thinking about her?

"Oh fuck. . ." Duff says stopping in front of a window ahead of me, "what?" I say and rush over to him. Holy shit. . . I feel my heart fall out of my ass.


	40. CH4PT3R TH1RTY-N1N3

SLASHS POV

There she is, standing at the end of the isle with her arms around Kirk, him kissing her all over her face and her laughing her adorable laugh just like she used to do with me. . .

I furrow my eyebrows as their innocent goofy kiss turns into a full blown make-out session. The way she runs her hand through his hair, the way she bites on his bottom lip. Fuck, why does this hurt so much? She can do whatever she wants, but I hate seeing her with other guys, giving them the attention she used to give me. I don't know what hurts worse, seeing her do all those things with Kirk, or knowing that she'll never do those things with me again.

"C'mon man, let's go," Duff pats my back and I drag my feet next to him and walk away.

LILLIANAS POV

I shake my head. No way, I'm imagining things. 

"You okay?" Kirk asks ,sliding his thumb across my lower lips, "yeah, I just, uh. . . thought I saw somebody," I laugh awkwardly. 

"Oh," he says, "it was no one though," I say trying to relax, "alright," he smiles, and even though his answer is short, his smile brings some peace. 

I return the smile and gently peck his lips, "hey, you know, Lars told me there's some party going on at a crash house tonight. I know he invited some of the guys from Guns', but I wasn't sure if you were going. Wanna go with me?" he asks looking down at me, I smile at his darkness, "of course I'll go with you," I giggle looking down.

He tilts my chin up and brushes his lips against mine, "can't wait,'' he says softly. I lick my lips and he presses a soft tender kiss on my lips. Woah. 

~~~

Kirk and I hang out for a couple more hours and I realize I need to go get ready. We arrive back at the hotel and I see a huge crowd at the entrance. 

"Fuck" Kirk says, "come here," he says wrapping his arm around me, "put your head down, and run," he says holding me close to his chest, "oh boy," I sigh and we run to the back door of the hotel. 

"It's them!" I hear someone scream, "quick! Get in, get in!" I squeal as we squeeze in the door. We are instantly greeted with security, "it's ok, it's ok. We're staying here," Kirk says putting his arm in front of me protectively.

I can't help it but all I can think about is Slash hiding me behind him to keep me safe or to hide my body. I shake the thought out of my head. Security looks at us for a sec before stepping aside and letting us through.

I walk inside my room, Kirk following. I smile and I feel him gently push me against the wall, "oh?" I say seductively, "now we don't have to worry about people seeing?" he suggests brushing his lips along my neck, "mhm," I say in a breathy voice. I run my hands through his curls as he leaves soft feather-light kisses along my neck and collarbone. 

I giggle as he lightly bites at the skin. I push him off and onto the bed, straddling him. I don't intend on sleeping with him, I've known him for like 6 hours, but that doesn't mean we can't fool around for a bit. 

"Hello," he chuckles as he places his hands on my hips, "hi," I giggle, throwing my hair to the side and lowering my head. I kiss a sloppy and hungry kiss on his lips and he lightly moves my hips against his crotch, giving slight friction, "mm," I moan lightly as I slide my hands up his shirt, feeling his lightly toned body. 

I kiss down his neck and he lets out soft groans. 

I feel the hunger for Kirk growing stronger. He flips us over and holds my leg against his weight, I feel him grow more dominant as we continue our make-out session. He sucks on my lips and I'm astonished at the freak that's coming through from the soft innocent boy he is. 

Soon, there's a knock on the door and I groan loudly as Kirk continues kissing my neck, "want me to get it?" he pants against my skin, "no, it's fine, I got it," I groan slipping out from under him. 

I open the door panting lightly, "yeah?" I say as I'm met with Slash, somethings different about him this time. The attitude isn't the same. He looks. . . sad? 

SLASHS POV

As she opens the door, I feel like I'm gonna throw up. She answers, lips glossy, and her neck had a small bite mark on it, I look behind her and see Kirk laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. 

"Oh uh, never mind," I shake my head and back up, "no, what is it Slash?" she grabs my arm and I guess now I know how she felt that night, "are you going to the party tonight?" I ask, obviously lying about why I was there. 

Originally I was gonna swallow my pride and apologize, see if I could at least get her to forgive me, I can't have her out of my life forever. 

"Uh, yeah?" she says confused, hand on her hip, "alright," I purse my lips and turn on my heel to walk away. 

I quickly go back to my room and exhale. Wow, I feel like shit. 

This is how I made her feel? 

I'm an asshole.

"Hey man, you okay?" Duff comes up to me, "huh? Yeah dude," I say unconvincingly.

"Slash, c'mon man, I've never seen you like, this what happened?" he asks, "dude, I went to go talk to her. . . she was already making out with Kirk," I shut my eyes in embarrassment, "I looked like such a fucking idiot," I say angrily. I grab a bottle of Jack and down big gulp of it. 

"Aw fuck man, I'm sorry," Duff groans plopping down on the couch. 

"I'm so fucking stupid man, why do I let her get to me like that? All we do is fight, but she makes me so happy even as just my friend. Whatever dude, if she can do whatever she wants I can do whatever I want!" I say pacing the room angrily.

"I'll tell you something, tonight I'm gonna get drunk, and I'm gonna get fucking high. I'm gonna find a couple hot bitches and I'm gonna get laid! I'm gonna forget all about her, she's not gonna fuck with my head. I do what I want with who I want when I want!" I take another swig.

All the sadness in me transforms into rage. 

Fuck her.

LILLIANAS POV 

Slash's face- although I hate to say it- breaks my heart. His eyes fall soft as he examines my appearance. I mean, at least now he knows how I felt, and this isn't half as bad as when I caught him with those two girls. 

He gives me some bullshit about how he came over to ask about the party, I saw right through it, but I knew that me pushing him would've led to a fight and I just didn't have the energy for that. 

I shut the door and shake my head trying to fathom what just happened. Did I, me, Lilliana, just hurt Slash? Was I the one to make him feel shitty this time? You know what, he didn't care, so I'm not gonna care, it's all in the name of karma. 

"What was that all about?" Kirk sits up, "nothing, he just wanted to know if I was going to the party tonight," I shrug, "oh, I see," Kirk smirks, "where were we?" he grabs my hips and pulls me in between his legs, "mm, actually, I have to start getting ready," I giggle as I run my fingers through his hair.

"Ugh, okay," he sighs and stands up, "are you staying here?" I ask walking towards my suitcase, "I'm gonna go shower, I'll be back though," he says with a smile, "okay," I say. 

"I had fun today," he says softly, "me too," I look up at him. He smiles and gently kisses my cheek before walking out.


	41. CH4PT3R F0URTY

LILLIANAS POV 

I sigh as I stand in my room wearing only my jeans. What do I wear? Something sexy, something that'll make everyone eat their hearts out. I smirk as I reach down for the reddish transparent body suit. I grab a lacy bra to go underneath and I pair the scandalous outfit with a leather jacket. 

I look at myself in the mirror. Satisfied with the outfit, I decide to leave my makeup the same. 

"Well, that was quicker than I thought" I say to myself as I look at myself from various angles in the mirror. 

A couple more minutes go by and there's a knock on the door. I jump up and open it, "hey Kirk!" I smile widely, "woah," he says, jaw dropped, eyeing every inch of my body and locking in on my cleavage. 

"Hey, eyes up here," I grab his face, "you look hot," he blushes, "thank you," I smile. He's wearing a black button up and black jeans, something about his ensemble is adorable. 

I grab my purse and step out into the hallway, "seriously, you look so good," he bites his lip, "breathe," I tease, he rolls his eyes and lightly pecks my lips.

"Aw shit Kirk, already?" Lars yells, coming down the hall. Kirk looks away shyly and I stifle a laugh. 

"You two crazy kids ready to go?" Lars asks once he gets to us, already on some kind of drug. 

"Let's do this!" I giggle, "all fucking right! I like this girl, Kirk," he laughs. 

"Yo!" the rest of the guys start coming out, I turn and make eye contact with Slash. Now, he looks angry and resentful, not so much sad anymore. I catch his eyes scanning my body, but it feels different than when Kirk did it. I can tell every thought running through his mind and I can feel him undress me with his eyes. 

**SLASHS POV**

When I go out into the hallway I see Lil, she's wearing one of my favorite things she's ever worn. Her chest popping out and barely being contained by the black Lacey bra. 

I can't help the sexual thoughts that run through my head. I feel my eyes lock with hers as I mentally undress her. The way she's looking at me, her innocent facade. The way she's trying to act like she doesn't know exactly what I'm thinking. The way she's mentally denying the fact that shes imagining the same things. God, it turns me on. Maybe its the drugs from the pregame I did with Steven but, I want to pounce on her right now. 

Memories of her naked in my bed, drool coming down her chin as she chokes on my fingers. The way she'd let me overstimulate her and use her as my personal fuck toy. I bite my lip as her image shifts to her naked, tied up in my bed begging and screaming for me. The way she'd bite into my shoulder as she came undone, feeling her body shake under me. She was mine, only mine. 

"Dude, let's go," Izzy shakes me and I come back from reality. I shake my head and follow the group out of the hotel. 

**LILLIANAS POV**

We get to the house and I finally see Erin, "E!" I yell, separating from Kirk, "hey, I haven't heard from you all day," I say grabbing her arm. I turn her towards me and I gasp as I see a faint bruise around her neck.

"Erin, what the fuck happened?" I stop her from entering the house, "nothing, what're you talking about?" she tries to laugh it off, slipping away from my hold. 

"Okay. . . do you think I'm stupid? Did Axl hit you?" I ask, "no!" she says offended, "Erin. . ." I say.

"No, he didn't. Last time I checked, you looked way worse than me, and Slash wasn't hitting you, was he? We just tried something new," she says scoffing, "sorry, geez," I say putting my hands up, "mhm," she says before walking into the house.

Jesus, I've never seen Erin get so defensive before. 

I walk in and the aroma is strong with the scent of drugs and alcohol. I find Kirk on the couch and take a spot next to him. 

"Molly?" Lars holds up a small baggie, "ooh, yes please," I light up, taking the bag. I take the drug and Kirk watches me as my weight gets lighter, and lighter.

We pass around a joint and Slash is already down some girls throat. I don't care though, I feel light as air. 

"Lil," Duff comes next to me and hugs me close, "Duffy," I slur, grabbing his hair, "were you and Erin fighting o-outside?" he looks up at me, "no, she has a bruise or something and when I asked her about it I-I dunno, she got all defensive," I slur. 

"Y'know, something weird happened earlier today," he says making a funny drunk face, "what happened?" I ask worried, "well um, they were talking about you on the radio or somethingg' and-and Erin defended you but i-it led to like, a fight I guess, and Axl broke it up and he dragged her out. It looked like he was hurting her," Duff explains drunkenly. My drugged out brain is trying to follow, but I obviously don't realize the gravity of the situation. 

Just as im about to answer someone yells, "blow lines!" 

"Ooh!" Duff stands up and goes over to the table, I follow and drag Kirk over. 

"Just try it," I giggle doing a line off the table, Kirk sighs imitating my actions. I see his face light up with euphoria and I laugh. There's a girl laying on the table with lines across her stomach. I giggle and crawl on top of her, snorting a line and then sucking some coke off my fingers. There's cheering and whooping coming from the guys around the table and I laugh as I fall flat on the table. 

**SLASHS POV**

Seeing her and that girl on the table made me want to throw her against the wall and take her. I want to hear her giggles while she grips my hair. 

She's so carefree. 

The lust I feel for her drops as soon as she gets up and jumps into Kirks arms. He smiles against her as she slides her hands up his shirt. I try to look away but I can't. 

I feel my whole world crash when I see her pick up his hand and suck on his fingers. 

Holy fuck.

Memories of her crawling all over me, biting and sucking, course through my brain. Her kisses that tasted like alcohol and honey. 

"Hey Slash," some girl comes up and breaks me out of my thoughts, "hi," I look down at her, she's gorgeous. I smirk as she rubs up against me. Soon I have her on my lap and she's attacking my neck. 

**LILLIANAS POV**

I feel on top of the world. All I want is Kirk. 

I giggle, grabbing his hand and sucking on his fingers, "oh fuck," he says slowly as he watched me work my tongue around each one. I laugh and he swipes his fingers across my lips, "come here," I growl and pull him down to meet my lips. He chuckles before taking my lower lip in between his teeth. I groan as he pulls me down onto his lap on the couch. I straddle him and I hear faint hollering. 

He grinds me down on him and I let out a quiet moan. I don't care for the audience we have, this is too good. 

**SLASHS POV**

After a brief make-out session with that girl, I look over to see Lil and Kirk making out and grinding on each other. Holy shit, I can't watch this anymore. 

"Yo, Slash!" Izzy yells, "come try this!" he adds and I stand up going over to him, anything to get away from that. 

"What's this?" I ask as Izzy and this guy hold a mirror with powder on it in front of me, "heroin," the guy says. I don't even think twice before snorting the whole line. The high is like no other. 

Next thing I know I'm mixing all these different drugs and alcohol. Things get fuzzier, and fuzzier. . .


	42. CH4PT3R F0URTY-0N3

LILLIANAS POV

Kirk and I run up to one of the rooms upstairs and I can't contain the horny giggles that come out when he pushes me up against the wall. I completely forget about my 'no sex with Kirk, you just met him' rule.

"Mm," he groans against my lips, I smile into the kiss and wrap my leg around him. He grabs me by my thigh and picks me up to straddle him, our tongues dance as he sits on the edge of the bed, me straddling his lap. I feel myself grow wetter and wetter as he gropes my ass. He begins licking my neck, from my collarbone all the way up to my jaw.

"Fuck, yes!" I say breathy, "mm," he groans, biting at my skin. The pleasure causes me to grind my open legs on his crotch, "oh shit," Kirk groans, I lick my lips and slide his shirt off. God, everything just feels so right and amazing when you're on drugs.

I leave small hickeys down his neck and collarbone. Now that my jacket is on the floor, Kirks hand run across my back. There are buttons that hold the back closed on the transparent body suit and I feel him expertly undo each on with one hand.

I grind against him harder, enjoying the friction I've created, I moan loudly when he guides my hips down harder onto him.

He slides my body suit down off my shoulders and I pull my arms out of the sleeves. My top hangs around my jeans and Kirk gropes my breasts through my bra. As he lightly bites on one of them, I throw my head back as he sucks all around. I grip his hair as I grind one more time, earning a groan from Kirk.

He looks at me with lustful eyes and uses his middle finger to pull my swollen lips. I smile lightly, panting. He bites his lip as he slides to fingers into my mouth, I gladly swirl my tongue around each one as he uses his other hand to guide my hips front and back. I lightly moan against his fingers when I hear the door open.

I ignore it, thinking whoever's there will se that we're obviously busy and leave.

I move to Kirks neck and continue kissing me when the door slams. I ignore it again and Kirk flips us over so he's now on top of me. I cringe at my almost bare back hitting whatever gross sheets I'm on.

The thoughts float away as Kirk begins kissing down my chest and stomach. I giggle at the light ticklish kisses he gives. He goofily laughs against my skin.

"Yo, cops!" there's a loud yell as guys run down the hallways banging on each door.

"Shit!" I squeal, pushing him off, "fuck," he says grabbing his shirt off the floor and throwing me my jacket once I get the sleeves of my shirt back on.

I speed out of the room the best I can, Kirk behind me. I can't feel my legs I'm moving so fast. My vision blurred by the bright blue lights flashing in front of the house, drug dogs coming out of police cars.

"Shit" I yell as I maneuver away from the crowd.

I lose Kirk but somehow manage to get back to hotel safely. The incident causing me to sober up slightly, but I still feel a satisfying buzz along with a killer adrenaline rush.

I giggle to myself as I walk down the hallway to my room. After tumbling inside the phone rings

"H-hello?" I hiccup, "oh thank God, I just wanted to see if they caught you," Kirk laughs, relieved, "n-nope, all good, not my first cop runaway," I giggle, "you psycho," he laughs. Memories of Slash calling me his crazy go through my head, it doesn't give me thats same giddy feeling it did when Slash would tease me.

"Well, I'm fried. I'm gonna crash. Tonight was. . . interesting, and a lot of fun," Kirk chuckles on the other end, "sure was. I wonder if I'll remember it tomorrow," I tease, "I probably won't," Kirk laughs, "geek. Goodnight," I laugh, "night," he giggles, hanging up.

I lean against the nightstand, a dorky smile plastered across my face. I jump at the sudden bang on the door, "what the fuck?" I say to myself as I walk over and open the door.

an extremely intoxicated Slash meets my gaze as he leans against the wall doing, what I assume is his best attempt to get to his room.

"Oh, hey! It's y-you," he slurs. I've never heard him like this before, what's he on?

"Are you okay?" I chuckle at his funny stance, "I-I dunno, y-you hurt me. D-do y-you love him?" he closes his eyes trying to walk, "huh? I don't have time for this, goodnight," I roll my eyes. I watch as he teeters on his heels. Just as I'm about to close the door, I see him slide down against the wall and hit the ground.

"Oh my god," I say and rush over to him, "Slash," I crouch down and shake him.

He looks up at me with heavy eyelids, "I-I cared about you, so much. . . I'm sorry for-" he drifts off and closes his eyes with a small gasp. Oh my God.

"Slash, Slash!" I say louder, panic setting in. I put my fingers on his neck and feel for a pulse but I cant feel anything.

"Oh my God, oh my God," I feel tears well up in my eyes, I press my ear to his chest and hear a faint heartbeat. I relax a little but continue shaking him.

"Slash, Slash? Wake up! C'mon baby, you gotta wake up!" I hold his head in my lap, tears streaming down his face.

"Duff? Someone!" I yell as I lightly slap his cheeks, nothing.

SLASHS POV

After some nice little escapades with a few more girls, I notice Lilliana's gone. Oh?

I drag my feet up the stairs to see if I just crash somewhere here.

Something in my gut doesn't feel right as I make my way down the trashy hallway off the crash house.

As I pass by one door, I hear giggling and slight moaning. They're not just any moans and giggles. . . they sound familiar. Wait a minute.

I open the door and find Lilliana on Kirks lap, no shirt on in my favorite Lacey bra of hers. She's sucking on his fingers slowly and the way he's looking at her as she grinds on him is infuriating me. I want to grab him and slam him against the wall.

I freeze and feel my heart shrivel up.

The pain is physical. It feels like someone really stabbed me in the chest.

Once I hear her let out a small, but slutty moan for him, the anger sets in and I storm out. Am I an idiot for thinking she was only like that with me? I mean, she's independent as fuck, so what did I think was gonna happen? Of course she was gonna move on, I want her to move on! I don't want all this gushy relationship 'what if, what if' bullshit. I want us to be a thing of the past, all I'm really trying to fix right now is the friendship, I guess, but we've both decided to mutually dislike each other, her hating me a bit more obviously.

I just can't handle the sight and sound of her moaning for someone else. Just being the dirty little freak she is and throwing herself at someone else's mercy. The day I'm forced to hear her scream anyone else's name is the day I drop dead.

God, why cant I just get rid of these thoughts with anther girl? Every time I try I just imagine if it was her or I hope that the girl does the little things that she does to make the night fun and interesting. I know no one is gonna give me what she gave me, and that's the most painful part.

C'mon Slash, get a fucking grip! Mom didn't raise a whiney bitch. Get over yourself and live your fucking life.

I swallow my emotions and go to find Izzy. I do way more heroin than I should, but I don't care. The girl currently on my lap giggles and swipes some cocaine inside my lower lip. . . the way Lil would. Jesus Christ Slash, think of something else, anything else!

I decide the small amount of cocaine I've done isn't enough. I snort two lines, officially mixing the cocaine and heroin, my first time doing smack.

I then add a little weed and Molly to the mix and it's like im not even here anymore.

"Cops!" someone yells and everyone starts scattering around the property as the blue lights shine through the windows. I hear drug dogs bark and immediately panic since I can't seem to get my legs to work.

"Dude, c'mon!" lars drunkenly grabs me and drags me out. It seemed like he knew exactly what to do in this situation.

He somehow gets me back to hotel, I don't know how, I blacked out several times.

I stumble down the hall and feel my shoulders hit the wall, or door, or whatever next to me, hard.

I stumble forward a couple steps when the door opens, "oh hey, it's you!" I giggle, high as fuck. Lil looks at me, her face never more beautiful. She says some things to me, I think. Then I say- huh?

Woah.

The room is spinning, my heart is hurting. I feel myself hit the ground below me.

"Slash!" I'm shaken, her voice laced with concern and it's comforting. . . she cares. My eyes get heavier and heavier. Seeing her worried brings me peace, I know I'm not an idiot who cares for a girl that could give two shits about him.

"I-I cared. . ." I start, but I can't feel the words leave my mouth anymore, "I-I'm sor-" her face hurts me a little, but I can't handle it. . . I'm gone.


	43. CH4PT3R F0URTY-TW0

LILLIANAS POV 

"Somebody, please help!" I sob as I hear his small breaths strain. 

"What's going on?" Duff rushes out of his room, "he's not waking u-up, Slash, h-he passed out, but not in the normal drunk way," I sob hysterically.

"Okay, okay, relax. Help me drag him," Duff says, obviously sobering up. 

"Oh my God" I cry as I feel his body go limp in my arms, "h-his key is in his back pocket, g-get him into a cold shower or something," I hyperventilate, "Lil, breathe. Everything is gonna be fine," Duff says as we drag him to the front of his door. 

"H-how did this happen?" I cry, "he did smack. He's never done it before, he's probably overdosing," Duff says digging in Slash's pocket for his key. He pulls it out and I get a sudden adrenaline rush and end up picking Slash up by myself and dragging him into his bathroom. I take his shoes off and run a bath of cold water. 

Duff comes rushing and and helps me lift Slash into the tub of cold water. 

"C-can he die?" I ask Duff terrified as I pull the lever to make the shower head turn on. 

"He would've died already, we just can't let him fall too deep into sleep," Duff reassuringly squeezes my arm. As the ice cold water hits Slash's face, I hear him gasp and jump inside the tub. 

Oh thank God. 

I sigh, relieved that I can hear him breathing now. 

"Oh my god," I sob turning off the water, he coughs and I help him up out of the tub.

"What the fuck?" he slurs, grabbing a towel to dry himself off. I can't help it I sit on the toilet and let out pained sobs. 

"Dude," Duff sighs rubbing his forehead, Slash sits on the bathroom floor and shakes his head confused, "just come here, please," I cry getting on the floor next to him.

I pull his head onto my chest and hold him as close as I possibly can. I don't care how angry I am at him right now, I'm just glad he's back and okay. 

"I'm uh, I'm gonna go get him coffee. He can't sleep till he sobers up," Duff says, studying our position, I sniffle and nod my head.

**DUFFS POV**

I manage to get back to my hotel room with really no issues. I don't know about the rest of the guys, but I'm sure they'll be back, they always are. bBelieve it or not, I'm actually not that high. I mean, the whole 'running from the cops' thing really sobers you up. 

I'm just chilling in my room when I hear screaming coming from outside. What the fuck? Oh my God, I know that voice. Shit!

I jump up and rush out. 

I'm met with a sobbing Lilliana on her knees with Slash's head in her lap. He's passed out and I hate to admit it, he doesn't look good. 

"What's going on?" I ask getting down to her level, "h-he's not waking u-up, Slash. He passed out but not in the normal drunk way," she sobs, caressing his face lightly. 

"Okay, okay, relax. Help me drag him," I instruct her, I look at Slash and see that his chest is slowly rising and falling, which means he's not dead, he's just really asleep. Lil sees the same thing and it's like she finally snapped back to reality and got a grip on the situation. 

She tells me to get his key from his pocket once we successfully drag Slash to his door, which I might say is not easy, Slash isn't light. I open the door and just as I'm about to help her drag him in, she turns into she hulk and hooks her arms under Slash's and drags him all the way to the bathroom. 

Oh shit. . .

I help her lift him into the bathtub and she turns the cold water on him. I explain to her what's going on, but I see the sheer terror in her eyes as she looks at his limp body. After a couple seconds of the cold water hitting Slash's face, he gasps loudly, causing Lil to sob in relief. 

He is, of course, confused as she helps him up and out of the tub. 

"Dude," I say to him as he sits on the floor drying himself. I see Lil get off the toilet and sit next to him. 

I don't care how much they deny it, there's obviously something there that goes way beyond just sleeping with each other. You don't act like that with someone you're just sleeping with. Maybe this will bring them back together. I don't know, I've never seen Slash get like this. And from what I know about Lil, she doesn't get like this either. Their relationship is, without a doubt, toxic, but they definitely fit well. Only issue is, they're two of the most stubborn people I've ever met in my entire life. Neither of them will admit it and they've both hurt each other so bad that who knows when they'll ever seriously speak to each other again. 

I decide maybe if I give them a moment alone they can figure something out. 

"I'm uh, I'm gonna get him some coffee. He can't sleep til he's completely sobered up," I say and walk out. 

**LILLIANAS POV**

"C'mon, stay up," I caress Slash's cheek, he looks up at me and suddenly I feel him wrap his arms around me tightly. I sigh letting the tears roll down as I hug him back, squeezing his wet body tightly as I take in his scent. 

"Why would you ever do that to me?" I hit his chest, "I'm sorry" he says in a raspy worn voice, "at least I know you care," he chuckles, sliding his thumb across my lower lip. 

I smile and stand up, holding my hand out for him. He shakily gets up and we walk back out into the room, his curls dripping on the carpet. I help him change out of his wet clothes and into dry ones.

He plops down on the bed and I see him get comfortable. 

"No, no, no, no. No sleeping until I know you're 100% awake and 100% sober," I say getting on the bed and shaking him, "mmm. . ." he groans.

"Slash, get up" I say nervously, "okay, okay. I'm okay, relax" he says sitting up. 

"Why'd you do it?" I ask, "do what?" he raises a brow.

"Smack," I say. 

"Because I wanted to have fun?" he shrugs, "I'm not stupid, Slash, you only ever do really reckless things when you're angry, what'd you see? What happened?" I cross my arms. 

"Fine. I saw you and Kirk," he says annoyed, "oh. . ." I say and I feel my cheeks burn. God, I'm such a bitch. 

"Yeah, but I mean. . . if you're happy," he says with a straight face trying not to make eye contact. The pain in his eyes is real, this is one of the rare moments where I realize that Slash is being 100% sincere, I hurt him. My heart aches at the sight of his sad eyes. I shake my head and stand up. Duff should be back soon. 

I see Slash begin to drift off again and my heart drops, "Slash!" I yell and he jumps, "fuck L, I'm tired!" he yells annoyed, "I don't care! You gotta stay awake til I know you're sober," I say angrily, "I am sober! You put me in cold fucking water!" he argues, sitting up. 

"Get up" I order angrily, he smirks a horny smirk and I roll my eyes, "keep ordering me around," he slurs, "get up, Slash," I cross my arms, "fine," he sighs getting up. 

"Arms out," I say and he does as I say, "touch your nose, c'mon, you know the drill," I say and he taps his nose a couple times, he misses a few and I scoff. 

"Uh huh. . . now walk a straight line," I point to the ground, he rolls his eyes and holds his arms out trying to balance as he puts one foot in front of the other, he tumbles and falls into my arms.

"Uh huh, big boy, you're nowhere near sober. Don't worry, Duff should be back with your coffee soon," I say, pushing him off of me.

"But I'm so t-tired," he slurs, "come lay down with me," he whines, "no, Slash" I say. I realize I need something to keep him awake. I go to the couch where his jacket is thrown and I reach into the pockets. I pull out his cigarettes and gum. I take a cigarette out and light it, needing to relax a little. 

"Open," I say as I take the gum out of the wrapper, "gum?" he asks, opening his mouth for me, "gum. Chew it," I say sliding it into his mouth.

"I'm bored! It's making me more sleepy," he whines coming over to me on the couch. I sigh dropping my cigarette into the ash tray, "come watch tv," I say scooting over. 

He plops down on the couch and rests his head on my lap in an attempt to see the screen better. I instinctively rest my hand on top of his curls I he sighs. 

I turn on the tv and put whatever interesting show is on. We stop on MTV and watch the music videos go for a little, laughing when we see theirs pop up. I twist my fingers in his curls and forget that I'm mad. 


	44. CH4PT3R F0URTY-THR33

**LILLIANAS POV**

While watching the music videos there's a knock at the door. I get up, knocking Slash's head off my lap, "ugh," he groans sitting up. I open the door and Duff is there with coffee, "well shit, where'd you get it from, LA?" I ask taking the coffee, mine and Slash's, from his hand.

"Sorry, you know it's literally almost morning right?" he says closing the door, "what time do you guys have to be at the venue tomorrow?" I ask handing slash his coffee, "three," Duff says sitting on the couch. I turn my wrist over and look at my watch, 5:00 AM. 

I take a sip of the coffee when Slash gasps, "oh my God," he says pointing at the TV, "what?" I turn to the TV, "holy shit" Duff laughs. The music video for welcome to the jungle is playing and I laugh proudly. 

If I'm being honest, I'm surprised the label isn't splitting the tour up and sending GNR on their own dates with their own headlines. They've become huge! Like, record breaking. I mean, they have the resources to do it, I've heard rumors that they're planning on it and then just having other bands crossover with Aerosmith. I'll be sad to part with Aerosmith, but they're on a whole different schedule than us. They have other things to do. I barely see Steven or Joe anymore. 

"Oh my God," I laugh as I see Slash play the guitar on the video, "oh this is amazing!" Duff says as we watches their video. The urge to just hug Slash and kiss him while telling him how proud of him I am of him is painfully overwhelming.

***Now, next up, snippets from the new hot track off of Guns N Roses, appetite for destruction, rocket queen!***

As soon as the host says those words, Slash and I both look at each other. He knows what I'm thinking, I know what he's thinking. 

The guitar solo comes up and I hear my moans sound through the speakers of the television. I feel myself turn red and Duff looks at us, "no way!" he scoffs, "what?" I try to act clueless, "no fucking way!" he laughs shaking his head, "what dude?" Slash says, "she's fucking rocket queen! You're rocket queen!" he laughs pointing at me, I hear Slash stifle a laugh.

I bury my face in my hands, "how?" he laughs, "Slash said he fucked some random chick and thought her moans would sound hot over the solo. How did you hide this from us?" Duff ask waving his arms around, "master of deceit," Slash says setting the coffee down and resting his head on my lap once again.

I tense up as Duff eyes our position, "I can't believe I didn't recognize your voice, or your moans," Duff shakes his head, "her moans? How do you know what her moans sound like?" Slash says tensing in my lap, I instinctively put my hand on his shoulder holding him down, "dude, you both always end up rooming next to me. You're not exactly quiet," he says, "oh, well those are screams, cries for mercy, not as much moans," he says in a dirty tone. Duff's jaw drops and so does mine, I slap Slash on the head, "I'm literally sitting here!" I say and Duff chuckles.

"Guys, can I please sleep? Look I'm not drunk anymore," Slash gets up and points at his nose, walking in a perfect straight line. 

"Look at me," I say standing up, I look into his eyes and they're not as red anymore, but they are still red. His pupils aren't as dilated anymore. 

"I mean. . ." I say, still feeling nervous, "please, I can't take it anymore," he whines, pulling me towards the bed.

"Lil, I think he should be fine now," Duff says as Slash cuddles up in my chest. I wanna push him off of me but at the same time I don't want him to move muscle. 

I move his hair from his face, "c'mon my rocket queen," he chuckles against my chest, "alright fine, sleep." I wiggle out from under him, Duff looks at me like he knows exactly what going through my head right now: conflict. 

I shake my head and sit on the couch. 

Slash looks at me for a second before digging his face into a pillow and drifting off. 

"Dude, what's going on?" Duff sits down next to me, "what do you mean?" I ask, tiredly resting my head on his arm, "I mean with you and Slash," Duff says sighing, "nothing is going on," I say.

"Lil, I know you," God I hate when people say that, "you're swallowing your feelings. You both are," he says. I hate when people are kind of right. 

"No, I'm not swallowing anything Duff. Slash and I tried it and it's obvious it didn't work out, and instead of leaving it so we could be friends again, he treated me like shit and now it's done. It's the past and I'm moving on with my life," I say sighing, "Lilliana, you don't flip your shit like that over someone you don't care about. . ." he says.

"I do care about him, just not in that way. I can still care about him as a friend, but the worst thing Slash can do to any girl is date her. I'm not purposefully setting myself up for stress and heartbreak," I admit.

"You're both some of the most stubborn people I've ever met in my entire life. Why can't you guys just stop being whores and get together for real?" Duff groans throwing his head back.

"I know that _you_ , Duff Mckagan, did not just tell _anyone_ to stop being a whore. . . _you, Duff,_ " I laugh. 

"If I'm encouraging you guys to quit, then you know I see something serious there," he says lowly. 

"You need to get that idea out of your head. Slash and I just don't work," I scold, "you don't work because both of you don't want to work. You both care about each other but are too scared to get hurt," Duff says, and I hate to think he might be right. I mean, that doesn't change anything though.

"Okay doctor, what makes you say that?" I sit up and cross my arms, "c'mon, enlighten me since you know what's going on in my brain so well," I say, "fine," he turns to face me.

"You and Slash are practically the same people, you both love sex and drugs, you both live recklessly, you both are just passionate about the same things. You are the perfect girl for him, he's my best friend and I've never seen him like this over a girl, ever. The way he looks at you, he wouldn't stress or care this much if he didn't seriously feel something for you, Lilliana," Duff starts, "and you, do I even need to explain Ms. I-have-severe-trust-issues-and-believe-that-no-one-has-good-intetions-so-I-hurt-them-first. You both refuse to let each other in and it's exhausting to watch," Duff says.

My jaw drops.

"The way he made me feel is not what I want. I don't want to settle down, I don't want to commit to someone who's not gonna commit to me. Looking over my shoulder for the duration of my relationship is not what I want. I want to live and focus on my music, maybe reconnect with my dad. I love Slash like my best friend, as a friend he's been there for me countless times, the only unconventional thing we were doing was sex, Duff, that's it. Slash as my friend is not the same as Slash as my boyfriend," I say.

"Whatever man, you'll see it eventually," Duff shakes his head. 

I push his words so far out of my mind it's like he never said them. 

He opens his arms and pulls me in, I'm stiff in his hold with my arms still crossed, "oh, loosen up will you. Don't tell me you're actually mad at me," he looks down at me, "I'm not, you're just an asshole," I say, "oh God, stop being such a tight ass!" he groans, squeezing me harder.

I laugh and un-cross my arms, wrapping them around his torso, "try to get some sleep," he says to me, standing up. The thought of sleep hadn't even occurred to me, I was too worried about Slash.

"Are you staying here?" he says walking towards the door, "uh, yeah," I say embarrassed because I know exactly what he's thinking. He gives me the look I was dreading. . . the 'I told you so' look. I roll my eyes and he walks out. 

The room is dark and all that's shining on me is the now muted television screen. I bring my knees to my chest and look at Slash. His body is so still, oh my God. 

I jump up, panic setting in, and go over to him. Kneeling down on the floor next to the bed, I shake him violently. 

"Holy fuck!" he gasps, "oh my God," I say in a shake breath, dropping my head onto the mattress. 

"Why the fuck were you so still?" I whack him. 

"Because I was sleeping?" he rolls his eyes. I see his face soften as he sees my teary eyes, "you don't ever sleep that still. You move around and mumble and do those cute little sighs," I say in a shake voice, "well, I was really fucking tired," he says rubbing his eyes. I try to contain my emotions but he studies my face, "hey, I'm fine," he says softly, "mhmm" I say and he caresses my cheek.

God, I hate that he gets me like this. Can he fuck off?

"Come here," he says scooting over. I hesitate, but soon find myself back in his bed. He cuddles into my chest and hugs my waist, I can feel his slow relaxed breathing while I play with his hair. 

A couple minutes pass and he sleepily shifts to the other side of the bed. 

I get ready to instinctively curl up into his chest and feel him rub my back like he does, but I stop myself. 

What are you thinking, Lilliana? This is why it's so hard for you to move on. Stop running back to him you dumb bitch!

I quickly get out from the bed and look at Slash's peaceful sleeping body. I feel my eyes well up with tears. Maybe this would be easier if it didn't hurt so fucking much.

I sit back down on the couch and look at the trashed hotel room. I bring my knees to my chest and take advantage of the fact that no one can see and let out all the emotions I've been holding back. I sob, resting my forehead on my knee. I almost lost him. 

I almost lost him

He was here, and then he was almost gone. . .

My Slash. . .


	45. CH4PT3R F0URTY-F0UR

LILLIANAS POV 

I don't sleep. I end up crying my eyes out until sunrise. 

The sun pokes through the curtains and I shake my head, trying to stop the tears. Wiping my eyes, I stand up and check on Slash one last time. I press a light kiss on his head before making my way out.

I sigh, feeling my head pound. I just know I look like shit. I turn to enter my room, the events from last night flash in my brain as I stand in front of my door.

'SLASH!' 

I shake my head at the thought and go to open the door. Once I do so, I'm met with a small note on the floor. I kneel down and pick it up, confused. 

'Lil' it says in bold letters on the front, I raise an eyebrow and open the small paper. 

**'Hey Lil, by the time you get this, I'll be gone. Hopefully Metallica and Guns cross over again. Til then, lets figure out a way to keep in touch, I had a lot of fun. See you soon**

**Kirk '**

I smile widely at the sweet note and set it down on the table. Damn, Metallica left that early? 

As soon as I'm calm, I feel the exhaustion hit me like a pile of bricks. I open my door and step in. 

I set the note down on the small countertop of the mini kitchen and plop on my bed. All of the sudden I feel my body get just engulfed by heat. Holy shit, when did it get so fucking hot in here? I jump up feeling sweat drip down my back. "Jesus H. Christ, I'm sweating like a sinner in church," I say panting, I snort at my dumb ass remark. I waste no time in stripping down to nothing but my bra and panties. 

Sighing, I plop back down onto the bed feeling immediate relief, closing my eyes as I cuddle into the comfortable mattress, letting sleep overcome me.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

I open my eyes, the room is dark again. Did I sleep through the whole day? Woah. 

Sitting up, I realize I have a shirt on. A white button up. I know no one who wears a white button up. . . what the-?

I jolt when I hear a small sigh coming from next to me. I turn and there's a guy in my bed, is that. . . Danny? Dude, what is going on? I look at him closer and he is definitely naked. I get up and go to turn on the light to figure out what the fuck is going on. 

"Oh my god!" I hear a scream come from outside, instantly my heart drops. Slash. 

I rush outside and I see him laying limp on the floor, shirtless in his boxers. Over him, another woman. She's tall and just drop dead gorgeous, why do I feel like I've seen her before? In a picture or something. 

"Please, help!" she yells, I'm frozen, she's wearing my clothes. My underwear and my t-shirt. She has the same guitar tattoo as me on her wrist. 

"Are you just gonna stand there? I need help! Call someone, do something! My husbands not breathing!" she yells, snapping me out of it, I rush over to her. Wait- husband? I look at his face and my heart snaps into two, "Slash!" I start screaming and shaking him. It's like I have no control of my body right now, I don't mean to start freaking out but I am. 

"Slash, wake up! Baby please, wake up!" I cry, his eyes open lightly and the woman gasps, she pushes me out of the way and grabs his cheeks, "Saulie, it's me, penny. Darling please, stay awake for me," she coos lightly. Saulie?

"L-L?" he says raspy, the woman darts her eyes up to me, I see the fury in her as she angrily chews on her lip. I dry my tears and crawl over to him. He puts his hand on my cheek, caressing it lightly, I can smell the alcohol on him, "I-I have to go now," he says in a raspy voice, "no, no! You're not leaving, Slash, we're gonna get you help," I begin to cry again holding his wrist. 

"S-stop. Just let me say what I need to say, it's my time," he slurs, "please," I cry, "I love you. I'm an idiot, I love you," he says closing his eyes, "Slash, no!" I yell as his hand drops from my cheek and his breath stops.

"No! NO! NO! NO! NO!" I scream desperately gripping onto his chest, "no, I love you too! Don't leave me! I can't lose you, don't leave me! I love you!" I sob hysterically.

"SAUL!" the woman suddenly pops out again from nowhere, she yanks me off of him, "get off of him, he doesn't love you!" she screams angrily, "say you don't love her! SAY IT!" she screams, shaking Slash. I scream as loud as I can, sobbing into my hands as his head hits the floor over and over, "stop it you crazy bitch!" I yell pushing her off of him.

"It's you! It's all your fault! You killed him, he's dead because of you!" she stands up charging at me, I quickly get up backing away. 

"It's not my fault! He was on drugs!" I sob looking at his dead body on the floor, "no, it's your fault! All he ever wanted was you, all he ever talked about was you! If you had just stayed out of his life we could've been happy. We could've started our family! You manipulative bitch! You loved having him wrapped around your finger! Giving him the idea that you were always there. Dirty attention whore!" she screams pushing me against the wall.

My heart shatters into a bunch of pieces and I begin to hyperventilate, "no, no! I didn't force him to take drugs, he did that one his own, no!" I sob gasping for air, "he would've never taken those drugs if he didn't see you with another man! Just face it, you jinx every relationship you're in!" she spits.

"No, I don't!" I sob, "you're mom didn't want you, you're dad didn't want you," 

"No! Stop it!" I scream hysterically pulling on my hair. I slide down the wall bringing my knees to my chest, rocking back and forth. My head jolts over to Slash when I hear him gasp loudly. I ignore the insults the woman is still screaming at me and rush over to him.

"Slash!" I gasp grabbing his head, "Y-you killed me," he gasps and then begins to convulse, foam coming out of his mouth while his eyes roll back, body jolting in hold. 

"SLASH!" I sob trying to turn him to the side ,but he's moving so violently I can't get him to turn. 

"Leave him, you killed him again, this is your fault," she crouches down and whispers in my ear, "worthless." 

"No," I sob, "yes, you aren't loved by anyone and the one guy who loved you, you pushed away. You thought you were better, but you're so much worse, and now look, you destroyed him in the process," she stands up, I feel the air leave my lungs, "stop it!" I pull my hair, "killer," she says, "I'm not a killer!" I scream. 

"Killer!" 

"No!"

"Killer!"

"Stop it!"

"KILLER!" 

* * * ** * * * * * * * ** * * * * * ** **** * ** * * *. ** * * 

"NOOO!!" I scream jolting up in a pool of sweat, "I didn't kill him, I didn't kill him," I sob getting out of the bed, my entire body shaking. I'm still not aware that I was dreaming. 

I grab a t-shirt off the couch and it so happens to be Slash's shirt. I throw it on running out of my room sobbing. 

"I didn't kill him, no, I didn't kill him," I sob hysterically, I feel the air leave my lungs and the room starts spinning. 

I..

"I. . I. . I didn't. . . I didn't. . . kill. . I didn't kill. . . I," I say as I lean against the wall trying to catch my breath. I close my eyes sliding down the wall bringing my knees to my chest, I bury my face in my knees trying to breathe. I hear a door open but I don't move, "Jesus Christ, what happened?" I hear Duffs voice, I feel instant relief at the sound of his voice, but crave to see Slash, I need to know he's fine.

"Lilliana?" Duff sits next to me, "I. . I. . I killed him," I sob, "you what? Who?" he pulls my hands away from my face, "Slash, his w-wife said it was my fault," I sob, "you're not making sense. His wife? Are you on drugs?" he asks with a worried tone in his voice.

"N-no I went back, I went back to the room and and I slept, now next thing I know. . . next thing I'm sleeping next to. . . I'm next to Danny and Slash. . . oh my God. . Slash dies, his wife was asking for help. . . she told me. . she said it was my fault," I say in between breaths, "okay, okay. You had a nightmare, breathe, Lil. Just breathe, c'mon," he squeezes me tightly and I close my eyes. 

A nightmare. . .


	46. CH4PT3R F0URTY-F1V3

LILLIANAS POV

"C'mon, let's go get you some water," Duff says lifting me up. 

"I- a nightmare?" I say as I come back to reality, "yeah doll, just a nightmare. You're gonna be fine, c'mon," he says still holding me. 

"I need to see him," I say gasping lightly, "ok, ok. We gotta calm you down first," he says opening the door to his room.

I shakily sit on his bed and he hands me a bottle of water. I drink it and feel myself finally be aware of my surroundings. 

"Here, smoke," he says handing me a joint, I grab it and feel the anxiety relax with each puff. 

"Now, tell me what that nightmare was. I've never see n you like that," Duff takes a seat next to me on the bed.

"I wanna see Slash first," I say staring at the connecting door that's in the room, "go, it's unlocked," he says standing up. 

I get up and open the door. I step in and feel the cool breeze of his room hit my butt. Oh my god, I have no pants on. 

I feel my face burn up and the memories of Slash flood my brain.

* * * * * * * * * * * 

"Stop it!" I giggle as Slash throws me over his shoulder, "I just want a taste," he growls, biting my thigh playfully, "ahh!" I scream laughing as I lightly kick my feet. I laugh loudly as I feel my back hit the springy mattress in slash's apartment. 

"You think you can parade around my apartment. . . with those black panties. . . being a fucking tease? Touching me all over and expect me not to come get you?" he chuckles in between kisses on my neck, "maybe I did tease you a little," I giggle running my hands through his hair, "mhm," he chuckles against my neck. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **

I shake my head trying to ignore it but I can't. I walk closer to him and see he now has a lit cigarette in his hand. 

"Jesus Slash," I whisper to myself taking the cigarette from in between his fingers. I bend over putting it into the ashtray. 

"Mmm, put on pants babe, I don't want them looking at that pretty ass," I hear Slash mumble as he sleepily put his hand on my ass squeezing it lightly. I jolt and see him shift, cuddling up to the blanket. 

I shake my head and look down at him. I'm just glad he's alive. 

I turn back towards the door and Duff is leaning against the frame, his face screams 'I told you so'. 

"Please don't," I sigh stepping into his room.

I crash onto his bed and he plops down next to me, "so what happened?" he says, "it was weird D, I woke up in my room next to Danny," I begin, "shitty sex guy?" Duff interrupts, "yes," I roll my eyes, Duff stifles a laugh and I continue. 

"So whatever, I guess I had slept with him and all of the sudden I hear a woman scream from outside. Duff, the scream sounded just like how I sounded when slash. . . passed out," I say in a shaky breath.

"Shit, what else?" he says putting his hand on my arm. I turn to face him and take a deep breath, "so, I rush outside thinking Slash, something must've happened again. This girl, she's like wearing my shit. She has my tattoos, but it's not me," I make a confused face as I say it out loud, "oh?" Duff says turning towards me.

"Yeah, and Slash is there on the floor passed out and she's over him screaming for help. She's not crying, but she's yelling at me for just standing there, and then get this, she says Slash is her husband," I scoff at the ridiculousness of my own words. 

"A husband? Slash? Someones husband?" Duff bust out laughing, "wow, so scary," he continues. 

"Stop it, that's not the scary part," I chuckle, "I run over to help, right? And he tells me he loves me and then dies, like, I felt his soul leave his body. Then the wife lady, she called him Saul by the way, starts attacking me and screaming telling me he loved me and I killed him by not being with him, or something, and all I could do was scream and run and she just kept screaming that I'm a murderer and then Slash like, resurrected or something and I went over to him, obviously, but he had a seizure after telling me I killed him," I say shuddering at the memory.

"Jesus, Lil," Duff sighs putting his hands on his face, "I know," I say feeling my heart speed again at the memory. 

"Okay well, it was just a nightmare, it's not real, relax," he says softly reassuring me. I shake my head and try to focus on something else.

"So I hear they're really considering sending y'all on your own headlining tour," I say changing the subject, "not just considering, working out the details," Duff smiles, "no shit, that's wild!" I chuckle, "so, you coming's with us or staying with Smith?" he cocks a brow, "I'm coming with you, duh. It's gonna suck leaving Steven, but you guys are on such different schedules I don't even get to hag out with him," I sigh.

"I hear they might send us to Europe. God, Slash is gonna flip if we go to London," Duff smirks, "why?" I ask.

"he'll get to see his parents," Duff says, "oh, that's right, I forgot he was a brit," I chuckle at my own joke.

"So, how'd it go with Kirk today?" Duff wiggles his brows, "dude, he's awesome. Such a sweet guy," I smile thinking about our day today. 

"Yeah, looked like you guys really liked each other today in that store," Duff says and I see his face immediately scrunch as he realizes what he just said, "the store? Oh my god, you saw us?" I say sitting up, "yes, ugh. But it was just us, no one else," he sits up defending, "us?" I yell, "fuck!" he face palms, "oh my god. . . was Slash- did he?" I begin and Duff nods embarrassed.

"Oh god!" I groan falling on my back, my hands covering my face, "it wasn't bad, he was fine," Duff says, "liar," I look at him and he sighs in defeat, "okay, well, he's over it," he says, "obviously not. . ." I groan. 

"Look, it's over. You're exhausted, sleep," he tells me, I sigh and slide under the covers.

I see the sunlight poking through the curtains and dread being awoken again.


	47. CH4PT3R F0URTY-S1X

LILLIANAS POV

I'm awoken by the soft fabric of the pillow smacking my ass, and soon after my head.

"What the hell?" I groan lifting my head off the mattress, "what're you doing in bed with Duff?" Slash asks and Duff laughs from the opposite side of the room.

"He was giving it to me good, knocked me right out!" I tease yanking the pillow from him, he smirks and throws a pair of his shorts at me, "please, for the love of god, cover up," he sighs. I roll my eyes and sit up halfway, sliding the shorts on under the covers.

"Oh, nice" Steven laughs causing me to jolt my head towards the couch. There sat him, Duff, Izzy, Steven, Axl, and Erin.

"Okay, you fucking weirdos, did you all gather to watch me sleep?" I sit up completely, "well, we wanted to share the good news but you were asleep and we didn't wanna wake our. . . rocket queen," Stevie says with a fake gasp at the end, my eyes go wide and Slash coughs hard.

"Oh yeah, we know," Axl smirks, "how?" I cover my face, "more importantly, why didn't I know? I'm your best friend, frankly I'm shocked," Erin says making her way over to the bed, "we didn't tell anyone," she plops down next to me, Slash taking a seat by my legs, picking them up and setting them on his lap.

"What I wanna know is what the fuck changed? You weren't moaning like that when you kept us up all night," Axl chuckles, "well, that was before she showed me her kinky side," Slash chuckles sliding his head in my neck kissing me behind my ear in the spot he knows I'm ticklish, I giggle and push him off, "would you go away," I slap him, my face burning red.

"Who'd a thunk it," Duff says shaking his head.

"Kinda sad Duffy knew before we did," Stevie shakes his head. It's obvious he's a little drunk already, but whatever, "Duff found out by accident. Why did you guys need to know?" I cross my arms.

Slash throws his head back hanging it over the bed, hickeys decorating his neck obnoxiously from the previous night, or I guess, earlier today?

"Well, you were moaning on our track, hot moans, too," Axl says and Erin darts her eyes towards him. Slash throws a pillow at him causing a bunch of chuckles to ease the tension.

"How'd it even happen?" Izzy says taking a drag, "well, we were drinking, and I told Axl it would sound dope and he said to do it, so I took her in, laid her next to the drum kit and well, made her a rocket queen," Slash smirks looking up at me, "okay, what is this, a fucking interview?" I stand up, Slash grabs my arm and stands me in between his legs, "well, what's the news?" I ask trying to shift away, still not wanting to get into anything with Slash.

His hands rest firmly on my hips and I try to ignore the flutter in my belly as he does so.

"Well, Guns N Roses is officially on their first headlining tour!" Duff smiles, "oh my god, no way!" I giggle and run to hug him, "you guys, this is amazing!" I smiles turning to hug Slash, his arms snake around my waist and he stands up squeezing me tightly.

"Oh by the way Lil, your producer called, left a message for you," Duff says pointing to the phone.

"My producer?" I ask confused as I walk to the phone. I look at the pad with the number written on it. I dial the phone and wait for it to ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Lilliana, you called?"

"Ugh, yes! Your manager, Shannon, or whatever the fuck, won't get off my ass! She's been trying to reach you,"

"Oops," I giggle.

"Yeah, oops. Now that I have you here, I was able to book you some studio time to record the single,"

"Oh, really? That's awesome, for when?"

"Three today, write the address down, my friend Jarvis is gonna do the mixing for you,"

I grab the nearby pen and quickly jot down the address to the studio that I had to go to today.

"Thanks Nick!"

"No problem, Lil, call your fucking manager. If she calls me one more time I'm chopping your tits off,"

"Fuck off, I will,"

"Get to that studio on time, bye,"

"I will, bye,"

I chuckle setting the phone down, "so?" Stevie looks at me, "I got studio time. Today the single is happening," I say giddy, "oh fuck yes!" Stevie laughs and I see Slash smile at me from the corner of my eye.

"Let me call this woman," I sigh picking up the phone again, "who?" Izzy asks, "my manager, I haven't talked to her in so long, she's gonna kill me," I sigh dialing the number that I trained myself to remember, "who'd you get?" Izzy asks, "Shannon," I say waiting for the line to stop ringing, "oh shit, and you've disappeared on her? You're dead meat," Stevie snorts.

"Hello?" I hear the shrill voice, "hey Shannon, it's Luna" I say.

"Oh, you're in some deep shit kid!" she scoffs, "what did I do?" I try not to laugh, "listen, I know you're new to this but I need to know everything you're doing at all times. You need to be keeping up with me 24/7. Honestly, I don't know why that piece of shit Doug has been ignoring me, I should be on that tour bus with you,"

I scoff, "Doug isn't even here," I say, "well, now that Guns' are going out on their headliner, he'll be joining you, and so will I, young lady," she says firmly, "and why is that?" I catch an attitude.

"Because, you're writing, and very obviously recording, and this is going to create excellent publicity. I need to set things up for you. This is your job, you are working, not partying," she says annoyed, "no, you're working, I'm partying, but ok. See you when you get here," I sigh, my snarky remark gains a couple gasps and giggles from the guys.

"Don't test me kid. You have a backstage interview after the show tonight, make me look good,"

"Mhm," I sigh, "also, are you getting involved with Kirk Hammett from Metallica? I thought you had something bubbling with that Izzy guy, or is it Slash? They were speaking of you on radio stations down here. Someone speculated you're the moan on Rocket Queen," her words make me gasp, "why do people think that?" I ask nervously.

"Well, the Kirk thing is because of you guys being seen together, and the Izzy thing is obvious. . . you're hanging out a lot and people claim to have seen you and Slash getting touchy-feely. He said in an interview the moan on Rocket Queen is someone who's so right in front of you, you'd never guess," her words cause me to dart my eyes towards Slash.

"Uh. . . no, I'm not dating Izzy, nothings going on with Kirk, and. . ." I chew on my lip nervously deciding on whether or not I should tell her. What if she tells and it turns into this huge stunt.

"Oh my gosh, which member was it?" she says catching on, "Slash. Shannon, you can't tell anyone, I swear I'll drag your name through the fucking mud," I say, "I'm not, but you can't hide this forever," she says, "I gotta go," I dismiss, "stop being stupid," she says before hanging up.

I roll my eyes slamming the phone down.

"What happened?" Slash comes over.

"How drunk were you in your last interview?" I cross my arms angrily, "I dunno," he shrugs, "oh shit, what happened?" Erin comes up, "Slash said that the moan on Rocket Queen is someone so 'right in your face, you'd never guess it', and people are guessing it!" I whine.

"Would you calm down, it's not that big a deal!" he groans, "no, it's not that big a deal for you! For me it could seriously affect my career, how I'm viewed and respected. People already think I'm sleeping my way through the band! Now they think I'm fucking around with Metallica! If I get exposed as the moan on Rocket Queen I'll look like such a tramp!" I yell.

"Well then maybe you shouldn't have fucking done it," Slash stands up getting angry.

"Woah you guys. . ." Duff stands up, Axl laughs in amusement and it only fuels my anger,

"Shouldn't have done it? So are you telling me that I deserve whatever backlash I'm gonna get? Because you're equally at fault here, too," I get closer to him, "I mean, if the bitchy shoe fits," he shrugs.

"Fuck you, Slash. We were shit-faced drunk and you know it," I stomp, "no one poured the alcohol down your throat," his sudden change in attitude is so painful.

"God, I'm such an idiot. You're the same shitty guy I always knew you were," I scoff in disbelief walking towards the door, "Lil!" Izzy calls, "no, I gotta go," I walk out slamming the door behind me.


	48. CH4PT3R F0URTY-S3V3N

LILLIANAS POV 

How dare he? Who does he think he is? I scoff to myself as I storm into my room. 

"What the hell was that?" Erin pushes the door open before I can close it, "he's an asshole," I scoff sliding his boxers off of my legs. 

"Woah, you slept in Duff's room with those on?" Erin laughs, I smirk and look at the lack of fabric covering my ass. 

"Oops," I smirk, "whore," Erin snorts, "shut it," I laugh bending down to grab a pair of jeans. 

"Why would he say shit like that though?" Erin goes back to the topic, "again, he's an asshole," I say fastening my belt and sliding my shirt off, "well, yeah but it was a full 180. One minute he's all 'she's kinky' kiss, kiss, kiss, and then the next he's slut shaming you, I'm surprised you didn't get angrier," she scoffs leaning against my bed.

"Yeah, well it's fucking Slash, I guess I'm used to him being a piece of shit now," I sigh still digging for a shirt. 

"Well, I dunno what he thinks he's doing, you gotta make him respect you, Lil," she says, "I do make him respect me, and he knows the more he does shit like this the farther I stray away from him" I admit grabbing a shirt 

"Lil" I hear Izzy say as he walks through the door that I guess we never shut, "woah, sorry" he blushes turning his face, "are you 12? its just a bra" I snort sliding the shirt on, the tight material holding my breasts firmly. he chuckles and watches me as I smooth it out in the mirror. "what was that all about?" Izzy asks sitting next to Erin, "nothing" I say, Erin snorts and I shoot her a glare, "didn't seem like it" Izzy says, "well it was nothing, Slash is an asshole, plain and simple." I sigh turning around to face them 

"dude cmon-" Izzy starts but we're thankfully interrupted by Duff and Steven barging in. "kay do none of you knock?" I put my hand on my hip, "whoops, just wanted to see if you're okay" Duff puts his hands up in defense, "obviously not miss-bitchy" Steven teases, "don't make me shove my foot so far up your ass you taste it Stevie" I point at him in warning, Erin and Izzy snort and Stevie quickly shuts up. 

"well sorry to break up the party in here but im leaving" I say grabbing my purse and guitar case. "Can we come with?" Stevie asks, "why?" I stop, puzzled.

"Well we wanna see who this guy is and maybe provide some...instrumentals?" Duff wiggles his brow, "alrighty, you can be my roadies for now" I smile handing Duff my guitar case, "Duff I swear you hurt that guitar I hurt you" I warn, "ok sass" he scoffs following me out the door. 

"Iz you coming?" I say once we're all in the hallway, "yeah" he says before the door to Slash's room opens. "where's the party" Axl laughs wrapping his arm around Erin, "cmon you guys I gotta go" I say trying to get away from Slash, "you're going with her?" I hear Slash ask, "yeah man, instrumentals" Duff's voice chimes, "dude they're gonna have a band for her, you're gonna get mobbed" Slash scoffs, "dude" Duff sighs, "not worth it for her just saying" Slash makes direct eye contact with me, I shake my head in disbelief.

"Y'know what, you guys stay, I don't need help i'm a big girl I got it" I say grabbing my guitar from Duff and walking away towards the elevator, "Lil!" Izzy speeds up behind me, "no Izzy, stay I can do this on my own" I wait for the doors to open and they of course decide to take forever. 

Duff and Stevie catch up and continue to insist they go. 

"cmon Lil, he's an ass, don't listen to him we wanna go" Stevie says, "he's always been like that, he's butt-hurt about something but who cares"he continues, "you guys really, I don't want your help" I shrug, hoping my meanness is enough to get them to go away.

"too bad" Izzy says as they crowd me into the elevator. "I'll take this" Duff says grabbing my guitar case from me once more, I chuckle and shake my head as the doors open and we all step out. 

We're met with security who escort us out through the back to avoid anyone seeing us. 

"Hi can you please take us here?" I kindly ask the driver handing him the paper with the address on it, "you got it."

\----

We finally arrive at a...house? 

The guys look just as confused as me but I say fuck it and go up to the front door anyway. I ring the bell and am met with an extremely hot guy. I have to stop my jaw from dropping because, shit, was I not expecting that. "Uh h-hi are you Jarvis?" I say feeling my cheeks burn red, "yeah, you're Luna?" he smiles pointing at me, "you got it" I smile, "these are my friends Duff, Izzy, and Stevie, they were hoping to provide some instrumentals if you didn't have a band ready" I say

You brought Guns n'Roses for instrumentals?" he laughs in disbelief, "yeah...sorry?" I say confused, "no its ok I just wasn't expecting you to, Nick said you were very new to the industry" Jarvis says finally moving out of the way to let us in. 

"Yup" I say blankly as he leads us into the at home recording studio he has in the basement.

"Sorry I didn't mean to be an ass" he chuckles awkwardly opening the door for me, "no you're good" I giggle giving him a smile, he nervously chews on his lip as the guys walk in. 

"Uh so nick said you would just record every individual portion of the song, so drums, bass, rhythm, lead and vocals but I see we don't need to do that" he smiles as the guys settle into the booth. 

"Awesome" I smile getting in. 

We record the song and it goes amazing, the guys and I flowed perfectly-as always-and we were able to get it done in one session. 

Jarvis. Now Jarvis is really cool. I didn't expect us to get along this good but the awkwardness just fizzed away the more we worked and now we're getting on so nicely, we're -dare I say- flirting?

"He wants you so bad" Duff whispers in my ear as I lay my guitar back in its case, "huh?" I chuckle standing up, "Jarvis, he hasn't taken his eyes off you since you got here" he explains, "oh shut up Duff" I snort, "i'm serious, get laid, you need it" he rolls his eyes

I bite my lip and look over to him fumbling around on the soundboard, "he is hot" I admit, "well then go for it dude" Duff says, "and I do need some dick" I sigh walking out, "look, its obvious you and Slash are done, he's being a dick so I don't see why you're hesitant, if he can get laid so can you" Duff sighs, you're right you're right, wish me luck" I say making my way out, "you don't need it" I hear Duff yell.

"Here's a copy of the tape, i'm gonna send the original to Nick" Jarvis smiles handing me the tape, "thanks, hey uh, you should come by the show tonight" I say softly, he looks up at me surprise but there obvious excitement in his eyes, "are you..asking me out miss Luna?" he teases, "maybe" I blush, "consider me there" he chuckles biting his lip nervously. 

I explain to Jarvis how to get in without security giving him an issue. 

"I'll see you tonight" I smile as the guys join me ready to leave, "bye" he smiles as we walk out. 

Izzy smirks at me, "don't start with me Iz" I giggle, "I said nothing" he shakes his head. 

\-------

We finally arrive at the hotel again, I don't even get a second to rest since I have to follow them to the venue in like 40 minutes for soundcheck. I'm soon broken out of my thoughts when I hear Stevie groan. "What?" I ask looking out the window of the cab, paparazzi, literally everywhere. Great. "C'mon Lil, stay by me" Izzy says grabbing my hand as we get out. 

"Get ready to run" he says wrapping an arm around my shoulder and hugging my head into his chest, his fingers interlace with mine so I don't fall. We jog up to the front of the hotel through the swarm of cameras and yelling. 

I sigh once Izzy lets go of me, they're gonna have a field day with those photos I can feel it. 


	49. CH4PT3R F0URTY-31GHT

LILLIANAS POV 

We're at the venue and I'm laying on the couch of the green room while the guys are on stage doing their soundcheck. 

I'm so terribly exhausted that I feel my eyes getting heavy while Erin fiddles with the laces on my boots. 

As soon as my eyes close I'm awoken by the rowdiness of the guys storming into the greenroom. 

"Jesus, fuck" I groan covering my face with the pillow, "are you okay?"Slash kneels down by my head, ok what the fuck? Was he not just being an ass a couple hours ago? Whatever, I don't have the energy to worry and be mad at him at this point, I guess he's just Slash, someone I know. 

"Mm" is all I manage to get out as my eyes flutter open.I'm met with his concerned smile, "sorry I kept you up last night" he says, a thin veil of sweat across his face. 

"You didn't, it's okay" I say drowsy, "are you sure youre feeling alright?" Slash moves hair out of my face, out of pure instinct, I place my hand on top of his pressing it to my cheek, fuck my drowsy reflexes. 

I quickly realize what im doing and drop my hand, "uh, yeah i'm fine, i'm just tired, Slash" I reassure.He frowns and stands up, "try to sleep" he says before walking away, "Wow can't believe I didn't try that one" I humph, "stop being bratty" he yells, "mhm" I groan closing my eyes. 

The guys immediately start getting loud so I groan and sit up. I feel my head pulse and I scrunch my face at the pain. I turn my head over to look at the guys and they're attacking each other like animals, I giggle. I put my hand on my head to try to soothe the pounding thats going on. 

"L, what's going on" I hear an out of breath Slash walk up to me, "my head" I groan standing up, I feel the room spin, "woah, hey" Slash grabs me by my shoulders, "i'm fine" I exhale adjusting myself, "don't bullshit me" he rolls his eyes, "i'm not I just have a headache" I say taking a step back. He grabs a joint from behind his ear, lighting it and taking a long drag before blowing the smoke out in my direction. Grabbing it between his index and thumb he holds it to my lips, "for the pain" he chews on his lip, smoke still escaping from his mouth and nose.

I smile and lower my head to his hand taking a long drag. I feel the drugs relax me and I let out a sigh

"Better?" he smiles caressing my chin, "mhm" I smile bowing smoke out of my nose. 

I smell the alcohol on his breath and instantly crave whatever it is hes having. He seems to instantly pick up on my thoughts because he turns around grabbing his bottle of Jack off the counter behind him, holding it up to my lips by the neck. I smirk and down a couple swings. He chuckles looking down at me. 

I steal the bottle from him and continue drinking it on the couch. 

"L, listen" Slash begins approaching once again, "hm?" I look up downing another swig, "look, I wanted to talk to you about-" he starts but gets cut off by Steven jumping on his back, he laughs hard and turns to kick his ass. 

I roll my eyes leaning my head on the arm of the couch, taking another sip of the Jack. I close my eyes and feel a leather material shield my arms, I open my eyes to see Slash jacket draped over me. 

I dont hesitate to curl up and drift to sleep, cuddling my bottle of Jack Daniels. 

\------------- _dream---------------_

_"Slash!" I yell running down the hallway,_

_"you're mine!" he giggles chasing me down the hallway. I squeal as he reaches me right at the entrance of a bedroom, we're in house but its neither mine nor Slash's, I dont recognize it._

_He pushes me against the wall, pinning my hands above my head. I gasp, biting my lip slightly. He smirks lowering his face to press a soft kiss on my lips. They feel like velvet and move perfectly in sync with mine. "Mmm" I moan into his lips as his leg slides in between mine. "God you're so beautiful" he growls against my lips. In a quick, swift movement Slash drops my hands and throws me over his shoulder carrying me into the room._

_I giggle loudly as my back hits the soft mattress. As he pressed kisses on my neck I look over to my side and see a framed photo of us on the nightstand. He has his hat on me and is kissing my belly, excuse you? Am I?_

_I'm taken away from my thoughts when I feel his lips crash in between my legs. The pleasure is overwhelming and I buck my hips up grabbing his hair. "fuck Slash!" I squeal shaking against his lips,"taste yourself" he says as he lifts his head up, lips glossy with cum, I giggle and slide my tongue across his lips tasting myself, "god I love you" he growls sliding his hand down my body slipping it in between my legs, "oh fuck" I groan as he works me beautifully. His fingers curl inside me and I can't help but arch my back off the mattress letting my nails sink into his bicep. "Kiss me" he gorilla as his fingers slide in and out. Breathless I connect my lips to his._

_All of the sudden he adds another finger causing me to go over the edge once more. "uhh Slash!" I moan loudly, "more! please Slash, more!" I slide my nails down his back, "you're so hungry for just my fingers sweetheart" he purrs against my neck, "fuck, more daddy!" I whine, grinding against his fingers._

_\------------------end------------_

"Lil!" I jump up gasping as im met with shocked Slash, "no way" he chuckles, "what?" I say still trying to figure out what fucking planet i'm on, "you just had a wet dream about me" he teases, "no I didn't" I lie, my face burning up, "you did! you're doing that thing that you do with your bracelets when you lie" he points to my wrist, I jolt my head down and curse internally at my stupid tells. 

"What was I doing to you?" He smirks sitting next to me, holding my legs on his lap. "nothing, you don't even know it was about you" I scoff, "I think I do, Ms.'uhh Slash! Slash! more daddy!" he whispers, imitating my moans in my ear. I feel my heart fall out of my ass, "uh huh" he smirks at my expression.

"We heard it too!" Duff yells, "Jesus Christ" I groan dropping my head in my hands. "don't worry, you weren't loud, they were just right by you" Slash giggles reassuringly, "certainly not as loud as when we're stuck rooming next to you two" Duff comes up, he's now dressed and fiddling with his bass, "shut up" I smack him with the pillow. 

Slash leans back taking puffs out of his cigarette. I look at him and scan the room for my pack. "Here" he says handing me his, I gladly take it and he stands up grabbing another from his pack. "Five minutes!" someone pokes their head in, five minutes??

"what time is it?" I ask blowing smoke out, "almost showtime" Slash stands up grabbing his guitar from a roadie.

"I wonder where Jarvis is" I frown standing up not at all surprised at the amount of time ive slept. "Jarvis?" Slash looks at me confused, "oh yeah the guy who did her single, they couldn't keep off of each other, so we invited him to the show" Stevie comes up putting his arm around me. I see Slash's face fall but I ignore it. 

"Im gonna go check outside" I say walking away, "take Mike with you, there's a huge crowd" Slash grabs my arm firmly, "ok" I wiggle out of his painful grip. 


	50. CH4PT3R F0URTY-N1N3

LILLIANAS POV

"C'mon people, move" Mike says pushing through the crowds of people backstage trying to get a look at the band. "Yo it's Slash's girlfriend!" I hear from the crowd. I'm sorry...Slash's WHAT? 

"That's not Slash's girlfriend you idiot, that's Izzy's girl" I hear again, Izzy's WHAT? "Moan for us Rocket Queen!" I hear someone holler but I ignore it and keep walking through to where I told Jarvis to come in through. 

"Hey!" I hear the familiar voice say, out from a small group of people comes Jarvis, looking sweeter than ever. "You made it!" I giggle giving him a hug. We hold each other for longer than we should've and I clear my throat backing away. 

"C'mon, the guys are about to go on" I say turning around and letting Mike lead us back to the greenroom. 

"Hey guys" I smile as I walk back in to the see the guys in there, already a tipsy mess. "Hey Jarvis!" Duff laughs greeting him in the 'bro' way. "Jarvis, this is Axl, and-wheres Slash?" I introduce him and look around. 

"I dunno probably taking a piss or something" Izzy shrugs, "aren't you guys about to go on" I raise my brow concerned that they cant find their lead guitarist, "you know we never get to that stage on time" Axl shrugs taking a sip of vodka

"Where the fuck are my pants?!" I hear Slash yell as he enters the area we are in wearing a white t-shirt, leather jacket, his hat, and red underwear. "Dude!" he growls rummaging throughout the room

"Here, would you relax?" I laugh handing him the pants, I remember he dropped them so I put them away. "Thanks" he exhales, "who's this?" he asks nodding his head towards Jarvis. "This is Jarvis, he recorded my single" I explain, "oh" he says with slight disgust, eyeing him as he slides his pants on. 

"Guys c'mon!" their manager Doug yells, im sorry? Doug? When the fuck did he get here?

"When the fuck did he get here?" I ask confused, "while you were knocked out, yeah, you missed a bit" Erin walks up, "oh" I say quietly. 

"Ok ok let's do this!" Axl yells getting pumped. 

We all walk down the hallway of the venue towards the stage, I can hear the crowd roaring and it gives me goosebumps. "Good luck baby" Erin smiles giving Axl a kiss, "good luck" I give him a hug. 

"You guys are gonna kill it" I smile giving each of them a kiss on the cheek for luck, I notice Slash get a little nervous, he's always like this. 

"Hey, don't look at them" I say lowly, jokingly pulling his hat over his eyes, he chuckles chewing on his lip, "Guns n' Roses!!" the announcer yells

"C'mon man" Duff pulls his arm, "good luck" I smile as he kisses my forehead and runs on stage. 

"You guys seem close" Jarvis chimes, "we used to be" I sigh, "used to be?" he frowns, "yeah, long story" I look down, "well whatever it is, im sure it'll get better" he reassuringly rubs my arm. I smile at his kind gesture. 

I lean against the wall and take a second to admire how fucking hot this guy is. 

We stand there laughing, dancing, and flirting while the guys absolutely kill it. I have absolutely no idea where Erins run off to but im sure she'll be back soon.

I watch intently as Slash runs across the stage, his hat now off, curls shaking all over the place. I look down at one of the copies of the setlist that's taped to the floor and notice that theyre wrapping up their last song. "Thank you fuckers! goodnight!"Axl yells into the microphone. 

"You might wanna" I say grabbing Jarvis and pull him off to the side. "Why?" He looks at me puzzled. Soon the guys stampede in our direction, "that's why" I giggle. I feel my feet elevate off the ground as im thrown over Slash's shoulder, I screech and they all basically tackle me. I yell laughing as their sweaty bodies come into contact with mine. "Get off you sweaty fucking animals" I laugh loudly pushing out of their hold

"C'mon, you know what time it is" Slash laughs looking at me, "party time" I wiggle my brows. I immediately realize im kinda ignoring Jarvis so I stop giving Slash attention and go back to him, "party time Jar, lets gooo" I giggle grabbing hold of his hand and leading him farther backstage. 

\------It's been hours. I'm gone, like, gone. Jarvis is just as drunk as me and his goofier side is showing through a lot more. We're sitting on the couch with Axl and Steven, Steven is gone and Axl is cracking some joke that I don't get. I rest my hand on Jarvis' thigh feeling him jolt underneath me, I dart my eyes up to his to see if im making him uncomfortable, I move my hand away but he grabs it setting it back where it was. I bite my lip as I stare at how close I am to his crotch. 

Blushing, I turn my head away and scan the room. There stands Slash giving me ht most disgusted look on planet earth. Whatever dude. 

I lean back enjoying the feeling of Jarvis's hand on mine. 

Soon Slash comes over taking a seat near me, holding a girl on his lap as always. No matter how much I say I don't care about him anymore, the petty jealousy in me wants to drag any other bitch who sits on his left leg by her hair, that's my spot. 

Jarvis squeezes my hand as he sees me tense up at the sight of Slash rubbing that girls thigh. "So, Jarvis, how come you're doing music here and not in LA?" Erin asks, slurring her words slightly, "well uh, I guess I like the art scene here in New York better, the music is kind of a side job, I went to college with Nick, they offered me a job at Geffen but I said no" he explains slowly trying to catch up with his own drunk words.

"C'mon man, you know LA's got the easiest women" Slash chuckles looking at me, I know he did not just- "I mean you should know you've slept through half of them" I say and Erin chokes on her vodka. 

Duff stifles a laugh and slash shoots me a glare. 

"You should know, you are one of them" he says and bite my lip in anger, "I-" Axl snorts, "so uh, you're an artist? that's cool! Lil draws too" Erin says trying to divert the attention away from Slash and I, "r-really?" he slurs looking at me, "yeah, I drew the majority of my tattoos" I smile

"Did you draw the one by your vagina that only guys who've slept with you have seen?" Slash says in a petty tone, my jaw drops and I stand up, "I need another drink" I say before walking away.

I feel Slash follow me close behind, "f-fuck off Slash" I slur as I shakily pour myself another cup of vodka. 

"Why do you sleep with every guy you meet?" he says, "fuck off, you're one to talk" I say trying to walk way, "why do you see yourself as the girls I use for a quick shag" he grabs my arm, "because I was a girl you used for a quick shag, and even if you say I wasn't, you sure as hell treated me like it, either way it doesn't matter...you were my quick shag too. Now can I leave or are you going to keep slut shaming me" I say yanking my arm out of his hold. 


	51. CH4PT3R F1FTY

LILLIANA'S POV 

I scoff walking back to where everyones sitting. 

"What was that all about?" Erin scoots next to me, "nothing, I don't wanna talk about it" I say leaning down on the table snorting a line. I sniffle wiping the residue off my nose and sliding it behind my teeth. 

I see Jarvis look at me shocked, this was the first line he saw me do tonight even though it had to be my 3rd or 4th. "You want?" I turn to him and he shakes his head. Slash soon comes back with the girl and they're all intoxicated and giggly. "Hey, why don't we get out of here?" I whisper to Jarvis, "uh actually, I think I better be getting back" he laughs awkwardly, "ok" I say standing up, im completely over it, im leaving. 

"Figure out a way home, I had fun" I shrug grabbing my jacket and stumbling out. 

I grab a taxi back to the hotel and crash into my room with thankfully no issue. I sigh getting fully undressed and changing into panties and a T-shirt, Slash's shirt. 

I simply wear it because its comfortable, no sentimental value whatsoever. 

Soon I feel my eyes begin to get heavy and sleep overtakes me

SLASH'S POV 

Fuck. You know she can be ruthless sometimes. 

I'm taken aback by her hurtful words, deep down I know I deserve it but you're fucked If you think Im ever admitting that. 

It's hard for me to grasp the fact that i've really lost her. Ugh, she just irritates me so much, she's feisty, she's a firecracker and I don't know when she's gonna go off. One minutes she's laughing, climbing me like a tree and the next she's this cold hurtful fiery bitch. I hate it, its annoying...ok maybe I like it a little, but we're too similar in our outlook on life to ever let each other in. 

I'm pussy whipped. 

That's it.

The sex with her was just world shaking, I dont know how to get over it. When I think about her and how she is, I get angry. 

I grunt shaking my head at my thoughts and head back. I see the Jerry, Jarvis whatever the fuck his name is sitting there wasted but no L in sight. "She left bro" Izzy slurs looking up at me, cigarette in hand, his immediate assumption that i'm thinking of her pisses me off, "I wasn't gonna ask, I dont care" I shrug sitting down. 

I think I do though. I dont know, the drugs are clouding my brain but I feel a small anger burn in my stomach when I think about the fact that no one worried about making sure she got back ok. Duff holds up a tray with coke lines on it, "you look like y-you need it" he chuckles, I roll my eyes and snort a few lines trying to numb my thoughts. 

"C'mon s-s-slash, b-baby lets-s go have f-fun" this chick who I guess I was hitting on earlier comes over kissing my neck. She sloppily hits that perfect spot making all thoughts go away. Throwing my head back I shut my eyes letting her work. Her tongue swirling around, the aroma she's giving off reeks of cheap perfume and trashy alcohol. I try to ignore it but it becomes too much and I jerk my head away. "Nice one" she giggles running her fingers across the fresh purple mark. 

"Let's get out of here" I slur grabbing her hand and stumbling out. Drunken giggles fill the cab ride to the hotel. She's kind of ditzy but im too wasted to care. I open the door to my room and she wastes no time in slipping her shirt off. Her body is pasty and she has no tattoos. I roll my eyes and push her on the bed, climbing on top of her letting our tongues dance in a messy, meaningless make out session. I kiss down her trying my best to enjoy this but I cant, my dick however says otherwise. 

"Wow, excited are we?" she slurs palming me roughly, "fuck" I grunt at the pressure. As much I try not to, my brain keeps comparing her actions to Lil's. 

All I can think about is how she'd move slow, quickly submitting to my every touch, her light, soft and seductive touches were enough to turn me into a beast. The way my hickeys would look on her colorful skin, decorated with my favorite pieces of art. Her grip in my hair and on my shoulders while I worked her so nicely, how she went from a shy adorable girl to a wild needy slut, all for me. 

I whimper at the thought, rubbing myself against the mattress to gain friction as I go down on this chick. I growl at the fact that im letting her invade every part of my life, even my one night stands. This sudden wave of rage causes me to absolutely wreck this girl. Not in the way I would with Lil, the pleasure was very much one-sided here, her screams and begs didn't fuel me or turn me on more, frankly, they irritated me, I just wanted her to shut up and let me cum, she's not being sexy. 

This chick was loud though, I remembered how thin the walls are, how im probably keeping Lilli up. 

As Im pounding into her I remember the last time I kept her up. Images of her naked body shaking in front of the mirror sobbing and screaming as she squirted all over herself watching my slide in and out with no mercy flood my brain and I cum at the thought. 

Fuck. 

LILLIANAS POV

"Jesus fucking christ!" I groan covering my head with a pillow, "please do you ever fucking rest?!" I whine just trying to sleep.

I stand up, shivering as the cold air hits my ass. I stumble put heading towards duff or Izzy's room, I don't care whoever's here first. 

I get to Duffs door and bang on it a few times, no answer. Then Izzy's and still no answer. "Damn it!" I punch the door sliding down, I sigh feeling calm at the sudden quiet ive found. I feel myself drift off. 

....

"C'mon" I hear Izzy? say gently picking me up, "Iz?" I ask drowsy, "mhm" he mumbles drunkly stepping into the room. He plops me onto the bed and crashes next to me, he's so wasted I don't know how he managed to pick me up. 

"What...you..outside" he mumbles face in mattress, "Slash being too loud" I sigh cuddling into the bed, "mmm" he mumbles falling asleep. 

SLASHS POV 

It's the next day and i've successfully kicked this chick out. I sigh, hungover sitting on my bed turning the TV on. 

_**'Next, rumors of guitarist Izzy Stradlin and Musician Luna's secret relationship arise again as theyre caught once again cuddling away from the paparazzi it appears?'** _

"Oh fuck me!" I groan turning off the tv. 

I get up and go to the connecting door. Duff left his end unlock so I have no issues getting in. "Hey man" he sighs still half asleep, "you seeing this shit?" he chuckles pointing to Izzy on the TV, "ridiculous" he adds with a chuckle. 

"Doesn't seem so far fetched does it?" I cross my arms plopping on the couch, "dude dont start, you know its not like that, dont start that fire again" he warns, "this is getting far past coincidental" I defend, "you're not her boyfriend Slash, c'mon lets go ask Iz, hell tell you what really happened" he points to the other connecting door on the opposite wall. "Fine" I say standing up and opening the door.

There lay Izzy and Lilliana in the same bed, oh i'm gonna fuck him up.


	52. CH4PT3R F1FTY-0N3

SLASHS POV 

"Oh i'm gonna kick his ass" I grumble, "hey!" Duff grabs me by my shoulders, "relax, its Izzy, he'd never do that to you" 

I jolt out of his hold, "aye, get the fuck up" I smack Izzy with a pillow, "fuck!" Lilliana squeals jumping up, her makeup smudged under her eyes and her hair a mess. "What are you doing in here?" she crosses her arms, Izzy begins shifting sitting up, I notice that there is a wall of pillows in between the two of them. damn it. 

"I could ask you the same, what're you doing in bed with my bandmate?" I cross my arms, I feel rage overcome me when she stands up and has only panties and a t-shirt on.

LILLIANAS POV 

I hear faint noises, kind of like whisper yelling? Whatever it is it wakes me up, i sigh snuggling into the comfortable bed trying to drown it out. All of the sudden there's a hard smack against Izzy making my heart quite literally fall out of my ass, "fuck!" I squeal, jumping up. I'm met with Slash and Duff, Slash looking furious...uh oh. 

"What're you doing here?" I cross my arms getting a little mad at the way Slash is marching in here with all this entitlement and anger on his face. 

"I could as you the same, what're you doing in bed with my bandmate?" He crosses his arms back, I feel the rage pool into my stomach. It wasn't just his bandmate, it was Izzy, my friend, the only person who cared enough to help me when I was passed out drunk, the first guy I met at the label. What kind of person does he think I am? After everything we went through after a literal pregnancy scare he still thinks I'd turn around and do the one thing I know would break his heart? 

He cant just care about me whenever he wants and then go live his life as if I dont exist, I dont have the energy for it anymore. 

I stand up from the bed and see his eyes widen as he looks at me, "shit" Duff covers his face, I shoot my head down and remember that I came here in only panties and Slash's shirt, as Duff said...fuck. 

The guilt quickly goes away though because I realize that he's jumping to conclusions and being super judgy, there's just no way I'm gonna let him be right about this. "I hope you're not implying that we had sex" I step up to him, "oh deepest apologies! I find it hard to believe you can sleep in a bed with another dude without fucking him!" he yells, "who do you think you are?!" I scream feeling my heart tighten at his hurtful words, "god, me?! why is it always me, you're the one who cant keep her legs closed" he says breaking eye contact with me, "Slash!" Duff yells

"No" I look at Duff, "I cant keep my legs closed?" I continue, "ha! I cant keep my legs closed...you said that to me before, you broke my heart, made me feel like a slut. My god I can't believe I ever let myself feel any ounce of pity towards you, I can't believe I ever shed a tear for you! Let's get one thing straight Slash... I...AM..NOT..YOUR..GIRL..FRIEND!" I yell and all he can do is stare at me while I tear him to shreds

"Stop worrying about me, you don't get to do that, I don't have to consider your feelings because god knows you sure as hell don't give a damn about mine. You're not my boyfriend you never were my boyfriend you'll never be my boyfriend, got that? Call me a whore, call me a slut but you'll always be just another dick in my life, literally and figuratively" I laugh realizing the irony of my sentence, "god, I've never met a more hypocritical person in my entire life, before you tell me to close my legs see if for just one day, ONE! you can try to keep it in your pants. It's sad honestly, I don't know what hole you're trying to fill right now but I certainly dont wanna help or contribute to it anymore, i'm sick and tired of feeling guilty for living my life. I'm done! this, whatever you think is going on is over, after this tour i'm done Slash, I can't do it anymore it's embarrassing for me" I let out in one long breath 

"Thanks Iz, i'll see you guys later" I sigh as I look at them all jaw dropped as I make my way towards the door, "and for the record, I didn't sleep with Izzy, i've never slept Izzy, I passed out in the hallway because you kept me up with your one night stand, so take a step back before you come at me with your accusations" I scoff slamming the door on my way out. 

Jesus. 

I hate it but I kinda feel bad. 

I mean, I meant everything I said but Jesus Christ did I have to be so harsh? No Lilli, no! You always do this, you always feel bad for him and then it sucks you back into his little manipulative vortex of bullshit. 

Part of me can't help but think about what I would do to him if I found him in bed with Erin...god I couldn't even imagine what i'd do to both of them. The only thing is, he's taking it all out on me, blaming me for everything while nothing gets said to Izzy. Lord things were so much easier when we were sleeping with each other back in LA, hell they were easier before I met him. 

SLASH'S POV 

I've said it once and i'll say it again...I am a registered fucking idiot. 

I don't wanna care. I shouldn't care. I can't care. I kinda care though. 

Everything she said, every single one of her words tore into my chest like a knife. "God" duff exhales causing me to break my gaze away from the door she just slammed. 

"What the fuck is going on, what did I just witness?" Izzy asks rubbing his head still very evidently on another fucking planet. "Well, Slash here saw you and Lil's paparazzi pictures on the television and he decided to get big boy gorilla mad but, I stopped him and said we should just ask you what those pictures were about even though Stevie and I were there and know they were nothing, you know how Slash is, so we came in here and then Lil was in your bed-uh wearing your t-shirt by the way Slash so smart move on assuming it was Izzy's- and Slash proceeded to once again get big boy gorilla mad and fuck things up with the only girl i've ever seen make him truly happy" Duff lets out looking at me in disappointment 

"Fucking Christ man, it's too early for this shit. I'm so sick of hearing about it Slash, do you like her or not?!" Izzy yells in frustration. I'm still standing there mute, at a complete loss for words after everything she just said. I mean, I have a lot to say, or at least I did but now my mind is just...blank 

How did this girl plant herself so deep into my mind, I don't like it. This'll be easier if she's gone, she wants to cut ties I wont fight it. 

"No, no I don't, uh I mean I like her as a person but I don't wanna be or do anything with her" I say, the words stinging a little as they leave my mouth, fuck..stop it subconscious! I don't need any of this nonsense right now.

"Oh bullshit!" Duff yells, "what do you mean Duff? That girl is a constant headache" I groan sitting on the bed, "a headache, don't fuck with me man, if she was such a headache then why didn't you let her go the first time?" he rolls his eyes in disbelief, I dont like being talked to like a little kid who has a lying problem 

"Yeah dude, you have to really decide, if you really like her you need to change and fix things with her now, it's not fair to her if you just keep her in your back pocket, she's not just some girl, she's our friend, let her move on and just live however the fuck you wanna live stop making her feel shitty for not being hung up on you" Izzy lights a cigarette 

His words sink deep into my brain. 

Is that all I wanted? I want her to be hung up on me?


	53. CHAPT3R F1FTY-TW0

  
  
  
LILLIANA'S POV

I stomp down the hallway trying to calm my anger. "Hey what's wrong?" I bump into Erin, her eyes scan my half naked figure and it just makes the anger boil in me once more, "ugh fucking Slash he's just so god damn- you know what I dont even wanna talk about it, I have Jack and weed in my room, wanna go get trashed?" I sigh leaning back against the wall, "music to my ears, lets go" Erin grabs my hand and leads me to my room.

I sigh walking into the familiar space, "are you sure you dont wanna talk about it?" she sighs sitting on the floor as I walk over to her grabbing the alcohol, weed, rolling paper and lighter.

"Absolutely positive" I sit down criss cross next to her. I uncap the bottle and take a big swig letting the strong liquid warm my body. We sit in silence as I carefully roll her joint handing it to her, she lights it taking a deep drag choking lightly.

I chuckle licking the paper as I twist the ends, I put it in my mouth lighting it while gently puffing out the smoke.

"So what's with the walk of shame attire?" Erin leans back giggling lightly, my head shoots down forgetting what I was wearing, "ugh dont even get me started" I roll my eyes picking up the bottle. "you know" I groan as I choke down the liquid, "who does he think he is? trying to control my life?!" I turn to her, "oh so we're talking about this" she scoots closer to me, "yeah we're fucking talking about this because its fucking bullshit!" I yell standing up

"okay so what happened?" She reaches her hand out for me to hand her the bottle, I hand it to her and begin pacing.

"Alright so yes, I was trashed last night, Jarvis was a bust so I just decide to call it a night before I did something stupid" I explain taking another drag of the joint, "uh huh yes as you tend to do" Erin nods her head, "right. So I get back here, barely E, just fucking barely getting to my room. I get there and crash and guess who the fuck wakes me up" I pace, "Sla-" she starts but I cut her off, "fucking Slash! fucking some random girl and holy fuck Erin I dont think you understand how shrill her voice was I wanted to rip my eyelashes out" I hold my hand up displaying sass, "uh huh then what" she sighs handing me the bottle

"Don't give me that face, I didn't do anything" I roll my eyes taking the bottle from her downing another swig,

"I went to Duffs, but E it was like 4 or 5 am I think, I was still fucked up it didn't occur to me to get dressed before I left" I explain and she nods,

"right so Duff is a no show, im so fucking gone I dont make it back to my room and end up just crashing infront of Izzy's" I say and her eyes widen slightly, "oh no, you guys didn't-" she starts

"oh my god no! why does everyone think i'd fuck Izzy?!" I wave my arms angrily, Erin shrugs meekly,

"Whatever, he shows up just as trashed and drags me into the room, we both fell on the bed and knocked out, we didn't even speak! we slept, his clothes were still on and he was on top of the covers with a wall of pillows between us!" I hand her the bottle back, "im confused at the problem here" she shakes her head confused,

"I'm getting there, patience. Anyway, Slash fucking breaks in with Duff and he throws a little bitch fit accusing me of sleeping with Izzy" I shake my head my blood boiling,

"Can you fucking believe that? He leaves his one night stand to come yell at me accusing of something I didn't even do, I wouldn't even have been in Izzy's room if it wasn't for Slash and his incessant one night stands!" I proceed to explain to her everything I said, catching her up on everything up to this moment.

"Jesus, thats not at all what I thought you were gonna say, I mean I knew it was Izzy related but I didn't think it was gonna be that" she shakes her head shocked, "yeah well- wait, what did you think I was gonna say?" I freeze looking at her quizzically.

"Okay well, Axl woke me up because he saw you guys on TV" she begins, "you guys?" I raise my brow at her, "yeah you Duff Stevie and Izzy" she clarifies, "oh my god" I freeze realizing what he must've seen,

"Izzy and you looked close" she says shrugging, "yeah but he was just hiding me from the paparazzi, the guys know that I dont-" I shake my head,

thats why Slash stormed into Izzy's room.

"I believe you L, it was definitely taken out of context, I just thought thats why he flipped" she reassures, "thats probably what started it..." I sigh, "but either way! He had no right to act the way he did!" I drop the joint into the ashtray crossing my arms,

"God you guys are so annoying! and dumb!" Erin groans throwing her head back, "hey!" I scrunch my face offended, "i'm sorry L but seriously, you wanna be together? be together, you wanna just fuck? just fuck, you don't wanna be together? don't be together! I don't see the need for all this back and forth" she argues, "i'm trying E, im fucking trying, it's not that simple! he's behind me 24/7, he thinks things are ok for him but not for me, it's a whole mess that Im trying to get away from" I shake ny head

"Look, this is fucking up my high, can we please stop talking about it?" I groan sitting back down, "yeah, its giving me a headache" Erin giggles as I lay on her shoulder.

We continue talking nonsense while we pass the bottle back and forth, finishing it between us two, tipsiness nearing full intoxication has crept up on us. "Ooh, you know what we should do?" She turns to me excited, "what?" I hiccup, "pool" she smirks, "hot guys, drinks, cmon y-you need it!" she stands up, "ugh fine if we must" I try to hide the excited smile creeping up on my face. "cmon grinch" she giggles opening my suitcase picking out a skimpy bathing suit, "perfect" she throws me a barely there black bathing suit that leaves little to the imagination,

"Erin!" I squeal giggling, "hey! i'm trying to get you laid, be grateful" she smirks.

I dont even know why I have this...oh...right

Memories of slash start flooding~

_' "_ _This_ _" he chuckles holding up a sinful number, "_ _S_ _lash!" I squeal blushing, "cmon,_ _for me?" he pouts holding the bathing suit to his chest, the fabric practically disappearing in his big hands, "_ _you're_ _psychotic" I giggle shaking my head, "cmon, just a formality, I wanna see you in this and then I wanna see this on my hotel floor" he crept up behind me, his breath hitting behind my ear sending shivers down my spine, small and gentle kisses being placed along my neck, "_ _you're_ _so annoying" I_ _groan, slightly out of breath,_ _leaning back into his affection, "mmm" he hums against my skin gently rubbing my arms, "fine" I giggle, "oh fuck yes" he growls against my skin biting gently, I giggle_ _loudly_ _as his arms snake around me'_

"No judgement, why _do_ you own that?" Erin giggles as I slip into the bathing suit, she grabs another one of mine and begins changing herself too. "don't ask" I shake my head trying to push Slash out of my brain.

"Cmon lets go" she giggles throwing me a towel to cover myself with, I childishly throw it over my shoulders like a cape. We walk out giggling like two teenagers.

"Hey!" Axl smiles approaching us with the rest of the guys, "we were just looking for you guys" Duff says looking at me concerned, "we were just heading to the pool" Erin says making eye contact with slash, "I wanna go, i'll meet you there baby" Axl pecks her lips, "yeah why don't we all go?" Duff suggests and i've never wanted to five star him more in my entire life, I shoot him an 'I wanna kill you' glare and I feel him shrink under my gaze, "that actually sound fun, why don't we all go huh? it'll be a dandy time" Slash smiles at me, the pettiness seething through him

"Yeah! why don't we?!" I return the fake smile, "see you guys there, lets go E" I look at her as I gently drop my towel, all their eyes going wide as they watch me walk away,

I smile feeling their glances as we walk into the elevator. "You little-" Erin laughs as she watches me adjust the towel thats now hanging on my forearm.

SLASHS POV

Holy fucking shit. She's wearing the bathing suit. This is what I get for being a petty little bitch.   
God i remember when she first modeled that for me, holy fuck she's sexy. This is simple human attraction, although i can't help but remember the sinful things i did to her in that.

~~' "S _o...how do I look?" She prances out of her room and I feel my cock instantly harden at the sight of her tits bulging behind the small black triangles covering her nipples. "Fuck me" I growl as she straddles my lap, I grope her ass as she gently grinds against the painful bulge in my pants._

_"You like?" She hums against my neck, "fuck yeah I like" I growl against her shoulder biting her playfully, she emits the cutest giggle ever as she begins licking the sensitive pressure points on my neck, a couple groans escape my lips before I begin rubbing her dripping pussy through the bottom piece._

_"Oh~" she moans and I quickly untie the suit letting her tits bounce out, "oh daddy~" she whines as she begins grinding on my thigh. I waste no time in taking out my throbbing cock and stuffing her deep, "oh fuck" I throw my head back as I enter her tight wet hole, "ride me sweetheart" I bite her ear and she begins bouncing and rolling her hips while she grabs onto me for dear life. ''~~~_

I shake my head trying to ignore the dirty memories coursing through my brain.

The guys and I change into our shorts and head downstairs with Axl. I take a bottle of Jack down with me to try and drown out everything that's coursing through my head right now. "Dude move on" Duff shakes his head as the warm sun hits our bare skin

I roll my eyes and scan the area for Erin and Lil. there she is, ass up, have mercy.

Her and Erin seem to be carrying a normal girl conversation when a big guy comes up and starts flirting with L, she turns on her side smiling at the man flirting back of course, his eyes fixated on her body, her tits specifically, I roll my eyes and take a swig trying to ignore it.

I settle down next to them with the rest of the guys, Erin linking with Axl, my presence disturbing absolutely nothing. "So uh, can I buy you a drink?" The dude asks, "hehe sure" she giggles getting up and following the guy to the bar, gag.

An hour or so passes and they're still over there chatting and just having a dandy old time. "Dude you look miserable" Izzy teases, "ha ha" I roll my eyes, "yeah dude I think i'm just gonna head back, ive had enough vitamin D" I grunt getting up and making my way towards my room again. 

Pulling out a cigarette, fully ignoring the 'no smoking' signs in the hallway as I sulk- no, _proudly_ walk back up to my room. I feel the exhaustion hit me as soon as I feel the coolness of the hotel room hit me in the face.

I sigh crashing onto my bed. I hear a muffled sound of the door closing in the room next door, L's room

Not even 10 minutes go by and there's moaning, good god gimme a break.

 **A/Ñ hey guys sorry this chapter is coming out so late and so sorry that it's absolute shit, i did my best to make it longer :/ thank you for all ur support love y'all** 💕💕


	54. CH4PT3R F1FTY-THR33

LILLIANAS POV 

I'm chatting up a really cute guy that approached me down at the pool. We're sitting by the bar as he asks me about my music, god he's hot. I smile answering his questions but the burning desire to be fucked is so overwhelming it's not even funny, somebody- anybody who isn't Slash. 

An hour or so goes by of us just talking and I can tell there's obvious sexual tension going on between the two of us is so thick you could cut it like butter. His name is...Michael? Marlo? Fuck, sorry i've been paying attention to his lips the whole time. 

"You have a really cute name by the way" I smile, "Really? Kinda sucked growing up because everyone named their cat Milo" he laughs awkwardly, MILO!! That's it!

Aw that's actually a really cute name. 

I giggle in response, "well I like it" I rest my hand on his, his eyes shoot down as he eyes my body once more, "are you staying here?" He asks, "yeah...why wouldn't I be?" I ask confused, "oh no I didn't mean it like that, I meant if you had your own room, I saw you're with one of the bands here right?" He corrects himself flustered, "oh! Yeah I have my own room" I blush knowing exactly where this is going, "do you wanna get out of here?" He smirks playfully, "mhm" I giggle jumping off the barstool. 

He's hot on my trail as we walk down the long hallway of my floor, giggles emitting from the both of us, I remember when Slash used to chase me down the hallway eventually grabbing me and throwing me over his shoulder- fuck Lilli shut up and stop thinking about him! 

I quickly open the door and he chases me inside. "Nice room" he smiles, "mhm, no more small talk" I smile pushing him against the wall. A wicked grin spreads across his face right before our lips connect. The kiss is soft and sweet but there's definitely a veil of hunger feeding into it. I snake my arms around his neck, the lack of long bushy curls throws me off from what i'm normally used to, I ignore the thought and run my fingers through his hair. 

Our heated make out moves to the bed and i'm straddling him now. I feel his hard through his pants and cant help but grind my hips against him, "fuck" he groans into the kiss, he's not taking much control- which is fine but it's just not what i'm used to exactly. He, whom shall not be named, would've had me gagging on the floor, mascara tears streaming down my face while I begged for him, but that's neither here nor there I guess, I can get down with this. 

I slide my hands down his shirt and he takes that as a sign to take it off. I run my hands across his muscly chest dragging my nails across his tattoos as I grind myself on his bulge harder and harder. "Fuck! Stop teasing!" He groans and I giggle sliding down so that my face is met with his dick. I tease the hem of his shorts flipping my hair to the side as I slide his shorts down and his dick springs out. Alright its an okay size-I mean it'll definitely feel great but it's definitely not the biggest i've seen so far. 

I seductively slide my tongue up his shaft sucking on only his tip once I reach the top, "oh god" he moans and his moans turn me on even more, I can feel the wetness collecting in my bathing suit bottoms. 

I finish his blowjob and move my bottoms to the side as I grind on his dick. Soon he slips himself onside of me and I let out a soft moan, I remember Slash's room is right next door and I know for a fact he's in there sleeping now. 

The sun always made me him tired and he never lasted long at the pool, plus I saw him leave.

I rolled my hips and began bouncing, "oh yes!" I moan louder than I should be, "oh right there" I whine moving faster, it feels really good actually but i'm definitely overdoing it. 

"Fuck, keep going" he groans pounding up into me harder, "oh shit" I squeal at the unexpected change in tempo. He hits my spot over and over and I feel the hot coil in the bottom of my stomach strain and burn as his grip on my hips gets tighter. "I'm gonna cum!" I whine, soon there's a loud bang, "shut the fuck up!!" Slash's muffled voice emits from the from door, "i'm cumming!!" I scream as my orgasm rips through me, "shit shit!" He groans pushing me off of him and cumming all over himself. 

I roll off the bed panting as I wrap myself in the towel. "what" I snap opening the door and I see Slash walking down the hallway, "what the fuck do you want!" I yell, a smile threatening to show. Karma is a bitch, and he got exactly what he deserved. He turned on his heel, "I was trying to sleep" he rolls his eyes, "really? Sorry I didn't realize because of all that good dick I was getting" I pout and honestly, we're both behaving like children it's kinda funny at this point

"Oh fuck off" he flicks me off, "karmas a bitch" I smile, "oh you don't wanna go there" he warns, excuse you?

"And where exactly don't I wanna go?" I step out of my room following him down the hall, that's one of my flaws, I can't just let it go, I have to argue with him, I have to keep pushing. 

"Oh nothing, I just know you're full of shit" he turns crossing his arms, "full of shit? oh please" I chuckle, "mhm, you exaggerated that, you're mad that you're not gonna find what you had with me" he shrugs, "oh fuck off, sex with Milo was just as good as sex with you, you're not a God. Dick is dick and he does things you did, you're not special" I scoff, "let's not forget why you have that bathing suit, no matter how hard you try to deny or forget it, you bought this to make _me_ happy, to turn _me_ on, to spice up **_OUR_** sex life, you're just mad that I can find other girls to fuck and I won't even know the difference but you're finding it hard for someone to take care of you like I did"

I- 

Did he just- 

I freeze and look up at him, a little hurt bust mostly shocked, "yeah you're right, I miss the disrespect and insecurity from someone I wasn't dating and owe nothing to" I say hurt lacing my words as I walk away. God why can't I just leave shit alone, I know he's gonna say mean things to me. 

I get back to the room and Milos dressed again. "Well that was fun" he pants gently, "mhm" I smile, Slash's words still swirling around in my head. "I"m uh- gonna-" he begins awkwardly, "mhm yeah, bye" I wave not even looking at him as I pace my room , "alright then" I hear him scoff as he walks out. 

Dude what did you want? Please daddy don't leave? 

I chew on my fingers anxiously thinking about what Slash said. I know i've said it but is he actually the best sex ive ever had? I mean lets compare. 

Slash-

_**" I lick around him and leave small hickeys on his v-line. I have a little fun and decide to leave a scandalous little heart, "This is mine." I drunkenly pout as I lick a long stripe up him, he twitches slightly and I giggle, teasing him. I lick around his base making a small 'L' out of hickeys. I'm his 'L' Soon, he picks my hair up and holds it over my head as I take him in my mouth.** _

_**"Jesus Christ." His head falls back and I swirl my tongue around his tip, "Mmm, good girl." He growls as I push him as far into my mouth as I can. I feel him hit the back of my throat and I suck him completely dry. "** _

I shiver as I remember how he felt sliding into my mouth, how the words _'good girl'_ affected me so much. Okay now who did I have sex with before that...aw fuck..Daniel. 

**_" I giggle and flip us over so I'm on top now. I unbuckle his jeans and slide them down. I pull his dick out from his briefs and he looks at me with wide eyes, "What're you doing?" He asks, borderline scared._ **

**_"You've never had oral?" I smile, licking a stripe up him._ **

**_"No, don't do that." He squirms and flips me over."_ **

Aw shit, okay okay, they aren't the only two guys i've slept with. Before Slash I remember I slept with this one dude that came into the bar all the time to try and get me, 

**_"Oh my god right there! Holy shit don't stop!" I squeal gripping onto the sheets as (Alex?? Yeah I think let's just call him that) pounds into me from behind. His hands grip my ass smacking gently as he slides out, "scream for me" he ordered and chills ran down my spine, "harder!" I moan rolling my eyes back, "good" he smirked picking up the pace._ **

**_My stomach feels fuzzy as an orgasm rips through me. My moans muffled in the bed sheets as my body shakes. He pulls out cumming inside the condom shortly after I cum. I'm left laying there while he cleans himself up, "woah" I giggle, "that was fun" I prop myself up on my elbows, "very" he says but I don't believe him, "what's up your ass?" I cover myself feeling the insecurity set in, "uh nothing I just uh- I gotta go get my kid from school" he blushes looking at the clock, "kid?!" I jump up looking at him shocked, "y-yeah, shit she's gonna kill me" he scrambles out, "who?" I poke my head out the door and see a woman at the end of the hall holding a child on her hip, "are you fucking kidding me Alex?! you're cheating on me with her?!" She points and my jaw drops, I quickly shut the door locking it stifling a laugh, there's no way I just slept with a father._ **

Okay I really need to find some better guys to get with, aside from being a complete dickhead, the sex wasn't necessarily bad. I rock back and forth on the edge of my bed trying to calm the thoughts swarming through my head. 

**_"Now you're gonna scream for me you little slut!" He growls, holding me close to him as he fucks me like an animal, "Oh my God!" I scream bloody murder as he takes my nipple into his mouth, his tongue swirling around them as he lightly bites  
_ **

Fuck...

**_My moans bounce as he shows no mercy in slamming into me. The sounds of wetness and skin slapping echo, and I don't care if we wake anyone up. "God Slash, yes!" I scream as he snakes his other arm around my neck, pulling my head up._ **

The scenes playing in my head bring an all too familiar feeling to my core, I feel the wetness pool between my legs. 

**_The pleasure is unlike no other and I feel my voice strain, I'm practically blinded and I'm not going to say I don't enjoy it, because I do. I like being his little fuck toy. "Who's your daddy?" He growls and I chuckle at the corniness, but it only fuels him. He angrily grabs my face and I squeal at the force, "Who are you a slut for, who makes u scream?" He growls, "You, you're my daddy." I slur, completely weak at this point. "That's what I fucking thought. You belong to me, and me only" He growls in a drunken rage._ **

I shiver at the memories, my legs squeezing together as I begin to feel the desperate need to be touched the way he touched me. No, I gotta stop. "Girl you need some fucking sleep" I mumble to myself crawling up under my covers, not even bothering to change. 

The heat from the sun playing a part in my exhaustion.

Soon I drift off. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_ I giggle speeding up the stairs, Slash hot on my trail, "You're mine" I hear him tease as his steps follow close behind me. I squeal as I feel my feet levitate off the ground, "Slash!" I giggle as he playfully gnaws on my ass.  _

_ I feel my back hit the soft mattress, "you've been real bad y'know" he smiles wickedly as he crawls on top of me, eyes dark and full of lust, "have I?" I tease, "mhm" he kisses down my jaw, "what're you gonna do to me?" I pout, fake fear lacing my expression, "depends" he begins, kissing down my neck, "you gonna be a good girl for me?" he brings his head up, lips brushing against mine, "yes" I bite my lip, "yes who?" his lips practically in between ,one, "yes, daddy" my cheeks burn, "good~" he smiles against me, grinding his hard in between my legs. _

_ I tangle my fingers in his hair arching my back off the bed trying to gain friction. _

_ His hands travel down into my panties, middle finger circling my clit, "oh fuck" I moan into the kiss, "fuck me please" I whine pulling in his plump bottom lip. I unbluckke his belt reaching down to pull his hard cock out, rubbing the veil of precum around the tip. "Someone's impatient" he smiles like a little shit as he aligns himself at my entrance. Showing absolutely no mercy, he begins slamming into me at an ungodly pace, "oh Slash!" I scream, the pleasure so mind blowing and overwhelming..."daddy right there fuck!" tears streaming down my face as i'm pushed beyond my limit, "keep cumming baby, you're so messy for me" he bites my earlobe making my jaw drop even further as he absolutely destroys me... "Slash!".... _

~~~~~~~~~~

"Mm, Slash"

"Slash.."

"Slash!" I jump up panting, holy fuck. I look down and my arousal is coating my thighs at this point, okay be a woman and take care of this yourself. I stare at myself in the mirror that's conveniently right in front of the bed, the small beads of sweat on my forehead make me throw the heavy comforter off my body. I watch myself as I seductively untie the Strings holding my bathing suit together. 

I bite my lip as I watch my boobs bounce out, gently twisting my nipples in between my fingers feeling tingles rush down my entire body.

I tease my inner thighs as I watch myself. 

I slide my hand down into my bottoms teasing myself through my lips, which are soaked with my slick, shit. 

My clit pounding, aching to be touched, I slip my middle finger in between my folds shivering at the wetness meeting me inside. I head straight for my clit rubbing gentle circles, closing my eyes and massaging my breast with the other hand. As much as I wish I didn't have to, I imagine Slash's hands replacing mine. 

I get lost under my touch emitting loud and slutty moans. 

Pieces of the dream and past escapades with Slash cut in my brain making all normal thoughts and reasoning exit my head completely as I focus on pleasure and pleasure only. I bite my lips and slip a finger inside myself whining at the lack of roughness. Sliding another I arch my back curling it, "oh Slash!!" I moan loudly as I pump in and out of myself faster and faster, "oh god" I whine whimpering at the orgasm that's building up...

SLASHS POV 

Yeah I said what I said...and? She doesn't get to march over here all cocky and spew utter bullshit and expect me to just stand there and what? Cry? Fuck off. 

Okay maybe I exaggerated what I said to her but whatever, she can be just as bitchy. God I need a drink. Fuck I left my bottle in the hotel room. I turn on my heel to go back into the elevator thats no closed in my face. "Damn it" I mumble pressing the button a bunch of times. I'm stuck there waiting at the bottom when the doors finally open. 

The guy Lil just got with walks out of the elevator awkwardly passing by me. I don't really think much about it as I walk into the elevator and anticipate getting to room where now I can probably get some sleep seeing as no one around me is having loud obnoxious sex anymore. 

As I walk past Lil''s room I swear I hear moaning, I shake my head assuming I'm just tired and go into my room. As soon as I get in there I grab the bottle of Jack and begin downing it. I lean back lighting a cigarette and just relaxing in my room. About a half hour goes by and i'm feeling the nice buzz from the alcohol. 

Suddenly, I hear moaning coming from L's room...no way

Does she have another guy in there? 

I feel my blood boil until I hear "Slash!" 

Oh...

I can't help but smirk to myself as I cockily imagine her laying there, tits out unsatisfied with her recent adventure, playing with her pussy imagining it's me. The thoughts send an ache straight to my cock, a painful one at that. "Oh shit" I can't help but palm myself through my shorts as I listen to her whines. 

Fuck she is so hot. 

I lean back on the couch that so happens to be close to the wall, my hard on hurting me while I squeeze myself as I listen to her, I haven't heard her scream for me in so long. the mere thought of her playing with herself is enough for me to pull my cock out and begin pumping myself to the sounds of her pleasure. 

"Ah fuck" I throw my head back as my cock slides in and out of my grasp, I spit on my hand as much as I can and try to imagine its L's mouth bobbing up and down, taking me deep to the back of her throat. 

"Oh my god yes! Slash! Yes dadd-oh fuck!" I hear her muffled whimpers and I grunt feeling my cock twitch in my hand as I pick up the face, "fuck baby right there" I catch myself moaning as I edge closer and closer to my release. 

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" she screams and I cum all over my hand, "holy fuck" I growl releasing. I'm sat there, panting, a pathetic mess...but then again...so is she. 

LILLIANAS POV 

My orgasm rips through me and I feel my entire body shake. I'm laying there, legs open, fingers coated in cum and all I can think about is Slash's lips wrapping around them...licking them clean. 

I suck my fingers off and do my best to catch my breath, i'm completely ignoring that I was thinking about Slash the entire time I was getting off, i'm also ignoring how much better that orgasm would've been if he gave it to me. Anyways moving on. 

I turn to the side to grab a sip of my water and I realize im all out. "Damnit" I groan rolling out of bed, my hair a mess. I throw on sweats and a hoodie and sulk outside. My body so exhausted from orgasming twice I really can't be bothered. 

I bend down to grab the water thats just tumbled to the bottom of the vending machine. I hear door open nearby and shoot my head up to look at see who it is. 

Slash

Oh my god 

Did he? 

There's no way he heard...

He comes out wearing his shorts that now have a wet spot on them.

Jesus h Christ 

Has he...he was...him too?!?!

I blush furiously as we make eye contact, I see him shyly turn his head away as he tries to cover the wet spot with his hands. Oh my god he heard. Oh my god he's turned on. Oh my god.

I quickly scramble back into my room and cover my mouth trying not to laugh too loudly, we still manage to have sex without having sex?

\----------

SLASHS POV

Aw fuck man she definitely saw

LILLIANAS POV 

It's the next day, finally showtime. 

The rest of yesterday was pretty awkward not even gonna lie, Slash and I could barely look at each other when we went out to eat with the rest if the guys and Erin. Erin sensed it immediately and was like huh? But I played it off. 

it's after the show now and we're at the after party wasted as usual. My manager is meeting us in the next city tomorrow and I'm trying to enjoy my last night of real fun before she crawls up my ass and sets up camp. I'm leaning back on the couch cigarette hanging from my lip as I watch everything around me move in slow motion. I'm on about 3-4 lines of coke and I feel fuzzy but in a good way, everything feels happy and colorful, mix that with a little weed and alcohol and you've got one trippy experience. 

"So Luna" a girl with a press pass and a tape recorder sits on the ottoman in front of me. 

"Huh?" I ask giggling, she begins hounding me with questions and I do my best to answer them, this is an unofficial interview so I withheld as much info as I can, which is a little difficult since i'm trashed. I drop my sunglasses on my face when I see her partner position himself to snap a picture, I don't need the flash catching these drunk ass eyes. 

During the "interview" Slash plops down next to me. His lips connecting to my neck, I giggle as his tongue swirls around. "Oh it's Slash! What do we have here?" the lady turned to him. 

I throw my head back giggling as he nibbles on my ticklish spots, his middle finger goes up flicking off the camera as I cover my face cackling. 

He pulls me up and I situate myself on his lap. Jesus how drunk am I? 

"What're you doing Slash" I giggle leaning back in his hold as his lips try to find me again. My butt slides off his thigh and we both start giggling all drunk and fucked up. He extends himself up to my ear, "apologizing" he says innocently as he sucks on my earlobe. Fuck he knows that's my weak spot. "Mmm, what for?" I tease trying to drag out my victory. 

"For being a jealous dickhead, and for saying douchey things, i'm f-full of I-t" he hiccups kissing under my jaw, "I didn't mean what I said earlier, there are no other girls that feel like you" he licks across my jaw, "oh really?" I giggle at the funny feeling of his tongue, the drugs heightening my senses, "mhm" he hums gently blowing on the wet skin.

The actions send chills down my spine and I let out a small sigh. 

"Do you forgive me?"he pouts, a drunk mess, "always" I slur, he smiles and his lips brush mine. 

"That's all we need" I hear the reporter whisper to her partner. I roll my eyes but don't fully realize how this is gonna fuck me in the ass later. "So you'll stop ignoring me?" He pouts, "sure" I sigh.

He pushes me so i'm flat on the couch, my thighs pressed on his hip while he holds onto them for balance. 

"I wanna make it up to you" he towers over me, "mmm, i'm not that fucked up" I giggle, but his face still finds it's way extremely close to mine. Our lips connect and it's a sloppy drunken mess of tongues and groans. I feel myself get drowsy mid kiss and I can tell that Slash is too. He pulls back resting his head in between my neck, "sleepy" he mumbles against my skin letting his weight rest on me, "mmm me too" I hum resting my head against his, "hair" he whines pulling my arm up and setting my hand in his curls. I close my eyes and begin twisting them in between my fingers...suddenly I doze off...what the fuck am I doing??

**A/N hey y'all that was a long one, I hope you liked it I've been working on it all day, my back is literally broken right now but im really in the writing flow so hopefully they're be a new chapter soon!! I love and appreciate all your support and feedback xoxo**


	55. CH4PT3R F1FTY-F0UR

LILLIANAS POV 

"Lil" I'm shaken awake, "hmm?" I squint not wanting to open my eyes, I no longer feel the comfortable weight that was once on my chest, I slowly open my eyes and see Slash draped over Duff's shoulder being drunkenly dragged out. 

"C'mon girl, we gotta get you to your room" Erin grabs my arm pulling me up, "E" I groan becoming a noodle in her hold, "s-stop it!" she groans hiking me up to that i'm standing up a little straighter.

"S-slash?" I hiccup looking around except my eyes are closed, "i'm here baby!" I hear his wasted raspy voice echoed, "gimme kiss" I giggle puckering my lips in a random direction, "oh my god how f-fucking wasted are they?" Erin sighs annoyed, "mm I did lots of b-blow" I smile poking her cheek

"And you, what was your poison tonight?" Duff chuckles look at Slash, "s-smack, but shh don't tell her...she doesn't like when I do s-s-smack" I hear him giggle, "sm-smack?" I turn my head as im being dragged out, "shh dude I said dont tell her?!" he groans

"I-i cant believe you" I scoff walking away with Erin. 

In my own drunken head, my heart hurts thinking about him doing that same drug that almost made me lose him, all the emotions in me are heightened so I wanna punch him but I also want to kiss him and suck his dick...oh what a dilemma. 

\---

"Here sleep" Erin throws me on my bed before making her way out, "t-thank you baby" I giggle into the pillow, "mhm" she says before closing my door. I let my eyes finally close once more, missing the feeling of Slash's heat against my body, the way his soft curls felt tangled in my fingers, his little kisses on my neck while he let out little breaths squeezing my waist tighter. 

I smile at these thoughts, completely forgetting the world around me, drifting off into a deep sleep. 

.......

It's the next morning-well, afternoon. I groan at the sun peeking through the curtains turning my head, what the hell happened last night? I shiver realizing i'm not under the covers, "oh fuck" I groan slipping under the thick comforter, letting it engulf my body warming me up. 

Just as i'm about to drift into another deep slumber, my room door swings open. 

"Holy shit!" I gasp as Erin barges in, "stupid bitch, ever heard of knocking? How the fuck did you get in?" I groan covering my head with the pillow

"I took your key last night, c'mon we gotta go, bus is leaving soon" she sighs, lazily whacking me with a pillow, "ugh" I groan, sitting up and changing into sweats, the hangover is strong today and I really don't feel like dealing with anything or anyone today. 

We're escorted to the bus, Erin and I are the last ones on. "Oh well looky who it is" Duff giggles as he eyes my walking-dead appearance. "Fuck off" I groan pulling my hood up and curling up on the bus couch.

Stevie, passed out hungover while Slash is in the back sleeping in the beds. "So what's the news" Duff scoots closer to me, "news with what?" I look at him through my sunglasses confused, "oh come on, you don't remember what happened last night?" he raised a brow at me, "no, duffle bag, I was plastered" I teased rubbing my aching forehead. 

Just as Duff is about to speak the bus phone rings, right. By. My. Fucking. Ear. 

"Christ, have mercy on me!" I groan picking up the phone, "hello?" I answer annoyed, "Lilliana! oh my god! are you fucking kidding me?" I hear the shrill voice of the one and only Shannon, "Well hello there Shan Shan, how's it going, oh good! i'm fine thanks for asking" I say, "kid, don't start with me, you're dating Slash?!" she asks frantically, "i'm what?!" I sit up lifting my sunglasses so I could hear her better because what the fuck did she just say?

"Last night, after the concert, some reporter snuck in and tried to get an interview. i'm proud of you for not giving her good answers because she scammed her way to you but! you failed to realize the field day she'd have when your curly haired love interest attached himself to your neck mumbling on about an apology" she informed, her tone calming down as she picks up on my anxiety

Her words make the memories of last night come through in pieces, oh my god. 

"Oh my god" I groan, I realize her annoyance, it was a stupid fucking decision. "She didn't get the kiss did she?" I cringe remember the tongue filled mess we were, "you guys kissed?! you're lucky she must've gotten kicked just as it happened" she gasped, I could feel her rubbing her temples in annoyance on the other side of the line.

"I'm sorry Shan, it was a stupid drunken mistake, him and I aren't together, we were never really together and we won't be together. Just a fight within our friendship reconciled a little too intimately thanks to the alcohol" I sigh 

"You're lucky i'm meeting up with you guys, kid" she sighs in disappointment, she's starting to sound like a parent and it's pissing me off, "why so you can shit on any fun i'm having?" I ask giving her attitude, "no, so that I can keep reporters like that at bay, i'm your designated driver here" she informs, " just as long as you're not babysitting we'll get along fine" I say, "yeah, yeah, yeah.. I know, see you soon. Try not to do anything stupid while you wait" she sighs, "goodbye~" I hum clicking the phone down to the receiver. 

"Kay' so now I remember" I groan standing up to go talk to Slash.

"Slash" I sigh pulling the curtain of his bed to the side. 

There he was, on his belly fast asleep. 

"Slash" I rub his shoulders, I don't know what possessed me to be so tender with him, I mean what was I supposed to do, scream at him and punch him till he woke up?

I squeeze his bare shoulders gently running my nails across his back, "Slash" I shake him a little harder, "hm?" He croaks sleepily, "c'mon, we gotta talk" my hands continue exploring his skin, "now?" He groans eyes still closed, "yes, now c'mon" I pat him, "i'm not getting up, talk to me here" he sighs squeezing his eyes shut, "open your eyes then, i'm serious" I stop touching him and immediately his eyes flutter open,

"What's going on" he blinks a couple times adjusting to the light, 

"Last night" I say and he rolls his eyes sighing, "y'know, you worry too much. One of the things that I liked so much about you was that you just went with the flow, never cared about anything" he turns flat on his back staring at the top of his bunk. 

"That was before I had a career to think about" I cross my arms, he turns his head to the side looking at me confused, "Slash what do you remember from last night" I raise a brow, "we made up" he shakes his head, "ah yes, we made up, but lets not forget the lap sitting, neck kissing, sloppy tongue filled make-out. Slash, some reporter got in and now there's photos of you attached to my neck" I sigh rubbing my forehead, "Shannon's furious with me" I add

"Shit" he covers his face, "i'm sorry L" he sighs, "why is this so serious though?" he drops his hands, "really?" I ask in disbelief, "yes, really" he looks at me as if his question wasn't absolutely ridiculous. 

"Slash, you and I are not together, we're barely even friends. You and I just aren't in a fight anymore, I meant what I said..I can't have any sort of relationship with you-for now at least, we're kinda just acquaintances now? I dunno, but everything's good, everything's neutral so how's that gonna look- _'oh yeah, no I just fucked one of my best friends for fun we aren't even really friends anymore.._ ' people already think i'm using you guys and Aerosmith to climb.. I don't need speculation of a relationship between us two to make it look worse and/or take the focus away from my music" I explain. 

Just like that, things were awkward again.

I feel my stomach twist as I watch Slash's face react to me telling him that we're basically back to square one, it's how it has to be though. 

I mean, isn't it good that we got rid of the angst?

"Yeah. I get it" he smiles up, avoiding eye contact with me, "i'm sorry" I run my fingers through my hair, "nope, don't even stress it, message received" he held up the 'ok' sign to my face, "Slash..." I sigh feeling really shitty, "nope don't worry, i'm okay. I understand your feelings or whatever" he gives me a sarcastic smile. 

"Okay, we couldn't even be friends anymore even if we tried, or at least it won't be even close to what It was before, there's jealousy and then we always end up in each others beds, I can't do it Slash. That doesn't mean never, just not right now. Please can you just please understand" I sigh in almost a whine, 

I just don't wanna be dealing with this anymore it's exhausting.

"Okay L, I don't want you to worry, just drop it" he turns to me, "fine" I put my hands up walking away. "So what was that about?" Duff opens his arm inviting me to curl up next to him, a thing I do a lot when i'm stressed, I don't get why Slash never made assumptions about Duff? 

"I really, really don't wanna talk about it" I sigh curling up on his chest, "mm, you and Slash are okay?" he squeezes me in a friendly way, "yup. All is good, just..awkward" I shudder, 

"Well look, if you want my advice" Axl begins, I open my eyes to look at him directly across from me on the other couch, Erin asleep on his lap, him running his hands through her hair lovingly, something about the gesture warms my heart.

"Just live your life, go back to not giving a shit, its Slash, he'll get over it. You guys are gonna make this way more big and awkward then it needs to be, just live who gives a fuck, you don't wanna be together then don't. You'll both survive and move on" he continues shrugging. 

"You're right" I sigh, "whatever" I shake my head closing my eyes again, "get sleep" Duff rubs my arm.

.........

"Lil, cmon" I feel Duff gently shake me, "hmm?" I open my eyes, "we're here" he shakes me a little harder, "ok" I sigh rubbing my eyes as I sit up. I look over at Axl and Erin, "baby" he gently kisses her head, "c'mon darling, we're here" he caresses her cheek, I smile to myself as I stand up, maybe I was worried for nothing. 

I drowsily step off the bus into the back of the hotel. 

"Lilliana" Shannon scurries over to me, "Jesus lord" I gasp as she quite literally makes me shit my pants, "Shan, too early..shh" I cringe, "it's 1 pm" she rolls her eyes, "look" she holds up a magazine. 

"Oh my god" I gasp staring at the issue being illuminated by the sunlight, 

"What is it" Slash comes up behind me, "look at what your work did" Shannon points sarcastically, "oh my god" he sighs looking down at the cover "god, if that's the cover, I can't even imagine what's inside" I groan slamming the magazine felt against my leg in frustration,

"Don't waste your time kid, I already looked" Shannon says as we walk in through the backdoor of the hotel, "is it that bad?" I cringe slightly, "no...I mean it's not good but it could be worse" she shrugs as she gets me all checked in. 

All of us go upstairs to our rooms. "What's going on?" Erin jogs up next to me as Shannon and I go into my room, Duff and Izzy following suit. 

"This" I show them the cover, "oh shit" Izzy shakes his head, "party time or what?!" Stevie walks in with Slash, "no Steven, not party time" I sigh sitting on the bed. 

"Let me see this thing" Duff grabs the magazine, "ooh i'm mentioned" he giggles wiggling his brows, " _who's next duff_ , cute" he reads quickly with a scoff of disbelief.

"I'm sure the article cant be as bad as this, you barely gave them any information in the 'interview'." Slash signals to me, "well let's see" I take the magazine back and flip to the page. 

"New and upcoming star Luna spotted at backstage party after Guns N' Roses concert. The badass punk guitarist with a taste for rockstars is climbing her way up the music biz ladder quite quickly, but how is she doing that? Her music? Or her lovers?!!!" I read aloud, 

"Are you fucking serious?" I run my fingers through my hair, "just keep going" Shannon sighs

"Bla bla bla, rumored to be dating GNR rhythm guitarist Izzy Stradlin, then moved her way on to Metallica lead guitarist Kirk Hammett, now Slash? Luna certainly has a type. The real question here is, was she ever really with these men? Or has she always been secretly swooning over Slash. Teen Beat reporter Tiffany Browns caught up with her backstage, innocent talk about music was quickly interrupted by Slash making an "apology" that consisted of lots of neck kisses and giggles" 

I cringe so hard I feel like my face will break. 

"Listen, this is a teen gossip magazine, like I always say- any publicity is good publicity. This isn't necessarily a scandal doll, just speculation with a couple photos" Shannon tries to reassure,

"Yeah? How come people aren't focusing on him then? Huh? He's the one that got wasted and decided my neck was a nice place to park his lips" I point at Slash annoyed, "woah, woah, woah, you can't seriously be mad at me for this, I didn't force those photos to be taken, you were just as out of it as me" he defends, "no i'm not, I just-it's just not fair okay? People are looking at my personal life rather than my music" I sigh running my hands through my hair

"Listen kid, i'm gonna be honest- this is the first of many situations like this, especially with your lifestyle. People will talk about it then it'll die down, at least they're aware of you, they'll look at your music. Yes, preferable that you do your best to avoid this happening for the sake of interviews and business meetings but it's not as bad as you think, it'll die down" Shannon does her very best to relax me, which I really appreciate, shes not all bad sometimes. 

"Yeah dude, who cares, your music speaks for itself, people will see that" Steven flashes that award-wining smile of his, so painfully contagious, "fine, fine" I smile back shyly, "see, just move on and act like it never happened" Duff smiles as well

I'm really thankful for these guys, I'd combust into an explosion of panicked nerves if it weren't for them, I also would've ripped Shannons head off by now.

It's a little while later and Shannon has gone to her room to make some arrangements for the European leg of this tour which we are leaving for after this city. Slash and the rest of the boys minus Axl are in my room smoking, Erin of course is with Axl. 

"Hey.." Slash approaches me, "i'm sorry" he sighs, "no, it's okay. Not your fault" I awkwardly shrug, he gives a weak smile and turns his attention back to the group... 

Oh boy, this is gonna be fun?


	56. CH4PT3R F1FTY-F1V3

LILLIANAS POV 

Todays the day we travel to our first stop on the European leg of the tour. It's wild that the boys have gone international so quick, I mean- not that I don't think they're good it's just...shit that was insanely fast. I guess they had a little jumpstart because before they got signed they were all over the place. 

As for where the whole Slash situation is...one word- awkward. That's all I can really say right now, we aren't fighting but any conversation we try to make is full of undeniable sexual tension and awkward laughs, we can't even reach for the same thing at the same time because if our hands touch...I might just tackle him. 

I know I cant, its not right, I don't wanna end up where we were before because for once, things are actually kinda good. 

Currently we are on the bus being driven to the airport, me in my travel attire of choice: sweats and a t-shirt that so happens to be Slash's but I swear it wasn't on purpose, I just like the shirt and there's no way he's getting it back. 

"C'mon c'mon!" Shannon shoos me off the bus towards the entrance of the airport. Security is surrounding us as we go through the airport, fans hollering from time to time as the boys are recognized. 

"Alright so, when we arrive in London it'll be a completely different time so you'll have some time to rest then, you have a photoshoot for some promo for the album, an interview- they'll come to the studio where your photos are being taken don't worry. I have a meeting to get you a paid gig and then I have to speak with some record guys over there so you'll be on your own for a sec but i'll catch up with you" Shannon spits out in one long breath

"Oh boy, okay" I sigh already feeling a little overwhelmed, i'm gonna be by myself in a foreign country. 

"What's wrong" Erin walks up to me, "nothing" I fake smile, "bullshit, spill" she rolls her eyes, "nothing it's just- well, this is all happening so fast, I dunno...i'm just a little overwhelmed. So many people are watching what I do already and I wasn't expecting it. This isn't the normal audience at the bar, this is people wanting to know about me in an entirely different continent, E" I sigh as we make our way to the gate. 

"Look on the bright side of things, you're doing so good and you just started" Erin smiles rubbing my back

"What's wrong?" Slash walks up next to me, I instantly feel the air around us thicken, "n-nothing, just nerves" I shrug and he gives me a weak smile, "you'll be fine" he gives me a look that I really can't describe but it made me relax, my shoulders weren't tense, my heart stopped racing, I don't know how he does that. Before it used to be his hugs that did that for me, the gentle squeezes while he shielded me from the rest of the world. 

I shake my head as we arrive at the gate. 

"Slash! Slash!" a couple girls yell as they come up, security stands in front of him and the girls pull their shirts down, "please, can you sign us please?' they squeal poking their heads around the large men, "it's ok, I got it" he smirks walking up to them. 

My eyes lock on the large chested girls, "oooh Slash" Axl giggles as Slash greets the girls. Something in me turns and I look away as he drags the marker across their skin. 

"What's that face for?" Duff comes up next to me, "what face?" I look up at him confused, "you know the face, the one of disgust...are you jealous?" he teases.

"Me? Jealous? Of what" I scoff, my lying skills very clearly not present. "Oh bullshit, I see the way you're looking at him" Duff cocks his head towards Slash who's still flirting with the girls, "I have no idea what you're talking about" I cross my arms, "alright so youre telling me it doesn't bother you watching Slash scribble on those two girls' tits" he gives me a look that screams 'i'm not buying your BS'

I don't mean to but I cringe at the sudden vulgarity of his choice of words...'tits'. 

Just as i'm about to speak i'm gently tapped on the back. 

I turn around thankful for any excuse to not answer the question. 

I'm met with a tall woman who has a camera around her neck and a small girl nervously holding her hand. "Hello" I greet them with a warm smile, "hi so sorry to bother you but, are you Luna?" the lady shyly asks, "yes, hi" I chuckle still not used to being recognized

"So sorry but my daughter really loves you, do you mind if she gets a photo?" The woman blushes slightly, "of course not, don't apologize id be happy to" I smile bashfully, i'm not used to this attention, people being scared to approach me because of fear that they'll bother me or that I won't wanna speak with them. 

I kneel down to the little girls level, "hi, i'm Luna, what's your name?" I hold my hand out to shake hers, "Penelope" she shyly grabs me hand, giggling when I give her a light squeeze

"Hi Penelope! you're very pretty" I say quietly trying not to scare her, "thank you" she looks down, cheeks flaming red. I notice a small necklace resting on her chest, a small guitar hanging on the chain, that is the cutest thing i've ever seen. "Woah, I really like your necklace, where'd you get it?" I point, "my daddy gave it to me, he plays just like you do" she smiles, "really? that's so cool! my dad plays guitar too" I'm still not used to saying 'my dad' and not following it with 'he left me when I was 2' 

I scoot closer to her wrapping my arm around her and smiling for the picture, "cheese!" we both smile big for the camera and she does a little happy jump running back to her mom, "thank you so much" the mother smiles sweetly, "no problem, nice meeting you!" I wave before turning back to Duff. 

"Look at you hotshot" Duff pokes my shoulder, "oh, stop it" I laugh, "y'know Slash has a soft spot for kids" Duff jokes, "oh fuck off" I roll my eyes, "i'm serious, behind all that insane use of heroin, he's a real softie with little kids" Duff wiggles his brows, "oh stop it you're making my maternal instincts flare up" I say sarcastically rolling my eyes, Duff snorts and I shake my head looking in Slash's direction, there he was, shamelessly staring. Oh boy. 

Butterflies.

The way he's scanning my body makes me want to drag him into that airport bathroom and recreate our first time, I want him to fuck me on that sink again, just make me ache. Holy shit

I feel my stomach tighten at the mere though of him holding my thighs open, moaning in my ear. I'm finally aware of what these feelings are; intense sexual attraction.

The feeling of his cock sliding in and out of me at his inhuman speed, rubbing my clit-holy shit is it hot in here? The way his tongue feels painting across my pussy, how tightly his lips wrapped around my clit, his finger curling- okay I need to stop. God it's so painful, I just need another taste. If only we could just fuck one last time and move on. I need one final night of pure destruction and lust to get rid of this stupid tension.

Stop it Lilli! you can't be feeling these things it's not good, go smoke some weed or something get it out of your system asap! You and Slash don't work like that.

\----

We're finally boarding the plane and I quickly find my seat in first class no less- seriously this fancy shit is gonna take some getting used to. 

I feel myself relax slightly as I lean my head against the window wanting to fall asleep as quickly as possible. I'm interrupted by a young girl sitting down next to me, I turn to look at her and I see the tears threatening to escape as she watched her mother take a seat next to Slash, his row is diagonal from mine so, to me- an adult- she's not that far, but to her- a small child- she a world away from her. "Hi sweetheart? do you want me to get your mommy to come sit with you?" I gently rub her arm, she turns to me lip quivering as she nods her head, "alright, let me talk to your mommy" I smile reassuringly

"Excuse me, hi" I get up getting the woman's attention, "that's your daughter right?" I point to the small girl, "yes, is something wrong?" she asks nervously, "no, nothing, she's really nervous and I was wondering if you wanted to switch sweats so you could be with her?" I offer, 

"Oh thank you! you really don't have to" she sighs flustered, "no don't even worry, it's not a big deal, go ahead" I smile moving out of the way so she can get out

I look down and see Slash giving me a small smile, one that never fails to make my cheeks flame, "please, let me buy you a drink or something" she asks, "no, no, no, please don't spend your money on, it's really not a problem for me at all" I reassure

She thanks me once again and takes my seat next to her daughter, the little girl hugging her mother in relief. 

Every time I see these things I can't help but feel a little upset. I've never really felt that kind of love. I cut that shit quick though because we dont have time for crying about the past here. 

I do however dread having to sit next to Slash. This plane ride is excruciatingly long and we cant even handle a simple 3 words exchange without me feeling like I want crawl out of my skin. Seriously how the hell did things get so awkward?

I hate to say it but I kinda miss when we were fighting, at least then I had an excuse not to talk to him and the overwhelming sexual tension was slightly diluted by the overwhelming desire to break his kneecaps. 

SLASHS POV 

I can't help but notice how tender L is with kids. God it makes my stomach feel some kind of way. I don't know how to explain it but watching her be so sweet and kind towards those two little girls today made me want to bend her over the counter- stop it Slash, bad fucking thoughts dude.

I saw what she did for that little girl on the plane. It was sweet but holy shit is this going to be a long ride of just pure awkward silence. I miss our funny conversations where she'd laugh so hard she snorts, our debates over stupid shit. Those conversations gave me a happiness no other drug could compare to. 

God I need a smoke. 

Just as she sits next to me I pull out a cigarette. "Nope, no smoking, trust me I want one too" she snatches the stick of pure happiness away from me and points to the no smoking sign on the side of the plane. 

"Fucking... you know how long this flight is? God what am I gonna do?" I groan running my fingers through my curls, "you'll live" she rolls her eyes, for a split second things aren't weird. 

"Will I?" I pout turning towards her, "yes, you fucking addict, try to to think about it" she chuckles leaning her head back on the seat, "I need a drink to aid me through these harsh times" I sigh pressing the button to call over the flight attendant, "Slash its 9 am" L turns to me giving me a concerned look, 'happy hour, you're not any better" I roll my eyes. 

I order a bottle of Jack a begin downing the mini little airport bottles, how boring.

The plane begins to rumble and I see Lil tense up in her seat. "Are you nervous?" I smile down at her, "maybe" she grumbles embarrassed, "I've never really been on a plane" she looks away, "hey, it's okay" I grab her hand, an action I 100% did not think through, her eyes shoot down to our fingers interlaced, she gives me a gentle squeeze and lets out a shaky breath. My heart jumps at her small action and I once again scold myself, just friends Slash.

"You're just gonna feel something in your stomach when we take off, thats it, i'm here nothings gonna happen, okay?" I squeeze her hand. She gently nods her head and closes her eyes tightly as the plane picks up speed, "it's okay" I whispers as we begin taking off, her grip on my hand gets tighter as the plane ascends.

Once the plane is cruising comfortably in the air I see L pull her hood over her head and rest her head on my shoulder, her hand still tightly gripping mine I look down and do everything in my power to keep her there. Okay yes I know I said I didn't want a relationship with her, I don't, I still don't, I don't want a girlfriend, but I do miss that familiar feelng of having her lay on my shoulder, that was her favorite spot, snuggling into my bicep as she hummed herself to sleep. 

But no. I can't. I wanna- no I don't, fuck off. 

I can't like her, this is so stressful. I miss when she was mad at me, at least it was easier to stay back and move on with my life...kinda. I don't know God what the fuck. Stop judging me.

Fuck off.


	57. CH4PT3R F1FTY-S1X

LILLIANAS POV 

I feel the plane rumble as it hits the ground speeding down the runway. "Shit" I jump, I look down and see my hand still tightly gripping Slash's, his head resting on my shoulder now, eyes closed in a deep sleep as he lets out low breaths. My sudden shake makes him gently circle his thumb around the back of my hand, something that i'm absolutely certain is instinct. The action sending a wave of relaxation through me as his bracelets rub against my wrist. 

What the fuck are you doing Lil get a grip!

I awkwardly pull my hand away from his and gently shake him off, "Slash" I say pushing curls out of his face, "hmm" he scrunches his nose, "we're here" I say getting up. 

He flutters his eyes open, squinting, adjusting to the light. 

As soon as I look out the window I feel that weird nasty sensation, holy fuck why am I so tired? This is worse than any hangover i've ever had. "Everything okay?" Izzy approaches me as we walk down the aisle of the plane towards the exit. 

"I don't know Iz, i'm fucking drained but I slept the whole way" I drop my sunglasses over my eyes and keep my hood up, "you're jet lagged" he reassuringly rubs my back, "you're not used to the time difference" he continues, "fuck me, this sucks what the hell, how am is supposed to do all the press Shannon set up? I feel and probably also look like absolute death" I rub my temple

"Just sleep when we get to the hotel, it's midnight, you technically don't have those until tomorrow" Izzy informs

I'm sorry...it's what?

"It's midnight?!" I gasp as we walk down the small tunnel leading to the gate where we exit, "mhm" he gives me a weak smile, "oh my god" I feel my stomach turn at the bizarre feeling of being in a completely different time zone. 

As we are all greeted by security I feel the exhaustion hit me like a bus as I watch all the people in the airport move around as if it was nothing.

Wide awake, worried about their flights. 

\-----

Once we finally have everything together, we meet with a new set of security at the back entrance. 

The boys and I standing groggily-well except for Slash- when Shannon and Doug come up, Shannon already in work mode- I mean c'mon...is she ever not? I lift my sunglasses up trying my hardest to adjust to the bright fluorescent lights inside the airport.

"So, security tells us there's a big crowd outside" Doug says turning to the guys, his attitude extremely cocky...god I hate this guy, Shannon looks at me rolling her eyes. "Lil you know the deal, hoodie, glasses, now" she points and I sigh pulling the strings on my hood tighter, dropping my sunglasses onto my face. 

As we approach the glass doors I see the flash of cameras, oh fuck. I groan and feel myself get really dizzy at all the flashing lights. "Hey, hey" Izzy grabs me holding me close to him, "i'll guide you, keep your head down" he says and I feel so shitty I don't even think about this deadly combo; me, Izzy, and a swarm of paparazzi. Once we re out its an ocean of voices. 

"Is Izzy helping you because you're dating?"

Huh? okay that made no sense.

"What do you have to say about the Slash rumors?" 

Bye

"Are you rocket queen?"

Jesus H. Christ, this isn't my fucking tour! Why is the focus on me, they're a bigger a than me, I am quite literally just existing right now. 

The swarm of voices is making my head spin, what is going on? Everything is spinning and I scrunch my face trying to focus my vision but its going all fuzzy.

Duff and Slash jump into the car that's waiting for us and Izzy helps me in after. Next comes Erin, Axl, and Stevie. Stevie, Erin and Axl taking the backseat while Doug and Shannon get into the other smaller car right in front of us. 

"God, what's wrong?" Duff shakes me, "huh?" I say weakly, "hey! look at me" Slash peeks over from next to Duff, I pull my sunglasses down and look at him, "do you feel sick? sleepy?" he asks softly, I nod not being able to form many words, "yeah dude, you're jet lagged, that's normal it happens" Slash reassures, "aw, poor girl, get sleep" Duff wraps an arm around me and just like that- I pass out.

SLASHS POV 

We arrive at the hotel and Lil is knocked out on Duff. It's a bit eery how still she's being, I don't think much of it and move to get out of the car. I stand at the door waiting for Duff to wake her up. 

"Lil" he gently shakes her, "wake up" he shakes her harder but there's still no response,"Lilliana" he grabs her face and she groans, oh thank god

I don't know what I thought but I certainly did not like the feeling of that. 

"I got it" I say to Duff and he gently lays her against the seat getting out of the car. I lean into the car and rub her back, "L, c'mon, we're here" I say softly trying not to scare her, she scrunches her face sighing lightly, "Slash, not now...baby five more. minutes" she whines sleepily, I hear a couple laughs erupt from behind me and just like that her eyes fly open and she gasps. 

"Woah are you okay?" I ask, i've had a couple drinks and I can feel the tipsiness set in, at first my only worry was getting to the room and having fun taking whatever I could but I don't like the way she's looking right now. 

"Mhm" she says embarrassed as she pushes passed me to get out of the car. 

LILLIANA POV 

My fucking brain...dumb bitch why on earth would I ever- whatever it happened and it was shitty.

I walk out of the car still feeling- seriously how the fuck could I ever say that? Why? Just why?That was so humiliating! Baby? Are you fucking with me? I think I only called him baby during sex because we weren't dating!! And even then, I barely even called him baby during sex...I called him daddy-okay stop...stopping these thoughts. 

Anyway- I still feel like shit, the ground feels like its spinning and god i'm gonna hurl. Shannon meets me in the lobby of the hotel and I still have no fucking clue as to how on earth she's doing so well when I feel like garbage, how the fuck are any of them doing well?

"Oof, you need to get up to your room and sleep, your interviews are in the middle of the day figure 2-3 o'clock so you should be sleeping that entire time, take something and I don't mean drugs because I swear if you show up under the influence of something I will kill you, now go I have a phone call" she says handing me the key and rushing me off towards the elevators. 

The guys have already made their ways to their rooms so i'm stuck navigating my way by myself. 

I see Erin step into her room as I stumble down the hallway, okay so hers must be close to mine. I stare at the numbers scribbled on the key chain and locate my room. There's a maids cart right outside and i'm told that my room isn't ready yet..are you fucking serious?

Awesome.

I turn to Erin's door and bang on it, desperate to find a bed. She opens it and I stumble in immediately crashing on the bed. Erin chuckles and not even two minutes into my almost falling asleep Axl grabs my ankle dragging me to the foot of the bed. 

"You fucker, what do you want!?" I yell, an anger I did not know I possessed until the words left my mouth, "get out, I wanna be with my girl alone" he said catching attitude right back with me, "Axl" Erin looked at him, "dude just go to Duff's room" he said, "fuck you" I scoffed getting up and stumbling out. 

The ground feels like it's trying to throw me across the hall, everything is spinning and holy shit it's an exhaustion i've never felt before in my entire life. I very clearly cannot make it to Duff's room, I don't even know what fucking room he's in!

I lean against the wall by my room patiently waiting for it to be finished being prepared which honestly, at this point just leave it and let me in. 

I close my eyes and am able to hear my breath as I try to focus on standing up still. All the sound around me is fuzzy except for my now labored breathing. The fuzzier it gets the louder I breathe- kind of like a panic attack minus the actual panic? My knees are holding on for dear life as I feel them wobble. The effort of standing up is way too much for me right now...maybe I should just...let go.

After about a millisecond of thinking I let my knees fall loose. As I feel my body go limp, the air rushes through me as I go towards the ground. Although, I don't ever actually hit the ground...I fall into a pair of strong, smooth, toned arms. 

I still don't have the energy to open my eyes and I can just barely hear his voice, it's soft and gentle with a certain raspiness to it...Slash? 

SLASHS POV 

I get held up outside by a couple fans that managed to sneak through. C'mon man, I appreciate it but just ket me go get trashed already. 

Once I finish up with them I head up to by room-well actually Izzy's room because that's where he has the drugs. 

Once I walk out of the elevator down the long hallway I see Lil leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. No way.. did she just- is she asleep standing up? I swallow my laughter because as funny as that is I do feel bad for the girl, this jet lag is hitting her hard, i've only ever heard of jetlag like this from my mom warning me about how intense it can get. 

I see that they're doing something in her room...Axl is literally right across why didn't she just go there? Anyway- I think it's best I take her to Izzys, that's where everyone's gonna be and she'll be able to get rest. 

"Lilli" I say as I approach her, "L" I shake her shoulders gently, "Lilliana" I say sternly, and just like that... the girl comes tumbling down. 

"Woah" I gasp grabbing her, I tilt her head back in my arms squeezing her cheeks together to get her to hold her focus on me, "are you okay?" no answer, "can you hear me?" no answer

"Shit" I grumble to myself as I pick her up, she immediately reacts wrapping her legs around my waist the way she used to when we'd stay up late, smoking, and watching movies and she'd end up falling asleep and i'd take her to bed. 

She nuzzles her head into my neck and seems to relax, she relaxes a little too much and I don't know, I just need her awake to tell me she's fine and then she can knock out I don't care. 

I bang on Izzy's door and Duff opens it. I see Izzy and Steven plastered, Steven is on another planet...sometimes I worry about that kid but sometimes I'm too fucked up to notice. 

"What's going on?" Duff asks stepping aside to let me in, a slight slur lacing his voice. "She's super fucking jet lagged, she keeps passing out and I gotta wake her up what do I do" I ask stepping into the room, god I could really use whatever they're on, "oh shit, uh water?" Duff hiccups pointing to the bathroom. I sigh and walk in gently rubbing cold water on her face

"Stop! why can't anyone let me fucking sleep around here?!" she screams scrunching her face, although her snakiness would normally piss me off, i'm glad she yelling at me. "Why didn't you go to Erin's if you were that tired" I look back at her tired body sitting on the sink counter, "I-i did, Axl kicked me out" she mumbles jumping off the counter and walking to the bed

"He what? why?" I follow her, "ugh I don't fucking know because he's an asshole? he wanted to be alone with E I guess" she sighs cuddling into the blankets. 

Dumbass 

Did he not see the state she was in?

"Please.. my interview don't let me miss it 2 Pm wake me up" she almost drunkenly holds up two fingers, "and whatever you got going there.. save me some" she smirks pointing at the guys.

Okay

She's back. 

Now its my turn to drink till I drop.


	58. CH4PT3R F1FTY-S3V3N

  
  
  
LILLIANAS POV

I wake up in a smoke filled room. If i'm honest all I really remember is passing out.

I lazily sit up squinting my eyes and rubbing my head. "What happened?" I look up at the boys who quickly turn their heads to look at me. "Well look who's awake" Duff smiles at me, "how did I get in here?" I ask rubbing my eyes, I feel warm and comfortable under the blankets and sitting up has very much ruined that, my back hurts from being in the uncomfortable position with Slash during the entire flight. 

"How are you feeling" Slash comes over trying to swallow how fucked up he is, "better, what happened?" I repeat, "you were just really jet lagged that's all I brought you here to get sleep, your room wasn't ready yet" he takes a seat on the foot of the bed, "oh" I relax, "thanks" I half smile.

As soon as the calmness comes, panic washes over as I see the sun is now shining through the windows. 

"Oh my god what time is it?" I jump up, "1:45" Izzy slurs, "oh fuck!" I scramble out of the bed, "my interview" I gasp, "your bags right there" Slash points to my suitcase in the corner of the room. Fuck fuck fuck! why didn't they wake me up? Because they were on whatever the fuck they're on, kinda jealous, I need some of that shit right now. I frantically scramble through my bag, "relax you have time" Slash slumped behind me, "no, I don't, I have to navigate through a city i've never been to in a country i've never been to" I say frustrated as I finally pull out a decent enough dress and rush into the bathroom. 

"Slash can take you!" I hear from outside the bathroom, I don't answer. 

Oh god i'm gonna have to do this aren't I? 

Shit this is gonna be awkward 

My body feels monumentally sore for some reason, is it because of the hours on the plane? Nah, it can't be, there were nights i'd sleep on the hard concrete floor and I wasn't as sore. I slip into the black number and quickly smooth it out before. Shannon told me they were gonna dress me for the shoot but obviously not for the interview so I dunno... I wanna look presentable. 

I adjust the shoulders on my leather jacket and walk out of the bathroom. 

"oh shit" Steven chuckles, "you look hot" he continues making me cheeks flame, "thanks" I chuckle as I grab my room key and shove it into my pocket. "Lets go?" I look at Slash, he simply nods and stumbles out the door, oh fuck he's more wasted than I thought. 

He calls for a taxi and one quickly comes up to the curbside of the hotel. "Address" he turns to me, I dig into my jacket and find the paper that has the address written on it. Slash hands it to the driver and we're off. 

Honestly I could've done that. 

Slash looks down at the paper raising a brow, "what?" I ask, "nothin, just that I have no clue here you're being sent" he admits, "I thought you lived here?" I turned to him, "I was born here-Hampstead but I grew up in Stoke-on-trent, it's like three hours by car an hour by train" he explains.

"I'm confused how come you and Stevie grew up together then?" I raise my brow, "I lived here till I was 6 then I went to LA, I just kept coming back to visit family and now my parents are living here for a while, they wanna go back to LA though" he explains

I don't say anything because, why do I wanna know information about how he grew up and what his parents are like? 

Not much time passes and we pull up to this studio type building i'm not sure exactly how to describe it but it just... I don't fucking know its square?

"I got this, go" Slash mumbled and threw the guy some money, I rush out of the car jogging towards the building. 

\-------

I'm sitting in the chair waiting for the interviewer and Slash is in the corner smoking a cigarette, an impatient look plastered on his face as his high is so clearly being ruined.

' _You don't have to stay'_

I mouth to him from across the room, he shakes his head at me confused, 

_'You can go'_

I point to the door and he rolls his eyes, 

_'No'_ he raises his brow taking a drag

_'_ _Change your face'_ I mouth pointing to my face, he gives me a pout and then gives me the bird, ah yes.. thank you Slash!

The interview has started and it's going pretty well actually, for once the woman is actually asking about music, she does however clearly not wanna be here but her attitude shifts as soon as she sees Slash. Great another girl on his dick. 

"So, yeah a lot of the songs are a old journal entires from my teenage years, lots of angst and anger at the world, but i'm still writing and playing around with the track list so we'll see what's on there" I answer her previous question

"Awesome, you did mention earlier that you're still writing and pretty much everything you write is based off realize experience" she begins, "yes, sometimes though its based off simple emotion but essentially yes everything i've written so far tells the story of something that happened to me" I inform

"Right so what I really think our readers wanna know is: are any of your new songs about the ongoing romance rumors with Rhythm Guitarist Izzy Stradlin?" 

As soon as the words left her mouth Slash sat up straight and his eyes locked on us, I wanted to punch the bitch so hard holy shit. 

"Nope, I never had a romantic relationship with Izzy" I sigh smiling to hide the fact that i'd like to drop kick this woman. "Well what about the rumors about you and Slash, is there any relevance to that and your music? Y'know you being in Rocket Queen, people are starting to speculate your guys' romantic involvement, I also see he came with you" 

Slash's eyes pierce into mine and I feel anger bubble inside me, keep it cool Lilliana keep it cool you don't wanna flip your shit in a room of cameras. 

"The message my album has has absolutely nothing to do with romance thus far, haven't had a proper boyfriend since high school because I don't have the time, this album is a big fuck you to everything girls in the industry have been singing about lately, this is rock" I say shifting the topic, I don't answer yes, I don't answer no, if this girl keeps pressing me for drama whilst trying to hide it as 'relevance to the album' I will lose my shit. 

It's photoshoot time and i'm sitting in the chair getting my makeup done when Slash walks up. "Slash you can go y'know" I sigh as my cheeks are blushed, "and leave you wandering London streets alone? Fuck that. Plus you already ruined my high" he teases, I roll my eyes jumping off the chair as the woman finishes my makeup. He smirks grabbing the polaroid off the makeup table, "say cheese" he squints looking through the small lens which seems useless due to his mop of curls shielding his eyes. I pose and giggle after the flash bursts and the photo slides out.

Slash's eyes linger for a second once I pick up the guitar they had for me to pose with I guess, I don't know this all feels extremely foreign. 

"Slash, she's with Slash, get him over here" the photographer mutters to the assistant after a couple photos were taken.

I roll my eyes, of course, whatever lets just get this over with. 

They drag Slash over even after his many objections and we pose a few time quickly wrapping the shoot up. Good news I got to leave with that sexy tank top though. 

SLASHS POV 

There she was, sitting on that foldable chair handling herself better than i've ever seen her handle herself before, answering every question perfectly, even that stupid fucking Izzy question. I'll admit I am feeling a tad bit cocky at how red her cheeks got when she was asked about me, she didn't deny our endeavors but then again she didn't confirm, slick bitch. 

I'll never tell her but when we got here the people kept mumbling about me being there and how me being there would generate great press for their magazine, fucking assholes. I wanted to drag her out of there but I know that'd negatively impact her in the long run. So, I just sat there..high completely fucked up and the desire to get the fuck out overwhelming. 

I get dragged to do a couple promo shots with her and I can tell we're both uncomfortable with this stupid publicity tactic. I will say however I enjoyed watching her resist melting in my hold because some of the poses we were made to do were a little more on the romantic side. 

"You alright there?" I stifle a laugh as she gets all flustered with my hands on her waist, tracing gentle circles on her skin, "fuck you" she sighs adjusting herself. 

We finally finish up and head back to the hotel, a car ride full of painfully awkward silence. 

**_\---A couple days later--_ **

Finally, our show in Stoke. It's also a couple days before my birthday so i'm excited for that night of sex and getting absolutely trashed. Today however I try to refrain from substances since i'm supposed to go visit my parents. 

As i'm sitting in the cab, I watch all the familiar buildings pass me by as I near my parents house. they don't live in the same place I lived in as a child but they live quite close. 

I'm finally here and i'm waiting outside the bright red from door waiting for my parents to answer. 

A couple seconds pass by and soon my mom opens the door with a big smile. "Slash!!" she opens her arms and I gladly fall into them squeezing her tightly, our cheeks pressed against each other. 

"Oh my baby! I missed you so much" she sways side to side, "oh come on now Ola, you're gonna crush the boy" my fathers thick accent rings from behind my mother, she sighs letting go and stepping aside so I can walk in. "Dad" I smile and he scoffs, "dad, come give your old man a hug" 

I chuckle and hug my dad. "Where's ash?" I look around for my younger brother, "at a girls house" my dad wiggles his brows as we enter the living room, "oh shit" I chuckle, gosh this kid is just like me, horniest kid on the block, I can't believe hes already 15. 

"I'm gonna go get you some coffee" my mom smiles moving her way passed the table with a mannequin next to it and all her design sketches scattered about. "I'll help you sweetheart" my father follows her to the Kitchen. 

Right before I sit down I notice a magazine of the coffee table, it's the one that Lilli just did the shoot for, the promo photos for the album and her interview. I pick it up and upon looking at it closer there a photo of the two of us in a small box along the size, the writing reads _'Luna sits down for an exclusive! she talks the new album, Izzy Stradlin and Slash! songs about the boys on the album?'_

Oh how fucking gross

I flip to the page and don't even pay attention as I see a bunch of photos of her scattered along the sides of the article. 

God she's so beautiful, I don't care how angry I am with her, she'll always take my breath away no matter what we do. I trace my finger along the photo where shes cracking up, hands-on her cheeks laughing, her bright smile practically radiating light through the glossy page. 

"Oh so that's who that is" my mom hums breaking me out of my trance, I give her a confused look and she gives a look that reads _'dont give me that bullshit'_

"How come you didn't tell us you had a girlfriend or were at least trying to have one" she hands me my coffee mug and I almost spill it at her use of the term _girlfriend_ , "because i'm not" I say taking a seat, "Slash, i'm your mother I can read you like a book, who's that girl? i've been seeing her face a lot lately but I want you to tell me who that is" she says in her firm 'mom voice' 

"Nobody mom, she's just a friend" I sigh, "oh Slash cmon, i've caught you boggling that photo for a solid five minutes" my father laughs sitting down next to my mom, "you don't just stare down smiling at a picture of a girl who's 'just a friend'" he continues, I just chuckle and shake my head, "look at him he's blushing" my mother giggles, "guys" I cover my face, "we used to sleep with each other thats it" I finally admit

"And?" My mother presses, "and nothing mom, we just fought too much that's all" I sigh, "what about?" My dad asks taking a sip of his coffee, "ugh just dumb shit, she'd get mad at me for all the groupies but then go run around with Kirk-fucking- Hammett" I grumble, "would she get upset first?" My mother raised a brow, "or did you want things a certain way for you but were too stubborn to realize and accept that meant a relationship so you pushed her away with all the groupies?" she says and holy shit I didn't deserve to be read like that. 

My silence gives me away. 

"Oh I see" my mom shakes her head, "and now you have feelings for her" she continues, "no, absolutely not" I shake my head, "then why does it bother you to see her out with other men?" my father asks and I look at him, "I mean if you two were just sleeping together as you say then you shouldn't mind her moving on with her life, what she does shouldn't make you jealous-unless of course you want her to do those things with you" my dad explains 

I see my mother try and swallow her smile

God I hate it when theyre right.

"Listen, I don't want a relationship, neither does she" I say firmly, "Slash, maybe she doesn't want a relationship with the Slash who always hurts her, you've always been hardheaded and stubborn, you're like your father in that way" my mom begins, my father with a look of offense,

"Now you need to decide, are you gonna swallow your pride and truly go after the girl you so clearly want or are you gonna be a big baby and say no, if so you need to man up and let the poor girl move on" she gives me a firm motherly stare

I soften under her gaze, she's right, I want her, I want her just for me. 

I don't want anyone else. 

Holy shit, i'm actually gonna do this. 

It's like my mom can read my thoughts because she immediately smiles, "I can't wait to meet her" she says sipping her coffee. 

After a while of random conversation, the front door swings open. My little brother Ash rushing in, slamming the door shut panting against the door. 

"Slash!" he rushes in laughing, "hey dude" I chuckle, "did her dad come home?" I whisper in his ear and he nods wide eyed, "and her brothers" he sighs, "oh god, chased you down the block?" I raise a brow, "mhm" he shakes his head as if remembering, "you took fake turns so that they dont know where you live right?" I ask, and he rolls his eyes, "yes Slash" 

\------

I finish up with my parents, an early birthday celebration if you will since i'll be in another city on my birthday. 

I'm in the room with Duff, smoking and doing a couple lines. "So dude" I start, "I think i'm gonna ask Lil out" I say and his eyes go wide, "no shit" he chuckles sniffly and wiping his nose, "i'm done being a little bitch, I want her" I shake my head, "yeah no shit" he laughs, "congrats man, proud of you" Duff smiles patting me on the back, "don't say anything to anyone else though, i'm trusting you" I warn him, "I won't, i'll probably forget" he chuckles blowing out smoke. 

Him and I talk and bask in our highs for a little while longer when suddenly Steven barges in through the connecting door. 

"Guys, you'll never believe who's here" he smiles excitedly, "hmm?" I squint, monumentally fucked up.

Before he can answer I hear yelling and hollering coming down from the hallway, the voices sound familiar I dont know how I recognize them but I do. A sudden wild and outrageous energy enters the room, "Crue" Stevie says before opening the door to Duff's room.

Next thing I know, Nikki, Tommy, Mick, and Vince come in screaming. 

"No fucking way" Duff laughs greeting Nikki, Tommy and Steven are already wrestling in a fit of drunk laughter. "Slash" Vince comes up to me, "what's up Vince" I smile fucking plastered, "oh this guys been having fun" Nikki laughs coming up behind Vince, "you know" I chuckle laughing at the fuzzy feeling in my veins. 

"Yo!" Izzy walks in through the open door laughing as he greets Mick, "when did you guys get here" Axl laughs walking in behind Izzy, "same time as you guys, Motley is on the same dates as Guns, we're gonna be on your asses for a while" Tommy laughs fixing his hair, "fucking awesome" Izzy laughs lighting a cigarette. 

"So where's your girl Axl" Vince asks as we all sit in a circle drinking, "she's out with Lil, she had another interview" Axl says, "oh oh thats that Luna girl right? the one that's on tour with you guys?" Nikki says snapping his fingers, "that's the one" Steven smiles and I smile back thinking about her. 

"Oh yeah she's hot" Nikki chuckles taking a drag, "who?" Tommy raises a brow, "this new guitar player, she's fucking sexy" Nikki shakes his head, I feel my body tense but I feel weighed down into the couch by how intoxicated I am, "yeah she's really cool" Izzy smiles taking a hit, "Tommy would like her" Axl smiles, "really" Tommy smirks, "she's our Tommy Lee" Axl says, "can't wait to meet her" he leans back in his seat smoking. 

Asshole. 

A couple hours of fuzziness pass by and the door swings open, L. 

"Lil!" Steven smiles, "hey Stevie" she giggles looking around a little confused at all the new faces, her makeup done perfectly, her outfit mind bending-ly sexy. Tommy immediately sits up making eyes contact with her, "so this is the famous Luna" Nikki chimes in as she holds flirty eye contact with Tommy. 

Are you fucking kidding? 







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	59. CH4PT3R F1FTY-31GHT

LILLIANAS POV 

God today has been a long fucking day. Erin came with me to the interview and thankfully it was a genuine one with actual questions about my music. Shannon has headed back to her room to catch a nap while Erin and I are walking down the hotel hallway 

"Axl said the guys and them would be in Duff's room, wanna go?" she asks as we near my room, "ugh, sure. I could use a little pick me up" I sigh as we continue down to Duff's room. As we get closer and closer to the door I can hear faint laughter, laughter from a few unfamiliar voices. 

"Oh Nikki!!" I hear a muffled laugh come from inside, I look at Erin confused, "is it unlocked?" she asks me just as confused, I lower my hand and twist the knob that is in fact unlocked. I open it and am met with a smoke filled room and nine boys- five of which are my friends and the other four...I don't know they look familiar but I don't know who they are. 

God its on the tip of my tongue.

"Lil!" Stevie smiles, absolutely fucked up, "hey Stevie" I giggle confused as Erin makes her way over to Axl's lap. As soon as Stevie mentions my name the unfamiliar boys all turn to look at me, one immediately sitting up as if he was waiting for me to get here. 

Woah hes cute. 

He's tall, lean, and very skinny but there's something about his eyes that's so intriguing, the way he's looking at me makes my cheeks flame, his sunken in cheeks and chiseled jaw catching my attention immediately. While I stare deep into his sunken in hazel-ish eyes I hear another voice chime, "so this is the famous Luna" he says and at the mention of my name tall boy flashes a shy smile which in turn makes a dorky one spread across my face. I turn my face away embarassed as I walk closer to them, gosh why am I being so dorky I dont even know the guy. 

"Yeah that's me, you can call me Lil though" I smile as I take a seat next to Izzy. "Well Lil i'm Nikki" the dude chuckles slightly coked out as he extends his hand out. 

As soon as he says his name it hits me, "Nikki Sixx?" I smile shaking his hand, "you got it" he chuckles, "thats Vince, Mick, and this is Tommy" he points to the remaining boys, my eyes once again fall on Tommy's

"Hi" I smile bashfully, "we're Motley Crue if you didn't know" Vince chuckles breaking our eye contact, "well no shit" Nikki leans back laughing. 

I look back at Izzy and he has a brow raised at me, I lean down grabbing a joint off the table and lighting it. I take a long drag and lean back into the couch that i'm snuggly squished into, "what?" I sigh as I catch Izzy's judgmental stare, "oh nothing" he chuckles leaning his head back, "bullshit, what's with the judgey stare" I roll my eyes, "what was all that with you and Tommy" he finally asks taking the joint from me and hitting it. 

"All what? nothing happened" I scoff taking the joint back, "oh fuck off, all the staring and blushing?" he chuckles, "I may be fucking...fried but..mm I didn't miss that" he continues zoning out a few times mid sentence. I shake my head ignoring him. 

After a couple minutes I feel my mouth get uncomfortable dry, oh god ew fuck, I need water. 

I stand up and scoot passed the guys towards the mini kitchen and grab a glass from by the coffee maker. As Im filling the glass with tap water I see Tommy walk up towards me, Mick patting him on the back as he makes his way over towards me. "Hey" he smiles leaning against the counter, "hi" I smile

"Cotton mouth?" he asks scrunching his face, "yeah, I don't know why, this hasn't happened since I was like 14" I shake my head drinking some more water, "14? well shit" Tommy laughs in disbelief

"Mm, that's nothing compared to the rest of my life" I smirk shaking my head, "oh so you're a tough girl huh?" he teases, "I guess, east LA born and raised" I shrug, "oh shit, like deep East LA?" he asks walking over to the bed, "mhm, the block protected me more than my parents so I picked up a few things" I say, "hardcore" he sighs pulling out another joint from behind his ear. 

"So how long are you guys here for?" I ask, "same time as you guys, actually, our dates are aligned with yours for like 3 weeks" Tommy smirks handing me the joint, I gladly take it and sit down on the edge of the bed next to him, "oh really" I smile trying to hide my excitement.

"So you play guitar?" he takes the joint back, "yup, and you're drums right?" I ask pushing my hair back, "mm, yes, the superior instrument" he smiles cockily, "woah there" I giggle and he laughs in response. 

We sit back talking a bit more and holy shit we have a lot in common in terms of personality. He's really funny too. 

"Oh they suck!" he rolls his eyes, "I know, it's never about the music, it's always about who's dick i'm sucking" I roll my eyes, ah yes..the common hatred for paparazzi and sleazy tabloid magazines.

My remark makes Tommy laugh, "you must be pretty interesting" he shakes his head, "I promise i'm not" I chuckle looking down, "well then sometimes you gotta give them what they want" Tommy says, "what do you mean?" I look at him confused, "i'll show you" he says standing up and extending his hand towards mine. I don't think twice about putting mine in his, he walks me over to the group and bends down snorting a line, "we'll be back, dont wait up" he says laughing as he wipes the coke off his nose sliding the excess behind his teeth. 

I give him a confused look and the guys all look at me, "alrighty then, we'll be back I guess" I smile also doing a line. 

The cocaine surges through my veins and oh fuck i'm definitely awake now. "Fuck yeah" Tommy chuckles dragging me out of the room still holding my hand tightly. 

We giggle running down the hallway. 

"Okay so what're you gonna show me?" I pant laughing as we reach the elevator, "well guitar player, the press wants to see you be out and outrageous with a famous musician...well lets give them that" he says raising his brows as he pulled me into the elevator. 

"Ah yes, and how is this self satisfying?" I snort, "hm, I don't fucking know uh...lets see, it's like a control thing, they think they're finding something amazing when in reality you're showing them what you want them to see, rather than them snooping into your life, satisfaction of having some things still be private? God I don't know I just needed an excuse to take you out okay?" he scrunches his face laughing, 

"Ohh smooth, that first reason made sense though" I laugh as the elevator doors open, "hey a guys gotta do what he's gotta do, I saw Nikki trying to beat me to the punch" he shrugs as we walk to the hotel bar, "well im glad you did" I smile, "oh hell yeah, can't wait to tell Nikki that" he smiles cockily, "don't be a dick" I roll my eyes, "mm, no this is a victory, i'm holding onto it" he smirks as he looks around

"Wow the hotel security sucks" he shakes his head, "why?" I look at him confused, "because I just stole a bottle of jack and no one caught me, lets go now" he smiles mischievously grabbing the bottle form behind the bar and dragging me out. 

Oh my god hes such a little shit

"Oh my god" I laugh loudly as weak walk down the sidewalk, "sip?" he holds the bottle towards me, "gladly" I say grabbing the bottle from him and taking a swig

"And she can take Jack without making a face?" he laughs astounded, "I guess i'm just made different baby" I shrug pulling out a cigarette lighting it. 

"So what's the big plan?" I raise a brow, "well i'm not exactly sure yet but I could eat? you?" he looks down at me, wow he's tall, "yeah sure" I smile, "then lets go eat" 

\---

Tommy and I are sitting in the corner booth of this diner talking over a basket of fries. "I'll bet you five dollars that I can make this fry into your mouth" he points the fry at me, "fine, there's no way, I suck at this" I laugh, "you gotta try though, don't purposely miss" he says firmly, "mhm yeah I know" I roll my eyes. 

I lean my head back opening my mouth slightly giggling as I see him aim the French fry-or chips as they call in here- towards my mouth. 

"Alright here we go" he says extremely focused before launching the fry towards my mouth. 

I flinch back as it smacks me on the cheek, "fuck!" he groans, "you owe me five bucks" I smirk wiping my cheek, "c'mon double or nothing" he sits back up, "fine" I sigh opening my mouth, he tosses the fry and once again, fails. 

"How humiliating" I tease, "okay last one" he shakes his head, "aw Tommy, if you can't cough up your debt i'm sure we could figure out another method of payment" I joke and his brows raise, "might just miss this one on purpose" he smiles, I laugh and open my mouth again

"Three...two...one!" he says launching it on the one, this time he actually makes it, "mm!" I exclaim chewing on the fry, "fuck yeah!" he high fives me from across the table.

"Your debt is cleared Tommy lee" I giggle swallowing the fry, "mhm, what was that alternate form of payment you were talking about?" he leans towards me, "not important right now, you don't need it" I smirk, "oh come on, don't tease me" he frowns, "if you would've quit earlier you would've known, sadly you had to be a show off so that will remain one the universe's many mysteries" I shrug 

"Can I guess what it was?" he look into my eyes, "if you must" I shrug nonchalantly taking a sip of my milkshake, "hmm, come a little closer" he signals with his finger, I blush and lean across the table. 

"See now, if my hypothesis is correct, based off of my observations you may have meant something along these lines" he says lowly as his lips inch closer to mine, his cigarette breath dancing around my mouth, "yeah? and what observations are those?" I smile looking down at his lips, "your eyes on my lips, and your leg currently sliding up mine" he says briefly looking down at the table. 

Holy shit I didn't even realize I was doing that. Oh my god how does one not realize they're sliding their leg up someone else's leg? Explain now!

The thought makes my cheeks flame red, and I look down bashfully, "hey" he tilts my chin up, our eyes lock and his flick from my lips right back up to my eyes, "hey" I answer in a barely audible voice, "hey" he repeats lips now brushing against mine

"Oh my god it's Tommy Lee!" someone yells making us jump back, "fuck" he scrambles out of the booth, "Tommy we have to pay" I gasp as he yanks my arm, "nope" he shakes his head rushing me out of the diner. 

A couple people chase us down the block and holy shit I cannot run in these boots. 

A few of them have cameras while others are just fans of Motley Crue. 

"Here here here" Tommy says frantically dragging me into an alleyway. I stand there as I watch the people catch up and run right past us. "Oh shit" I pant leaning against the wall, Tommy huffs out a bunch of air looking down at me, his stature lit only by the one street lamp in the alley and the moonlight, a little scary since he's so skinny and tall, his hair looks like a silhouette of flames, I like it. 

"So wasn't the point of this to 'give the press what they wanted'?" I ask with air quotes, "yeah but you can't make it too easy, they gotta work for it...or else it's obvious" he smiles caressing my jaw, "mm yes, you're absolutely right. They should work for it..wouldn't wanna just give it to them" I say giving him a slick smirk as I push his hand away, "oh wow" he laughs fake offended as I walk away.

"A music store, let's go" I smile grabbing his hand as I lead him into the store. 

The smell of brand new instruments fills my nose and I feel immediately calmer. I B-line it for the guitars and Tommy comes close behind getting distracted with every little think on the way like a child. I pick up a guitar strumming it a few times while Tommy watches. 

"Sexy, but y'know what's sexier?" he says grabbing the guitar from me, "what" I slump sad that he took it, "drums" he wiggles his brows dragging me to the back section with the drums. He grabs a set of sticks and sits down on the stool. 

He rests his foot on the bass pedal and twirls the drumstick in his right hand before hitting the bass drum a couple times. he then plays w few small little beats and I gladly watch him lose himself in the instrument.

"Come" he scoots back inviting me to sit on his lap, "we'll play something together" he smiles, oh my gosh...did no one tell him I played drums? I mean not to sound cocky but it seemed like they were talking about me, Izzy even told me they said I was their Tommy.. the subject of us playing the same instrument never came up? 

I try my best not to laugh and I decide to play into his little flirting tactic. 

"Oh Tommy I really don't know anything about the drums" I say faking my shyness as I walk closer to him, "don't worry i'll teach you" he says grabbing me by my arm and pulling me onto his lap. He adjusts me on the leg that's not on the bass pedal and hands me the sticks. 

I grab the and he wraps his hands around mine, "very simple combo we'll do here" he says, he hits the bass a few times before alternating my hands between snare and cymbal. I smile letting him guide me as he watches the kit from over my shoulder. 

"Y'know I wanna try something" I say standing up, "really?" he looks at me surprised, "mhm, up" I say tugging on his arm. He stands up leaving me the empty stool to sit on, I roll the wheels closer to the pedal so my legs can reach and he chuckles. 

I turn my head side to side stretching my muscles out along with twisting my shoulders and wrists. Tommy gives me a confused yet amused look, oh boy he's not ready for this one. 

I throw the stick in the air watching it flip before catching it and starting to play the drum-line to one of my songs. As soon as I do so I see Tommy's smile drop and his eyes widen slightly. "Oh fuck you" he laughs as I continue bopping my head and playing, occasionally throwing the stick in the air catching it again. I laugh stopping the cymbals with my hands before handing Tommy the sticks again.

"You play?" he shakes his head laughing in disbelief, "sure do" I stand up from the stool, "and you let me go on and on" he covered his face in embarrassment, "maybe if you had asked me...but, it was cute, I liked watching you do the whole 'let me teach you' technique" I giggle pulling his hands from his face, "plus..your lap is pretty comfortable, I didn't wanna ruin your fun" I pout, "oh you're really one hell of a girl y'know?" he says lowly with a mischievous smile.

"I don't wanna forget this so..a little memento" he says making a face and waving the drum sticks at me, he gets caught by one of the workers and we absolutely bolt out of the store. 

"Tommy I can't run in these boots" I laugh as he squeezes my hand, "almost there" he says as we approach a 'pub' that's within viewing distance of the hotel, wow we really didn't go far at all. 

We go inside and proceed to get absolutely plastered, smoking, drinking, and laughing up until the point where we get kicked out. 

"Incoming" Tommy slurs dropping his sunglasses onto his face as we walk towards the hotel holding hands.

"Well I think they've worked for it" I giggle swinging our hands back and forth, "perhaps" he adds and we both smile for the cameras before rushing inside. We both head to the elevator in a fit of drunken laughter, "that'll be front page tomorrow" Tommy chuckles, "let's go to the roof" he suggests, "watch them scramble around" he adds with a drunk giggle, I nod and press the button that says _'R'_

Once we're up there we take a seat on the concrete. 

Tommy pulls out the drumsticks from the back waistband of his pants and starts twirling them in his hands. 

"H-how do you do t-that?" I slur, "it's easy, just put them here and do this" he says putting the sticks in between my fingers guiding my hand in the motion its supposed to move. 

"Oh shit!" I giggle once I get it down, "see told you it was easy" he laughs leaning back against his elbows. 

I set the sticks down and turn to face him , "I think you've waited long enough" I smile leaning towards him, "for what?" he asks confused, "that alternate form of payment" I say lowly, inching my lips closer to his, "mm" he smiles pulling my face towards his. 

Our lips connect is a sweet and sloppy drunk kiss. I moan into the kiss as he lays me back, putting my jacket under my hair while sucking on my lip. 

"Mmm" he growls kissing my neck tickling me with his gentle bites, "Tommy!!" I giggle loudly as his hands explore me, a couple more drunk hollers later and we've lost each other in our make out. 

I tug on his hair and sigh feeling our tongues dance with each other. 

SLASHS POV

I have never felt so furious in my life. My high? Once again fucked up thanks for asking. God it's like seeing her with him made every ' _feeling'_ I thought I had completely disappear and convert to disgust. 

I hate the fact that i'm her safety blanket, when there's no one else for her i'm the one who gets the giggles and arm touches. Oh but let some tall skinny dude waltz in here and look at her the right way and all of the sudden I don't exist anymore? Fuck out of here I don't have time for this bullshit. 

I can't believe I almost let myself make a fool out of myself by trying to be in a relationship with this girl. Some might say i'm hurt but no in reality i'm not hurt at all, i'm thankful that my eyes have been fucking opened to what a fucking migraine this would've been. 

Now i'm stuck hearing about everyone talk about how cute her and Tommy are together and how good they get along and blah blah blah. 

I simply don't give a fuck about any of it. 

I roll my eyes when Erin starts talking, "y'know I knew they'd hit it off, did you see the way they were looking at each other, from what you've said Tommy seems to be just like her" she says, "yeah? watch out guys looks like we might be taking her form you guys" Vince chuckles, "oh she seems like so much fun to have on the road" Nikki smirks. "Hey! watch it, that's my best friend good luck on taking her from us" Duff jokes pointing at Nikki. 

Gag.

I stand up and grab the clicker for the TV turning it on to whatever channel comes up. I end up landing on some local news channel, the only reason I stop is because I hear Tommy's name. 

"Yo they're talking about Tommy?" Nikki turns, standing up and making his way to stand next to me, I don't say anything just simply raise the volume. 

_**'that prick Tommy Lee stole drumsticks from my store, him and that girl he was with left speeding!'**_ a British man complains on the screen, soon the new caster chimes in

 ** _'that girl hes with is none other than up and coming guitarist Luna, her and Tommy were seen on a romantic date of sorts today'_**

' ** _yeah I saw them in the diner and they were about to kiss, very close to a full on song it appears'_**

Oh you've gotta be fucking kidding me. 

"Oh Tommy" Mick looks down in disappointment, "I need air" I sigh walking out to the balcony.

I leave the door open to let the breeze enter the now warm and stuffy hotel room. I hear giggling and I look up, "no way" I groan

"Is that them?!" Steven comes out and I hear them both laughing again, "Tommy!" she giggles, "oh no fucking way" Nikki laughs joining us outside

"Yo Vince, lets go cock block Tommy" Nikki shouts at Vince, "let's fucking go" Vince laughs. 

Next thing I know where all racing up to the roof, cock blocking Tommy...ah yes something I can get on board with. Duff and I take the stairs so we somehow end up getting there first and once we finally get there i'm met with Lilliana on the floor, Tommy on top, the two of them in a heated make out, him moving in on her neck making her moan out in drunken ecstasy. 

Duff puts his hand on my shoulder, "I don't care man, don't do that shit" I shake him off. 

Fucking fantastic. 

Surely enough the photos of them two ended up in all the local papers and Teen Beat. 


	60. CH4PT3R F1FTY-N1N3

SMUT WARNING 

LILLIANAS POV

Just to give you a little summary on how things ended on that roof: the guys from Motley-minus Mick...he really seems to be the only level headed one out of the rest which kind of makes sense since he's the oldest- yeah they (Vince and Nikki) all came rushing towards Tommy and I hollering, I insitictively slipped out from under Tommy and boy oh boy it was embarrassing! It was also the first time in the entire night where I made eye contact with Slash. The look on his face broke my heart, wow I'm such a dick. How could I do something like that? Hold hands with him on a flight, cuddle up to him the entire way, all with absolutely no intention of being with him, then shove my new romantic interest in his face. God that's so...shitty, that's so...Slash.

Oh my god why do I feel bad?

He literally does this shit to me all the time! And now I'm supposed to feel bad for giving him a taste of his own medicine? Fuck that.

It also seemed as if he came to a similar realization because his expression shifted from a shocked and hurt face to a disgusted and judge-y stare. Gosh I know this is gonna end badly, the awkwardness and sexual tension has now shifted to angst.

\----

It's been a couple weeks since the whole 'roof incident' and surely photos of Tommy and I running around Stoke have been everywhere but c'mon, those pictures show nothing more than a friendship so I guess I still have certain information to myself. As for Tommy and I, things are fun, we aren't really dating so much as hanging out and messing around which is fine by me.

Slash has apparently 'reconnected' with this chick in our last city. Apparently she's the older sister of someone who knows his little brother? I really didn't care enough to listen to the details but to make a long story short I guess she's like a groupie now and they met again in our last city. Since she's a groupie she had no issues when Slash offered to take her to the next few cities while we were in England. Holy shit dude I've never seen someone be so obvious trying to rub something in someone's face. I don't care though, I'll give him that same energy back, luckily Tommy is a lot more fun than that blonde airhead.

Right now, Vince, Nikki, Mick, Tommy, Slash, Duff, Steven, Izzy, Slash's girl -I think her name is like Anna?-and I are inside Slash's room doing our usual thing: drugs while Axl and Erin are off fucking or some shit. That's another thing, ever since this tour and her relationship with Axl I feel like I've lost Erin, she's just not the same anymore I don't know what's going on but im determined to get to bottom of it.

Anyway, I'm sitting on Tommy's lap laying in the crook of his neck while he slowly rubs against my thigh. Believe it or not, Tommy and I haven't had sex yet- I mean we've made each other cum but with other things...we still haven't had like penis in vagina sex. I don't know why so don't ask but I certainly would like to, this man has quite the big dick and I have yet to have good sex with anyone who isn't Slash so we need to cut that shit out right now!

"So Hannah" Vince turns to the girl, oh her name is Hannah, whoops.

She looks up at him, "have you ever been to a Motley Crue concert?" he smirks, "nope" she shakes her head, god she's so ditzy I lose braincells being in her presence. "Well we should change that shouldn't we" Vince suggests, "you guys are playing tonight?" Duff asks raising a brow as he takes a swig from his beer, "yeah, you're coming right?" Tommy looks down at me, "mhm" I nod sleepily as I bury my face deeper in his neck. He traces up and down my spine while I try to drown out the sounds of her and slash giggling and kissing.

His light touches make me shiver, "you cold?" he asks wrapping his arms around me, "mhm" I sigh, "is everything okay?" Tommy whispers, "yeah just" I hesitate, "just what" he drops his arms, I put my hand on his neck and leave little bites and kisses behind his ear, sucking on his earlobe gently, "let's get out of here" I whisper, "oh shit" he chuckles standing up, "woah" I jump back as he almost knocks me to the ground.

"Do _not_ wait up" he says excitedly as everyone turn their attention to us, I blush and suddenly my feet are lifted off the ground and I'm slung over Tommy's shoulder. "Tommy!" I giggle and he squeezes my ass walking me towards the door. "Yeah! get it Tommy!" Vince hollers as they all laugh at his excitement, "hey fuck off!" I yell as I'm dragged out of the room staring at Tommy's ass and the ground.

"Wow you're tall" I giggle squeezing his butt, "woah!" he laughs digging in my pocket for my room key. Once he finds it he frantically shoves the key on the lock and turns it rushing me into the room kicking the door shut with his foot.

He lays me on the bet and starts to crawl up my body leaving hungry kisses along me while his hands explored under my shirt. "fuck" he growled gripping my tits through my bra, I giggle moaning gently as we begin to undress each other.

...

After some nice foreplay we're both aching to get this moving the way we've been wanting to. I whine bucking my hips up as he rubs his cock in between my folds. Soon he slowly pushes himself inside me and holy fuck it feels so good. I moan gripping the sheets under me, "Tommy!" I groan arching my back as he presses his body against me, "holy shit" he growls into my neck, "fuck me!" I whine sliding my nails down his back, I cant take the sensation if his length just sitting inside me, my G-spot aching to be pounded against.

Soon he began thrusting in and out and my moans become uncontrollably loud. He picks up the speed and I feel like I'm on cloud nine as he hits the spot perfectly with each thrust. "Oh my god, feels so good!" I whimper, my voice bouncing. I'm absolutely certain we're being heard since these walls are annoyingly thin and we are right next door to the rest of the guys.

He growled against my neck as his thighs hit mine making them rosy. "Fuck you're tight" he pants, his back flexes under my hands that are gripping onto him for dear life, "right there oh my god, oh fuck I'm gonna cum, oh I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum!!" I moan feeling the burning coil in my stomach tighten with each thrust, "cum for me baby, cum on my cock" he moans getting sloppy

"Oh s-shit!" I scream arching my back off the bed as my orgasm washes through me, he slows down pulling out and jerking himself off onto my stomach, my body trembling as his dick twitches against my skin.

"Oh fuck" he groans as his load sprays on my naval, "oh my god" I pant trying to catch my breath. He falls next to me exhausted chuckling gently, "that was fun" he turns to my still trembling body, "mm, mhm" Is all I manage to get out in a shaky breath.

SLASHS POV

Once again the topic has shifted back and around to Lil and Tommy. Hannah thankfully tries to distract me by kissing on my neck, god something's really irritating about her right now though. It's like seeing Lil on Tommy's neck made me realize how wrong Hannah does everything; she doesn't suck on my ear, I don't feel her lashes tickling my neck, she doesn't play with my hair or fuck around with my brows, it's just...different with her.

I shake my head chasing the thoughts away.

Tommy and Lil have just left the room making a huge scene, being very clear that they're going to have sex. Oh joy! I'm just grateful that this will all be over soon, Motley and Guns are only crossing over for one more show after this one- the show on my birthday...what a great gift. Now if they're getting serious-which I doubt because it's fucking Tommy- he'll probably wanna take her with him and then she'll be gone too.

I sigh at my mean thoughts. You don't really want that do you Slash? You don't really want her gone. Well, actually maybe I do. Maybe I'm sick of this constant headache that is being in the same room as her, maybe I'm sick and tired of fucking up my life trying to figure out how I feel when it clearly isn't that way for her, why waste my time, why feel anger every time I look at her face. Maybe she should just go.

It's been a while since they left and I surprisingly dont hear anything. Hmm, must not be as good as she thought he'd be. I smirk at my snarky remark. "I wonder what theyre doing" Steven turns towards the wall, "fucking obviously, did you not see the way he dragged her out of here?" Hannah chimes, oh my god shut the fuck up.

"No no no, these walls are paper thin, I'm on the other side of them and I've heard them before, I don't know if they were having sex but they sure were doing something, there's no way it's that quiet" Steven shakes his head. Nikki stands up and walks towards the wall pressing his ear against it.

"Oh, oh I hear something" he chuckles, "what" I ask, "laughing and...kissing?" he raises a brow unsurely. "Oh fuck" he groans backing away from the wall, "what" Stevie laughs,

 _"Mmm, Tommy!"_ a muffled moan rings from the other side of the wall, "if they weren't fucking before, now they definitely are now" Vince laughs snorting a line.

 _"Oh my ~god"_ she lets out another deep shaky moan, _"oh fuck"_ I hear Tommy grunt as we all hear the bed begin to rock against the wall. Nikki and Vince giggle like schoolboys as the room is now full of muffled moans. As soon as I hear her moan _'fuck me, right there oh yes'_ I lower my head snorting two lines, anything to muffle out the sound.

After what feels like fucking forever her screams get louder and louder. "Holy shit is he murdering her?" Mick shakes his head looking at the wall, "nah man, you know Tommy, he's a drummer he's got that stamina" Nikki nudges him with his elbow laughing. I roll my eyes smoking my cigarette and leaning back into Hannah's arms.

....

LILLIANAS POV

Tommy and I are laying on my bed laughing still trying to catch our breaths. "Y'know they're totally listening right?" I turn to him, "really?" Tommy raises a brow, "yeah these walls are paper thin" I say, "well I hope we gave them a good show" he smirks kissing me, I giggle into the kiss and let myself melt into the pillow.

"Do you have water over there?" Tommy turns to me, "mhm" I say looking over to the bedside table. He leans over me grabbing the glass and taking a sip before setting it back down. "Oh shit" he laughs as he notices the drumsticks from our first 'date' I guess. I turn my head to look at what he's looking at, "you gotta let me play with these tonight" he rests his body on top of mine, "sure, I want at least one back though" I say pushing his hair back, "why just one" he cocks a brow curiously, "one for you, one for me" I smile, "oh I see" he smiles kissing me once more.

He then grabs the marker off the table setting the sticks down on my chest, he scribbles on them and I just look at him confused. Once he shows me them and I feel my cheeks flame as I read what he's written

 _'Tommy and Luna'_ along with tonights date and the date of the night we stole the sticks. He signs his autograph on the bottom and hands me the marker and I sign mine.

I don't say anything I just kiss him deeply. We giggle rolling around the bed for a little.

\---

It's almost showtime and we're all hanging out backstage.

Tommy is practicing using our sticks, I like seeing him so focused on his playing. He's such a little shit I rarely every see him so calm and serious.

It's finally showtime and the guys are rushed out of the room. "Hey, hey, kiss" Tommy grabs me, puckering his lips as the other guys run out onto the stage, I smile kissing him and saying a quick good luck. I haven't been able to see them play yet given that Guns's shows have been on the same nights as theirs, just different spots.

Erin and I dance around to the music they're palying- I've heard music by them but I never really was an avid listener of the band.

After the show Tommy comes rushing towards me, sticks in his back pocket, he picks me up and kisses me deeply, I laugh as he twirls me around, the adrenaline surging through him..

**_\----*time travel sound ~whoosh~---_ **

It's Slash's birthday today and if im honest: when we started the tour I really thought today would be a day full of rough international sex with Slash. I was clearly wrong. I cringe as I think of the skimpy lingerie set sitting in my suitcase that I had bought with tonight in mind.

"Come on you guys are late!!" the stage manager yells at the guys, who are 20 minutes late to be on stage- a usual thing with them.

Shannon is once again dealing with business which I don't mind because then I get to have more fun.

Given that it is Slash's birthday tonight the guys from Crue have planned an absolute rager at this abandoned building walking distance the hotel, drugs, women, alcohol- the Motley Crue special as they call it.

I turn my attention towards the boys, Hannah- that bitch is still here. She's giggling with Erin, okay ouch E, but soon she gets up and plops Slash's top hat on his head pushing it down to cover his eyes giggling, he gives her a weak laugh before fixing it. God he's so sick of her, I can read him like a book and its very clear he's fed up with her, how sad for him.

Soon they all run up towards the stage, adrenaline kicking in as slash grabs the guitar from the roadie. "Good luck baby" Hannah's shrill voice rips through my ears, she presses a light kiss on Slash's plump lips and he runs out to the stage. God I could watch him play for hours, despite how I may feel towards him in this moment- I will never not be completely blown away with his guitar playing.

He runs across the stage spinning around and jumping, I swear that hat has to be glued on or something.

I sing along to the words of 'Night Train'...by myself since erin is quite apparently up Hannah's ass right now, seriously what's her deal? I mean It's not her fault that the girl is talking to her but to completely leave me in the dust like that? Fucking low blow.

"Good fucking night!!" Axl screeches into the microphone. I scream cheering for them as they all run off the stage. "You did it! you guys were fucking amazing!" I yell instinctively running into Slash's arms, he doesn't think twice about engulfing me into a deep hug spinning me around, my hands tangling in his curls.

I feel Hannahs burning eyes on my back and It's in that moment that I realize just exactly what I'm doing.

I clear my throat jumping back from Slash's hold, his cheeks flame and the air is full of awkward glares between the three of us. I shake my head in embarrassment and walk away. Erin catches up to me, "what was that about" she scoffs, "nothing, I didn't even mean to do that" I say honestly, "well be careful, that was shitty, you did that right in front of Hannah" she says and her words make my blood boil.

"Are you suggesting I did that on purpose?" I stop in my tracks staring at her, "I mean.." she begins, "you mean what? you think I care so much that I'm gonna what? hug Slash in front of the girls he's fucking? even if I was immature enough to do it on purpose you shouldn't care, it doesn't affect you in the slightest, you're my friend not my mom" I scoff walking far from her.

Who the fuck does she think she is? To sit there and A- accuse me of something shitty and immature and B- go and defend someone she literally just met over me who's been her best friend for years. Un-fucking-believable.

\--

We're at the abandoned building and I'm waiting on Tommy to get back from the show. The guys from Crue not being there certainly didn't stop the party. The music was blaring and I was on this raggedy old couch already a little buzzed. A couple more minutes of me literally being high and by myself pass and the door to the building swings open

"Did somebody call Motley Crue?!?!" Tommy screams holding up a bottle of Jack, the crowd of people who I barely know scream and cheer. I smile standing up and stumble towards him, "hey baby" he slurs kissing me, his lips with a strong taste of alcohol already, "gimme some" I say grabbing the bottle. I down a few swigs and try to make it through the night.

\---

I'm on Tommy's lap while a few of the other guys from Crue, Izzy and Duff are surrounding us, along with a few randoms. Tommy is fucked up, like beyond repair, this man is gone, he barely comprehends what I'm saying so I just keep quiet and let myself cruise through my high.

In a moment of boredom, I look around the room and see Steven sitting at one of the tables, his head thrown back and his mouth open-no way...

I look down and there's a girl knelt down in front of him giving him a blowjob. "Nice going Stevie" I giggle quietly to myself, "what happened?" Duff looks at me, how did he hear me? "Stevie's getting a blowjob" I giggle pointing to the table, Izzy also turns his head along with Duff, they both laugh, Izzy shaking his head as he does another line of heroin.

Tommy leans over my lap to do a line himself, he lifts the mirror up to my face, "no" I shake my head, I'm sure I'll do heroin at some point in my life but my first time will not be in a foreign country.

I don't know what it is but tonight I just, I feel I so alone? I don't understand it because Tommy's here and so is everyone else but I feel so blended into the crowd, it's Tommys last night here and he's barely paying attention to me. Slash has Hannah on a table making out with her and laughing drunkenly. Erin of course is with Axl, making out with another girl - damn E, hardcore.

I frown leaning into Tommy, I just want him to show me some affection right now, but its like I'm invisible.

"Tommy" I say in his ear, "hmm?" he asks in a slur, "can you like, kiss me or something, I don't know act like I exist?" I scoff feeling my anger set in, when he doesn't answer I push off of him standing up angrily. "Hey, hey, I'm sor-sorry" he reaches for me, "come, come show Tommy some love" he smiles pulling me onto his lap, I'm straddling him trying to hide the smile thats threatening to creep onto my face.

"Smile for me" he sleepily pokes my cheek, his drunk actions make me giggle and he smiles back, "that's my girl" he pulls my face towards his. I sigh gently grinding my hips against his pelvis while we kiss, "fuck, are we about to get busy here?" he giggles putting his hands on my hips, I gently moan into his lips, "you wish"

He growls kissing my neck, I hear a couple whoops and laughs coming from the people around us. I open my eyes to see Slash's eyes burning through me. I don't mean to but my jaw drops and my eyes roll back as Tommy finds my pulse point biting and swirling his tongue around my skin while rutting my hips against him harder, all while I was still looking towards Slash.

When I open my eyes again I see Slash angrily walking away and Hannah following behind him confused. His actions make me realize just how many people are watching us and I tense in Tommy's arm, "okay Tommy" I sigh pushing him back, "later" I say, "boring" he slurs standing up so I'm knocked onto the couch, "yo!" Duff yells at him, "I'll be back" Tommy looks down at me, "fuck off" I scoff absolutely furious with him.

"Are you okay?" Duff asks trying to sit up straight, "mhm" I sigh adjusting myself back up. I grab my cup looking inside to make sure there's nothing fizzing inside it, when I see there isn't I take a sip downing the rest of the warm liquid.

I stand up to go refill my cup and as soon as I turn around I see Slash _'trip'_ and cold beer gets spilled all over my chest. "Oh shit" Slash says trying to hide a smile, "are you fucking kidding me?" I drop my empty cup, there's a couple 'ooh's ' and gasps

"It was an accident I tripped, sorry" he shrugs trying to swallow a laugh, he doesn't even believe himself, "oh bullshit you did it on purpose!" I yell absolutely livid, "hey watch it, I said sorry" he says getting mad, "sorry for what? being a fucking dick and throwing your drink on me?" I say angrily, "it. was. an. accident." he says firmly, "oh don't fuck with me, you've been up my ass the entire night!" I laugh sarcastically, "up your ass? you've gotta be joking" he rolls his eyes, "yes up my ass, I've seen you watching me the entire night, you and your fucking judgmental stares" I point

"How would you have noticed me _'staring'_ if you were down Tommy's throat the entire night? is this you trying to generate some attention for yourself since he's clearly left you in the dust?" he pouts and I feel my stomach turn

His words burn.

"Slash!" Duff stands up yanking Slash back by his shoulder, "fuck you" I shake my head grabbing a random drink off the table and launching the contents at his chest. "Oh-ho shit" I hear Nikki chuckle as I storm out of the building.

Oh my god he's such an asshole! Who does he think he is? He thinks he can just have a little whiney bitch fit and throw his beer on me? What the fuck was that supposed to do? Slash barely even drinks beer! If it was whiskey maybe I'd believe the accident story but it was fucking beer.

As I'm stomping down the sidewalk towards the hotel I hear the stomp of Slash's boots close behind me. "You fucking bitch!" he yells from behind me, "I don't have time for you" I scoff as I rush into the hotel.

"Stop fucking following me" I groan as we end up meeting again at the elevators. "No ones following you, you threw fucking vodka at me, psycho" he grumbles getting into the elevator with me.

"Oh yeah? so it's psycho to throw your drink on someone...classy" I scoff, "yeah, you're known for your classy actions, like dry humping Tommy in front of everybody" he shakes his head, "we weren't dry humping you asshole! we were just kissing, you're allowed to have your tongue down someone's throat but I can't?" I raise my voice, "yeah okay" he rolls his eyes, "let's not talk about class when you fucked a prostitue, would'nt be surprised if you had the clap or something" I say before storming out of the elevator.

"Oh real nice" he follows me down the hallway, "yeah thanks I know, at least I'm not acting like a big baby" I scoff as I near my room, "when is it gonna get through your head that I don't give a fuck what you do or who you do it with" he yells, "yes, you so clearly do Slash, you've been staring the entire night! in fact you've been staring since him and I started hanging out" I laugh

"I haven't! and even if I was it's because you won't stop fucking rubbing it in my face!" he screams turning me to face him,

"Rub what in your face?" I roll my eyes, "the fact that you're with someone else" he says sternly, "how the fuck have I been doing that?!" I yell wide-eyed.

"Oh come on! you're always kissing him when I come around and don't sit there and act like you weren't over exaggerating sex with him" he points to me angrily, "DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?!" I yell laughing, "no, no I'm not over exaggerating he just feels that good, you're not special" I say cockily turning to continue down towards my room.

"Liar" he laughs following me, "well then I must've been over exaggerating with you too, because I hold you two at the same level of 'skill'" I shrug-sure I'm bullshitting , sex with Slash is better for some unknown reason but he's pissing me off okay.

"God, slut" he scoffs behind me, "I may be a slut but I'll sure as hell never open my fucking legs for you" I turn to face him pushing him hard, "you're just pissed that your dick isn't as good as you thought" I pout, "ohh burn" he hisses sarcastically, "I mean your words not mine, you said Tommy doesn't make me feel good" I start but he cuts me off, "he doesn't" he steps closer to me.

"Prove it" I step closer.

Next thing I know he's pushing me against the wall, our lips crash in a sloppy drunk kiss.

SLASHS POV

Okay maybe I did throw that beer on purpose, I know I shouldn't have but fuck I don't know what came over me I was so pissed. All she fucking does is rub it in my face, how much fun she's having, how happy she is, how good living without me is, I just wanted to shut her up for five minutes.

After a few hurtful words being exchanged I feel the sexual tension build up once again except this time I don't wanna have just sex with her...I wanna fuck her, hard. I did what I never expected myself to do: I kissed her, I pushed her into the wall and kissed her deeply and sloppily.

"Mm, what are we doing?" she pulls back gasping, "I don't know" I pant, "should we stop?" I ask, she doesn't say anything, she just pulls me back down connecting her lips with mine once again. Fuck she was just kissing and grinding on Tommy and now look at her, on me like it's nothing. the mere thought infuriates me.

My heart tries to get me to bask in the feeling of her lips on mine, her hands in my hair, her naval pressed against my cock-but my brain wants me to stay with the task at hand: fucking her so hard she forgets how to think, fuck her so rough she remembers this night forever, I wanna give her payback for all the blue balls she's left me with, I want to turn her into the filthy slut she is just for me.

I dig into my pocket for my room key while she kisses my neck, hands exploring my torso. I finally get the door open and pick her up taking her inside, to use her, to unleash all my frustrations out on her.

I throw her onto the bed, her eyes scanning mine as she breathes heavily. I see the fear and excitement in her eyes as I take my shirt off, hers coming next. She hold eye contact with me as she unclips her bra letting her large tits bounce out. I lose it and just lunge at her. She squeals as I immediately begin sucking on her nipple.

"Oh slash~" she moans as one of my hands twists and pinches her nipple while my mouth sucks on the other. I couldn't take it anymore, this animalistic desire was eating me alive, I had to have her, I had to... _taste_ her. I rip her pants off seeing her lacey thong on underneath, "fuck" I growl as I slide her panties down.

Her swollen pussy is dripping with slick as she desperately looks down at me. I slide my finger down her slit collecting her juices and sucking them off my finger. I can't take this teasing anymore, I dive deep into her pussy sucking on her clit roughly, her moans are loud and wild as he hands fly to my hair pushing me intoner deeper. I let my tongue explore every bit of, sucking, biting, slurping.

God her pussy tastes so good, her thighs shake against my head and I angrily pin them down using all my force. I go to town on her juicy pussy for like 10 minutes, tears now streaming down her face as I push her past her limit. My tongue furiously lapping up all her juices, my god she tastes so fucking good.

Once I finally decide to give her a break I drag her onto the carpeted floor. I unlace my pants pulling my leaking cock out, she stares at it drooling over my swollen tip. "suck" I order grabbing her hair and forcing myself down her throat. She squeals holding onto my thighs as I furiously fuck her face.

The room is full of her desperate gags and moans. She's drooling down her chin and tits while her mascara is smeared all over her cheeks from the tears. "Take it, take it slut" I growl basking in the pleasure of my cock down her throat, "does Tommy fuck your face like this? hm?" I ask shoving myself down deeper, she gags rolling her eyes back as he squeezes my thighs trying to gasp for air.

I roughly pull my cock out and she falls back coughing as gasping, thick spit surrounding her mouth and chin. she wipes her mouth sniffling trying to catch her breath, but I don't let her. I grab her by her neck lifting her back up onto the bed pushing her face into the mattress .

I stare at her bare ass and pussy while she so obediently holds the position I've put her in. I feel my cock twitch at the mere sight of her ass up for me. I roughly smack her ass, "beg for it" I order as she whimpers, the burn from my slap surely coursing through her. "Fuck you" she spits, "what was that?" I ask smacking her again, she yelps, gripping the sheets

"Please, please fuck me" she whines, voice in a slight sob as I tease my tip at the entrance of her hole, "please who?" I push only the tip in, her tight walls hugging me snuggly, it takes everything in me not to moan. "P-please daddy, please fuck me" she whines and I slowly-painfully slow-slide myself into her.

I throw my head back groaning at the familiar feeling of her warm welcoming pussy. Her walls tighten around me and I bask in the pleasure of feeling every inch of her contract against my veiny cock. God she's so fucking tight. I want to fuck her silly, I want to drill into her with my cock, absolutely break her in half, just drive my cock through her.

I can't take this anymore.

I start furiously pounding into her. Her moans echoing through the room, her desperate screaming is fueling me. Her ass is rosy and swollen from my hard spanks and thrusts. I wrap my arm around her lower back and start furiously rubbing her pussy, "o-oh my god!" she screams, "yes right there daddy" she cries out

"That's right baby, scream for daddy" I grunt thrusting into her trader, that will always be something that proves to me I own her pussy, as far as I'm concerned shes never called anyone else daddy before. "Who's your only one" I growl spanking her once more, "y-you daddy, only you" she whines moaning out more profanities.

I flip her over so I can stare at her fucked out face, the sight absolutely sinful. I force her to hold her thighs while I watch my cock slide in and out of her pink pussy. My palm resting on her naval as my thumb circles her clit. She's cum several times before and I see it's getting to her. Tears streaming down her face as I ruthlessly pond into her, my thighs smacking against hers at an inhuman speed. My anger and aggression fueling me, providing me with the energy and stamina I need for this, I don't wanna stop until she squirts all over this fucking bed and can't form a single sentence.

"Does Tommy fuck you like this, hm? answer me slut" I grab her throat forcing her eyes on me, all she does is shake her head but that's not enough, "speak" I order, "n-no" she whines, I see fear fill her eyes so I lower my head kissing her deeply as her nails scrape down my back, a feeling I missed so much. I bruise and hickey her entire body while I manhandle her tits.

I start rubbing her clit again and I feel her legs wrap around me, "oh-oh OH FUCK!!!" she screams louder than I've ever heard, a huge fountain of sticky squirt sprays out from in between us. I stand up straight again, moaning as I rub her clit through her squirt, "good girl" I coo as she continues spraying, back arching completely off the mattress.

She's left a shaking babbling mess and fuck it brings me to my edge, she feels this, "cum in me" she whines wrapping her legs around me, I dont even think twice about it- I unload in her greedy hole. I can't help but moan loudly at the thought of me marking her with my cum, spraying inside her tight, greedy pussy.

Once I finish I pull out I see my cum mixed with hers drip from her pussy...fuck. I gather some cum on my fingers and hold it up to her trembling lips, she opens her mouth shutting weakly on my fingers, expertly swirling her tongue around each one letting out soft moans.

I fall down next to her, her legs open and her eyes closed, breathing out shaky incoherent breaths as her body trembles. I look at her a little worried now that I might've gone too hard.

I grab her body holding it close to mine, she wraps her arms around me trembling roughly. I still feel the same annoyance towards her but it's calmed down now that I've been able to fuck it out-if you will.

I gently rub her back feeling her chest rise and fall against mine. "Are you okay?" I finally ask and all she does is mumble and shake her head...


	61. CH4PT3R S1XTY

**_ A/N Hi everyone! This is your trigger warning there will be mentions of Sexual Assault in this chapter. I will however make sure to put another trigger warning showing you when it'll begin and one showing when it ends. Love ya'll!! <333 _ **

SLASHS POV 

We're still laying there, naked, her body still trembling. I begin to feel my anger subside and my heart beat relaxes as I feel her breath on my chest. 

What are you doing dude? This is how shit starts becoming difficult for you. You fucked, it's over, no move on. She's no different than any other groupie you've had in this bed. I gently shift out from underneath her pulling her arms off of me. I'm not gonna kick the girl out but I certainly will not be all lovey dovey with her. 

As soon as I pull her off and scoot away from her, her eyes open and she looks up at me confused, confused and hurt. All I do is stare back down at her, emotionless. Her lip quivers as she realizes just what it is I'm doing. I see a tear slip down from her messy smudged eyes which she quickly wipes away before sitting up. Holding the blanket over her breasts she says nothing as she starts reaching for her clothes. Shit. 

"You don't have to leave" I sigh, "oh, n-no...I-I do" she says shakily as I watch her try to get dressed, "L" I sigh reaching for her arm, I've never seen someone whip away from me so fast, she looks down at me with the most hurt and disgusted glare. "You won't even touch me, I got the message, don't worry" she says, her voice croaking from all the screaming she's been doing. Lord I'm such an idiot. 

She stumbles, still a little drunk, over to the door and I hear her sniffle. "Lil" I call out for her, "just leave me alone Slash" she sighs, her voice breaking as the words leave her mouth. She walks out, slamming the door behind her. The bang makes me flinch and I groan leaning my head back against the headboard. What kind of asshole shit was that Slash? _'Treat her like a groupie'_ , well shit you don't even do that shit to the girls you pick up for a shag. 

I cringe reliving what just happened. Asshole.

LILLIANAS POV 

Jesus Christ dumbass of the year award goes to yours truly. 

What the fuck did I expect to happen? Did I expect him to magically change and all of the sudden want to be with me? Did I think this would be fun and we could forget about it the next day? I don't fucking know but I certainly didn't expect him to even be able to hold me after doing what he just did to me. 

I try to stop the tears that are pouring down my face because I really shouldn't care this much. I step into my cold empty room and see my bags packed ready to leave in the morning. I knew I'd be upset today, just thought it would be about ditching Tommy. I turn on the light and take a look at myself in the mirror. Geez.

I walk into the bathroom turning on the faucet and washing my face trying to get the mascara tear stains off my cheeks. As the cold water hits my face I feel myself begin to break down. All the emotions of my intense orgasm come washing over me all at once. I begin to sob into my hands as I keep seeing Slash's face and the way he was looking at me. 

He made me feel so ugly. 

When I think about the way he looked at me I think about the way he fucked me: face down away from him, barely touching me in the affectionate ways he used to, I think I got a total of two kisses and that was towards the end. It felt less possessive and more so angry, like he was trying to prove a point-which I mean I guess he was but it didn't feel the way it was supposed to.

He just looked so angry, so disgusted with me. 

I gasp for air as I sob into my hands. I don't even try to stop it anymore, I just let it all out as I wipe my face staring at the bruising on my neck along with the hickeys on my jaw, hickeys put there solely for the reason of marking me, not in the passionate way they were placed with once before. 

I change into sweats and a hoodie trying to warm my sore body up, tears still falling it's like they never stop. This is going beyond feeling hated by Slash: I feel so unwanted and alone in general. My best friend would rather hang out with anyone else than me, the guy I was seeing left me thrown on a couch, the guy who I have no clue how I feel about just used me and didn't even have the decency to make me feel good about myself after, preying on every insecurity inside me with his eyes alone. I just- I'm completely alone. I'm alone and stupid. 

The pained tears turn into panicked sobs as I try to relax myself. "Get a grip" I gasp into the mirror. I need air. 

I need air but I also need a bed because holy shit my body is on fire. I step out of my room out into the hallway and try to walk down towards the elevator. I can barely go on. 

I stop right at the end of the hallways and just sit down against the wall hugging my knees. I don't want to be this emotional but the panic attack is hitting me like a fucking bus. I feel like I'm falling and everything that exists around me is blurry, I feel numb while simultaneously feeling insane unknown fear. 

"F-fuck" I hyperventilate while pulling my hood over my head. I sob into my knees feeling like every panicked gasp I take leaves me with less air than before. I drown in the cloud of emotions I'm sitting in. 

"Lilli" I hear a muffled familiar voice come from the hallway, I look up barely being able to see through my swollen tear-filled eyes, "are you okay?" the figure walks closer to me: Duff. 

He kneels down sitting next to me, "I-I-I hate him" I say sobbing furiously, Duff wraps his arms around me tightly, "it's okay, it's okay" he rubs my back and I grip onto him tighter, "I feel so ugly" I sob into his chest, "hey, you're not ugly-not even close okay?" he grabs my face.

I stare up at him, tears fogging my vision and he looks genuinely worried. I feel so bad, I'm bitching and crying because I had sex with a guy and he doesn't want to touch be after, he didn't even wanna look at me while we had sex...what a whiney fucking bitch! It's like he read my mind: he squeezed my cheeks and smiled down, trying to focus his eyes through his drunk state, "it's okay Lil, you gotta let it out sometimes, what happened?" Duff asks sitting down next to me. 

I close my eyes leaning my head back against the wall, trying my best to take deep breaths. Once I calm down I open my eyes and I see Duff looking behind him, I peer my head around his to see who he's looking at and it's Slash. He's standing in his doorway, shirt off in shorts. 

I look at him and his eyes shift from Duff to me, his face softens and he frowns a little shaking his head. I don't want to but my lip begins to tremble again, all he does is run his hands through his hair and walk back into his room. That was it, that was the moment I realized I really was by myself. I didn't have Slash to fall back on anymore, none of my friends cared- Duff is probably only here because he's the one who stumbled on me and now he feel obligated to talk to me. My chest hurts and I feel like I'm this miniature thing in this giant universe surrounded by nothingness. 

It's been a while since I truly felt alone, the last time was the worst time: the amount of drugs I did, the amount of alcohol I consumed, the men I went through...nothing could numb it, nothing. I almost died. 

"Hey, hey, hey...stop it" Duff grabs my face once again, "what happened, I want to know everything" he says scooting closer to me, "I love you okay?" he adds holding my hand. 

"My god I'm so fucking dramatic" I sigh letting out a few choked sobs, I hate being emotional, I don't like anyone having a clear view of how I feel inside or what's making vulnerable. 

"C'mon Lil, just spit it out!" Duff says, "fine, Slash and I had sex okay? Slash and I had rough loud sex, the man absolutely destroyed me in ways I never thought possible. And you wanna know what happened after? He didn't want me to fucking touch him, he barely looked at me, barely kissed me, looking back there was no emotion, just rage. We were cuddling and he tensed up and pushed me off" I blurt out in a psychotic scream

"Jesus Slash" Duff cringes at my words shaking his head, "and through everything, everything! Slash has been the only person who's ever made me truly feel beautiful. I don't care how mad at him I am in a particular moment because he made me feel wanted. What he says hurts, what he does hurts! As much as I don't want it to it fucking hurts, so bad. He's my friend, I really cared about him and he's what? so disgusted with me he sees me as a girl to fuck and kick out? I'm getting treated worse than a fucking groupie! Everyone is gone, I feel so alone" I sob 

"Hey ok its okay Lil it's okay I'm here, you're not alone, no matter what happens you'll always be my person you know that, you couldn't chase me away even if you tried" he smiles down at me, "I just" I start but am cut off by my own cries, "just relax I'm here Lil, I'm here" Duff pulls me into his chest hugging me tightly. 

We both end up passing out in the hallway. As I begin to wake up, I feel numb in his arms, my ears are ringing from all the crying and every shaky breath I take. . . I take with embarrassment, I really made an entire fucking scene last night because a guy hit it and quit it. This isn't like me at all, I'm not that kind of girl, if anything I hit it and quit it, I don't do sappy emotions I don't stress over a guy who's not worth it...but maybe Slash is worth it? NO, shut up. 

I keep my eyes closed not wanting to meet the harsh fluorescents in the hallway when suddenly I'm tapped gently on the arm. 

I squint opening my eyes gently to look up and see Shannon standing over me, a confused and concerned look painted across her face. 

"What's going on? are you okay?" she raises a brow, "yeah, thanks" I sigh my voice raspy, "what's with all of this?" she signals to the bruises hickeys and overall nastiness of how I look, drained, that's the word...I look fucking drained. Every bit of life and lights drained out of me. 

"Shan, I really really don't wanna talk about it right now okay? please just keep me away okay? keep me away from rockstars who wanna get in my pants keep me away from parties just..keep me away" I sigh and she frowns down at me, "honey, are you sure youre okay" she holds her hand out to me

A new side of Shannon shows, one that i've only had peeks of: her maternal side. I take her hand gently shaking out of Duff's hold and weakly stand up, feeling my knees struggle to hold my body up. She squeezes my hand and looks at me worried, "yes Shannon I'm okay, I just had a bad night" I sigh holding onto her hand tightly, an unknown comfort sitting inside me as she examines my body. "Look sweetie, as your manager I already know you did something stupid but I'd like to think we're friends so I'm going to take you to your room, handle all your stuff while you sleep and I'll come get you when we're ready to leave okay?" she gives me a small smile. 

"Ok" I nod. 

After waking up Duff and dealing with his many pleads to come to my room with me, Shannon follows us both back to my room where Duff crashes on the small couch and I fall flat onto the bed. 

It's now later and we're on our way to the next stop and I haven't even made eye contact with Slash. I sigh leaning back nervously in the plane when I catch his glance. His eyes scanning the bruising he's left on my neck- one the paps had a field day with by the way. I feel myself shrink as I lift my hoodie and turn around to face the window and sleep some more.

**_ \----~time travel sound~neeeeoooowww--- _ **

It's about a week later and here's what's been going on: basically the rest of the guys-with the exception of Slash and Duff of course- pressed me on who gave me the bruises, they didn't think it was Tommy but I sort of nudged them towards that direction, not really saying whether it really happened or not. Slash left his groupie behind in London-not that I care anyway. Erin is talking to me again but we never really talked about our tension? If you even wanna call it that. I don't know how to feel. My relationship with Shannon has reached a whole other level, her and I are closer than ever, she and Duff are now the people I talk the most to and it does feel nice. 

Lately I've been focusing my attention on my work, writing, playing, doing interviews and promos with Shannon. Yes, I've attended a party here and there but most of the time I score my blow and lock myself away in my room writing.

LSD, now that is a new friend of mine. I didn't think I could be able to do it alone but, laying there watching all the colors dance around my room has become my new favorite thing.

As for right now Guns is getting ready to go on- after being extremely late of course- and I'm just curled up on the couch...being a recluse within my own friend group, it's nothing I'm not doing on purpose though. 

I paint on a smile as they walk towards the club stage to go on. The clubs they're playing now are smaller than the big stages they played with Aerosmith. I will however acknowledge that this is better because they all pack in just for them- not for Aerosmith. 

Right after they finish Mr.Brownstone I see Axl look at the guys and they all nod, what the fuck is going on? "Alright everyone, put your fuckin' hands together because we got a really fuckin' special guest coming on tonight" Axl begins, panting into the microphone, he turns to face me smirking. 

What the fuck is happening?

"Please give it up for the girl who without her we would've never written this song" he points to me and Slash walks towards me smiling as he grabs my arm, "give it up for Luna!!" he yells into the microphone and my heart quite literally drops to ass. 

I've been infront of crowds before but none like this. They all scream as Slash hands me a guitar . I nervously put the strap over my head and he whispers, "don't even look at them, look at me, Duff, or Izzy. Go play by Steven if you really need to" Slash's words send chills down my spine. 

Nah dude I got to stop pussy-ing out, this is my job.

I shake my head and strum the guitar a few times enjoying the buzz of the crowds clapping and whooping. Slash smiles and starts strumming the opening chords to Paradise City and I smile widely as we alternate lead and rhythm. 

The drop was approaching and the crowd was getting riled up, I began to lose myself in the music, "jump!" Axl screams before blowing a whistle into the microphone. I bang my head up and down running across the stage with Slash. During the solo Slash and I were back to back leaning on each other, since this was the closing song we dragged the solo out with a little improv. I felt euphoric, like I was walking on clouds, the cheering the singing and the chemistry we had on stage. Incredible. Axl's voice mixed with mine sounds great honestly.

"Thank you goodnight!!" Axl screams as we end the song. Slash grabs me by my hands walking to the front of the stage where everyone wrapped their arms around me and we took a bow before he grabbed me close and everyone joined in a huge group hug.

"You were fucking amazing, you were fucking awesome" Slash laughs as the rest of everyones sweaty bodies squeeze me tightly 

The adrenaline is surging through me as we run off the stage. 

"Oh my fucking god!!" Erin yells engulfing me in a huge hug, "you were amazing" she laughs squeezing me tightly, "oh I can't wait to do that again with my own songs" I laugh still in disbelief. 

\-----

It's the usual after-party and I actually decide not to skip this one, I'm in a really good mood I'm feeling happy and I have the day off tomorrow. I hold off on taking my now usual psychedelic because I'm in an unfamiliar place, it's not like I'm in my hotel room where it'll be okay if I have a bad trip. 

Instead I just stick to my usual: weed and blow.

The night is moving pretty slow, I really am ignoring everyone that approaches me, I don't feel like dealing with drunk droopy guys right now. Other than that the scene around me is the same as always: Slash with his groupies, Duff and Izzy fucked up with some girls, Steven doing- oh my god who the fuck knows anymore, and Erin with Axl. 

I get up to go refill my cup and while I'm standing at the drink table I can't help but feel as if I'm being watched. I had that small vibe for most of the night but I ignored it since clearly no one was watching me but now it got stronger. I turn my head and Slash is paying absolutely no attention to me so it can't be him. 

I shrug ignoring my own thoughts as I pour myself another cup of Jack. That's when I feel as if someone's walking up behind me. I turn around and sure enough there's a dude walking up to me with a cocky grin on his face. 

**_ *** TRIGGER WARNING TRIGGER WARNING MENTIONS OF S/A AHEAD *** _ **

"Hi I'm Travis" he leans against the table I'm standing next to, "hi Travis, I was actually just going" I fake frown trying to walk away. "C'mon wait a minute, you can't blame a guy for trying" he grabs my arm and I immediately get a bad feeling. 

"I'm flattered but-" I begin as I weakly try to get my arm out of his grasp, the coke is not aiding me right now, it's making me weak.

"No, no, no, you're not getting away so easy pretty girl" he pulls me towards the wall. "Hey dude, relax" I squirm trying to push him off, "I'm relaxed, you just gotta let loose, let's just have some fun" he grabs my wrists pinning me against the wall. 

I feel my heart begin to race when I can't push him off. His body weight presses me into the wall and I feel the tears threaten to come out when he starts kissing my neck. I don't stop squirming and fighting him off but this guy is significantly stronger than me. I feel like I'm going to vomit when he lets go of me only to use his hands to start trying to unbutton my jeans. 

"Stop it!" I scream, I look behind him to see if anyone is looking and will help, the only person I see is Slash and he looks pretty occupied so then the fear really sets in when I come to the realization I'm not getting out of this on my own. "Slash! Slash! help me!" I start screaming, sobs escaping my lips as my body grows weaker

After a few screams he looks up eyes wide as he charges over grabbing the man by his neck.

**_ ***MENTIONS OF S/A END HERE *** _ **

Slash slams the guy into the floor and i've never seen him with such strength. As a crowd gathers to see what's going on I hold my chest feeling the air escape my lungs as I try to relax. Erin pushes her way through and grabs me tightly, "what happened?" she asked frantically as Slash starts just absolutely destroying this piece of scum. He seems to never run out of energy as each punch hits, oh my god he's gonna kill him. 

Just as the thought enters my head a grip screams, "oh my god someone get him off, he's gonna kill him!" 

With that an intoxicated Duff and Izzy try to use all their strength to pull Slash off this guy, his face all bruised and bloody, definitely a broken nose too.

"Slash!" I scream, I don't want him to do something he'll regret. 

"Please Slash" I plead trying to get him to stop. It takes three guys to get him off the dude and oh my god the guy looks horrible. Slash is snarling blood on his face from receiving a few defensive blows from the guy, his lip dripping with blood. 

After the guy somehow gets up and gets walked off by his friends the guys are trying to get Slash down from this high fueled by pure rage but they find no luck. "Slash man, it's over relax!" Duff yells shaking his shoulders. 

I nervously walk over feeling nasty inside, I don't think I'll remember any of it given the state I'm in but I certainly do feel shitty. "Slash please" I say walking outside to where they are. His eyes shoot to me and he pushes passed Duff and Izzy charging towards me. I feel my nerves flare but he softens his approach. "Are you okay he didn't-" he begins but I cut him off, "no, no he didn't, I'm ok I don't want to talk about it" I shake my head as his arms quickly wrap around me

I let a few tears escape as I feel the warmth of his touch, the touch he denied me after our night together. All this work on not giving a shit about him and all it takes is one hug to launch me back to square one. 

I hold him tightly, "please promise me that this is where this ends, please calm down I don't want any more of this ok?" I snuggle into his chest, "ok" he sighs annoyed I know that if he could he'd kill that guy in an instant. 

After countless 'are you okay' 's and after cleaning Slash's lip up I finally get back to my room. Thankfully I don't feel as bad as I did before, nothing a little drugs cant fix. I'm thankful for Slash, I know that had he not been there it would've ended way worse than it did and I would be in an even worse mental state. All I can really do now is breathe and move on...


	62. CH4PT3R S1XTY-0N3

  
  
  
LILLIANAS POV  
  


It's been a while since the "incident" and if I'm honest I'm not sure exactly how to feel. I mean since then things haven't necessarily been bad or awkward. They've been kind of normal. He seems more worried about me lately like he's always asking if I'm okay and he kinda sees through my distancing. 

His constant reminder and questions-even through his intoxication- made me realize I'm dangerously close to my cripplingly depressive state once again, it was scary the last time I was there and I really hate talking about it so that's another topic for another time.

Surprisingly he's stayed way from my LSD which is odd since I expected him to be all over that shit when he found out about it.

Anywho, I'm still not sure if these little butterflies that flutter in my belly now are because he was a hero for me and now he'll always be the guy who saved me from yet another trauma. A hero complex? If you want to even call it that. Him continuously worrying and caring actually means something. It's like he's not holding back anymore and I like it. So could I really give this a shot?  
I lay back in my bed staring at the ceiling as I reminisce our private moments back in LA.

Moments where he was really drunk and thought I was too, moments he didn't think I'd remember but I did, moments that would normally send me running but instead made me feel warm and safe, made me feel happy. Feelings I blamed on the alcohol, heightened happiness blamed on the drugs. But was it the drugs? Or was it genuine happiness, happiness I felt because Slash made me happy?

I shake my head closing my eyes thinking back   
~~~  
 _"L?" Slash slurs as we lay on the floor of the guesthouse mindlessly staring at the ceiling, our brains clouded by the influence of our drugs of choice. "Hm?" I sigh opening my eyes, "look at me" he weakly tilts my face towards his, I giggle smiling drunk at him, "you're so beautiful you know that?" He smiles caressing my cheek, "stop it" I blush, "mm, n-no you r-really are. Fuck...so sexy come here" he smirks pulling me onto his chest._

_I laugh loudly getting comfortable on his chest as he lay flat on the floor. "Kiss me" he scoffs rolling his eyes, I roll mine giving him a gentle light kiss n his pouty lips. Once I pull away he gives me a pout, "more" he whines puckering his lips, god he's a mess right now. I smile leaning down only to stop just above his lips, "earn it" I whisper mischievously before springing up. The room spins as all the blood rushes through my head, making me wobble a little. "You slick little" he chuckles struggling equally as much if not more to get up._

_I laugh loudly scurrying around the living room as hes hot on my trail. "Get over here gorgeous" he smirks grabbing me quickly, he loses his balance and we both drunkenly stumble onto the couch._

_After a genuine fit of laughter he pushes my hair back pulling my lip down. He licks his lips tugging on his bottom one, "earn it?" He repeats staring at my mouth, "mhm" I say lowly, "fine" he sighs looking me in the eyes_

_"Y'know you've gotta be the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my entire life" he says with a soft smile, "oh how original" I giggle, "I'm serious, I wanted you the minute I saw you. You are... **ethereal** " he smiles putting my hair behind my ear, "mm" I smile feeling on top of the world, "I wouldn't be saying all this if I wasn't so fucking high" he chuckles licking his lips, "I know, it's nice though" I smile leaning up and kissing his lips, "mmm yummy" he growls against my lips. _

_"So sexy" he whines against my skin as his hands travel all around me_  
~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I smile remember his words _'ethereal'_. Maybe I should talk to him. Who knows this could end up being something really great, let me stop being a pussy. I clearly want it so i should just go for it right? Okay, okay...let's do this.   
  


I mean there's not much more to lose right? Things are already weird so let's just...lets just to it.

I stand up shaking my hands nervously opening the door to my room. Just as I walk out I see Slash standing in front of his room with a girl. Before he can see me I slip back in but I keep the door open a crack because something in me tells me to listen to what he's saying to her, the look he's giving her is one I know all too well.

"You've gotta be the most beautiful girl I've ever met" I hear him say,

Oh. . . 

"You mean that?" The girl 'aw's 

  
"Oh yeah, I'm serious, I wanted you the minute I saw you, you're just...ethereal almost" 

  
When his words leave his lips I feel my heart shatter, I peek my head out my door and see him tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

Wow.

"You're so sweet" she coos, "I wouldn't be saying this if I wasn't so fucking drunk" he giggles pressing small kisses on her cheek.

How could he? No, seriously, how could he? I knew we weren't in a relationship but I know I wasn't some random girl, I was his friend you'd think he'd have a little decency to say what he actually means. God it was all fake! Nothing was real, the arguments were what? Some sort of sick game? A sadistic tactic to put me through mental distress. We had a pregnancy scare for gods sake!

That means these feelings are fake. Nothing of what I think I feel is real, it's all been orchestrated by Slash's stupid pickup lines that he's used on tons of other girls, moments I held special to us are no longer special. I'm treated as if I'm just another girl in his long parading list.

As the thoughts course through me I feel the anger physically heat up my entire body. I'm not gonna cry, oh no fucking way, I'm not crying thats for certain. I feel stupid, stupid for ever truly letting my guard down around him, this may look like just one small thing but how do I know he wasn't just repeating lines before? The audacity he has to use 'moves' on me. I want to punch something, or someone. Him, I wanna fucking deck him.

As my body begins to overheat I decide it'd be best to go outside and get some air. Despite my poorly thought out efforts to conceal my anger- which I don't really care about anymore Slash can go fuck himself- I still manage to very obviously and clearly storm out of my room slamming the door.

I see his head shoot up in periferial vision. "Wait for me inside" I hear him tell the girl as I have to uncomfortably walk past them to get to the elevators.

"Hey is everything okay?" He catches up to be gently grabbing my arm, his touch stings and I quickly jerk out of his old, I see his face and he looks obviously taken aback by my action. "I'm fine, just.. I just gotta go okay" I scoff walking away, there's no way in hell I'm letting him know he got to me, or that I ever truly let him in only to have him stomp all over me. 

—-  
After taking a much needed breath of fresh air I decide to counteract it wish the smoke from cigarettes and the high of my life. There's only one place for that-Duff's room.

Once I arrive I don't even bother knocking. I twist the knob hoping it's unlocked and luckily it is. "Duff" i sigh storming in, "hey" he smiles pulling the cigarette from his lips. I give him a weak smile and he instantly sees through it, "what's wrong?" He raises a brow scooting over for me to sit down.

I sit sighing, "nothing, just- let me get trashed okay?" I hold my hand up looking on the table at the coke lines set up, who was here?

I don't even bother asking, I just lower my head and snort the line like it's nothing. After a couple minutes Duff clears his throat and asks the last question I want to be asked in this moment. "So...what's going on with you and Slash?"

"Nothing, and it's staying that way until i die" I say firmly, "woah, what's your problem?" Duff sits up looking at me confused, "I'm just so sick and fucking tired of being asked about Slash, because y'know what? None of it was real, okay? Absolutely nothing was real, it was a distraction and I'm dumber than I thought for letting the drama get as big as it got, it meant nothing to me and it'll never mean anything to me" I say angrily,

"You don't mean that" Duff scoffs, "why wouldn't I mean it Duff?" I stand up crossing my arms, "because, Lil, you were crying because you said he made you feel ugly for not wanting to touch you after you guys had sex. This is you lashing out because of something, you wouldn't have reacted like that if it was fake" he shrugs

I feel my blood boil remembering how I let my guard down for someone like him. "Duff lets review the facts here: that night Tommy blew me off, none of my friends were talking to me for god knows why, I had a drink thrown on me, I was fucked in a way where I couldn't even be looked at and then essentially made to be felt unwanted. Unwanted by the guy who I gladly had wrapped around my finger, one I had bending over backwards for me. It all crashed down at once and I felt bad, just cause I was sad doesn't mean I care about him. He was a distraction, someone I was sleeping with...entertainment. I don't need you telling me how I felt" I yell at him, he flinches gently at my hurtful words but I try not to show any emotion.

"This isn't you" he sighs shaking his head, "it is, I gotta go" I say lowly as I make my way to the door.

I walk back to my room trying not to internally combust. I swing my door open and b-line it for my LSD. I can't let myself fall into that place, I can't let someone else control my emotions, I can't do it, I cant hurt myself, I can't hurt the people around me, I have to escape I can't be here with these thoughts right now.

I lay down closing my eyes as I feel the tablet dissolve on my tongue.

  
SLASHS POV   
  


It's later. 

I don't know whats going on with Lil but I'm sure she'll tell us when she's ready. I just finished my little quickie with this one girl, she's actually pretty interesting she told me she's going to the show tonight so we're gonna hang out after for round two. Although she is a little bratty she gives good head so who cares.

I'm in duff's room and we're just chilling doing our usual while talking about just random shit.

"I scored some heroin" Duff chimes after taking a swig of the Jack Daniels, "and you've been holding out?" I smirk, "nah man i just got it" he shakes his head laughing, I chuckle and stand up, "I'll be back though" I say walking to the bathroom.

I'm fixing my pants when I hear the door swing open. The soft familiar voice rings through, L. I'm still wondering why she was so mad earlier, I wonder if i go outside, if she'll react the same way she did when I asked her what's wrong.

My thoughts keep me standing in the bathroom for a second and just as I'm about to step out I hear my name.

See I have options here: I could go outside and she could possibly stay or I could stay in here and hear what she has to say, she obviously won't say it if I come out. Maybe she'll reveal why she's upset...maybe I did something and i just don't know.

I decide on staying in the bathroom. I press my ear to the door and start listening on on their conversation.

_"I'm just so sick and fucking tired of being asked about slash, because yknow what? None of it was real, okay? Absolutely nothing was real, it was a distraction and I'm dumber than I thought for letting the drama get as big as it got, it meant nothing to me and it'll never mean anything to me"_

Her words burn.

Nothing.

I meant nothing? Are you fucking kidding me? All that fucking guilt, all that fucking stress she put me through was what? A game? She can't stand there and act like this was all what we said it was gonna be: an agreement. This was way fucking more, whether we wanted to admit it or not. The nights we'd have shit-faced and spend all our money on takeout laughing. The conversations, the sex, that wasn't a quick lets just fuck because we want to type deal.

My hurt begins to bubble over into hatred.

I cannot believe shed fucking do this shit. I cant believe i trusted her, I can't believe I ever let myself feel bad for making her cry, she deserved all of it. I don't want to be near her, she enrages me. How could she be that kind of girl? How could we let her in like that, she's a fucking manipulator and I'm not letting her control me ever again.

Things are to be done my way and my way only. I'm done caring about her fucking feelings.

_"You don't mean that"_

_"Why wouldn't I mean it Duff?"_

_"because, Lil, you were crying because you said he made you feel ugly for not wanting to touch you after you guys had sex. This is you lashing out because of something, you wouldn't have reacted like that if it was fake"_

I cringe remembering her on the floor sobbing in Duff's arms that night, I stayed up that night beating myself up for being an asshole, in reality I should've sent her packing a long time ago.

_"Duff lets review the facts here: that night Tommy blew me off, none of my friends were talking to me for god knows why, I had a drink thrown on me, I was fucked in a way where I couldn't even be looked at and then essentially made to be felt unwanted. Unwanted by the guy who I gladly had wrapped around my finger, one I had bending over backwards for me. It all crashed down at once and I felt bad, just cause I was sad doesn't mean I care about him. He was a distraction, someone I was sleeping with...entertainment. I don't need you telling me how I felt"_

Entertainment. Beautiful.

I hear the door shut and that's my cue to finally flush the toilet and walk out.

Once I step out Duff looks at me with a sympathetic look. "Dude I'm-"

"Don't even, I don't care" I shake my head sitting down next to him, "c'mon man, she was being pretty harsh" Duff shakes his head, "Duff I don't give a fuck how she feels okay? She can go on and on about how I'm nothing to her but at the end of the day I'm the one who's getting my dick wet, I'm the one that has her in my bed begging for me. I don't care what she thinks because i don't give a shit about her like that" I shrug snorting a line

"Slash" Duff exhales, "don't 'Slash' me, you guys want us to be this happy couple and we're not, we're just us, I don't even tolerate her much as a friend anymore, things like this always end. It was never an important thing to begin with" I say frustrated, "you guys are awful" Duff says before breaking out the heroin

God I've never done more drugs in my entire life, there was nothing I didn't mix.

LILLIANAS POV

It's after the show and I guess in my high tripped out state I told everyone we should just come back here after the show and offered up my room. I have no recollection of this and I know I wouldn't have done it sober because these guys trash every room they party in.

Slash is with the same girl from earlier today but honestly I don't care, not even a little bit.

I'm sitting on my bed with Erin while the guys are on the couch doing their usual drugs with their usual women, honestly why did I offer up my room?

I just lean back against the headboard taking deep breaths as I try to escape with my high. "So how's it going with the album?" Erin asks, "it's alright it's just I'm stuck on a few song, the ones I've written in the past just don't have the right flow for what im trying to do" I sigh feeling the stress tighten my shoulder

"Don't worry Lil, you'll get it you always do" she smiles rubbing my arm, "mm" I sigh taking a hit, "what if people don't like it" I admit looking at her, "babe, I think you're forgetting that THE Aerosmith saw your potential and talent, they'll love it. Didn't your single drop?" She asks, "yeah, all I'm hearing is that it's doing good but no ones really been able to give me information" I sigh still baffled at the fact that no ones telling me anything.

"C'mon we need music" Stevie slurs standing up and raising the volume on the radio.

_' now we have one of the most requested songs so far, new hit single by rock n roll artist Luna I Love Rock N Roll'_

My eyes go wide and everyone looks at me, "oh my god" I mutter as my guitar rings through the speakers.

"Holy shit!" Erin laughs hugging me, "your songs on the radio" Duff points to me in shock, "my songs on the radio" I repeat in disbelief, "number one requested" he says excitedly as he stands up, "number" I lose my voice in pure and utter shock, "your fucking song!" He runs over to the bed tackling me in a hug, "you fucking did it" he laughs drunkenly swaying me around.

I laugh and everyone else joins in on the hug, Slash doesn't though, he stays sitting on the other side of the room, girl on his lap as they giggle with each other. She occasionally gives me dirty looks but I don't give a fuck, she's a groupie and I've just been on the fucking radio.

The night goes on normally except- holy fuck the girl keeps looking over. This is radiating a high school bully type of attitude.

She whispers things in Slash's ear then looks over at me laughing, his reaction to this is just douche-y laughs.

She eventually stands up and walks over to my guitar. Oh she better not.

"So you play huh?" She gives me a false smile as she picks up my guitar, "yeah" I say getting up to go get it from her, she pulls it from my reach...excuse you? "Dude" I say shaking my head in disbelief as she starts fiddling with my instrument, "oh don't be so uptight, I mean you're a big deal right? A big shot from what I hear, I mean to be fair I've only every heard your name along with other bigger names attached and hmm it's nothing music related" she shrugs tugging on the strings

"Hmm, those are big words coming from a groupie. You sad you get with rockstars but no one cares enough to remember your name or talk about you? Sad, I'm so sorry for you. Slash come control your girl" I say roughly snatching the guitar from her hold

I hear a few chuckles from behind me as I walk towards my guitar case and set the guitar down. "Aw, are anger issues a product of mommy not loving you?" Her drunk words seep into my head and I feel my fists clench. There's a few gasps and a laugh form Slash, Erin shoots up, Axl quickly pulling her down. The fact that Slash of all people thinks this is funny only fuels me more.

I turn on my heel and walk up to her face, "what the fuck did you just say to me?" I get in her face knowing damn well she did not just make that comment. "You heard me, are your anger issues a product of mommy not loving you?" She repeats with a bitchy pout, "mm, seeing as I have a career I just have to ask: is this whole groupie thing, y'know the whole opening your legs for any guy who tells you he's a rockstar just so that you can get your little five minutes of attention.. yeah the being the permanent side piece, what's that like? You hate yourself that much?" I pout back

I can tell my words hit because she begins fumbling over her words, "well at least I had parents who were sober" she spits out, I know it was a weak argument but holy fuck I'm so tired of hearing her voice. I laugh to myself before swinging my fist back and decking her across the face.

"Oh shit!" Izzy yells as she falls back and I get on top of her, "don't you fucking dare disrespect me or my family ever again" I yell giving her several blows, my rings cutting through her skin.

Before I can do any real damage I feel strong arms pull me off her.

Slash

He slams me against the wall harder than he should've. The force makes my body sore and I pant confused at why he just did that so hard. He's holding me there and I feel my anxiety mix in with my anger. "What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He yells at me, "me?! You must be joking right?" I laugh out of breath, "just because you have fucking mommy issues doesn't mean you can go around punching whoever points them out" he screams and my eyes go wide

I feel my stomach twist, I look past him face because I know if I look into his eyes his words will hurt more than they already do, I see Axl hold Erin tightly and he shakes his head in disappointment.

I feel my anger overtake me, my body physically heats up.

"I know we're not talking about mothers here. I know you don't want me to tear into the woman that birthed such a piece of fucking shit like you. Disappointing honestly, at least my mom knew she was shitty" I spit, his eyes go dark and not in the lustful way I'm used to seeing.

It was rage, it scared me.

He pushed me harder into the wall and it was getting hard to breathe, no one noticed though, "at least my mom loved me enough to stick around and raise me. Don't you dare ever compare your piece of shit parents to mine" he snarls turning my face to look at him.

His words cut through my heart like the sharpest knife on Earth, "maybe it's because you were actually worth sticking around for Slash, maybe they _actually_ wanted you. you were worth it" the girl chimes wiping her bloody lip.

"Maybe" he says lowly, the way he's looking at me makes me feel so small, so worthless.

"Alright that's enough!" Duff gets up yelling, "get the fuck out, no one wants you here" he grabs the girl throwing her out of the room.

I'm still frozen under Slash, my heart beating in my throat, the pain of his words physical as I stand there lips slightly parted. I'm waiting for regret to wash over his face, for any sign of remorse . . . Anything, nothing.

"Slash what the fuck, let go!" Duff yells tearing Slash from my body. Even though his weight is off me I still struggle to breathe.

"How the fuck could you say that Slash?!" Duff screams at him and he rolls his eyes.

I stay there back pressed against the wall, I'm not worth it.

"I'm not worth it" I whisper to myself as I stare at everyone's shoes, something to calm me down. As the words leave my lips they become true. "I'm not worth it" i repeat to myself, "I'm not worth it" I blink trying to disappear from the world. Each time I say it my body gets number and number. All the feeling disappearing, my blood feels like static. The sounds of Duff yelling at Slash muffled in my ears as I feel my body descend into the dark hole I so carefully treaded around for years. This time however, it feels deeper, darker, more never ending. My stomach is empty, it's like when you go down the drop on a roller coaster.

Why is it so bad?

This was the last straw right? That's why it's so deep within me, the hurt is so deep in my gut that it's numbing. This is just the final blow that piled on top of everything else that's been building in my head, the final blow that knocked me out.

"I'm not worth it" I whisper looking up, Erin looking at me worried. She breaks out of Axl's hold rushing over to me. Her hands immediately grabbing me by my shoulders and shaking me. "Lil look at me, look at me!" Her screams don't do anything, it's like I'm not here, my body is but I'm not, it's also like my lungs are filling with water and I can't say anything even if I wanted to, except _'I'm not worth it'_.

"Please, come back!" She says in a shaky voice, once the words leave her lips Duff's head shoots over to me and he ignores Slash rushing over to me. "I'm not worth it" leaves my lips one more time, everyone now worried, looking at me, even the strangers inside the room. "Yes you are, you're worth it, I love you don't listen please" Erin's voice breaks as she squeezes my arm.

"Lil, don't listen he's just being an asshole okay?" Duff tries to reassure but it goes in one ear and out the other. I close my eyes feeling my body buzz and not in a good way, "I can't do it anymore" is all I manage to get out.

I open my eyes to see a familiar panicked expression on Erin's face, panic I wish she didn't have. "Typical" I hear Slash scoff, oh my god. I feel my strength come back. Rage once again coursing through my veins, an adrenaline rush like no other.

"How could you?!" I scream charging at him, hot tears streaming down my face as I frantically start punching his chest. He quickly grabs my wrists but I punch through his grasp hitting him as hard as I could, anger coursing through me with each blow. I don't know what I'm saying all I know is I'm yelling and sobbing.

"I fucking cared about you so much! Why would you do this to me!" I sob, I'm officially in my psychotic downfall, I feel my heart pounding in my throat. 

"Me? You're the fucking manipulative bitch I wish I never met! Cared about me? Stop the fucking game!" He yells gripping my wrists tightly, "Slash, Stop!" Erin screeches. He throws my arms away from him, "me? Manipulative? Me! Are you fucking serious?! Me?!" I laugh as tears stream down my neck , my eyes go wide as I pull on my hair, "I play games.." I stare at him wide eyed.

I'm about to go apeshit on this man, god this is so fucking painful, Duff grabs me, "relax!" He tries holding me back but all I do is thrash in his hold, I want to hurt slash as much as he's hurt me, nothing could stop me, "I hate you!" I scream sobbing as duff pins my arms to my chest, "shh it's ok" he sighs hugging me tightly, "I hate you!" I scream over and over as I'm laid on the ground held still by Duff.

"I.." I try to say it again but I'm cut off my the air leaving my lungs. "Izzy!" Duff yells and Izzy rushes over, "hey, hey look at me" Izzy kneels trying to sober up, "breathe" he grabs my face to wiping my tears, "breathe" he repeats.

I look up at Erin and her hand is over her mouth tears streaming down her face. I know exactly why. She hasn't had to see me like it's in years, the last time it almost killed me, that's another story for another time though.

"Let me go" I say firmly, my breath finally slowing down, "Duff, let me go" I say beginning to get mad, "are you relaxed?"

"Yes now fucking let me go" I say wiggling around.

He finally lets me go and Erin is afraid to speak I can tell. I look up at everyone staring at me and I hate it, I hate the eyes burning through me. I shake my head and storm out of my own room.

I immediately B-line it to Shannons room banging on the door.

She answers half asleep, she stares at me eyes widen when she sees my arms, I look down and it turns out I'd been scraping and scratching at them, a habit I haven't done since I was 16. "What happened?" She gasps, "it's 4 in the morning" she looks at me packicked.

I push past her going into her room. "I don't care what the consequences are, I don't care if I lose my deal, if I never work again, if I end up homeless or whatever fucking excuse you're gonna give me, I have to go back to LA" I say pacing the room.

"What? Why?" She shuts the door, "I just, trust me I can't stay here. I won't stay here. I wont do it. Shannon please you gotta get me home" I begin feeling panic sit in, "we're gonna talk that's for sure but are you sure this is what you want?" She walks closer to me, "yes, Shan..please" my voice begins to break, "let me see what I can do, maybe this could be better, we could get you club gigs " she begins listing the benefits but I tune her out as I feel the space around me grow black, I'm falling again.

"Honey, breathe. You can stay here tonight" she rubs my arms, "can you go get my stuff?" I ask, honestly I'm so pathetic, my swollen face and my hunched body, all the energy I just had draining with each breath I take. She nods putting on a coverup and walking over to my room.

I sit on the edge of the bed trying to focus on my breathing.

SLASHS POV  
I regret nothing that I said. I know she's probably just putting on an entire show for everyone so that they'll sympathize with her. I'm done with the drama and I don't want to deal with her anymore.

When she finally leaves the room Erin charges at me, this time Axl doesn't hold her back.

"What is wrong with you?! Do you realize what you just did?!" She screams, great another one. "You insensitive tone-deaf asshole! No matter how fucking mad you guys are with each other you should know better than to go there or let anyone else go there for that matter" she begins to hyperventilate, "baby relax" Axl walks over, "seriously, you're acting like she wont get over it. Maybe this'll ensure she stays the fuck away" I scoff

"Oh my god Slash" Izzy shakes his head.

"She won't get over it you idiot! You have no idea what you just did! The last time she was like this I almost lost her forever!" She screams as tears start to flow from her eyes, "lost her?" Duff looks at her worried, "there's so much you don't about Lilliana, things about her brain, about her past, things we went through together and how hard it is for her to live everyday. They're not my details to share but you, you Slash pushed her back into that hole, that hole I worked so hadr to pull her out of" she points angrily,

"Oh give me a break, she doesn't care that much. I certainly don't have the power to do that to her" I scoff, "oh my god you're dumber than I thought. She cared about you so fucking much Slash! Way more than you think. No matter how manipulative you wanna think she is, she's confided in me about how much she actually cares about you, she didn't trust you though and now I see why. Anything she did was a method to push you away because she saw right through you the minute she started having feelings for you" she says shaking her head

As the words leave her lips I realize how stupid I am. Of course she was trying to push me away. . .

Her face plays back in my head, the pain in her eyes, the way her body trembled under mine, the fear, the sadness. She was gone, I watched her leave her body, I made her leave her body. This is all my fault.

My heart crumbles and blows away in the wind.

Before I can say anything the door opens. All of our attention shoots over to see who it is.

Her manager.

She walks in, not a single word said to anybody. All she does is grab her suitcase and begin packing it. 

  
"What's going on? Is she with you? How is she?" Erin frantically asks, "listen, I don't know what happened, what was said, what was done... whatever it was, she's not good, she looks dead for one, for two I don't know if she's gonna throw her career out the window but she's going back to LA" she sighs shaking her head,

"She's what?!" Izzy looks at her, "she says she can't stay, she doesn't wanna stay, who knows I think it might be good, she can really get her career moving on her own" she explains, "fuck" Duff sighs as him and Izzy run out of the room.

"Dead?" I whisper to myself, "I did that?" I grab Erin's arm as she moves to walk out, "don't think you're special, you were probably the last straw, the straw that broke the camels back, because she wouldn't have fallen that deep over just a guy" she explains pulling out of my hold. I go to follow her and she puts her hand on my chest, "don't. Maybe she's better off without you, you've done enough" Erin sighs walking out.

Oh my god I'm an actual piece of shit.

LILLIANAS POV  
  


Duff and Izzy storm into Shannon's room making me jump, "you cant leave" Duff shakes his head, "I'm not gone from your lives forever" I explain in a tired raspy voice, "don't let Slash fuck up the good time you're having" Izzy sits next to me, "I'm not having a good time though, not anymore at least, my life isn't following you guys on tour. I gotta get out and do my own things, it's my life I have no reason to stay" I say getting frustrated.

After a couple more back and forth's they eventually drop it, holding me tightly saying they're gonna miss me, Erin also here now telling me i better now disappear and that she's gonna be up my ass 24/7 to make sure I'm okay. 

Oh god, oh god this is happening. 


	63. CH4PTE3R S1XTY TW0

LILLIANAS POV 

It's been a couple days. I'll admit I would've liked to be either back in LA or at least on my way back by now but unfortunately I've had to travel to another city. I don't know what's been going on with me but I've lost all concept of time, the days move slow but sometimes they move so fast. Everyone's constant check ins and worries aren't doing anything, their voices are muffled and I find myself lost in a giant vat of nothingness. 

they've been keeping Slash at bay which I'm thankful for but a part of me kinda wants to hear what he has to say. I mean after all that it must be good. I know that if I do somehow get left alone with him I'm gonna lose my mind. Even more than I already have. Everything around me will crash and I will be completely cut off from society, from my feelings, everything. I can't take anymore. 

You see it's not just him, it's really not. Sure, he's added onto it but this critical downfall is not entirely his fault.

At first I thought it was a couple bad highs, bad highs I tried to drown out with alcohol. I thought it was that simple, I thought the overwhelming sadness I felt was a product of a couple bad highs,… boy was I wrong. Trying to keep it at bay and act like it's not there only strained my mind more, Slash saying those hurtful things finally pushed me over the edge. No matter what means I took to prevent him from hurting me, however many hurtful lies I said to keep him away. . . he always found a way back into my head, he always broke my heart. This time he pulverized it. 

I don't think this can be fixed. 

I _never_ want to see him again. 

I'm finally left alone in my room because Shannon has gone to go speak with the label. She said she thinks it'll go well. 

Right now though I'm laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. I don't know how I'm feeling, if I'm even feeling anything. There are zero thoughts running through my head right now, the comforter below me feels cold and it's like I can feel every moving particle, I'm not even high.

There's a sudden knock at the door. My head shoots over staring at it wondering if I should answer it. I finally get up and make my way over. I slowly turn the nob pulling the door towards me. 

Slash

I feel a small tightness form in my chest when I stare at his face, his eyes soft and sad as he eyes my entire appearance. I freeze. I want to throw the door in his face but all my hand does is tighten around the door knob, a tightness that's extremely painful turning my knuckles white. I don't say anything I just stare back at him, my ears ringing as I can hear myself breathing and can feel the blood speeding through my veins. 

The ringing comes to a sudden stop when he finally speaks. 

"We need to talk" he sighs walking past me, I still don't say anything. I just shut the door and turn to face him, he's nervously pacing the room. I just stand there waiting for him to start talking. Arms by my side, mouth closed, deadpan expression. 

He stops and looks me in the face, eyes softening as he sees my eyes. I'm sure I have eye bags, I've barely been getting sleep, I also haven't looked in the mirror so my appearance is all in my imagination. "Are you gonna talk?" I ask monotoned, I'm sick of the way he's looking at me, I'm sick of being in the same room as him. "You can't go" he says, "yes I can" I answer, "no, don't leave because I'm an asshole. Please, stay. L" he begins walking closer to me and the use of his nickname for me makes me flinch. 

"I'm sorry" he says softly putting his hands on my arms, the same spot his hands were when he slammed me into the wall… the bruises still hurt so I wince lightly under his touch. He nervously lets go looking at my arms. He sees the scars of my scratching and a few bruises peeking from my sleeves. He gently lifts my sleeve up looking at his markings. "I-I did this?" he asks shakily, I just nod pulling back from him. 

A single tear drips down my cheek. I quickly wipe it away looking away from him. "I'm so sorry, oh my god. I didn't mean it L you gotta believe me, please stay" he says softly, "you never mean it Slash" I sigh walking over to the bed. 

"I'm serious, c'mon we can start over, I was talking out of my ass, I was mad. I care about you so much, stay with me. We can be us" he kneels down grabbing my face. His words make my heart twist, the first time I actually felt something since that night. Tears fall down my face as I feel the coolness of his rings chill my hot cheeks. 

I turn my head away from his hold and his face falls. "I can't keep doing this" I say shakily, I feel the lump in my throat grow bigger and bigger, tears pooling in my eyes, "yes you can, I won't hurt you...L, please" he begs, "Slash, you always say you don't mean it. You still said it, it was still a thought in your head" I say, my voice breaking midway as I remember the way he looked at me with no regret, "you didn't even care" I whisper as small sobs escape my lips

"Don't cry, please. I'm here and I care, I don't want to hurt you" he says softly wiping tears from. my cheeks, his thumb rubbing small circles. 

"Then let me move on Slash!" I yell standing up, "Stop coming back! stop putting me through this rollercoaster!" I sob pulling on my hair, "L" he walks over to me, "I don't wanna hear it! just go" I say feeling the air leave my lungs, "Don't do this" he sighs, "you looked at me with zero regret, zero remorse...nothing! I didn't matter, how deeply you cut into me didn't matter!" I yell throwing my arms around, "it wasn't like that, I was mad" he argues back, his tone not as angry as mine as he treads this subject carefully

"You slammed me into a wall! you put your fucking hands on me!" I scream, his face falls, I can see how much it's eating him up but I don't care anymore. "you don't get to do that to me, mark me up, hurt me, physically hurt me and then come back here expecting me to run back into your arms" I say, my voice bouncing from my tears, "I didn't want to hurt you, I don't know what came over me, you know I'd never actually hurt you" he says panicked, "I..L I-" he begins, I know exactly what he's gonna say and I dont want him to. 

"You better not fucking say it! I'm not gonna believe you. It's not fair! Every time I escape you you catch up again digging your heels into my brain, planting yourself in my head, destroying everything I built up, all my walls I put to protect myself...y-you broke me, I let you break me" I say shaking my head in disbelief, "Lil" he says softly, "don't do this" he pleads sadly, "just go, leave. please, let me move on just get out" I open the door feeling my heart beat in my throat. 

Shannon walks in nervously looking at the both of us. "I have news" she saws softly, "good, he was just leaving" I say walking towards the bed again, leaving Slash in the door frame.

He shakes his head storming out of the room Slamming the door. 

I flinch at the bang and Shannon shakes her head. "I'm not even gonna ask" she sighs, "thanks" I wipe my face. 

Shannon informs me that the label is on board with me leaving. They want me to do more gigs back in LA and build my name up over there, they also want to finish the album sooner than originally planned which is kinda scary for me since I haven't been able to get much writing done. Whatever, as long as I get to leave. 

Thankfully they got me flight for tonight. I'll me back home by tomorrow morning. 

SLASHS POV 

Her state absolutely destroyed me. Her eyes sunken in, bags puffing all around her eyes, every feature of hers sunken in, she looked like a ghost. The way she moved was chilling as well, it gave me goosebumps. I've never seen her so bad. It was like her body was empty. 

I can't believe I physically hurt her, put my hands on her. It's been eating me alive since it happened. I was raised better than that, I know better than that, how could I be such a fucking pig, how could I ever think she meant the things she said, I know her better than that.

Now I've lost her for good. 

There's no denying that. When I looked at her...her eyes, god the way she just stood there. It was like she wasn't really there, and god when they filled with tears, my heart felt like it was shriveling up, her eyes they swallowed me whole. 

I storm into my room not knowing what to do. I've just done the most horrible thing you could do to someone you care about. 

I'm pacing the floor shaking my head while running my hands through my hair. "How could you fucking do that?" I stop in front of the mirror staring at myself, pathetic. God I stand here all self-righteous spewing utter bullshit. She was my girl, my _beautiful_ girl, the only one who truly made me happy, brought genuine laughter to my days. I was fucking jealous, I didn't want anyone else to have what's mine. God this would've never happened if I stopped being such a whiney little bitch and just owned up to my feelings. 

I feel my anger flow over as the thoughts surge through my head, god I need them to shut up. "fuck!" I growl chucking the bottle of Jack on the table. Just like that I lose control, everything goes flying, things break and I feel this overwhelming self hatred. How could I do this?

How could I be the one to do that to the girl who's been the only one to make me truly happy?

How could I be so stupid?!

"You're an idiot" I hiss to myself in the mirror, I need something, anything to numb this overwhelming guilt. I frantically shift through the room, throwing everything in sight. Finally, I find the small bagm of heroin. 

Normally on tour I'm not strung out, I drink yes, it's like my morning coffee but I need the heroin to feel something, on tour everything is so fast paced I don't need it. Right now though, right this minute, I need to be gone, I don't care what I have to do, I just...I gotta disappear. 

LILLIANAS POV 

It's been a couple hours and I'm all packed and ready to leave. I thought I'd be sadder about this but honestly I don't know what I feel, it's like this faint buzzing in my throat, it's not sadness it's not happiness it's numbness?

It's also been a couple hours since I cried, I hate that I've cried as much as I have but hey, whatcha gonna do? 

I'm a walking intoxication at this point. Anytime I feel some sort of feeling rise up I drown it with Jack and coke. All the guys are in my room, including Slash, seeing me off.

"Do you really have to go?" Axl sighs, "mhm" I nod not even bothering to look at Slash. I can tell he's just as out of it as I am. Slash does heroin, but from what I've heard he really doesn't touch it while on tour, sure he does a couple lines but he doesn't attack it the way he does off the road-or so I hear. Right now though, he can barely stand up straight. 

I do my best to not make eye contact with him. 

"Come here" Duff pulls my arm, his skinny arms squeeze around me tightly. I don't scrunch my face, I don't hitch my breath, I really don't react except now there just tears streaming down my face, my expression isn't one of those who are crying, it's just tears. 

I wipe my face and duff looks down at me sad. Erin is crying-she was always the softer one. "Bub" she whines grabbing me, holding me close. "I'm sorry, I know this was supposed to be our adventure" I sigh rubbing her back, "stop it, it's ok" she looks at me. 

"Hey" Stevie sulks over to me, he's actually sober this time which is a rare sighting these days- to be fair it's early but thats never stopped him before. "Hey" I sigh opening my arms, "I don't want you to go" he whines squeezing my body close to his, he's like a giant teddy bear. I hate seeing him upset but I just gotta go, "it's not forever Stevie I just- I gotta go okay?" I explain as we hug so tightly we begin rocking back and forth. 

Izzy looks at me shyly, rubbing his neck anxiously. "Iz. . ." I trail off, all we do is stare at each other before I practically leap into his arms, "I love you okay?" he whispers into my neck while we rock around the room. "I love you Iz" I squeeze my arms around his neck tighter, "you better fucking call" he looks down at me, "I will" I say trying to discretely wipe away a tear. "Hey" axl comes up and chuckle as he goofily pulls me into a sloppy hug, "we're gonna miss you" he squeezes me, "I'm gonna miss you guys too" I sigh pulling back, "talk to him" he whispers signaling to Slash, I tense up and take a few steps back. 

Y'know what, let me be mature about this. 

I nervously walk towards Slash and he turns to me shocked. I don't even say anything, I don't know what to say, just being this close to him again is making every organ inside my body tighten and twist. His hand caresses my cheeks, his thumb wiping away the tear that seems to have escaped. His touch stings, my skin heats up as he looks drunkely in my eyes. I push his arm away and step back. The pain that washes over his face can be felt by everyone in the room, it's awkward. 

Okay well I guess thats everyone. 

"Alright" I sigh grabbing my bags, "I better uh, I better get going".

The ride to the airport is silent. Shannon says absolutely nothing, she's too busy going through paperwork and writing herself notes and looking at schedules. I smoke practically half my cigarette pack, every time I feel feelings bubble I smoke. 

As I board the plane I feel that intense anxiety build up inside me again…Slash isn't here to hold my hand this time. "You okay?" Shannon asks breaking me out of my panicked thoughts, "mhm" I lie, taking my seat. I pull my sunglasses down and close my eyes cuddling into some random hoodie I had in my suitcase. I feel like I've seen this hoodie before…

I curl into it taking in the scent as the plane rumbles taking off. 

Then it hits me. 

The smell of whiskey and cigarettes hits my brain, faint cologne and just natural manly scent, some shampoo- a really familiar one, it's not like the regular hotel shampoos. The scent is sweet and woodsy, it warms me up from inside. The curly hair in the hood that most certainly is not mine seals the deal on my suspicion. 

This is Slash's. 

My eyes instantly fill with tears and they drip onto the soft fabric. I squeeze it in my hands tighter as I let myself indulge in his scent. A scent that has brought me peace on numerous occasions. I crave a smoke so badly and the smell of cigarettes helps soothe the desire slightly. I hate that he does this to me. No matter how badly I want to hate him every aspect of him-down to his scent- soothes and relaxes me, makes me feel warm and safe. He doesn't need to know this though, he fucked everything up, I never want to see him again… that doesn't mean its not gonna hurt, that doesn't mean i'm not gonna miss him. 

I wish he didn't say the things he did. 

I really really wish he didn't. 

I wish he didn't because if he didn't, i wouldn't feel so bad- so gross, ugly and unloved. I hate that he did this to me, I hate that I let him live in my brain the way he did, I hate that what he said mattered to me, I hate that I want him right now, I hate that I want him holding me close and kissing my nose the way he did, I hate that this was never a friends with benefits and we both knew, I _hate_ that I was so fucking stupid!

———

After forcing myself to sleep through the rest of the plane ride that would have otherwise been full of self-loathing and sadness, we finally arrive. 

One our way out from the airport I notice the paparazzi from a mile away. Fucking vultures. 

"Oh shit" Shannon sighs, "you know the drill", I simply nod and keep my head down. 

We walk out and even though I have my sunglasses on, I'm nearly blinded by the lights flashing through these cameras. 

' ** _Luna why'd you leave tour?!'_**

 _ **'Luna what's going on with Tommy**_ ' 

**_'Luna is the friendship with guns n roses over?'_ **

_' **Luna how do you feel about what the groupie has said about you? we got lots of dirt on you and slash please confirm!'** _

WHAT?!

**_'Luna have you heard what Tommy Lee has said about your relationship? What are your thoughts?'_ **

He said What about our WHAT?!


End file.
